Potoperson: Hey guys! Potoperson here with the sequel to Dumb Love on Sunshine Island: Amor Muet!
Cella: And I'm Cella!
Potoperson: Come on, you gotta have a better intro than that.
Cella: I'm Cella and…uh…I'm taller than this squirt. (points to Potoperson)
Potoperson: ….thanks Cella, thanks for that.
Cella: Anytime darling, anytime.
Potoperson. Anyway, I have never in my lifetime owned Ed, Edd, and Eddy, not even on DVD.
Cella: What a sad childhood.
Potoperson: I know, right? But that's ok because I DO own Marilyn, Coco, Mr. Brown, and the school nurse if I decide to put her into this one. They are all products of my brain juice, and if you steal them you shall be lashed with a wet noodle.
Potoperson: Yep, I'm an evil, diabolical person. (Yeah, right) I have talked you ear off long enough- so let's get this show on the road!
Chapter 1- Hot lunch MADNESS
Christmas bells are ringing all through Peach Creek. Snow is blowing through the silver air. On every street light there are really tacky decorations of snowmen and Christmas trees. Now that the scene has been set up, let's move to the school- Peach Creek High School to be exact. Even though it is joyfully decked out for the holidays like the rest of the town, the students walking into the building are as solemn as a boy who wanted GI-Joe but got Barbie.
Even though it was the Friday before winter break it might as well have been Monday. Everyday was Monday when you were a freshman, as is the case for all of the Cul-de-sac kids. Now I suppose some of you out there have yet to be a Freshman in High school, or perhaps have forgotten what it was like- allow me to go into a brief description.
Was that descriptive enough for you? No? Ok let's try it again.
Better? Well I'm not holding off the plot line any longer just to talk about the horrors of Freshman year so if you really wanted to know sorry.
It was lunch time and the Cul-de-Sac kids were seated at their personal, exclusive table. (The long, freshman table next to the trash cans). They dined on an exquisite meal of the finest bosco sticks, complimented by warm and savory tater tots and washed down by refreshing chocolate milk. As mouth watering as this all was something was still missing. And trust me it wasn't an aroma, because there was plenty of some kind of aroma in the room I'll tell you that much. It was the fact that the seat in between Double D and Nazz and across from Ed and May was empty.
"Hey Double D, have you seen Eddy today?" Nazz inquired, noticing the absence of her boyfriend.
Double D looked at the space with equal curiosity. "I'm not sure…He was here earlier…" He turned to Ed who was having tater tots tossed in his mouth by May. "Ed, you haven't happened to see Eddy recently?"
Ed swallowed the sickening amount of tater tots and looked concerned. "Eddy's missing?! Oh no…EDDY!" He stood up on the table. "We must search high and low and fast and slow. We must travel to far away kingdoms, and search molten lava pits, and go to distant galaxies till we find our mashed potato friend again!" A tear came to May's eye and she brushed it away. "My Gravy guy has a way with words."
Before Ed could call for an epic quest to begin, the doors to the cafeteria flung open and one frantic looking Eddy bolted in and dove behind the table. "Hide me!" he whispered.
Everyone looked up in time to see the entire varsity foot ball team storm into the cafeteria, each one of them covered from head to toe in hot pink paint. They were followed by the entire varsity cheer squad, all of whom were covered in an old rusty pot grey colored paint. The leader of the group looked like a bull seeing red. "Where is he?!" He demanded.
The cafeteria fell silent, some in fear and some in amusement that he was the color of a wad of bubble gum. His eyes, terrifying in spite of his color, appraised the cafeteria like an eagle looking for his kill. Obviously the rest of the table noticed this and Kevin muttered, "What the HECK did you do this time, dork?"
Before he could answer the football leader was before the table. "All right, I know he's back there. Bring him out- it's payback time." He growled.
Nazz stared him down bravely while the rest of the group's insides turned to jelly. "Hey why don't you back off Pinky, you don't know if Eddy did it or not." She snapped. Actually, Nazz was almost positive that Eddy had done it, but they didn't have to know that. Besides, if she didn't stick up for him he'd have his head in the toilet again.
The football player, let's call him Pinky since it just fits him so well, just smirked and said, "That's a lot of attitude for a cute little freshman." She flinched at the word, "But you're all talk and no walk. See, you think you're so mature cause you're in high school but you just aren't. You're just sophomoric freshman."
Johnny raised his hand. "You just called us Sophomores." He said.
The foot ball player rolled his eyes. "No, genius, sophomoric means you're immature."
"Well that's a weird word, we're freshmen not sophmores."
"Exactly, that's why you're sophomoric."
"We're sophomores because we're freshman?"
"No!" He jerked his head to the left where Ed was standing with a paint splattered barret on his head, a pallet, and a paint brush. He was drawing something on Pinky's back. "And what are you doing?!"
"Painting" Ed replied simply. With a few more strokes he completed his work and grinned. "All done!" he said. The foot ball player flipped around a few times, trying to see what he'd done. Ed had painted a big red heart that said, "Eb + May Forevah" in the center
May popped up from her seat and squished Ed in a big hug. "Awwww, I love you too Gravy Guy! How'd you know red and pink were my two favorite colors?"
Ed just beamed proudly. "I'm just smart like that."
One of the other football players behind Pinky touched a finger to the heart and tasted it. "It's ketchup." He explained.
Pinky seethed at Ed. "Ooooh, you're gonna get it!" He was about to lurch at Ed but he tripped over Eddy, who had poked his head out to see if it was safe to sneak out, and fell on top of Jimmy. He quickly stood up and turned to find his right target but Jimmy let out a loud cry, "Sara! I got an owie…and pink paint all over my new turtleneck!"
Sara quickly responded by flinging and entire tray of BBQ sauce covered tater tots at the back of Pinky's head. Before you could say "Holy smokes, this can only end in disaster." someone had shouted, "FOOD FIGHT!!!".
Tater tots and bosco sticks flew through the air. Most stood to take part in the battle, but a few lunged under tables to avoid it all. Marilyn was one of these people. Marilyn sat hugging her knees with her eyes squeezed shut as the sounds of food fight carnage rang all too audible around her. As much confidence as she'd gained that summer from helping the girls nearly escape capture, that didn't mean she still didn't hate conflict. This one was even worse because they all would probably get suspended or something. She peeked out from under the table. The food fight was picking up, but from where she sat she could see a precious hope: the door to the cafeteria standing open. She looked around. Food was raining down all around, obscuring her path. This was going to be a tinsy bit of a challenge. She took a deep breath and sprinted towards the door.
Meanwhile, Kevin was having a ball. And by Kevin was having a ball I mean Kevin was having a meat ball. (Pun much?) He stood positioned on top of the lunch table throwing meat balls from his thermos-packed spaghetti lunch. Kevin might not have known karate, but he knew food fights. Suddenly he spotted Marilyn rushing to the door, her arms over her head like she was running through a rain storm. He figured that this was not something she'd really be into. Then he spotted one of the paint covered cheerleaders with a handful of deadly, razor-sharp tortilla chips in her hand eyeing the moving target. He had to act fast.
"Marilyn, duck!" he called. Marilyn glanced up at him then hit the floor as the meat balls flew over her and hit the cheer leader square in the face with sweet, tomato saucy goodness. Marilyn propped herself up on her elbows and looked with surprise at the fallen cheerleader. "Now that's a spicy meatball." She couldn't help saying.
Before anyone could throw something at her for her horrid pun, Kevin pulled her off the floor and led her away from that spot. She scrambled to keep up, attempting not to slip on chocolate milk. He rushed her to an overturned table and they knelt behind it. "What are we doing here Kevin?" Marilyn whispered.
"Trying to stop you from getting covered in who knows what."
"But I was about to leave the cafeteria to do that."
Just then a bunch of lettuce from someone's salad flew over head and landed behind them. "I guess it's too late now." Kevin said, embarrassed at having messed up her escape plan with his own. He grabbed a handful of lettuce from the floor and shoved it in her hands. Marilyn looked quizzically at it. "Uh…what's this?" she asked. Kevin pulled a few meatballs from his thermos and grinned in spite of himself. "It's ammo. Trust me, you're gonna need it." He explained. He started throwing meatballs at people as they ran by. Marilyn sat idly, wondering if she'd dare to join him. She couldn't help gazing at his easy smile and confident eyes…she picked up her lettuce and started throwing.
One of the others to attempt to flee the food fight was Double D. Obviously, our favorite hat-wearing egg head was definitely not for breaking the rules of the cafeteria. Unlike Marilyn, who hesitated to escape the cafeteria, he quickly scurried out before someone could even think to knock him down with a bosco stick.
Ok, Double D wasn't very interesting. Moving onto Johnny, he sat with Plank on one side and Coco on the other, and was sipping his chocolate soy milk. Plank was looking at him strangely. "Hey Johnny, did it ever occur to you that there was food flying around your head like flies around Ed's bathroom?" he inquired.
Coco huffed. "Of course it never occurred to him. I don't think anything ever occurs to that one." She said in her French accent, "Honestly, you do keep the strangest friends."
"Hey, you're engaged to a hunk of wood; you have no right to talk."
"Whatever." She said, rolling her eyes.
Plank gazed at her, trying to decipher what was going through her coconutty thoughts. "Coco, how come you've been like that since you came to Peach Creek with me?" he asked.
Coco gave an innocent look. "Been like what? Oh, I've just been like peaches and cream. I don't know what you're referring to." She said in a sweet voice.
Plank made a face. "All right, quit with the doe eyes. They make me want to hurl. Anyway, you know what I mean."
"Well it's just… I've been here for months now, and I was wondering…"
"When are we going to get married? I am your fiancé you know."
Plank was silent for a moment, pondering. "Anytime you want to I guess." He finally said.
"How about now?"
"What? You mean here in the cafeteria during a food fight? I figured you'd want something a little classier than that."
"Classy you say…" Just then a terrifying, dreamy look came over her that Plank flinched away from. Oh no, he'd just created a monster…a monster known as the WEDDING PLANNER!! (dun, dun, duuuuuuuun) "Oh we'll have a marvelous wedding, a wedding with roses everywhere…white roses. White lace will be draped from the walls and everyone will dress in white. It will symbolize the purity of our love. It will be so romantic…. We should have it somewhere romantic too. Like Paris! Oh! a wedding in Paris…" she mused, totally in her own little world.
Plank could feel his eye twitching. He wished desperately for someone to stop her. Just then Lee came out of no where and grabbed the coconut and aimed for Marie. "Yo Marie, think fast!" she called just before throwing her across the cafeteria while Plank watched in horror. Just then Johnny glanced up from his milk, looked around, and said in an astonished voice, "Hey look Plank! There's a food fight going on!"
At that moment the cafeteria door swung open and the principle, accompanied by Double D, strode into the chaos. This was in fact the same principle from Peach Creek Middle School, as he had been promoted over the summer. He glanced around the cafeteria dully and sighed. "Why am I not surprised?"
Double D wrung his hands in despair. "Oh dear, I think it's only gotten worst since I left. I don't enjoy tattling but I'd feel sick if I left this as was. Sir, what do you plan on doing?" he asked.
Mr. Brown stepped to the center of the room and held his arms out to get everyone's attention. "Everyone! That's enough!" he called, "Drop your bosco sticks and whatever else you're throwing." Suddenly a coconut flew threw the air and conked him strait in the noggin. He slumped to the ground and all action in the cafeteria stopped. Double D shook his shoulder. "Sir? Sir, are you all right? Sir?" he called.
"Mamaaaaa I don't wanna go to school today… I'm never gonna be a principle…" he mumbled.
"Mr. Brown!" Double D called a little louder.
Finally Mr. Brown opened his eyes and looked around dazedly. "Huh? What happened? Is it Saturday yet?"
"No sir, a coconut flew out of no where and hit you."
"Who was responsible for hitting me in the head with a coconut?" he looked up in the general direction of its flying. The first thing he saw was Eddy who had crawled out from under the table when he realized it was quiet. Mr. Brown's face turned a rather lovely shade of purple. "Eddy Mcgee! To my office, now!"
All watched as if they were watching a funeral procession as Eddy was led from the room.
Potoperson: Done with chapter 1!
Cella: By this time last story they were already PACKING for their trip. I don't see any kind of packing going on…
Potoperson: That was then, this is now. You'll just have to trust me on this one, there'll be a trip. Hakuna Matata.
Cella: All right…
Potoperson: Nothing left to say here except please review and Cella's middle name is Gregory!
Cella: H E Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Potoperson: Bye now! (runs for dear life)