A/N: Hey, only three months this time. I'm making progress!
A couple things:
1. The lemon in the beginning of this chapter is a flashback. If you don't feel comfortable reading it, please scroll to where the Italics end.
2. I write about something called the "L". For those who don't know, this is what the subway and elevated train system that runs through Chicago is called.
3. I mention a band called Sigur Ros. If you haven't heard of them, check them out. They're from Iceland. My favorite song by them is called "Track 1" (yep, it's literally named Track 1).
4. The lyrics in the beginning of the song are from the song Parachute. I know Cheryl Cole is a big deal over in the U.K. and I just want to note that Ingrid Michaelson wrote the lyrics then gave them to Cheryl for her to sing. Ingrid recently recorded her own version, and it is awesome.
Thank you all again for sticking with me. I think this is the longest chapter yet. Almost 4,800 words. Woohoo!
Of course, I do not own the characters.
Won't tell anybody that you turn the world around, I
won't tell anyone that your voice is my favorite sound, I
won't tell anybody,
won't tell anybody.
They want to see us fall,
they want to see us fall down.
-Ingrid Michaelson, Parachute
I was in my room, still damp from a shower, when my phone vibrated on my nightstand. It was a text from Edward.
"Want to come over?"
In those four words I knew what he wanted to do, and a small shiver ran through my body. The timing really couldn't have been better. I knew (and more importantly, he knew) that Alice was spending the night at our friend Jessica's and Edward's parents were away for the weekend.
"Sure," I responded.
I was happy, excited, but very nervous, and unfortunately I couldn't talk to my best friend about this, considering Edward was her brother. I had a robe on and a towel in my hair but quickly tore them off and began searching my drawers for my cutest pair of underwear. After settling on a pair of black lace boy shorts, I slid on some jeans, a bra, and threw on a t-shirt. After shoving some things into a backpack and hastily checking my reflection, I went downstairs to tell my father I was spending the night at Alice's.
The game was on so he was sufficiently distracted. "Okay honey, see you tomorrow," he said. "Wait. Aren't Carlisle and Esme out of town? Where's Edward?"
I sighed inwardly, marveling at how much he really did pay attention, even though it didn't seem that way. "Yes, they're out of town, but Edward is at Emmett McCarty's house. Alice doesn't want to be alone. She tends to think every noise that her house makes is a psychotic serial killer trying to break in."
He studied me for a moment, obviously taking in my appearance. No make-up, hair a little frizzy and still air drying from my shower, jeans, and a t-shirt. Hardly the look for a girl who knew she was going to lose her virginity. "Alright," he said. "You've got your phone on, right?"
"Yes, dad." I walked in the hall and picked up a brown zip-up hoodie I'd hung on the coat rack. "See you tomorrow."
I didn't lie entirely. Edward was at Emmett's house – for about an hour earlier in the day.
The rumbling of my truck alerted Edward of my arrival and I saw him open the door and lean against the jamb. I hopped out of the car and slung my backpack over my shoulder. He smiled his special crooked smile.
"Hey," I greeted, smiling back at him as I walked up the porch steps.
"Hi." He reached out, took my face in his hands, and kissed me softly and tenderly.
What started out as a gentle kiss had ended up hot and deep. I placed my hands on his hard chest then rubbed up to wrap my arms around his neck, sliding my tongue into his mouth. He slid his hands down my body slowly, agonizingly, over my shoulders to the sides of my breasts, his thumbs skimming over my bra, continuing down to my waist and finally to my hips, squeezing them slightly. The kiss left no question in my mind what the purpose of my visit was.
We parted, panting, the magnetic pull between us impossible to ignore. He took my hand and led me inside, up the stairs, and into his bedroom.
The room was dark except for candles on Edward's dresser and his desk. Sigur Ros was playing softly on his computer. He watched me as I put my backpack down in the corner of his room.
"You cleaned," I noted, breaking the silence between us.
He chuckled and moved towards me. "Yeah, I cleaned. I wanted to impress my girlfriend." He winked.
My heart fluttered in my chest.
Edward reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear then bent down and began to kiss my jaw line. His soft lips moved across my jaw to my ear, then down to my neck, sucking gently, tenderly nibbling at my skin.
"Alice is at Jessica's," he whispered, his breath hot on my neck.
It took me a moment to find my voice. "I know."
"My parents are out of town."
He straightened and looked me in the eyes. "You are my life now. I've never cared for someone else the way I care about you."
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Edward."
And with that, my fingers found the hem on the bottom of his shirt and I started to pull up.
His hand clasped around my wrist, stopping me. My eyes flicked up to his.
"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" He asked.
I nodded. "I'm sure."
He let go of my wrist.
I pulled his shirt up and over his head, placing soft kisses over his chest as it became exposed. Edward reached down and slipped his hands under my shirt, rubbing my skin up to the sides of my breasts. We watched each other as he hooked his thumbs under my bra and rubbed them over my nipples. He moved his hands to my back and began unlatching the clasp on my bra. I reached down and pulled my shirt off, and then he pushed the straps of my bra off my shoulders, the small piece of clothing falling to the ground. He pulled me against him, chest to chest, skin to skin, and I tilted my head up to meet his lips.
We stood kissing for what seemed an eternity. Our kisses were slow and languid, deep and passionate. I felt his hands fumbling with the button on my jeans so I reached down to help him, then returned the favor. We each took a step back and pulled our jeans down, stepping out of them, leaving me in my black panties and Edward in his black boxer-briefs.
He reached to me and hooked a finger in the hem of my undies. "Haven't seen these before," he observed.
I smiled. "I was saving them for a special occasion."
That crooked smile came back. "So you knew what was going to happen tonight?"
"Without a doubt."
He squatted down in front of me and pulled my panties down. I played with his hair – it was so hard not to – and he began kissing my inner thighs, making his way up to that perfect spot. He kissed me there, flicking his tongue out as well, causing me to tremble. He moved his mouth up my body, nibbling a bit, first to my left hip, then up my belly, moving over to my right breast. He took my nipple in his mouth and my head fell back, a moan escaping from my mouth.
"I love when you make little noises like that," he commented.
I groaned, his mouth still doing wonders on me. "I love when you make me make noises like that."
He chuckled then straightened, once again covering my lips with his.
I felt his arousal against my belly and I reached down to palm him through his boxers. I heard his intake of breath. Mimicking his moves, I too got down in front of him, sliding his boxers down, releasing him from the confines of the fabric. Looking up at him from under the fringe of my lashes, I wrapped my hand around him and leaned forward to take a lick.
"Bella," he breathed.
I smiled up at him.
"I want you," he said. "I need you."
He took my hand and pulled me up and moved to his bed. His lips took mine, and he slowly guided my back onto his mattress. He moved on top of me, covered us with his white sheets, and then placed his hands on either side of my shoulders, his green eyes looking directly into mine. Edward's hair had become messier than usual and was hanging down over his forehead.
I smiled and lifted my hand to sweep his hair to the side.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head into my hand.
I moved my hand to the back of his head and then trailed my fingernails soothingly up and down his back.
"You're sure you're ready?" He whispered, his gorgeous eyes looking down at me again, his face full of excitement, worry, and lust.
I only nodded in response and watched as he reached over me to his nightstand to grab a condom. He tore the package open, removed the latex, and then slid it on.
I closed my eyes. The bed squeaked a bit as Edward moved slightly and I felt the gooeyness of the condom press lightly against me. Then he paused. "Bella, please tell me if I'm hurting you too much."
My eyes opened and I looked up at him. "I love you, Edward."
He gave me a crooked smile. "I love you, too."
We stared at each other, our breathing steady, our bodies buzzing by the fact that this was finally happening. His pushed his tip inside of me and I instinctually flinched.
He paused, again. "Do you want me to stop?" He asked breathlessly.
"No, please don't. Stop worrying so much, Edward. Just go slow."
He continued to slide inside of me unhurried and smoothly, and then he groaned.
I clenched my eyes shut and focused on breathing evenly. The pain wasn't horrible, but it wasn't pleasant.
I felt his forehead rest on top of mine and he let out a low oath. "You feel so good. It's very distracting that I know you aren't feeling as good as me right now," he said.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Just stay like this for a minute."
His breathing was ragged and hot against my face. After the initial pain faded, I tilted my head up and kissed him on his perfect lips. He knew this was his cue, and I felt him begin to thrust back then forth, slowly and softly.
"Bella," he whispered. My name rolled off of his tongue so beautifully. Keeping his slow pace, he dipped his head down to my ear. "I love you," he told me again, then kissed and nibbled on my earlobe.
"You can go a little faster now," I whispered back.
I heard his breathing hitch then felt him move a bit faster. He kissed my neck, sucking and biting on it softly, making me moan. He knew the spots on my body that drove me crazy.
"Look at me," he ordered, his voice soft.
My eyes popped open and I met his unwavering gaze.
He slowed his hips and put his hand to my cheek. "You are so beautiful," he told me, then leaned down to kiss me. I felt his tongue slide across my lips, and my mouth opened in response. Our tongues touched lightly, lazily moving against each other. We stopped kissing and he continued his faster pace, groaning quietly whenever his pelvis met mine.
I reached up and ran my hand through his hair, weaving my fingers into it. Encased in his soft white sheets, it was as if it was just the two of us in the sleepy town of Forks. I was so focused on him; the way our eyes were locked, the expressions on his face whenever he entered me fully, his perfect body on top of mine, the feeling of him moving inside me. Giving myself completely to the one person I'd ever fallen in love with was exhilarating.
His breaths began to come in short little huffs and I knew he was close. "You feel incredible, Bella. I'm really close, do you mind…?"
"Don't worry about me tonight," I said, knowing he was asking if I cared that he came before me. Edward was an unselfish lover, always making sure I reached my peak before him whenever we fooled around.
At this, he sped up a little bit. His cheeks were flushed, his lips were parted, and his eyes clouded with lust began to lose focus. This was the beginning of Edwards "O" face. He closed his eyes and began to moan softly at first, then a bit louder.
"Oh, God," he managed to groan out, and I pulled him down to me, his head nestled in the crook of my neck. He used my shoulder to muffle his moans as his hips moved faster. As his pelvis met mine one last time, his body went rigid. I felt his warm release fill the condom inside me. After he was finished, his body relaxed, and we laid like that for a bit as we waited for our breaths to even out, our heartbeats to slow. He kissed my shoulder and my neck softly, and I ran my fingertips up and down his back.
My alarm woke me up at 9:00am. It was set for the radio to turn on, and Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" was playing.
"Ugh," I groaned, feeling my hair sticking to the back of my neck with sweat.
I hadn't had a dream about Edward's and my first time in quite a while. And as far as first time's go, mine was pretty incredible.
I took a deep breath and sat up, glancing around my room. The sun was streaming through the windows and I could hear the birds chirping outside. It seemed like it was going to be a good day.
Except that it was Saturday, and I'd told myself all week that I'd go to Edward's apartment on Saturday.
Alice and I had exchanged numbers, and I began to count on her to text me every day to push me to see Edward. "Three more days," she'd say. "This is the right decision."
I knew it was, but it certainly didn't make it any easier.
I slipped out of bed and padded to my bathroom, thinking a cold shower was in order after my hot dream last night. When I met with Edward, I had to be completely focused, not flustered and thinking of him and I together.
He's a man now, Bella. Probably a very sexy man, my head told me.
Stop it! I ordered myself.
Yes, a cold shower was definitely required.
After putting on some light make up (blush, mascara, and Chap Stick), I decided to do something with my hair. Factoring in the humidity, I figured putting some light gel in my hair and scrunching it was the way to go. I dressed in dark wash skinny jeans cuffed at the hem, cute yellow flats, and a grey t-shirt. Grabbing my purse off of my bedroom floor, I headed through the hallway and into the kitchen.
It was quiet, and I saw a note on the counter.
"Went to Ann Sather's," it read. "Jack wanted cinnamon rolls, and I figured you needed some time to yourself. Love, mom."
I tossed the note back on the counter and went to the fridge, taking out milk and orange juice. I poured some cereal into a bowl, orange juice in a glass, then leaned against the counter, staring off into space, thinking about just what the hell I was about to do.
I still had absolutely no idea what to say to him. Hey Edward! Long time no see. You look great. Oh, and by the way, you have a son.
I asked both my mom and Alice for advice, but they both had said the same thing.
"It'll come to you."
Some help that was.
Seriously, I was going to walk up to his door step on a peaceful Saturday and drop this huge bomb shell. But how? Maybe I'd get lucky and he wouldn't be home. Guess I'd have to wait another week… too bad…
Bad attitude, Bella. Just get this over with.
I was so busy mentally berating myself that I nearly dropped my bowl of cereal when my phone started ringing. I reached into my purse and read the screen. It was Angela.
"Hello?" I answered, shoving a mouthful of Cheerio's to the side of my mouth.
"Hi Bella! What are you up to?"
I shoved some cereal around my bowl. "Just eating breakfast, about to head out. What's up?"
"Oh, sorry to interrupt. I was just wondering if you wanted to bring Jack and meet me at the park."
"Hmm, tempting offer. I bet it's gorgeous outside."
"Yeah, it is."
"I can't though. I've got this…thing I have to do today."
"No worries, maybe tomorrow."
"Alright, have fun!"
She paused. "Yeah?"
I put my bowl in the sink, rinsed it. "I need your help on something."
"Jack doesn't know his father."
"I know," she said, her voice changing from light to serious.
"I'm actually going to his father's apartment today to tell him he has a son."
She was quiet.
"Are you still there?" I asked.
"Yeah," she responded, exhaling. "Wow, that's…a big deal."
I nodded. "Tell me about it. I was just wondering if you had any advice or maybe some words of encouragement."
"Hmm," she murmured. "I don't know, Bella, maybe you shouldn't tell him right away."
I swallowed a gulp of orange juice. "What do you mean?"
"Perhaps you should go over there and let him know you're in the area. I mean, you haven't spoken to this guy in years, right?"
"I think you should go over there, say hello, and maybe meet somewhere for coffee. And this may be hard to hear, but he could have a live-in girlfriend who probably wouldn't be too thrilled with your impromptu visit."
"I don't give a fuck about his girlfriend," I caught myself saying. I clapped a hand over my mouth, surprised at the resentment that flashed through me.
I shook my head, willing the anger out of my body. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I get what you're saying. This is a huge deal and I need to assess his situation first before I drop this on him."
"Exactly. He was important to you, right?"
I paused. "Extremely," I said softly.
"I'm sure he felt the same way about you. You arriving at his door will be shocking enough."
This plan made me feel a lot better about my impending visit. "Thank you so much, Angela."
"I'm here anytime. Let me know if you want to meet up tomorrow."
"Will do. You're awesome."
"You too. Good luck. Bye."
I slipped my phone back in my purse then chugged the rest of my orange juice. I set my glass in the sink, grabbed my purse, and then headed out the door. I jingled my car keys in my hand, wondering what parking would be like around his building. Then I tried to think of which L station was closest to his place, and came up empty. Shoving my keys back in my purse, I walked down my quiet street a couple blocks then turned right, going towards the nearest busy intersection to look for a cab. I put my hand up, and a cab came screeching to a halt right in front of me.
I focused on breathing evenly on the way over. My stomach was in knots, and I wondered briefly if I really should have taken the L. The cab was moving at a rapid pace, taking sharp turns, coming to sudden stops. The L would have been slower, giving me more time to prepare, and was definitely cheaper, but I quickly pushed that thought out of my head. I'd had all week to prepare. It was time.
"$8.35," the cabby informed me.
I gave him a ten dollar bill and told him to keep the change.
He sped off leaving me standing in front of Edward's building. Lifting a hand to my brow to block out the sun, I tipped my head back to take a look. It was a newer building in the Gold Coast, seemed to be made of only windows, and it looked to be about twenty-five floors. I reached in my bag and dug out the crumpled napkin that had his address written on it and saw he lived in apartment number 1209.
Now or never, I told myself.
Taking a breath, I pushed through the revolving door and into the cool lobby, my steps echoing throughout the atrium. I walked to the elevators, pushed "Up", then waited. I checked my reflection in the shiny elevator doors, fixing my hair, straightening out my shirt. The doors dinged and opened, and I stepped inside and selected floor twelve.
My heart was fluttering in my chest and my palms were sweating. I rubbed them nervously on my jeans, then I stepped out when the doors opened. The hallway was quiet. His unit was at the end of the hall.
I stood in front of his door staring at the peep hole with my fist raised, waiting for my brain to make it knock.
You can do this, you can do this.
Closing my eyes and holding my breath, I gave the door three quick raps.
I didn't hear anything at first. No footsteps, no one calling, "Come in!"
But then I did.
The unmistakable giggling of a female. My stomach dropped, my heart stuttered, and then it sank to my knees.
Flee! my mind was telling me, but my feet refused to budge.
I heard the padding of quick footsteps coming to the door and just as I regained control over my legs, the door opened, and I saw the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. The kind of beautiful that made every woman around her think, "I should have gone to the gym today." Or, "I shouldn't have had that extra scoop of ice cream last night." My self-esteem took a direct hit. Her hair was blonde, perfectly curled, and tumbled romantically over her shoulders. Her eyes were blue, like violets, and her face was angelic. She was bare foot, and wearing only a man's button down shirt.
"Can I help you?" She asked, her eyes scanning me, looking confused.
It took a moment for me to find my voice. I cleared my throat. "I'm, uh, looking for Edward. Edward Cullen."
Her eyes were guarded. "He's not here right now."
Get out of here, my brain warned. "Okay, thanks." I turned on my heel and took one step when I heard a male voice ask, "Babe, who's here?"
I stopped and turned back to the door slowly, where I met the dark brown eyes of none other than Emmett McCarty.
"Holy shit," we both exclaimed.
He gave me a big smile and came forward to lift me into a bear hug, which was when I noticed he was only wearing sweatpants. "Isabella 'Just Bella' Swan? Oh my God, this is crazy! What are you doing here?"
I faltered a bit, getting my response in order. "I live in Lincoln Park and ran into Alice and she told me Edward lived here now too. She failed to mention you lived with him." He set me down and I took a generous step back, aware of the daggers the blonde was giving me.
"Yeah, I'm in between places right now."
I nodded and shoved my hands in my pockets.
Blondie cleared her throat.
"Oh, sorry, babe. Bella, this is Rosalie, my leading lady," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and giving her a squeeze. "Bella went to High School with Edward, Alice, and I," he explained to her.
I gave her a small smile. "It's nice to meet you, Rosalie."
"Charmed," she said, though she certainly didn't seem so.
He rolled his eyes dramatically in her direction.
I fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt, clearly out of my element. "So, ah, Edward isn't here?"
"He's out with Sasha. Not sure when he'll be back," Rosalie told me in a clipped tone.
"Oh," I said as my heart sank. Sasha. Sounded skanky.
Emmett grinned at me. "His dog."
My brows lifted. "Oh," I asked, my voice immediately becoming light.
Rosalie rolled her eyes and went back inside the apartment.
Waving a hand in her direction, he said, "Don't worry about her. She's just worried about Edward."
"So she, um, knows about me?"
Emmett paused then nodded slowly. "Yeah. Edward's mentioned your name once or twice."
I nodded too, then looked down and shuffled my feet, the weight on my chest feeling even heavier.
"Bella," he started. I peaked up and saw his eyes were serious. "Edward is going to flip out when he finds out that you're here."
"I know, I pretty much flipped out when I found out Alice was teaching at the elementary school in Lincoln Park."
He studied me for a moment, perhaps wondering how I knew she taught there, but thinking better of asking the question. "Well, Eddie doesn't usually do much on Sunday's. If you came by the same time tomorrow, I'm sure he'd be here."
"Alright, sounds good. Thanks Emmett."
"Do you want me to tell him you came by?"
"Um, no, that's okay. I'll come by tomorrow."
He smiled at me. "I hope you do. Edward will appreciate that." He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. "Bye, Bells."
I rubbed his back. "Bye, Emmett." I wasn't sure why it felt like I was saying goodbye to him forever. Maybe it was because I'd never given him a proper goodbye before. I turned back towards the elevators and pressed down, giving Emmett a small wave as he watched me step into the double doors.
When the doors closed and I let out a huge gust of air and leaned against the wall. I didn't want to do this all over tomorrow. I didn't think my nerves could handle it. Seeing Emmett was great, but awkward. I knew that he knew there was a reason behind my random visit, but Emmett wasn't the type to speculate and mull things over. Well, at least, that's how he was when I knew him.
That last little thought caused a pang in my chest. When I knew him. I really didn't know these people anymore.
I walked out of the elevator and that's when I heard him.
"Hold on, Sash," he said quietly.
I froze, and just by those three words I remembered every distinct sound of his voice: his bright laugh, the tone he used when he was angry with me, the way my name fell off his tongue when we were intimate, the way he whispered in my ear, how he talked to me when he comforted me, when he teased me. Oh, God. That smooth, velvety voice literally made me ache. My dreams hadn't done it justice.
"Shit," he said. "Sasha, get back here!"
The jingle of the dog's tags echoed loudly in the foyer and her nails were pitter-pattering on the floor, coming fast. Just as I was about to move, the dog bounded around the corner and let out a big Woof!, then bounded into me.
I let out a yelp and started to fall backwards, my arms swinging to try to regain my balance. Sensing how that was a lost cause, I turned my body slightly to brace my fall with my hands, and so I could hide my face from Edward.
The dog was walking happy circles around me, her tongue lolling out her mouth, her eyes bright. She obviously had an energizing walk.
He was letting out a string of profanities as he approached.
"Sasha, back off! I'm so sorry, ma'am. My dog can get sort of crazy."
Still so proper, despite the words that had come out of his mouth seconds before. "It's fine," I mumbled, lamely trying to disguise my voice.
He knelt next to me and grabbed my elbow, but pulled away immediately. I knew what he felt – that same buzzing, but soothing, current that ran through our bodies whenever we were near each other.
I heard him chuckle nervously as he reached for me again, helping me sit up a bit. "Ah, are you okay? I'm really so-"
I pushed my hair away from my face and turned my head towards him.
Our eyes locked and a thousand memories flew through my head. The first time I saw him at school, getting slushies at 7-11 with Alice and Emmett, him helping me with math while I helped with English, the magnetic pull between us that was still present now, how nervous he was when he gave me a rose to apologize after a stupid fight we had, our first kiss, long hikes to our meadow on the weekends, the night we made love under the stars…
He pulled his hand away from me again, though this time not from our spark, but from complete shock.
I took a breath to compose myself and offered a timid smile. "Hello, Edward."
A/N: Do you have any pets?