AN: This little bunny attacked me the other night when watching the Pilot, where Puck confronts Finn about 'girls not having prostates - I looked it up'. Vague slash, use of wikipedia information involved... read and review!
Noah Puckerman opened the door to the (seemingly) abandoned classroom cautiously, peeking his head in to check that the coast was clear. After all – it was lunch time, and if he was found in any classroom during time that should be spent bumming around with the other jocks, then he would be in as much Finn was going to be in if his suspicions were correct.
He had asked Finn the other day why he hadn't been at the Saturday practise, and the quarterback had given a seemingly good excuse. But something had seemed off about the way Pucks' best friend had avoided his gaze, how there had been very little concern in his voice that had Puck suspicious about the supposed operation that Finn's mum had gotten. Puck was beginning to think that there hadn't even been an operation, that Mrs Hudson's prostate was fine… and if he was right, then that meant that Finn had skipped practise for something else. Something that he didn't want Puck to know about…
It was these paranoid thoughts nagging at the back of Puck's mind that had brought him to the empty classroom to log on to a school computer and do a little research.
He quickly brought up Google and searched 'prostate'.
Best start at the beginning – he had heard the word before, but Puck didn't pretend to be an expert on human biology.
Well. Not All of it.
He snickered internally, and clicked on the first website option that came up, not bothering to read the information under the heading. Turns out that the site was Wikipedia. Puck leaned closer and began to read, swearing internally at the second sentence, which he read aloud in his disbelief.
"Females do not have prostate glands... Dammit Finn, what shit have you screwed us over for?"
"Glee" came a voice from behind him and Puck swore again, turning sharply to see that queer kid, Kurt Hummel, standing a few feet behind him.
"What the hell are you doing fag? You stalking me now?"
The effeminate boy snorted derisively, moving to sit casually on the desk behind Puck.
"Get over yourself Puckerman. I was saving my new jacket. You and your Neanderthal friends owe me a few hundred dollars in dry cleaning, and I didn't want to add to the bill by making myself a target."
"So you're hiding." Puck bit out, and Kurt sneered, but didn't answer the question. Instead, he leaned to look over the footballer's shoulder at the computer screen, still on wikipedia. His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed slightly.
"What the hell?" he muttered his eyes snapping back to Puck, who glared.
"What are you searching that for?"
"Not that it's any of your business, but Finn's mum had her prostate removed,"
Kurt gave a choked laugh, and Puck scowled, looking back at the screen briefly.
"Or, that's what he told me. But, according to you, he's been prancing around with all you other fairies. Why would you spout out some bullshit like that?"
Kurt rolled his eyes, his cheeks still flushed as he began to ramble.
"Because it's true, you idiot. Finn has joined Glee, and, surprisingly, is rather talented. He's got a lovely voice; between him and the diva, we might have a shot this year-"
Puck finally noticed Kurt's flushed cheeks and that he was still rambling on about his precious Glee club. He realised with sudden clarity; the gay was embarrassed... Or nervous... Or… something.
"What's wrong with you?" Puck asked, cutting over the other boy, who – and Puck recognised it this time – blushed.
"W-What do you mean?" Kurt asked, and if he hadn't stammered, Puck would have left it. But then Kurt's eyes flicked quickly from his face to the screen behind him, and Puck raised an eyebrow.
"My research bothering you Hummel?"
Kurt stared at Puck, before a light of comprehension shone in his eyes, a smirk gracing his lips.
"You don't know, do you?"
Puck's eyebrows knitted together in a frown.
And then something happened that Puck hadn't been counting on, something that he could not have predicted in a million years...
Hummel started laughing. Not the patronizing smirk or sarcastic chuckle he usually gave those few times he was amused in the jocks' presence, but an all out, full blown laugh.
Puck barely had time to note that even the gays freaking laugh sounded musical and light and feminine, before Hummel had jumped from the desk and reached over his shoulder for the mouse. Puck froze as a light, sort of earthy and flowery scent invaded his nose as Kurt brushed against his shoulder. He found himself almost automatically turning fully around to face the computer, his shoulder brushing against Hummel's chest as he did so, and he refused to acknowledge the thought that, if Hummel was a chick - he would so be brushing against boobs right now - because that was just weird and this situation was crazy enough.
(Finn in Glee? Chicks not having prostates? Hummel smelling sorta nice? Hummel's laugh kinda cu- See?! Crazy!)
Kurt was still giggling slightly as he scrolled down the wiki page, eventually finding what he was looking for. He moved so that he was resting a hand on Puck's free shoulder before he leaned down slightly, grinning into Puck's ear, knowing that he was probably going to get killed for this, but he really couldn't resist - -
"I think you need to continue your research… Perhaps even a little hands-on experimentation would help."
And, in a rush of daring, Kurt quickly kissed the footballer players' tanned cheek, before skipping back and fleeing from the room. He half expected an enraged Puck to come after him yelling threats about shoving him, bloody, into a locker.
But Puck was still frozen as he read over the small paragraph that Kurt had left at the top of the screen. His cheek is flushed and tingling oddly.
Male sexual response
Main article: Prostate massage
During orgasm, sperm is transmitted from the ductus deferens into the male urethra via the ejaculatory ducts, which lie within the prostate gland. The prostate is sometimes referred to as the "male G-spot". Some men are able to achieve orgasm solely through stimulation of the prostate gland, such as prostate massage or receptive anal intercourse. Men who report the sensation of prostate stimulation often give descriptions similar to female's accounts of G-spot stimulation.
He feels like he's been winded, and Puck barely seems to notice when one of his hands involuntarily moves to touch where Hummel's lips met his cheek. It is still tingling, and he swears under his breath.
Screw Homo-explosion – Finn'll get what's coming to him; he can handle himself anyways.
Puck's got bigger problems to deal with.