~ Nothing More~
A/N: This is a one shot AU/Human, involving Bella and Jacob. Jacob and Bella have been best friends for years. On numerous occasions, Jacob has had to remind Bella that she is nothing more than a friend to him. On a vacation with Sam and Emily, they have to share a bed in a hotel room with the loving couple and she wants one thing she knows will never happen… or at least she thinks. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Rated M/NC-17 for Lemon and Language. Submitting for the QUILEUTE "La Push" CHALLENGE.
Inches – that was all that separated us and yet it felt like he was miles away. I stared towards the curtains that blacked out the hotel room we shared with Sam and Emily.
Jacob and I were invited on a small vacation at the Oregon coastline which excited and overwhelmed me at the same time. I just finished the biggest final of my life in college and I was the last to arrive of our small group. The night I arrived I met up with everyone at a small club where Jacob and my favorite band were playing.
Jacob seemed ok at first glance but as the weekend poured on it seemed like he was more and more distant from me. It was the first time I'd seen him in months and I thought a reunion would make both of us really happy. It seemed to only bring happiness to me.
The first night we slept – and I use the term slept extremely loosely… we didn't sleep at all – in our small bed, he asked me to do the one thing that I loved so much. He wanted me to play with his hair.
This wasn't the first time we've slept in the same bed together. In fact, there had been several occasions in the past where it went beyond the hair playing and further into realms that friendship should never cross unless you plan for a fall out later.
Fall outs have happened in the past and I always ended up disappointed. He would party with his friends and then call me at 2 a.m. with promises of a life together and a lot of "I love you" floating through our conversation. The next morning he would say that it was the drinking that inspired all the overabundance of love and affection and that he was sorry to mislead me. He wanted nothing more than friendship from me.
I had set myself up for failure. I promised myself from the moment my feet stepped onto the grounds of the club that I would not look for more than a great time with my best friend. I was too mature to fuck things up between us but at the same time the moment my eyes set on him, every promise I made flew away with my heart.
I knew he had a love interest for a while. Alison, a girl he met at work, had her claws deep into him. I didn't like her at all, in fact, I really hated her. I tried calling Jacob one afternoon to talk about plans to hang out. Alison answered the phone and all but bitched me out for calling "her man."
I hated to break it to her, but he's technically been my man way longer than she's been around.
Jacob told me that I needed to back off and try to not be so clingy. Hours later, he called in a drunken stupor confessing his love for me and how much he did not want to be with her.
I believed him.
And yet again, I got my heart broken when he called from her house the next morning to apologize for the 3 a.m. drunken phone call.
I really have had my shares of ups and downs with him.
I looked for anything the past two nights to suggest even a cuddle session we loved to share. He was so sweet and loving when he wanted to be but he didn't even show the slightest bit of interest in me. He slept far away from me and this never happened before. I felt so abandoned by him and I felt myself slipping into self loathing and I regretted even coming on the trip.
I turned to face his back. His hair had grown out so much since I'd seen him. I felt happy about his attempt. I had yelled so much in the past each time he would cut his hair. I suddenly felt my fingers rubbing through his hair again and I smiled and sighed.
I was torturing myself. I knew I was. It was so unfair to have something so awesome laying next to me and knowing that he never wanted more from me than friendship.
I glanced over Jacob to see Emily and Sam rustling around. I tried to play it off that I was also asleep. Emily got up first and went straight to the restroom and as soon as she was dressed, Sam followed her lead. She came around to my side of the bed and said, "Bella, Sam and I are going to breakfast and then to do some sightseeing. Would you like to go?"
A huge part of me wanted to go so I would quit torturing myself over Jacob but I knew that anywhere I went it would still be at the back of my mind. I kindly turned her down and she left with Sam. As soon as the door slammed, Jacob turned to me.
"Why did you stop playing with my hair?"
"Emily and Sam woke up and I didn't want to seem suspicious."
I turned my back to him and stared back at the curtains again. The overly white down comforter that I cuddled myself under seemed to be the only thing keeping me company that weekend and I curled into a ball to keep myself warm, since Jacob was no help.
I felt him turn over as his sigh fell over my left ear. I felt like a magnet being pushed away from its polar opposite. The ironic thing about this moment that made me laugh a little was the mere fact that our bodies were shaped the exact same way. I would have fit so well into his arms at that moment but the mere fact of it brought on more disappointment.
I wanted to cry. I should have cried and then maybe he would have seen what he was doing to me. Rejection hurt worse than any broken bone or cut I've ever had in my entire life.
"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked me.
"I think I'm just tired."
"No, there is something else there."
I couldn't tell him. It was so unfair to him that I even brought all this on myself. He had his mind set on the way our friendship would go and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
"I'm ok, I promise. I may go back to sleep for a while," I said.
He turned away from me and the moment he did, I turned right along with him. We played that game all night long. Each time he would turn from me I turned with him. I tried so hard to give him hints that I wanted him to hold me in his arms at least just one more time.
I let my arms and legs graze his, my feet touch his, and the biggest part, playing with his hair didn't even make him budge. I felt like throwing my hands up in the air and packing for home.
The stark contrast of the white comforter against his dark hair and skin made me sigh again. Everything I wanted lay up under that comforter and I suddenly found myself jealous of it. It took me a moment to realize that I was going utterly insane if I became jealous of a blanket.
"Bella," Jacob said with his back still turned to me.
"Are you angry with me?"
I felt my face turn red. "No, why would you say that?"
"You normally would have your arms around me by now but the entire weekend you haven't touched me."
I smiled. "Well, you know you haven't made much of an attempt yourself."
He giggled, "Right, well come closer then."
Finally! I thought to myself.
I slid my body closer to his as I felt his muscular arms embracing me closer to him.
A huge sigh of relief fell over me but I also knew that no matter what happened in the next couple of hours, once we got home the "only friendship" rule would apply and I would be hurt again. I had no idea why on earth I allowed myself to go through this and I tried so hard to not think about it.
His arms were so warm and inviting. My body molded completely to his and I felt his warm breath caressing the back of my neck so gently.
I carefully and gently rubbed his forearms with the tips of my fingers as he let out a huge sigh.
"Bella, why do we put ourselves though this each time?"
A small giggle fell from my lips. "I guess because we enjoy torturing ourselves."
I felt his arm that lay over me move as he backed away and turned onto his back.
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
"I'm just concerned is all."
I lay on my back glancing over at him each time he'd sigh. His right arm rested over his eyes and I could see frown lines underneath it all.
"Are you worried that it will go too far again?" I asked.
"That's one of the issues. I'm just not ready for anything like this, Bella. You are my best friend and if something were to happen to our friendship, who would I go to when I needed someone to talk to?"
A disappointed sigh fell across the room. I turned my body to face away from him again. I was tired of being on my right side. My hipbone ached from spending so much time in that position and I wanted nothing more than to snuggle right up behind his back and put my arms around him.
"Bella, do you regret being my friend?" Jacob asked me.
That startled me. Of course I never regretted being his friend. That was as ridiculous as suggesting that we could never be more than that. I knew that our closeness wouldn't hinder the relationship we could have.
I turned on my left side to face the ridiculousness that came from him.
"Jacob, do you really think I regret being friends with you? I care more about you than I do breathing sometimes. I thought by now you'd figure that out."
"It just seems like lately when we are together, you are so focused on the physical part of our arrangement."
Arrangement… gah! That made it sound like we were under contractual obligation to have sex and cuddle each time we saw one another.
"Jacob, I never once expected anything from you in our relationship. You indeed are my best friend and I love that aspect of you. However, when we part, I feel so sad and abandoned. If I could, I would spend every moment of my life cuddled next to you like this."
His face turned bright red and a smile came on his face.
"Bella, you really do care about me don't you."
No shit Sherlock!
"I do Jake… a lot more than I think you care about me sometimes."
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I tried so desperately to fight them back. I swore over a million times the past 8 years that I would never let him see me like this. He could break my bones and beat me until I'm black and blue and I would never let him see me cry over it. I wouldn't wish any guilt upon him for the way I feel after we are together.
I turned my back to him and pulled the covers closer to me as I fought to hold myself together. I held my breath to keep from giving up my secret. I finally felt the sadness linger from my body and kept myself under control.
I felt him turn behind me. His left arm slid over me as the right slid under pulling me closer to him. I was tired of playing this game with him and I had no choice but to voice my opinion.
"Jacob, I think we need to stop."
He didn't release me at all. Instead he held me tighter.
"Bella, I hurt you didn't I?"
"No!" I quickly said – maybe just a little too quick.
"I know you better than that, remember?"
I shook my head yes.
"Bells, I'm scared to death of losing you, even if it is because I've hurt you."
"You won't ever lose me Jacob. Why can't you understand that?"
He fell silent for a bit, only holding me in his arms. His face was buried into my hair and I could feel him breathing into it.
"Your hair smells awesome," he said.
I smiled. "Thanks. I know it's your favorite, lavender and vanilla."
I felt so relaxed finally after our little dramatic display. I wanted to drift off to sleep just like this and I would be ok with a little nap.
I reached back with my left leg and found his and intertwined our legs together. He held me tighter and it was the best feeling in the world. I was consumed with Jacob's affection and there wasn't a feeling any better than that.
He let out another adorable sigh. "Bella Swan, you are going to be the death of me."
I giggled. "Why Jacob, I have no idea what you mean."
His nose nuzzled right into the crook of my neck and it tickled as trailed down to my shoulder. I let out a slight moan as the tickle soon turned into something a little more bearable and enjoyable.
I felt his fingertips trace my side from my ribcage all the way to my hip. His hand grabbed my hip like a door handle and he ground the front side of him into the backside of me.
"Do you feel that, Bella? That's exactly what you do to me when I see you. The mere thought of you being this close to me sends me into a frenzy. I have to have you or else I will go crazy."
I turned to face him. His eyes were dark and hungry like he had to have me regardless of what our ideas should be. His hands grabbed my face and brought his lips to mine and I submitted to his soft kisses.
I pulled away slightly, with his breath still on my lips. "Jacob, I thought we agreed to not do this anymore the last time. Things just get so damn complicated."
My eyes fell. I remember the pain of Jacob acting like the first time we went all the way wasn't that big of a deal. I called him the next day after I left his apartment to share my elation that I felt wonderful to have him make love to me and he couldn't even talk about it. He acted as if he were ashamed to be around me.
"Bella, we need each other sometimes. I need you. You are the only girl that I know that can take care of my needs the way I want them to be done. You know exactly what I like and how to give me the pleasure no other girl can do."
His fingers gently lifted my chin so my eyes could meet his soft gaze. "Bella, I care about you tons. I don't want to see you hurting like this."
"Well then quit denying me what I want," I said.
"Bella, I can't. I can't love you the way you want me to."
"Jacob that is bullshit. I know you can."
Tears welled up in my eyes as he was forced to see the pain that all this was causing me.
"Bella, I do want to be with you. I want to love you. I want all of that happiness that we should feel for each other but I can't do it. It's not that I don't want to. I am just so scared of losing you."
His eyes then began to also fill with tears. The first one dropped from his eyes and I caught it with a kiss to his cheek.
"Bella, you give me so much more than love and sex. You give me friendship and that outweighs everything I could ever ask for or even be worthy of."
He took his hand and caressed my cheeks pulling my lips to his. They parted slightly allowing him to gently massage my bottom lip with his tongue. He tasted so sweet against my lips. I inhaled his beautiful sweetness that made me crave the rest of him.
His hands ran gently over my side as his legs tangled back into mine. His lips ran down my neck as his hands lifted my shirt and inched towards my already erect nipples. He flicked his thumb over them as I let out a small moan. His kisses concentrated on my neck line as he rolled me on top of him.
Jacob slowly removed my top, exposing my breast to the cooler air. He smiled as he saw how turned on I was for him.
"Mmm… Bella… you look amazing on top of me like that."
I blushed as he fought his shirt over his head. His muscular chest and abs were exposed to me and I craved to run my tongue along the lines of his muscles.
I reached down, grinding myself on top of Jacob's hardness, to kiss him. He responded by holding me tighter to him.
"Bella we need to remove those bottoms," Jacob said.
He rolled me onto my back and with one quick sweep my pajama bottoms were gone, along with my underwear. My very warm sex was very wet with desire for him. He knew this and took his finger and ran it along my slit and brought it to his lips, tasting me.
"Mmm, just as sweet as I remember you being."
He kissed the top of my feet and made his way down my leg with small, desiring kisses. I wanted him to go there. I knew he would. He confessed to me years ago how much he loved the taste of a woman, and I wasn't the exception to the rule.
"I've been waiting so long for this," he said looking up from between my legs.
His tongue started slowly, dancing around the outside, and finally focusing all his attention directly on my clit. This made me jump as he pinned me down with his strong arms. He sucked me in, making me moan and scream with pleasure.
"Oh my, Bella, you're the wettest I've ever seen you before. I love knowing I'm doing a good job. Do you enjoy me taking you like this?"
"Oh yes, Jacob, please, don't stop."
He kept going and it pained me so much. I wanted him inside of me, deep inside of me hitting me so hard I couldn't stand it. I wanted to feel his hot cum as it shot deep inside of me, the way it had done once before.
His fingers slid in and out of me, reaffirming his desire for me. My chest pushed heavy breathing through my lips and I couldn't take it anymore. I released with so much pleasure as I finally came for my Jacob. He pushed himself up, apparently pleased with himself. I could see his hard bulge pushing against his pants and I fought with his buttons to release him.
His erection popped out with a huge relief as it sat before me. I wanted to show him how much I appreciated what he had done for me. My hands grabbed his hard cock with a slight squeeze forcing it to my lips.
I took every inch he had to offer deep into my mouth. He moaned with such pleasure and I knew he wanted it. He always said that a girl's pleasures were more important but in this case, he needed to know how much I wanted him and appreciated him.
As my mouth consumed him completely, his hands reached into my hair, knotting and twisting it with his strong fingers. I was so sure he'd yank so hard that it would hurt but at that moment I could have cared less. I had my Jacob right where I wanted him and I wouldn't let simple hair pulling ruin it for me. In fact, the harder he pulled, the more aroused I became. God, I craved this cock inside of me.
I looked up from under my long eyelashes and Jacob's face expression said it all.
He wanted it too.
I pulled myself up to his lips, stopping every so many inches to stamp a kiss or a lick on his stomach and chest. He got impatient and pulled me to his face.
Jacob flipped me over with such force he almost knocked the breath out of me.
"Damnit, Bella, now… please for the love of all that is good on this earth, can I please take you the way you need me to?"
A smile played across my lips.
Definitely had him where I wanted him.
Just like I'd done so many times before.
Another smile ran across my face that he hurt for me.
"Fine Jacob, but I will say this, afterwards, if this is how it is going to be between us, I want you to understand that I won't forget this and we will talk about it."
His eyes got big and wide and he knew I meant business. I wanted more than sex from this beautiful creature and I'd hoped that he knew that.
He smiled as he lowered his body on top of mine.
"Bella, I said that I didn't want this to end up bad. It's not like we couldn't give it a try."
And with that he spread my legs with his knees and slid his hardened man hood right into me, inching slowly, filling me up the way I wanted it – deeper and harder than ever before.
Each time he would pull out, he did so barely removing himself from me. He would slam it straight back into me, harder each time. My back arched in delight as he pushed me to my edge. I wanted to feel his hard cock pulsing inside of me at his release. I'd been with other guys before, but Jacob was the only guy that I could feel actually cumming inside of me. It made me feel accomplished.
"Fuck Bella, you feel so good around me, I don't wanna stop."
Don't stop, then… don't you ever fucking stop then.
I moaned and Jacob let out a loud "unh" and it sent a shiver up my spine. I knew I was pleasing him and I loved every single minute of the pleasure I brought to him.
I couldn't take it anymore as each pump of his hard cock brought more and more pleasure to me. I felt like I could jump off the edge of my very existence and I wanted to cum so bad on him. I wanted him to feel what he was doing to me.
"Bella, I can't last any longer, I want you to cum for me baby, please… I need to feel it."
I finally let go of all my inhibitions an let out a huge scream of relief as I felt myself pulse around him.
It brought him to his end and he let go of all his restraint and let go also with a huge groan from his chest, "fuck me Bella, oh my God."
I felt his cock pulse inside of me and it felt so good to have him finally give me what I wanted.
I fell into his arms, trying so hard to catch my breath.
"Bella," he said.
And then he fell silent. I knew he had so much hesitation in his voice, but when he didn't speak for a couple of moments later, I began to worry.
"I love you, Bella."
My heart did cartwheels all over the inside of my chest.
"Jacob, your fucking kidding me right?"
"No, Bella, I'm not."
He sat up slightly and then turned his body towards me.
He looked straight at me in the eyes.
"Bella, I've been denying myself all this love, pleasure, pain and excitement for fear of losing you. Now I fear if I don't give you what you want, what I want, you'll eventually get tired of waiting and then you'll leave me anyway."
I couldn't believe my ears.
"You actually really do love me?"
"I do. I have been kidding myself all this time. Seeing you like this has me realizing how much I need you, in more ways than one."
I lay silent for a moment, wondering if this was all an attempt to make me feel better.
"You really mean this?" again I asked.
"Why is it so hard for you to believe me, Bella? I do love you. I want to be with you. Not just as a friend, but more."
Tears began to slowly well up into my eyes again and I couldn't take anymore.
I threw my arms around him and held him so tight to me.
"Jacob Black, I don't think you've ever made me as happy as you have just now."
He smiled at me and said, "You've made me utterly satisfied. Now let me show you how much."
He leaned in and kissed me, hard. From that moment on, my love for Jacob would no longer take a back seat in our feelings for each other. He made me complete, wanting nothing more.
A/N: I had to get this out of me. I actually laid in bed on a vacation trip a couple of weeks ago and thought about this story. The covers, the darkened hotel room, and my snoring best guy friend next to me helped in writing this story. So this goes out to you, and to JennyP for her awesome support.