Cannonball Run 2009
Chapter Three: The Party, Part 2
AN:I'd like to thank Anthony Bannon for the character Richie Wheeler.
New cast members:
Richie Wheeler-Jonah Hill
Marie Lindstrom-Nina Persson
Per Lindstrom-Dolph Lundgren
Steve Carter-Mike Epps
Jessie Munroe-Raelee Hill
Blake and Susan sat up in bed together.
"What the hell is going on here?" yelled Brad.
"Look, we used to be married." said Susan. "Figure it out."
"I don't believe this." said Brad. "I gave you this opportunity and you go and screw me like this."
"Look, I've got these needs and I just can't get them from Fenderbaum." said Blake.
"I can't ignore this bit of betrayal." said Brad. "I'm really thinking of cutting your funding."
"Just as well." said Blake. "I was planning to drop out of the race anyway."
"What, what, what, what?" stammered Brad.
"I've been feeling a little bored with the race lately." said Blake. "I've been thinking about taking a break for a while."
"Now?" asked Brad. "Didn't I hire you to drive this race for me?"
"Hey, what can I say?" asked Blake.
"Well, what am I suuposed to do?" asked Brad.
"I dunno." said Blake. "Find someone else?"
"Who?" yelled Brad.
"Brad, there's an entire room full of racers out there." said Susan. "Surely, one of them would be willing to race for you."
Brad closed the door and marched back to the hall. "Things have got to be going better for the Drake." he groaned.
In the Lower East Side town house, Monkey and Pete looked at the mostly disassembled BMW. "Good first day." said Pete.
Terry and Mel sat with a group of other men.
"Got a picture?" asked Mel.
"Check it out." said one of the other men. He handed them a photograph of a '69 Dodge Charger R/T. The car was yellow with black stripes around the tail.
"Cool." said Terry. "That thing got a Hemi?"
"Four-twenty-six." said the man.
"Alright." said Mel.
A slightly overweight young man with brown, curly hair walked over to them. "Hey, is this the muscle car crowd?" he asked.
"Sure is." said one of the other men. "Want to join us?"
"You bet." said the young man. "Hey, aren't you Terry Fletcher?"
"That's me." said Terry.
"Sweet, the winner of the two-thousand-two race." said the young man. "Whatcha running this year?"
"Sixty-nine Trans-Am." said Terry.
"Richie Wheeler, sixty-six Bonneville." said the man.
"Moment of silence for Pontiac." said Terry. "They built excitement."
"I'm Mel." said Mel. He then pointed to the others and said "This is Anthony, Fairlane Cobra. Ryan, sixty-nine Charger. Tim, Cyclone Spoiler. Tommy, eighty-six Monte Carlo."
"Sweet." said Richie.
Elsewhere, Jill, Marcie, Tony, and Caesar were sitting with Salvatore and Guiseppe.
"So, after the accident, I'm there in the hospital." said Guiseppe. "I'm trying to turn on the opera station on the radio, but my roommate keeps putting it on the alternative rock station. After the nurse turned it off, I tried singing some of those anthems of the isolated and disenfranchised like it was opera. It stuck."
"It's a nice story." said Salvatore.
"You should hear him do 'Linger'." said Tony.
"You know what band I always thought leant itself well to opera?" asked Marcie. "Radiohead."
Rob, Bison, and Patrick found Dexter and Kurt.
"Holy crap!" said Kurt. "It's Rob Falcon!"
"Where?" asked Rob.
"You are?" asked Bison.
"Dexter Cole. I raced against Jill and the others in Hawaii last year."
"Oh yeah, those guys." said Rob.
"So, what are two of the world's top skateboarders doing here?" asked Dexter.
"Racing." said Patrick. "Just like everybody else."
"What?" asked Dexter. "You're gonna skateboard across the country?"
"We got a Jeep for that." said Rob.
"So, what do you think so far?" asked Danny.
"Quite a scene." said Baker. "Still, I think I should take a look into some of these guys. We might have a few outstanding warrants here."
"I seriously doubt these guys have anything in their rap sheets worse than reckless driving." said Danny as Brad started to talk to someone behind them.
"I see that Dexter took the bait." said Baker.
"Yeah, that was nice of him." said Danny. "Look, I'm going to go take a piss."
"Okay." said Baker.
Danny walked towards the restroom. Jimmy saw him and followed.
Danny walked past Guiseppe who was singing operatically. "For a minute there...I lost myself. I lost myself." he sang.
"I was scouting out by the pool and I noticed the bottom was rounded out." said Patrick.
"Yeah, we could use it for a demonstration if we can get the hotel to drain it." said Rob.
"Um." said Dexter. "YOU could use it for a demonstration if you can get the hotel to drain it. I don't board."
"You sure?" asked Bison. "Seems like something right up your alley."
"Nah." said Dexter. "I just don't have the dexterity for that. Believe me, I've tried."
"You'll try again." said Patrick.
"We'll get you on a board by the start of the race." said Rob.
"Don't listen to this man." said a blonde woman with a Swedish accent. "Last year, he said he'd kick our tails between Paris and Vienna. He failed miserably."
Rob turned to the woman, Marie Lindstrom, and said "What, you're still rubbing it in, Marie?"
"Chill." said a muscular, blonde man, Marie's brother Per. "We're just joking around with you."
"So this is why Robin and Andy missed you." said Patrick.
"Yes, we've been in the United States preparing for this race." said Marie.
"So, what are you running?" asked Bison.
"Saab 9-7X." said Per. "It's only a Saab in name. Actually a heavily reworked Chevrolet Trailblazer."
"Oh yeah, I saw that." said Rob.
"Well, I'll see you later." said Marie. "I think I just spotted Tony and Salvatore."
She and Per walked away.
"Hey, has anyone seen Kurt?" asked Dexter.
In the bathroom, Danny washed his hands after using the toilet. Just then, the door opened and Jimmy walked through.
"Hello there." he said.
"Let me guess." said Danny. "Last year in Hawaii, white Z-car."
"Ear for voices, huh?" asked Jimmy.
"Some stick out." said Danny. "Especially the ones I have to fight."
"You trashed a perfectly good car." said Jimmy. "And I take special offense since I was in it at the time."
"Okay, listen." said Danny. He looked up at Jimmy's face, then looked at a toilet. He climbed up onto the toilet and said "I have friends out there. You were attacking them. I was defending them."
"And now it's coming back to haunt you." said Jimmy.
"So, what are you going to do?" asked Danny. "Rough me up, slam me into every hard surface in this bathroom, cut off my fingers and force feed them to me?"
"No, I'm not that crazy." said Jimmy. "I am going to race you. Sometime during the race, I'm going to track you down and race you. You won't know where or when, but it will happen. And you know what? I'll probably win."
"Good to know." said Danny.
Kurt sat with Terry and the muscle car crowd.
"We've got this one guy, Jacob." said Kurt. "He's our muscle car guy. He's always looking for a cool ride."
"Isn't he the guy who had the Kenny Brown Mustang last year?" asked Terry.
"Yeah, that's him." said Kurt. "Anyway, he recently picked up an eighty-seven Mustang five-point-oh."
"Has he made any Vanilla Ice references?" asked Tommy.
"Thank God, no." said Kurt. "I've been helping him tune it up a bit."
"Hey, maybe you can help me out with my Bonnie." said Richie.
"Your what?" asked Kurt.
"Bonneville." said Mel, Tim, and Ryan together.
"Yeah, I guess I can help." said Kurt.
"May I have your attention please?" asked Suad. "While I was in the garage, I noticed some classic hardware. I did some checking and I found that was the domain of this group right here." He pointed to Terry's group. "I've got a song I'd like to sing to you." He strummed his guitar and said "One, two, three, four." He then started to play the music from the Violent Femmes' "American Music" and sing.
Do you like American muscle?
I like American muscle.
Don't you like American muscle,
I want a four-four-two.
I want a GTO.
I want a Barracuda,
Do you do the quarter mile,
in less than ten seconds?
Don't you like acceleration,
I was born to run.
I was born to go.
But everytime I look at that Camaro,
it makes me just want,
want to go for a drive.
Ooh ooh ooh.
I need a Boss Mustang.
Try to keep up if you can.
Nobody can catch this Mustang,
Some don't like American muscle.
They don't drive American muscle.
I think that those guys are,
You can drive real fast.
You can drive real far.
But everytime I look at that old Cougar,
it makes me want to,
want to drive it.
Ooh ooh ooh.
Do you like American muscle?
Terry and the crew sang "We like American muscle."
I like American muscle,
There's also Australian muscle.
Coming soon, Japanese muscle.
But I like American muscle best.
I was born to race.
I was born to win.
But everytime I look at that Javelin,
it makes me want to,
want to drive it.
Suad stopped playing to the applause of the crowd. "Thank you." he said.
Brad walked out of the crowd and whispered "Crisis averted."
The next morning, Vinnie and Josephine woke up at a campground in Pennsylvania.
"Three hundred miles." said Vinnie. "Not a good first day."
"I guess we'd better get going then." said Josephine.
"Right." said Vinnie. He started the RV and headed for the exit.
In New York, Pete and Monkey winched the engine out of the BMW.
Just then, the garage door started to open and a Pontiac G5 with a body kit and candy blue paint could be seen on the other side. A black man with a mustache climbed out.
"Whoa, I thought you were kidding." said the man, Steve Carter, another member of the team. "You guys really are working on a BMW."
"But you got the body kit anyway, right?" asked Pete.
"Always do." said Steve. He went to the back of the G5 and opened the trunk.
"Did you get the other stuff?" asked Monkey.
"Jessie's bringing that." said Steve.
At that point, a yellow Honda Accord coupe with a body kit and a mural of the Australian Outback pulled up to the garage. A redheaded woman climbed out of the driver's seat.
"Hey, Jessie." said Pete. "You got what we requested?"
"Got it in the trunk." said the woman, Jessie Munroe, another member of the team and an Australian immigrant. "What are you planning to do with it?"
"Teach some rich guy a lesson." said Monkey.
The next day, Vinnie and Josephine made their way through Barberton, Ohio. Josephine looked out at Lake Anna and took a picture.
Meanwhile, Pete and Monkey attached a set of brakes to the wheels of the BMW. Steve and Jessie slipped a flywheel into the gearbox.
The following day, Vinnie and Josephine sat at a table at an outdoor restaurant in St. Louis. They talked with a pair of dark-haired twin brothers, one of whom was wearing glasses.
Pete dressed himself in a full-body protective suit while wearing goggles. He pulled a face mask over his mouth, then raised his hand in a choking gesture.
Monkey, who was wearing a similar protective suit, raised his hand in the "loser" gesture. He then donned a pair of goggles and face mask himself.
The BMW sat on blocks while the windows, lights, and engine bay were covered by cloth. A body kit was laid out in front of it on a tarp. Pete and Monkey picked up a pair of paint sprayers and approched the car.
The next day, Josephine drove through the Rocky Mountains while Vinnie held a cloth against his bloody nose.
Pete used a screwdriver to pop a Kumho tire onto a Hartge Classic 2 rim. Meanwhile, Monkey laid on the driver's seat with his feet sticking through the sunroof while he installed new pedals.
The next day, the RV drove past the famous "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign.
Monkey squatted on the BMW's fender while he and Pete guided the engine back into the engine bay.
The next day, the RV finally drove onto the Santa Monica Pier.
"Well, it took us all week, but we're finally here." said Vinnie.
"I'll call Tony and tell him the details." said Josephine.
"Afterwards, you want to camp here until the race is finished?" asked Vinnie.
"God, no." said Josephine. "Let's go home."
Meanwhile, Pete looked over the BMW while Monkey worked on the laptop.
"She looks beautiful." said Pete.
"Yeah, now let's show the Drake." said Monkey.
The Drake came up on the laptop's screen. "Well, good morning." he said. "Do you have any idea how early it is?"
"It's about nine o'clock here." said Pete. "The race starts in three hours."
"But we're not going to risk getting our wives disqualified over some stupid comments." said Monkey. "Your boys will get their car back. The car will run like it should. However, it will look like this."
He and Pete stepped away from the webcam so that the Drake could have a clear view of the car.
"I like it." he said.
Pete and Monkey looked at each other confused, then back at the Drake.
At the hotel, the Cannonballers were making their final preparations for the race.
The Mexicans looked over their road atlas laid out on the decklid of the Mastretta.
The two men with the F-650 had the hood off and were working on the massive diesel engine.
A well-to-do couple posed with their car, a grayish-blue Bentley Brooklands.
Kurt and Richie looked under the hood of a black '66 Pontiac Bonneville. "Wow, who did this?" asked Kurt.
"I did a lot of the work myself." said Richie. "Squeezed in a lot of stuff, mostly from Holley."
"What?" asked Terry, annoyed.
Kurt and Richie looked at him confused.
"With Terry, it's Edelbrock or nothing." said Mel.
Kurt laughed. Rob, Bison, and Patrick walked past them. Then, Dexter walked over while holding his elbow.
"Hey, Kurt." said Dexter. "Let's take a whack at that S2K."
"Coming." said Kurt.
They walked back to the Honda.
"What did you do to your elbow?" asked Kurt.
"They got me on a board." said Dexter.
Danny and Baker sat in the Alfa Romeo and checked their equipment.
"Who's that picture?" asked Baker as Danny tucked a photograph into the sunvisor.
"Bruce McLaren." said Danny. "He's possibly the best race car driver ever to come from New Zealand. He brought us some national pride before a wreck ended him."
"You look up to him a lot, don't you?" asked Baker.
"Pretty much." said Danny. "I also keep a picture of him on my desk at the club."
"Is that the same reason Melanie keeps a picture of Pauline Parker on her desk?" said Baker. "I was poking around before we met."
"That's not Parker." said Danny. "That's Melanie as a teenager."
"Oh, sorry about that." said Baker.
Jimmy walked up behind him, leaned in close, and whispered "Sometime, somewhere."
"Hello, Jimmy." said Baker.
"Baker, hold this guy's head while I close the roof on his neck." said Danny.
"Man, that is a thing of beauty." said Tony as he looked at the engine in Salvatore's Miura.
"Grazi." said Guiseppe as he pointed his socket wrench at the valve covers.
"I got a Ford Taunus back home." said Caesar. "Maybe you should come by and we can look it over."
"How did you get a Taurus?" asked Tony. "I thought they weren't sold in England."
"Not Taurus, Taunus." said Caesar. "It's at my place waiting for a new engine."
"Well, what the hell is a Taunus then?" asked Tony.
"It's a car made by Ford in the sixties and seventies." said Caesar. "It's similar in execution to the Fairlane of the time, but with European engineering."
"Okay." said Tony. "Guiseppe, you should definitely help him with his Taurus."
"Taunus!" snapped Caesar. "You see what I have to put up with?"
Ron and Venom entered the garage. Just then, Venom's cell phone went off.
He picked it up and answered. "Hello?"
"Venom, it's your boss." said the Drake on the other end. "Are you guys fully rested for the race?"
"All set." said Venom as he put the phone on speaker.
"Good." said the Drake. "I'm sure you've heard that Brad has picked a new driver to sponsor now that Blake has backed out."
"Who is it?" asked Ron.
"He didn't say." said the Drake. "I want you two to be on your toes. Your primary rival could try anything."
"Not to me, he won't." sneered Venom.
"Anyway, good luck." said the Drake. "Pete and Monkey should be here with the car soon. It looks great. Bye."
"Bye." said Ron as Venom hung up.
"What did he mean it looks great?" asked Venom.
"Good question." said Ron. "Even the Drake doesn't like BMW's that much."
They heard a dull roar and turned to the entrance ramp. They saw the 135i roll down the ramp. The car now sported Hartge Classic 2 rims, a Hartge body kit with spoiler, and candy red paint. Stripes fading from white to black ran along the sides.
"The hell?" asked Venom.
The BMW parked and Monkey and Pete climbed out.
"What did you do to the car?" asked Ron.
"We got your voice mail." said Pete.
"So, we decided to get a little revenge." said Monkey.
"You have my cell phone?" asked Ron.
"Oh sure." said Pete. "Here it is." He reached into the car, took out the phone, and handed it to Ron.
"As we were saying," said Monkey "we did up your car like we would one of ours."
"You pimped our ride?" asked Venom as he looked into the interior. The steering wheel, pedals, and shift knob were now Hartge parts and the seats were black and white Cobra Sidewinders.
"Things went a little weird." said Pete. "Turns out your boss likes it."
"He said it looks good." said Ron.
"And you?" asked Monkey.
"Not bad." said Ron. Venom just flashed a thumbs-up.
"Okay." said Pete. "We'll just find our wives, get our car, and go."
They walked over to the Altima to find that Jill and Marcie were watching them.
"Your idea of revenge was doing up their car?" asked Jill.
"Well, judging from their comments," said Monkey "that would have been a bad thing for them."
"I have to agree with Ron." said Marcie. "The car does look pretty good."
"Aside from the cosmetic mods," asked Jill "what did you do to it?"
"The cosmetic stuff is all Hartge." said Pete. "Under the hood, we installed Dinan performance software, a Dinan intercooler, a Dinan oil cooler."
Marcie started to look annoyed.
"We also added a Dinan flywheel to the tranny." said Monkey. "Suspension's been beefed up as well with a strut tower brace and suspension set from Dinan. Also, we put on Dinan brakes."
Jill lowered her face into the palms of her hands.
"Honey?" asked Pete. "Honey, what's wrong?"
"You idiots!" yelled Jill.
"That's our competition you just improved!" yelled Marcie. "Oh, I really hope the baby gets my intelligence."
J.J. sat on the hood of the Camaro.
"Nervous?" asked Pamela.
"More than usual." said J.J. "Not surprising."
"Yeah, I know." said Pamela. "What happens if you fail?"
"He didn't say." said J.J. "I think I'll try not to find out. At least I've got the woman I love with me."
"Yeah, that's right." said Pamela. "Speaking of which, what happened to Lisa?"
"I have no idea." said J.J. "She had a conversation with Victor last month and he hasn't mentioned her since."
"You don't suppose..." said Pamela.
"If they did, he's hiding it pretty well." said J.J.
"Hey, guys!" yelled Victor as he ran over. "Something's going on over there."
They looked over at the F-650 and saw the two drivers helping Suad into the bed.
"What are they doing?" asked Pamela.
"I dunno, but it's almost race time." said J.J.
"Ladies and gentlemen," announced Suad "one last performance before you leave."
AN:To anyone else considering writing a "Cannonball Run" (or "Gumball Rally") fic, I highly recommend doing to a car what Pete and Monkey did to the BMW. In fact, I encourage it.
Anyway, please review.