Hello friends. I'm attempting to begin another tale of the adventures of Alice and Bella. How far I'll get and how often I'll be able to update, I can't say. I'm in the middle of applying for colleges and scholarships, trying to get grades up, and a ton of other life-y things I'm sure I don't need to go into. I appreciate you taking a look, I hope you enjoy it. Please share your thoughts. Much love.
Your name still gives me goose bumps whenever I say it. Your clear laugh, even the memory of, clears away all other thought. These things used to be good. They used to fill me with warmth and sheer delight that I was yours. You've been gone for three months, Alice. I've spent the winter alone, the cold, white world outside my window only reminding me of you. I can't dream about a white Christmas, or hope for snow days, or even rejoice when the spring finally approaches. It's still just your shadow. Real but only in my memory.
Carlisle won't say where you've gone. I see him talking with patients at the hospital or with your family, laughing. But as soon as he notices me it's like a sad breeze blows out the light in his golden eyes. Your eyes. I can't find the color anywhere else. I think it was made just for you. I don't think anyone else could manage such a feature. It would look corny, off balance. Just like your deathly pale skin. What would be the color of a corpse transforms into the creamy plumage of a dove.
I've tried to chalk up our time together as nothing more than a fairytale. A sweet but vanishing pixie. No, an elf queen. But then I feel ridiculous. Because for all I know those creatures are just as plausible as vampires. But then when I think too much about that I really start to lose it. I begin to wonder if the whole thing was an elaborate fantasy that I worked up in my head but never actually happened. When the doubt grows too strong to where I can actually feel it ripping me apart I pull out the few remaining scraps of who we were. Together. A dried flower pressed between the folds of a note we passed in class, movie tickets, the two foot long shopping receipt from that trip to the city, a mask, bus transfers, those first autumn leaves… They're odd things to hold on to I guess, but they put me at ease. They bring you back to me, if only for a moment.
I hold the small box as if it contains the secrets you haven't shared with me. I hold it gently, for a moment almost feeling you there with me. I slide down the edge of my bed and almost hear you speak my name. But I can't hold on for long and set the memories to rest back under my bed.
When the feeling doesn't pass and I can smell your familiar aroma, can feel the air shift and grow cooler, I look up.
Your graceful figure hesitates in the doorway, your eyes searching mine. Alice.
Where have you been?