All characters appear courtesy World Wrestling Entertainment. The Amazing Race copyright Jerry Bruckheimer productions. No infringement intended.
The Amazing Race – WWE
This is Titan Tower, the headquarters of World Wrestling Entertainment, and the starting point of a race around the world for one million dollars. Stretch limos are driving the eleven teams to the starting line. The teams are: Paul and Stephanie; husband and wife, from Connecticut, looking for a little excitement...
Paul: Usually I'm the one who wants to do the daring things, but this race is my wife's idea.
Stephanie: We want our children to grow up with the same sense of "grab life by the balls" that both Paul and I have.
Adam and Jay, childhood friends, originally from Toronto Canada...
Adam: After years of jumping off ladders, there wasn't much more for us to do as a team... except this.
Jay: Yes, those other chumpstains will be kissing our dust when we cross the finish line first!
Matt and Jeff, brothers from Cameron, North Carolina
Matt: we're here to show everyone that whatever Team Extreme puts their mind to, they can accomplish.
Jeff: I wanna win and buy Skittles for ever and ever!
Jimmy and Jimmy, father and son, originally from the Fiji Islands...
Jimmy Jr: My dad and I never had a lot of time together when I was growing up, with him on the road so much. This is a chance for us to grow as father and son.
Jimmy Sr: Whoosh!
Jerry and Jim, co-workers from Tennessee and Oklahoma, respectively...
Jerry: I wanna see some foreign puppies!
Jim: This race is gonna be a real slobberknocker, that's for sure!
Brian and Paul, estranged boyfriends, living in Los Angeles...
Brian: Our relationship basically fell apart because we found out that we are two different people. We're hoping the race will help us see what first attracted us to each other.
Paul: Either that, or we'll be coming home on different planes!
Sean and Joanie, from Minnesota, dating on and off for nine years.
Sean: We're here to rip ass and take names!
Joanie: I don't fear any man, so this race will be a piece of cake!
Cody & Dustin... brothers from Texas...
Cody: My dad and my brother had a disagreement when I was younger, so I never had that relationship that I wanted to have with him.
Dustin: It's time to put that behind us and move forward. Hopefully this race is the first step.
Amy & Jillian, reality-show super fans from Louisiana...
Amy: This race is gonna be a piece of cake! We'll be the first all-girl team to win this!
Jillian: That's what you said before you left for Survivor! Giggles
Vickie and Chavo... aunt and nephew from El Paso, Texas.
Vickie: My nephew and I have become real close since my husband passed away a couple years ago. We're doing this race for him!
Chavo: Latino heat will prevail!
And Vince and Linda, grandparents, married over thirty years, from Stamford, Connecticut.
Vince: I'm here to show all these youngsters, that it's not how fast to run the race, but how smart you run it that will determine who wins.
Linda: My husband hates to lose at anything... for our competitors' sake, I hope we at least win one leg.
Which one of these eleven teams will take home the million dollar prize as we begin the amazing race!
Shortly, you will be leaving on a race around the world. When I give the word, you can run over to your baggage, grab your first clue, then race to the cars parked nearby. After that, it's up to you. The first team to cross the finish line at the end of the race will win one million dollars in cash! Are you ready?
"Yes" The eleven teams chorused
"I said... ARE.... YOU... READY?"
"YES" They shouted even louder.
"The world is out there... good luck... travel safe... GO!"
At 'go', pandemonium exploded.
The eleven teams raced across the roof of Titan towers and tore open the clue.
"Get yourself to Johannesburg, South Africa..."
"...you can only fly on these three flights..."
"...Swiss Air six-oh-five..."
"...South African Air three-oh-five..."
"...seats are first come, first served..."
It was mass confusion as the teams down the stairs and out the front door of the Titan Office building. It the confusion of all the running, no one noticed that one team, Vince and Linda, were taking it real slow.
"No sense running, Linda. We're gonna be running a lot. Might as well conserve our energy while we can. That host said something about a travel packet. Have you got ours?"
"Right here, Vince." Linda adjusted the straps on her backpack carefully.
"Can I see that clue, again?" Vince read their instructions again. "Hmm... do those sound like local flights?"
"What are you thinking?" Linda asked
"Maybe we have to fly out of a major airport... I'm thinking NYC."
"LaGuardia or JFK?"
"I'd say LaGuardia."
"That's less than an hour from here. Let's drive there instead of going to Hartford." Vince power-walked down to the ground, Linda close behind. To no surprise, all the other cars had long since departed.
"I think we've made our first smart decision of the race." Vince chuckled
Nine of the other teams had erroneously assumed that they were flying out of Hartford and had driven to that airport. While not a major setback, it did cost them about two hours. The only other team that correctly guessed that they were flying out of LaGuardia was Jerry and Jim.
"Are you sure about this, King?" Jim panted. He was not the fittest of the competitors by any means and he wondered how he was going to survive all the running if he was this winded already.
"Trust me." Jerry pulled into the airport parking lot. Not seeing any other team's vehicle, they dawdled a little getting their luggage.
"Which one? South African, Swiss, or Italia?" Jerry looked around the crowded terminal.
"Swiss Air if probably gonna fly through Zurich, The Italian one through Rome or Venice... I'd say the South African is our best chance to get a direct flight." Jim pointed at the departures board.
"But it's the last one to arrive." Jerry pointed out.
"Only by two hours. We have no idea of how long of a stopover there is in Switzerland or Italy. If we go direct, there's less chance of missing a connection or long delays."
"Let's do it, then. I can't wait to get into a warmer climate. New England winters suck." Jerry complained
"Or does this have something to do with South African women not wearing a lot of clothes." Jim raised his eyebrow at Jerry, who chuckled.
"South Africa, here we come."
That was the unanimous consensus by the nine teams upon arriving in Hartford and realizing that a: they had picked the wrong airport and b: two teams had picked the right one.
"Matty, I told you it was LaGuardia." Jeff tugged at his brother's arm.
"You're right, little bro. I gotta start listenin' to ya." Matt shrugged. The two of them silently broke away from the other eight teams who were still asking people about flights. Matt and Jeff gaines precious minutes on the others and were also able to make the South African flight.
All teams are now flying to Johannesburg, South Africa. Eventually they will make their way to this remote village. The last team to arrive will be eliminated.
South African: Vince and Linda, Jerry and Jim, Matt and Jeff
Swiss: Adam and Jay, Jimmy and Jimmy Jr., Stephanie and Paul, Cody and Dustin
Italia: Paul and Brian, Vickie and Chavo, Sean and Joanie, Amy and Jillian
With delays and varied departure times, the Swiss Air flight landed first. The four teams raced out of the airport and found a clue box waiting for them.
"Find the smoke that thunders."
"The smoke that thunders? WTF does that mean?" Paul asked. The other three teams were asking themselves the same question.
Stephanie's eyes lit up. She hurriedly whispered something to her husband.
"Excuse us." She grabbed Paul by the elbow and hauled him back inside the airport.
"They're not gonna do it again, are they?" Jay whispered to Adam. "Bad enough they hogged the can on the flight in."
"Shhh..." Adam replied "Follow me."
Leaving the other two teams to continue puzzling over the somewhat cryptic clue, Adam dragged Jay to information. On their way, they heard the announcement that the second flight, the South African airlines plane, was just arriving.
"Excuse me... what's the quickest way to get to Victoria Falls?" He asked
"Victoria Falls? Are you..."
"Quiet for a second."
"Fastest way is out of Lanseria Airport. It's about an hour drive from here. There are charter flights leaving from there to Livingstone Airport. "
"Perfect. Thanks." Literally by the arm, Adam dragged Jay back out of the terminal. At the entrance, he took one last look to see if he could spot Paul and Stephanie. He did not see them, but he did see Vince and Linda powering their way through, heading for the cluebox.
"Taxi!" Adam shouted "Lanseria Airport."
The final flight, New York to Johannesburg via Milan was delayed two hours by a massive storm sweeping across central Europe. By the time the plane landed, all the teams on the other two flights had gotten their clues and, one way or another, figured out where they were going.
"Taxi!" Brian shouted, pushing in front of a couple people to get better positioning.
"Excuse me! I was here first." Vickie screeched
The other Paul grimaced. Vickie's voice was as irritating as fingernails on the chalkboard and he hoped that she and her nephew were eliminated early on. Between her voice and Jillian's singing, he realized that some of their travel budget for that leg might be needed for Aspirin.
"Lanseria Airport." To get away, he would've gladly pushed her in front of the taxi instead of just stealing it.
Hunter and Stephanie were gloating. Stephanie had correctly surmised that 'the smoke that thunders' had meant Victoria Falls and she and Paul had stopped for a quick snack before grabbing their taxi, thinking that all the other teams weren't going to figure it out. Imagine their surprise when they arrived at Lanseria airport and found Adam and Jay waiting in the air charter lounge.
"How did you...?
"Never mind. Let's grab our flight before anyone else shows up." Stephanie fumed
"Guess these two Canadians aren't as stupid as you thought." Jay smiled
"I guess not."
While they booked their flight, Adam and Jay were joined in the concourse by the brothers from Texas.
"Priceless." Cody was heard to mutter. "Maybe next time you'll listen to me, big brother."
Adam started to laugh, but quickly slapped his hands over his mouth. Hearing the two of them reminded him of the time spent with a certain pair of brothers from Cameron.
"Better hurry. Charters are first come, first served." Jay quickly added to drown out what sounded like Adam choking. "Upstairs... third door on the right."
"Thanks." Dustin tipped his cowboy hat.
"What the hell...?" Adam hissed
"We can beat those two. I'd rather race them at the end than Paul and Stephanie or Matt and Jeff."
Dustin and Cody were going in just as Paul and Stephanie were leaving. Not a word was spoken.
"Congratulations... you're the last team on the first flight at six a.m."
Since they had thirteen hours to wait, they decided to find a nearby hotel and sleep before their flight.
"Team Texas in for the night." Cody sang out.
Charter one: 6: a.m. Adam and Jay, Paul and Stephanie, Cody and Dustin
Charter two: 7 a.m. Vince and Linda, Matt and Jeff
Charter three: 8 a.m. Jerry and Jim, Vickie and Chavo
Charter four 9 a.m. Amy and Jillian, Paul and Brian, Sean and Joanie, Jimmy and Jimmy Jr.
Next time on the Amazing Race...
At the detour, teams face a harrowing choice that may have some of the screaming for their lives and a roadblock forces them to swallow their pride. While others fight, one team finds an advantage that forges them into the lead. The question is... who will be eliminated first!