This is my new story. I thought it would be a good idea to start with, it's different to my other fic, this seems darker to me. More angst-y, while Forgotten is more light-hearted (for the most part.) So, please enjoy and give me your opinion on it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Twilight.
Mate For a Mate
Bella, I don't want you to come with me" He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying...
"You ...don't...want me?"
The numbing pain in my heart set in again. It was the same time every night, it's always the same thing every night, commands my every thought, even if I think of unrelated things it always morphs into this unending nightmare. Every breath seems harder once the dream begins, slowly suffocating me. And yet despite all this self-harming pain that I go through, I still persist on the lie, I still try to believe that it wasn't real, that he was right beside me as I slept humming that infatuating tune, the one he supposedly named after me, my lullaby. Despite my delusions, there was no escaping the reality; He left me, No.. They all left me and of them, not just the one I wanted the most but his whole family.
I try not to imagine the distractions he has, most of them start that other vampire who was pining for him, that Tanya woman. I don't know why I put myself through this pain, he said so himself that I was just an experiment, a distraction for him to think about while he was in Forks; I was probably just the latest in a long line of stupid little teen girls willing to give up everything they care about for someone to love them. The killer part is now he is probably cuddling up to her by a fire in Alaska or wherever they are now.
I tried to get back to sleep, but I knew it would be no use; I would screech again, thinking of him, maybe this I might do something different but then I remember the pain isn't changing, isn't going anywhere. I kept rolling around my seemingly empty bed, naively craving for a cool chest to relax me and calm me down, a sweet hushed tone to calm my nerves.
Sighing, I was right. Trying to sleep was no use. Instead I just lied there on my bed shaking and shivering as I thought about the recurring nightmare, replaying it over and over again until the fateful scene of departure came. That part I ignored, just like I ignored reality.
Morning then suddenly lurched onto the night and light began to brighten up my dismal room. I scrambled around my bed, too warm under the quilt, it had a permanent place bawled at the bottom of my small bed that always seemed too big for one person. I glared at the ceiling.
Yes, this was a good place to look, it was save, no memories were attached to it, just the hues of grey eventually turning into white as the light of the morning sun hit it. It was a constant problem of mine, finding things that didn't remind me of him and of his sister. Books and music were off limits now, every time I looked at a blurb of a book or the cover of a C-D album, memories of him recommending a certain book or band came and struck me with another flash of unbearable pain.
I destroyed all the clothes his sister made me wear and keep and also dismembered the stereo they had giving me and installed into my truck, now it was dumped inside my closet, it had nowhere to go; it was like me- unwanted, lost, Broken..
As I thought of this I suddenly felt the concluding feeling of sorrow and guilt. Charlie had to go through this just as much, if not more, than I do. Seeing the growing bags under his eyes and the extra wrinkles appearing on his face, I can't help feel the cause of all this discomfort. Charlie had tried to calm me down before but now he just let's me wither in pain, known that it was no good trying to stop me.
Finally, and surprisingly the sun glared at me through the small window of my room, I stifled a gasp. So many memories were created with that window. Shards of light shone into my messy room, brightening it all up, showing me just how lazy I had been. The sun itself was a contrast to my oppressive mood.
As I stumbled from my bed and yanked the curtains shut, I cursed the sun for shining happily for once in this precipitation-loving town. Opening the yellow drapes, I peeked at my reflection in the glass, I was like death on legs, please forgive the irony.
My skin, which was already pale before, seemed to get three shades lighter, my eyes had deep purple bags underneath the seemingly grey lifeless circles, and none of my clothes seemed to fit anymore because of my lack of food consumption. I had stopped eating and had lost a scary amount of weight as even food reminded me of him, he used to watch while I worked in the kitchen, he used to help me chop things as he thought I'd hurt myself. I shook my head, stop it! Stop it right now, he didn't love you, stop thinking like he did.
I knew all this and knew it was probably killing Charlie more than I was suffering with the night-time horrors but I couldn't stop it, I couldn't help being this like this. I truly was the worst kind of monster…
I walked down the stairs slowly, not wanting to wake my father, and went into the kitchen to see what I could make him for breakfast and then not eat it with him. My gaze flittingly caught a sheet of white paper left on the mix-matched table in the middle of the kitchen. I walked over and peered at my father's messy scrawl of handwriting.
It's Saturday today, so I'm finally going to take up Harry on his offer of fishing. I'm letting you stay on your own for a couple of hours. You said that you'd be fine and I think you need time to, I don't know, be you.
It was Saturday? I could have sworn it was Monday the last time I checked, so what do I do now? I knew I was not going to sit in the house mopping, I had decided during the night in between screams that I was not going to cry once more for…
I-I couldn't think his name. Not after everything, I was still broken. I would never be fixed, not by Charlie, not by Jess, not even by Jacob, despite all his trying.
No, Bella! A sudden angry voice yelled in my head. You have to get over yourself. You gave your heart to someone and they hurt you. That's all. So what? You lost your first love…My only love, a small voice cut in, fighting the angry hurt side of me thought quietly. Neither voices sounded like me, were they like an angel and devil on each shoulder? Your only love? That's a lie, there are other fish in the sea. No, Ed-.. He was the one. The angel voice slipped up, nearly saying the forbidden word. Who? Devil voice asked. Who is your only love? The One?
I broke down leaning on the table for support whilst I shed my endless tears. I was pathetic. I really couldn't even think about his name and stay standing without help, my heart hurt too much. The pain engulfed me when I did. I knew it was going to take a long time before I could heal.
As I played with my cereal and bowl I decided that I was going to the meadow. His meadow. It wasn't just a fleeting thought; but an idea that I had played around with for a while. I never proceeded with the idea but today, oh today I was starting my new look on things. Less- Depressive Bella was going to face her most terrifying fear.
Why would I face my most terrifying and soul-destroying fear? I was going to do it because it would give me closure, and I needed a hell of a lot of closure. I grabbed a backpack, compass and map plus food, just in case I decided to try and eat something.
I sighed, why did I have to love him so much? This, everything, was his fault. I would have been content if I never met him, living my two year sentence out in Forks without knowing him would have been easier than finding love and then having it ripped from my chest with an incredible force. Bringing me onto the question of, why didn't he love me back? I guess I knew why, how can I, an insignificant little human compare to any vampire who would never age and is forever gorgeous. It never made sense that he loved me, why did I have to delude myself into thinking that he might actually did?
Growling as I fought back the tell-tale scoffs of breath, feeling the unshed tears mount in my eyes, I got in the car and drove the fastest I could, I remember when he brought me here and I thought I knew I was going and got to the side of the road, and started walking.
It took half the morning to find it and I tripped over about several times, by the end of the journey, I was sure I was in need of a gauze and bandage on many parts of my body; I had no one to catch my when I fell now. I found it though, the meadow, that's all that matters, now I can pretend that everything was going to be okay.
The bird singing their incessant tune did not help me concentrate when I was trying to channel all my sorrow into forgiveness. Sighing, I stumbled passed the trees and pushing the bushes passed me, I fell into the opening of the beautiful meadow.
It took my eyes a while to adjust to the light and took my head a long time to comprehend the scene before me. Weeds and dead flowers everywhere around me, the once lushes emerald green grass had turned into straw and hay-like ground. No, this could be happening! What happened to the picturesque clearing? Where are all the exquisite smelling and looking flowers? Why is everything dead?
I yelped in pain when it all sunk in and grabbed my waist, holding the pain in. Everything is dead.. Just like my heart. Everything changed from magnificent beauties to repulsive abhorrence. Everything changed, except me.
A shadow-like silhouette passed me, obvious against the stillness of death in the meadow, but it was still too quick for me to process it properly, so I didn't think anything of it and went back to my mourning, thankful that I was alone and that I hadn't brought Jacob to watch me pathetically weep for something. I was pleased that I was alone.
Suddenly, I heard a slow menacing hiss from behind me. A sound I had grown accustom to over the last year. The sound of an angry vampire. I gasped in horror and realization. A person was the shadow I slowly turned around and faced the person who hissed. Who was going to be my attacker now? Was it a Cullen? Or was it one of those Nomads that came to Forks not long ago?
"Hello, Bella," The heavily-accented voice growled, so familiar and brought great sorrow and relief to me at the same time. I turned around to look into the red eyes of an olive skinned, dark haired vampire.
An ally to me in the past, "Laurent?" I released the breath I was unknowingly holding, and muttered "Oh, thank God."
"I don't think God will help you now." He hissed, but sounded sorry for something. Red eyes, I was told he went to Alaska to discover more about the vegetarian diet. He must not have like the thought of animals over humans. I really looked into his eyes, everything inside my body turned at the sight of them, every instinct I had told me to run, to call for help, to get as far away from him as humanly possible.
"E-excuse me?" I squeaked out, "W-what do you mean?" I knew he smelt my fear, I saw but the small smirk on his face that was quickly covered up by concern, if it was genuine or not, I didn't know.
"She's coming…" It was barely a whisper but I knew what he said.
"Who is coming?" I breathed out, scared out of my wits. I was more frightened than I was in that ballet studio, I was more frightened than I was at my birthday. I knew the reason; the Cullen's were long gone and would never know about this while the other times, I knew that I would be saved.
"Bella, I have come to warn you that Victoria is coming." He stepped closer to me, which made me step further away, the deeply covered human instinct to survive kicked in, "Bella, I will not harm you, I owe the Cullen's that. You have my word." I shivered while he said their name. I wasn't used to someone's voice say it for so long.
Promises and having someone's word, doesn't mean squat to me anymore, "Where are the Cullen's?" He asked. I stopped breathing. What should I tell him? At that moment I wished for the angel and devil that occupied my mind earlier that day.
Lie… a heavenly voice called out, it wasn't the angel's voice but one much more sacred to me. Was I hallucinating again, was my mind attacking my sore points again to make me survive?
What? What did the angel mean when he said lie? "Erm, they are… on a hunt." I said like a question. I knew that a third grader wouldn't believe my terrible white lies. So why was I trying it on a vampire who could hear my heart beat soar as I lied? A small voice answered, because he told you to and you'd do anything for your Adonis..
He just looked at me as if to say that he knew they left me, but he played along anyway. "Well, I think you should tell them to come back."
"Why?" I blurted out, I wished I retracted the question but continued anyway, "I mean; what does Victoria want with me?" It didn't compute with me. Why did that red-headed vampire want to hurt me so much?
"She wants revenge, a mate for a mate. She said it was only fair, your Edward took her James, Victoria will take you." He said ruefully. An eye for an eye, a Bella for a James… I cringed internally when Laurent said 'my Edward'. He wasn't mine now, he never was my property.
I froze. She wanted revenge, to do that she'd have to…
"Bella, do you want me to end it all now?" He stepped close to me again. I couldn't move away, I was still stuck in shock. Laurent came closer again, so close that he was able to take a few strands of my hair and smell them.
"What? NO! Why would I want that?" I broke away from my momentary shock. My spine tingling again for me to run away. That vampire asked me if I wanted to die by his hand. I couldn't let him kill me, what about Charlie?
He sighed against my hair, "Bella, if I killed you, it would be quick, painless, but if Victoria got her claws on you, it would be slow and it would feel like a thousand deaths."
I didn't know what death felt like, but I was sure I had a good idea. I opened my mouth and tried to say no again but nothing came out instead I breathed out and started again but more composed, "Thank-you, Laurent but I will be fine," I winced when I said the next word, "Edward will be home soon so-"
He cut me off, "Forgive me, Bella, but cut the bullshit. I know they left you, so does Victoria." He moved away from me, a safer distance for me.
"I will be okay, Laurent." I told him honestly, "I'm not scared of Victoria." But I should be. It was unspoken between us both. He knew what I meant, I would die if she came near me so why bother fighting it.
"Such a waste.." I heard him say.
"What does that mean?" I asked him.
He looked surprised that he said it aloud. "Just that maybe, if you weren't human maybe you would find Edward again.. I know why he left you, Bella, the Denali's like gossip." He smiled at this. Speaking of the Denali's shouldn't he be there? Drinking from so animal?
I nodded and said, "I also know why he left, there are better things to do than to look after humans, better distractions.." I choked out but tried to cover it as a cough. Though I'm sure Laurent didn't buy it.
He looked strangely at me. "What are you talking about?"
"The reason he left. I was a distraction." I whispered, covering my eyes with one of my hands as if to process everything. I just didn't want him to see the tears that were about to pour.
He sighed, "Bella, keep safe, she will be here soon. Someday I hope to meet you again." After he said this, he left promptly. I opened my eyes again and let the tears fall freely down my cheeks. I was frightened but she can kill me- I had nothing to live for now. My heart left with the Cullen's, all that was here now was a lifeless body, a carcass of human flesh and bone. No soul, no meaning.
One thing was for certain: I would have to leave before Victoria came, I knew that.
The wrting in Italic/Bold/Underline was an quote from Twilight.
Please review and tell me what you think! Was it good so far? Did you think Bella was angst-y enough?