Garfield: First Blood

A tale of adventure, passion and romances!

It was a sunny day when Garfield was practicing Tai Chi on the roof top to harness his inner strength when he heard panic.

"Garfield there is panic!" Said Jon Arbuckle.

"Stop behaving like woman, Jon Arbuckle, what is the matter?" Scolded Garfield as he put on his members only jacket.

"Natalie Portman has been kidnapped you must come to the rescue!" Said Jon Arbuckle with bone chilled eyes.

"WHAT.?!" Said Garfield as he bolted down the stairs with speed of a buffalo hoard.

Garfield switched on the tv showing Natalie Portman taken captive by vampire gangsters.

"Help Garfield, I am being taken captive by vampire gangsters!" Cried Natalie Portman in hysterically.

"HAHA Garfield!, We demand the blood Bank of USA give us 600 million gallons of blood, all in one hundred dollar bills or else we will be making evening breakfast out of Natalie Portman!" Said the head Vampire Gangster with menace.

"The only deposit being made will be yours!" Said Garfield with triumph, while shooting the tv in anger with his Desert Eagle.

"Garfield what will you do?" Asked John Arbuckle with audacity.

"A man must do what he must do I will rescue Natalie Portman with these hands." Said Garfield fist clenched with justice.

Garfield strutted to his closet where he took his steak firing machine gun. He then hopped into his ALL AMERICAN four wheeled pick up truck.

"Garfield let me come with you" said John Arbuckle with intent.

"No you must stay, if I do not return in 24 hours call Tiger Woods." (Timely Joke)

"That was a timely joke Garfield." Said John Arbuckle, getting his joke.

Garfield than drove off into the thickness of summer night, determined to deliver justice through personal delivery.

When driving, Garfield turned on the radio for inspirational music.

"Here is inspirational music for Garfield so that he may save the day again." Said the DJ.

The DJ started playing heart thumping rocking music to pump Garfield up.

"This is the beat to my groove." Said Garfield as he let himself get pumped.

As Garfield drove he saw a kid taking drugs and ruining his life. Garfield was enraged by the waste of the youth and ran him over with his pickup truck.

"Drugs are for dopes go back to education!" Said Garfield.

"Yes you are right Garfield." Said the kid who stopped doing drugs and went back to school for degrees.

Garfield than arrived at the vampire warehouse where the vampire gangsters held their Natalie Portman. Garfield notices there was a vampire gangster guarding the entrance.

"Oh, no its Garfield I must make alarm!" Said the vampire gangster.

"The only alarm you will be making is in hell!" Said Garfield as he shot the vampire gangster in the chest with his Desert Eagle.

"HA Garfield! Vampires can only be killed with steaks and suns!" Said the vampire gangster.

"Fool my bullets are made of suns." Said Garfield with astrophysics.

"Oh no I am dead!" Said the stupid vampire gangster as he burned away.

Garfield lit a cigarette on the burning vampire and continued his mission. During exploration, Garfield encountered two other vampire gangsters guarding a room.

"Here is a prime rib meal ready for serving!" Quipped Garfield as he shot the vampire gangsters to their deaths with his steak gun.

Garfield than bursted into the room seeing the Natalie Portman captured with the menacing vampire gangster leader her at her side.

"Haha Garfield you have entered a trap! Look around you are surrounded!" Said the Vampire Gangster leader.

Garfield looked around him seeing vampire gangsters all around, closing in, when Garfield heard a familiar voice.


John Arbuckle crashed in from the ceiling with his two golden revolvers daftly firing all around at the vampire gangsters.

"Thank you for my back up John Arbuckle, I was in a pit of danger" Said Garfield with sternness.

"No problem, you have gotten me out of more jam than I can remember." Said John Arbuckle.

"The jig is up Vampire Gangster, time to face the face of justice." Said Garfield with justice coming out of his eyes and ears.

"Oh no Garfield I have a terrible secret to unveil!" Said the vampire gangster as he ripped off his face to reveal that he was really Odie!

"Odie how could you." Said John Arbuckle.

"After all the adventure and bonding we shared you have fallen into criminality?" Said Garfield with disappointment.

"Yes Garfield I am tired of you having all the glory and women. No more this time the glory and women will be my own!" Said Odie with bitter triumph.

"Odie I thought you were a man but you are just a mutt." Said Garfield with sadness in his heart.

"You do not have the heart to kill me Garfield so say your good byes to your precious Natalie Portman!" Leered Odie with evil.

"You are forgetting one thing Odie, you may have drawn first blood, but I always draw last." Said Garfield with cool style as he shot Odie with his Desert Eagle.

"NOOOO" Said Odie as he staggered and fell out of the window into acid.

Garfield went to the tied up Natalie Portman and freed her swiftly.

"Thank you Garfield I am forever in debt." Said Natalie Portman with love to Garfield.

"No problem babe I liked you in Space Balls, now lets dance a sexy tango." Said Garfield.

"Thank you for complimenting my acting." Said Natalie Portman with gratitude.

So after Garfields gracious compliments they both danced a sexy tango and got all tens.

"Wow Garfield you are great dancer are you doing anything tonight?" Said Natalie Portman.

"I am now, I will take to four stars restaurant called Olive Garden it has food of one of a kind taste." Said Garfield with class.

"That sounds delicious and romantic." Said Natalie Portman with romance on her mind.

With these words Garfield and Natalie Portman rode to Olive Garden on a black stallion with wind flowing through their hair.

The End??

Authors Note: If Natalie Portman is reading this and would like to date me that would be ok.