Insert Fourth Wall Breaking Cat Calls Here
It was only a few days after Kyle's rescue. After having a complete physical exam, it was determined that all he needed was some exercise to remove any stiffness. He had been unable to move for over two months, after all. Throughout those days, while he wasn't training to exercise or being forced to rest from it, he would talk with Adrian and Tash about his fight with Kaylee, all the information he could give them on the Heaven and Earth, Worldly Secret Art and all the things Kaylee most likely did while she had it. The most recent conversation was playing in his mind right now.
Adrian and Tash were inside Kyle's room, talking to Kyle. Kyle was seated by his desk, while Tash was sitting on his bed with Adrian standing beside her.
"So what you're telling us is that Kaylee used the Worldly Secret Art to gather information on the Society?" Tash asked with a growing headache.
"It's the only way to explain why her lifespan was almost out. There's no need to train with it, because once it's learned, you never lose it." Kyle stated in a 'matter of fact' tone.
Adrian, who had mostly just stood there listening, decided to speak up, "What kind of information are we talking about here and which Agents would she have checked?"
Kyle crossed his arms and closed his eyes in a thinking position. After a moment, he opened his eyes back up and said, "Attack patterns, personality, usual powers and equipment...you know, information that can be used think up counter-strategies. As for what Agents she'd have gathered information on, I can only guess based on what I could tell from our battle. Since I was her main focus, you can bet that I would be one of them. You leaders would also be high on that list, as would the Agents that have high combat strength. Based on what I've been told about this Cassie before she was captured, she may have had Kaylee check out Aster. Other than that, I don't really know."
The two leaders shared a look and then, Tash said, "Alright then, there's just one last thing we have to talk about. Kyle, until further notice, you will have a partner accompany you on missions."
"HEY, I thought that..." Kyle started in outrage.
"I know, I know...you gave us your reasons for wanting to take missions alone, but this is just a precaution. Your partner will only be there to help with fighting. After all, especially considering what you've been telling us, having a partner will reduce the risks of the Sues setting up traps for you that could very well end with you using your Worldly Secret Art," Tash stated with finality in her tone. "Besides which, this is an order!"
While he didn't exactly calm down, Kyle nodded his head in acknowledgement of both the precaution and the order. Getting out of his chair, Kyle picked up his Omni-weapon from its stand on his desk and left.
What had Kyle done after this conversation? Why, go train and blow off some steam, of course. Specifically, he was going through weapon forms, both short and long range.
"Well, everything except sword-types. They're cool and all, but most other types have more practical advantages to them," said Kyle as he was tearing through several targets with his Omni-weapon as a halberd. When the walls immediately rumbled, he turned around to look at the door and saw Tash standing with it open.
"You know better than to respond to the narrator. In fact, this is the first time I've heard you break the fourth wall," Tash scowled.
Only looking annoyed, Kyle turned back around to continue training, his weapon was a glaive, and said, "If you're coming in, then get in and close the door. It won't work while it's open."
Tash started to close the door when she saw it; a notebook page taped to the door. 'As long as this paper is on the door and the door is closed, the fourth wall of the Library Arcanium won't be affected by anything spoken aloud in this room.' is what was written on it.
"Does it actually work?" Scepticism was evident in Tash's tone as she finished closing the door.
"The author made it so it should, but the one time I broke the fourth wall in this story is the one where you walked in," Kyle stated with a shrug while he continued training, his weapon was a war scythe. When nothing happened to the walls, Tash blinked in surprise.
"I guess it does work, though I get the feeling it's only because we're in the middle of a story." Tash waited for some form of shaking, but again nothing happened. She continued, "Anyway, since I have to follow the author's script even if he's not sure that I'm IC or OoC, I've been wondering why you train so much when you apparently don't have much else to do."
As he was stabbing targets with a lance, Kyle answered, "Because it's a way for me to burn off excess energy and unwanted emotions. I start thinking deeply and then energy builds up and I get the feeling to pace. I start pacing and I continue thinking. I keep thinking and more energy builds up. The more the energy builds up, the faster I pace. The more I pace, the more I think. Can you see where this is going?"
Tash nodded and then frowned, "That explains why you would need to burn off energy, but what was that about unwanted emotions?"
"Emotions also give off energy, however emotions like Rage and Frustration produce energy that I don't want. So I come here to work it off and rid myself of the emotion," Kyle spoke in a neutral tone as he chopped through targets with a single-edged axe.
"So the fact that you are here so often means that you are either thinking deeply a whole lot or you keep finding things that trigger negative emotion. Do you need to talk about something?"
"Not just negative emotion, negative rush emotion," Kyle said as he shifted his Omni-weapon's form again, into a plain spear. "Anyway, it's not like talking about my annoyances will do anything about them."
Tash gave him a look before speaking, "So there is something wrong. Why haven't you told me about it?"
Kyle paused in his practice, his Omni-weapon reverting back to its base, so he could look at the leader, "Because just about everyone would consider them completely petty and stupid."
Tash looked indignant as she put her hands on her hips as she straightened herself, "Kyle, what do you take the members of the Society for?"
"Human," was Kyle's honest reply. That seemed to cut Tash's indignation right off as her eyes widened and her arms lowered from their place on her hips.
She had returned to a more normal state by the time she next spoke, "The things that Kaylee taunted you about. You had told us that she had overstated them, but they still left you jaded, didn't they?"
He just stood there, as if letting his silence be his answer. Morphing the Omni-weapon into a tonfa, he began beating on targets without a word.
Tash seemed to gather herself and then said these words, "If you're willing to talk, I'm willing to listen."
Kyle stopped in his tracks, the mace in his hand reverting to the Omni-weapon's base sphere. Like Tash just a moment ago, Kyle seemed to gather himself.
"The only main frustrations that I have within the Society are portrayals of me by other authors. I can count on one hand, all the stories that I appear completely In-Character and they're all mine. It always seems that I hold onto a huge idiot ball whenever I'm in the hands of another author."
The Leader blinked, "Idiot ball? You send a lot of time on TV Tropes?"
The Agent shrugged, "I'm always doing research. I have intellect in spades...it's motivation that I mainly lack."
"Well, have you talked to these people about it? I'm sure they would listen and maybe even correct the wrongs."
Kyle's grip tensed for a moment, but only a moment, and then he replied, "Change the events of THEIR Canon stories? Most of them haven't even talked to me and those few that have, hardly asked about me. Authors or not, I barely qualify as a comrade. Do I look like anyone's close friend to you?"
Tash sighed, "It doesn't really help that you are one of the least social members of the Society. Though, maybe it's because your real-life self keeps adding quite a bit of power to you. If he toned you down a bit, then maybe there wouldn't be any problems."
"It has nothing to do with my powers. Before the ACMSES Wikia came along, the few people that used me never bothered asking me about my character. Now that it's there, most people probably assume that's all that's there about me. My Real-life self adds what he can about his personality, but he doesn't add everything because he wants people to think. He wants people to use their grey matter and figure out what we are like by the information that IS given."
"Well, everything that is given in the Wikia is true, right? Besides, it sounds like your Real-life self also wants people to use their imaginations as all of your powers have a broad range of uses."
Kyle closed his eyes and sounded kind of sad as he responded, "They hardly seem to make use of it as far as my characterizations are concerned. When you had asked if my experiences left me jaded, the answer is yes."
Tash let that hang in the air as she thought of something to say. In that moment, a voice came out of her communicator.
"Tash, you there? We've got a signal."
Pulling it out of wherever she has it stored, Tash responded, "Have you identified the Fandom?"
"This is one of the weirdest sounding Fandoms I've ever heard of, the Samurai Pizza Cats."
As soon as Kyle heard the name of the Fandom, he shouted, "Is nothing sacred to those Sues!?"
Tash looked at him in surprise before saying, "You know that fandom, Kyle?"
Kyle gave her a "You're kidding" look as he replied, "It was one of my favorites when I was a kid and I still hold much love for it now. I'll handle this mission."
"Not alone, you won't. You have orders to take a partner with you on missions until further notice, remember," that last bit was said rhetorically. Tash then spoke into the com-unit. "What Agents are available to go with Kyle?"
"Let me check..." Some clicking from a keyboard could be heard. "Bad news, according to this, all Agents except Kyle are otherwise occupied."
Tash did a facepalm and then asked, "Are the other leaders in the Library?"
"One moment..." More clicking. "Yes, according to this, while Adrian doesn't seem to be present, the other leaders are."
"Good, because I'll be going with Kyle on this mission." Tash stated with authority.
For his part, Kyle only gave her an odd look to show his surprise. After a moment, his face returned to normal with a shrug. He didn't want to bother listening to the rest of the conversation, so he reached into his Astral Vault and pulled out an MP3-like device. Two tendril-like wires sprouted from it and formed earbuds that fit themselves into Kyle's ears. It was only a couple short minutes later that Tash put away the com-unit and motioned for Kyle to take out his earbuds.
"We're approaching the Fandom, finally," Tash said as she and Kyle were apparently flying down a really trippy tunnel, face first. "I have absolutely no idea why the portal is making us go through this thing anyway."
"Blame the Author. He wanted to do this scene because of his like for the Fandom. It's coming up now...Pay attention, it might help you brace for the Fandom itself." Kyle stated that last part in an excited tone. Tash was about to ask what he meant when upbeat music started up out of nowhere, seemingly coming from everywhere at once. A zooming out image replaced the trippy tunnel, showing a rather old-fashioned looking Japanese city.
An annoyed voice then said through the music, "Will somebody please cue that Boyd?"
With a few caws, a mostly red-feathered bird with a white head flew across the the image before them. Then, almost mechanical voices started singing to the music while the image was replaced by a montage of three parts of one word and then two words on a blue background.
"Samurai Pizza Cats!" Three Anthropomorphic cats in armor-like serving outfits - a male in white, a male in blue, and a female in red - raising their arms into the air.
"Oh Yeah!" A different voice then announced to a scene of a clawed hand picking up a phone on a wall.
"Who do you call when you want some Pepperoni?" A green-robed cat zipping back and forth behind a counter, setting pizzas and other occasional stuff on it while one of the previous cats would then zip in and take it somewhere. The previous voices came in similarly to their first time with the same word screen montage.
"Samurai Pizza Cats!" The white armored cat was racing somewhere when he snapped his fingers and said.
"Right on!" Then the announcer voice continued.
"They're stamping out crime and you know that ain't balony." It shows the three cats getting shot through the sky, one by one, and then a close up of the three soaring together.
"There's Speedy Cerviche, he's the leader of the bunch." The cat in white armor is racing somewhere with the camera always in front of him, only to run into his companions as they say.
"That's right!" Then a short showing of Speedy drawing his sword and then a close-up of him as he's about to stab something while the announcer says.
"A heck of a fighter makes a heck of a lunch." The last part shows Speedy dropping a fish-shaped pastry into his mouth.
"And little Polly Esther, whos never afraid." The red armored female cat is shown standing on a roof top, playing a flute. It then shows a close-up as she blows a kiss towards the camera and says.
"That's me." The announcer continues.
"Of going into battle when the bad guys invade." The scene shows Polly throwing heart-shaped bombs and their subsequent explosions.
"Here's Guido Anchovy, a wild romantic rover." The blue armored cat is shown standing on a "paper" umbrella with his back to the sun in the open sky, for the first part. The next part has him with hearts in his eyes as he then zips over to a couple of animal girls on a beach.
"This cat gets down down with a love hangover." This shows him under a street lamp at night getting hit in the face with a soda can and falling over. The other voices come in again, in lowered volume.
"Here come the Pizza Cats." The side of Speedy's face is shown as he's racing somewhere to be joined by the other two in short order so that all three faces are shown from the side. The announcer...announces.
"They're so bad." Speedy makes a pose with two swords in his hands and then he's joined by the other two in their own poses.
"They've got more fur than any turtle ever had!" The scene shows an old turtle with a cane losing his shell when a part of a building falls on it and then he runs off. The accompanying voices then say.
"They're stronger than old cheese." Speedy's in a pond with a red tentacle and is gasping for breath as he had just got his head above the water. The announcer repeats the previously spoken words as Speedy is pulled under again. The other voices continue.
"They're stronger than dirt." Speedy and Guido, locked arm in arm, bounce past the camera in front of a colorful background. The announcer, again, repeats the spoken words before they're off the screen completely.
"You step on their tails," The accompanying voices said as the scene shows Polly and Guido standing on a rooftop as Speedy drops in-between them, incidently stepping on Polly's tail.
"Not on my tail." The announcer then says, as it shows a close-up of Polly's face as she screams/meows in pain. Again, the voices continue.
"And you're gonna get hurt." In tandem to Polly flicking out her claws. The announcer voice says in response.
"Don't hurt me." It shows a black background then get three red claw scratches across it. Then a close-up of Speedy's head pops up as he starts gaping in shock.
"Samurai Pizza Cats." The word montage with the blue background flashs through again. After the voices finish, a scene of Speedy and Guido with looks of dread plays out.
"They're fighting crime." The announcer voice says this as a scene of the Pizza Cats running away from a missle plays. All the voices then say.
"All over town." As the previous scene finishes with Guido reacting to the missle's closeness as it explodes. While the explosion is finishing, the non-announcer voices start counting down.
"Four. Three. Two. One." A scene where the Pizza Cats are being shot out of a building-like cannon plays out as they finish counting.
"Pizza Cats are on the run." This scene shows the Pizza Cats flying through the sky after being launched. Afterwards, the announcer started up again.
"The Big Cheese is the Villain, who's lower than low." Starts with said villain, an anthropomorphic fox that the English version calls a rat, looking towards the camera through binoculars before he starts dancing.
"It's a rotten shame he lives in Little Tokyo." Two anthropomorphic crows in armor, one in dark green while the other just had a white helmet, are shown freaking out before it switches to the Big Cheese turning all red in rage. Just as the announcer finishes the sentence, the scene switches to an ostrich with a yellow headband.
"We've got a nasty Bad Bird and some nasty ninja crows." This started with the green armored crow turning his head and then showed the other one with the villain as four other armored crows zipped onto the floor. It ended with a close-up of the white helmeted crow with a gleam in his eye.
"As soon as someone finds the script, we might begin the show." The first part was said while the scene showed Guido feeling above his head for something but didn't find it. The second part had Speedy giving a smile and "V for Victory" sign in front of a sunburst background.
"Sit right back, kick up your feet, and turn the sound up high." Several armored crows were standing on a rooftop when they started clapping for the first two parts, while it then showed the villain dressed up while singing into a microphone for the last. The next scene started before the talking, several townspeople falling down in pain from the noise of the previous scene.
"And if you want the full effect, go eat a pizza pie." The crows that were clapping in a previous segment were now like the townspeople. That last part was done to a repeat of the "when you want some pepperoni?" scene. Finally, the announcer finished his part in the intro with laughing and the other voices topped the whole thing off.
"Samurai Pizza Caaaaats." Speedy had hopped onto a wooden rail and was spinning around on one foot before he lost his balance and fell off into the water below with a splash.
The intro ended and the tunnel turned dark. A single light remained to indicate that they were about to enter the Fandom.
"What the HECK was that!?" Tash screeched as she and Kyle landed in the fandom. They were on a rooftop with one side facing some forests and the rest surrounded by similar buildings. They had landed with their backs to each other. "What kind of Fandom have we been dropped into?!"
"One where there's no Fourth Wall and almost all the dialogue is tongue-in-cheeck, off the top of their heads." Kyle replied without turning around.
Well, this is quite a surprise folks. It seems that we have two special guests for this episode. Wait a minute, I don't remember anything about special guests in this week's script.
"Who said that?" Tash exclaimed as she frantically looked around.
"That would be the show's narrator. A pretty cool guy, even though you never get to see him. Everyone talks to him. It's no big deal." Kyle stated indifferently.
Oh, a pretty cool guy. Well...I suppose I can make an exception to having surprise guests on the show every now and then. So, what brings a pair of anthropomorphic mythical animals here today?
"Anthropomorphic mythical animals?" Tash repeated in confusion. Turning around to face Kyle, she got a good look at the form he had been given to fit into the Fandom. He was almost completely covered in dark blue-violet armor and his hands and feet could only be described as Draconic. When Kyle turned around to look at Tash, his face was revealed to have become like that of an Oriental Dragon. Kyle now saw Tash's form; a humanoid bird with fiery colored feathers. Instead of armor, like Kyle had, she was dressed in a Kimono similarly colored to her feathers with flame patterns along the edges.
Wanting to get a look at himself, Kyle had a full-length mirror fall out of his astral vault. Seeing his draconic features, he grinned and chuckled. Tash stepped in front of Kyle to see herself. Apparently, she liked the look as she started posing in front of the mirror.
You didn't know what you looked like? Where are you two from anyway?
"A place where we aren't anthropomorphic animals," Kyle shrugged. Looking one way and then another, he asked, "Which way is the Pizza Cats Parlor from here?"
Well, you're in for a long walk. They're miles away on the other side of town.
Tash, still posing in Kyle's mirror, heard that and then looked in the direction away from the forest. She flinched when she saw the expansive city, "It would take us hours to walk all that way."
"Well, since we're going in that direction, could you guide us to Conehead's Designer Ammo Shop?" Kyle asked as he returned the mirror to his astral vault.
Certainly, since it's not all that far from here. By the time you get there, you should be about halfway to the pizza parlor.
Tash had a look of dread on her face, "We're going to walk so many miles to this ammo shop and then walk several more to this pizzaria? This is not going to be a good day."
Well, it turns out that our colorful lady bird didn't have to walk all that way because her draconic companion not only carried her, but has some kind of superspeed that got them to Conehead's Designer Ammo Shop in record time.
Conehead's Designer Ammo Shop had some replica cannons and a highly decorated fake missile on top of the roof. The rest of its outside couldn't be described because the rest wasn't shown in the show. Well, there was the automatic glass doors, but those weren't really important. Kyle knew what to expect from the inside of the store, as he had seen the episode that the store appears in, but Tash was not so prepared. The most prominent stuff were explosives, along most of the walls were boxes and boxes of bombs, rockets and missiles.
"Hello, I'm Mr. Conehead. Welcome to my shop." The 'person' who said this was a squat squid-like being, with eight tentacle legs and two squid arms, wearing its squid top like a helmet.
Kyle nodded before speaking up, "I'm looking for some particular kinds of missiles; the kinds that your regular customer, Ms. Lucille, usually buys."
Tash gave Kyle an exasperated look, "The Society is not going to foot the bill for this, you know. How do you plan on paying when our money probably isn't good in this Fandom?"
The shopkeeper heard this and looked to Kyle for an answer while Tash stared at him in angry expectation. Kyle was a bit stony-faced as he merely flicked a wrist and what looked like a credit card appeared, pinched between two fingers. Handing it over to Mr. Conehead, the shopkeeper took it and swiped it through a device on his register. When that happened, Kyle started looking a bit nervous, which Tash spotted instantly. After a moment, the register beeped and the shopkeeper's eyes grew wide.
He focused on Kyle and began asking in excitement, "How many boxes are you buying? All my stock or maybe you'd like to buy out my store? Whatever you want to buy in any quantity."
Kyle seemed to relax before he responded, "First, the brands that Lucille prefers. Then I'll look into other ammunitions you have."
"Right away!" Mr. Conehead gleefully agreed. He rushed away for a moment before coming back with a couple of small boxes. Kyle picked one up and checked it. Nodding, he picked up the other one, set it on top of the first and then checked it. With both of them checked, he opened up his astral vault and sent them in.
"What happened?! Where'd they go!?" Mr. Conehead exclaimed in surprise.
"I sent them to storage. Come on, the faster you show me your stock, the faster I can buy."
With the aid of his superspeed and that storage space of his, our special guests cleaned out Mr. Conehead's entire stock of ammunitions and were on their way to the Pizza Cats Pizzaria. Considering that was the first destination that our special guests asked about, I'm certain that they are going there for more than just a quick bite to eat. The scene shifted over to Speedy rushing out of a one story, straw roof building with a sign on top and a teacup shaped one hanging in front with Kana on them. Well, speaking of quick bites to eat...Speedy has just left Lucille's teahouse and was on his way back to the pizzaria because his lunch break was over.
"You're telling me, if I'm not back in two minutes, Francine will dock my pay again. It's low enough as it is!" Said the frantic white-armored leader of the Samurai Pizza Cats. He turned on the special hover jets on his armored feet and boosted them to maximum speed.
"So, explain why we have to walk now when you probably could be zipping us over there?" Tash huffed, with a grumpy look on her face. Her and Kyle were walking through the crowd of anthropomophic animals on their way to the Pizza Cats pizzaria.
Kyle didn't immediately respond as his stomach chose that moment to audiably growl, and then he said afterward, "Does that answer your question? It's right there in the Wikia, I can't activate my Accelerator if I'm hungry."
"Then why don't you just reach into that vault of yours and get out something to eat!?" Tash seemed to snap.
"It would have been the first thing I did IF I had any of my rations left...I haven't had time to restock!" Kyle responded in annoyance. The fact that Tash looked away with a blush on her face was not lost on Kyle.
"Sorry about that, but it's not my fault that you have good taste in rations. Besides, I wasn't the only member who had them."
"I know that. I don't think it's possible for one person to consume several tons of food in only a couple months unless they either have a metabolism from heck or trying to make themselves fat. As for taste, that's natural. After all, I'm a lot more likely to eat my rations when they don't taste and feel like sludge in my mouth."
"Anyway, one thing that has been bothering me is why that credit card of yours worked in this fandom. I mean, how would it register an account that doesn't exist here, unless you set one up without telling me about it." Tash said that last part with some implied punishment if that was the case.
Kyle flicked the card into his hand and then flicked it back to wherever he stored it. After that, he decided to tell her, "It's one of the things that I asked the Society developers to do in their spare time before I had faced Kaylee. Even then, I had to do quite a few favors for them to "pay" for it. Essentially, it allows me to have limitless money in any Fandom that accepts credit/debit cards. Because the Fandom resets when all is said and done, I can basically buy anything I want for free. I'll admit, it's a dirty trick, but it's not like the Fandom will care."
Tash was about to speak when Speedy flew right between them, screaming, "I'm gonna be late, I'm gonna be late, I'm gonna be late!"
Kyle caught who it was and started chasing after. Tash followed right behind when she saw Kyle start running.
Fast forwarding time several minutes, Speedy had lead them straight to the pizzaria, where Francine was in the process of telling him off.
"You mangy, alley cat! Your lunch break ended eight minutes ago! Time is money, you know, and the time you wasted IS COMING OUT OF YOUR PAY!" The green-robed cat from the intro yelled at the white armored leader. "Now hurry up, we've got several orders to distribute so get cracking!"
Kyle and Tash entered to find Speedy and Guido zipping between the various tables carrying fresh out of the oven pizzas while Polly and Francine were busy taking orders from a long line of customers. At that point, Kyle's stomach growled again. With a small sigh, Kyle got in line to order.
Oh, uh...this just in! As the author has decided that these previous scenes are taking too long, he is going to fast forward a bit so he can get back to the plot and finish the story.
"What, really?!" The now empty pizzaria echoed the collective shouts of the four cats present.
"Yes, there is a Mary Sue loose in your Fandom. We are here to take her into custody if possible." Tash spoke, as she had just finished briefing the Pizza Cats on the situation. She had stopped glaring at Kyle a little bit ago, though she was still a bit miffed that he was still stuffing himself with pizza while leaving her to basically do his job.
"Do you have any idea where the Sue could be?" Polly asked as she looked a bit frightened.
Kyle had just finished another pizza when he spoke up, "I directed us here on the belief that you guys could help us find the Sue. After all, the Fourth Wall doesn't exist here, so it should be very easy for you guys to identify one."
Tash gave him a "now you decide to speak up!" glare, though it kinda lost some potency due to her current form. For the Pizza Cats themselves, they were all in thinking poses. After a few moments however, they all came to the same realization and got identical looks of "Oh, No" on their faces.
Guido was the first one to speak up, "It could only be the new Empress. She never gave us a name, but she came here shortly after the Big Cheese was...I can't say it. I'd be a major spoiler to anyone who hasn't seen the finale. Anyway, she came to Little Tokyo and basically fixed any problem she came across. She even managed to somehow unspoil Princess Vi and that's how she's the Empress. Shortly after Princess Vi was no longer the spoiled brat she once was, she abdicated her family's royal position to the new Empress. Ever since, all laws that were in effect were modified or outright canceled. Taxes have fallen to practically zero and bills for public support have been enforced. No one lacks and if any lacks become apparent, they are swiftly dealt with."
The others nodded in agreement to Guido's explanation. Kyle scowled at this.
"I'll bet everyone loves their new Empress to death as well. Since this Fandom doesn't have a Fourth Wall, you guys should know what a Mary Sue will do to the Fandom."
They all nodded at Kyle and then nodded to each other in silent agreement.
"As much as it's a pain to let such good living go, the possibility of losing our world shall drive us forward. To battle!" Speedy declared raising a fist into the air, being joined by his comrades a split second later. With that said, they raced over to three ovens as Francine raced to another part of the pizzaria, gesturing for Tash and Kyle to follow. Francine settled herself in front of a computer and started typing rapidly. Within the same room, a hidden door opened while, by the Pizza Cats, the insides of the ovens shifted upward and the doors automatically opened. With a wave, Francine gestured for Kyle and Tash to go through the door. In excitement, Kyle grabbed Tash's arm and dragged her along as he rushed through.
Above the pizzaria, what looked like a giant revolver, with a barrel that looked similar to the building it rested on, rose up a bit from from its resting place and took aim at the palace. On the end of it was a wall with a clock, that lowered to reveal a tunnel inside.
"Attention citizens, young and old, the Samurai Pizza Cats are ready for a mission so do as you're told. We've got two special guests with a job to do, tracking down a corruptive Mary Sue. It's time to launch so I've got to go, enough with the rhyming and on with the show!" Francine said into a microphone as she gripped a pistol-like device attached to her computer. "Here goes!"
She pulled the trigger five times, each time launching someone out of the cannon above the pizza parlor with the resulting smoke of each shot being the same color as their garb. Kyle, Tash and the Samurai Pizza Cats were surrounded by fire for a moment before it faded and allowed them a view while they were flying.
"I always found it fun to watch those launches and now, I was in one. This is awesome!" Kyle shouted in excitement. In front of him, the Samurai Pizza Cats looked at each other as they remembered the very first time they had been launched and they hadn't been excited about it. The group turned their attention to the rapidly aproaching target, the Royal Palace. That's when they realized something; they were heading straight for a wall.
"Francine's aim is impeccable as always," Polly said in a monotonous drawl.
Speedy and Guido nodded and then Speedy said, in a similar drawl," Good old Francine."
Almost as one, the Samurai Pizza cats slammed straight through the wall, leaving a large hole in the side of the palace. They were still conscious when they saw Kyle and Tash standing in front of them, unharmed. Tash herself have a look of disbelief, as if surprised that something had worked right. Kyle decided to explain as a length of cord retracted itself back under his armor.
"When we noticed that we were about to crash, while I wasn't able to do it in time for you guys, I tossed a cord I had on me to Tash for her to tie around herself. After that, I just reduced the kinetic energy I had and essentially acted as a break for her while slowing myself down also. This form's armor does have advantages." In his mind, specially focused so the lack of a Fourth Wall wouldn't project it to everyone else, he thought, This form having lengths of metal cable underneath its armor sounds like an asspull to me. Oh well, it's not a big deal anyway.
The Samurai Pizza Cats got up and dusted themselves off. When they saw that Kyle and Tash were just standing there, Speedy asked, "Why are you just standing there? We've got to go!"
Tash then pointed out, "We aren't from around here, remember? We don't know where the Sue would be staying."
"That would most likely be the council room," Guido replied. "Looks like we'll have to lead then."
With that, they all raced down the palace's halls. When they reached the council room and burst through its door, they were greeted to the sight of a room devoid of people except for a single person sitting on a slightly raised platform.
"About time ya'll got here. I's beginning to wonder if ya got stuck in traffic or summin'," Drawled a southern accented female voice. Sitting on the platform was an anthropomorphic fox wearing a royal kimono.
"A kitsune with a southern accent...What will you Sues come up with next?" Kyle asked in absolute deadpan. "Your form wouldn't happen to be based off of Seymour's, would it?"
"So what if it is? Whatcha gonna do 'bout it? Ya don' like fightin' girls, right Kyle?" She said that last part almost coyly.
Kyle refused to be baited but still replied, "Sues are an exception because I don't classify them in the same regard that I do with real women."
Tash gave him a look before asking the Sue, "Are we even going to get the name of the Sue we're up against?"
The fox shrugged, "Not tha' it mattas none, but ya'll can call me Livvie Annie Ellie Charis Ball."
"What kind of name is that?" Tash asked with a bit of deadpan.
Kyle was the one who responded, "One designed to tick me off. The first three are the shortened names of my first three nieces while the fourth one is the name of my fourth niece and the last one is the family name my sister took when she married. Not that it matters. She looks nothing like my family so her attempt is in vain. Names alone mean nothing."
The Sue shrugged, "Tha's what I told 'em, but they din' listen ta me. My true name's Lady Like Like Voo Doo Doll. Amon' other Sues, I's just El Three Vee Double Dee. Tha's spelled out as LLLVDD for somma the slowa readas out thar."
Tash snapped in indignation, "HEY! Don't insult the Fanbase!"
Like Like again shrugged, not caring in the least. Polly then spoke up.
"I don't want to sound impatient, but are we going to fight or not!?"
"Since ya'll wants ta rumble, ya'll have ta meet me outside. My robot's not gonna fit in here." Like Like stated matter-of-factly. With that declaration, the platform she was sitting on quickly sunk beneath the floor and then was covered before anyone could follow. Shortly thereafter, the ground started to shake causing everyone to dash towards the exit. When they got outside, the first thing they saw was a big, blocky robot on treads. From the waist down, at least. Above the waist, it appeared to be an incredibly buxom fox-woman, dressed in almost lewd wrappings and had long blonde hair.
Reactions among the group were mixed; Guido was just standing there with hearts in his eyes and drool flowing from his mouth, Speedy was looking away with Polly "helping", Tash narrowed her eyes and Kyle crossed his arms with a blank expression.
"What'd ya'll think of my Foxy World Breaker? Impressive, ain't she?" Like Like's voice blasted out of a loudspeaker on the robot.
"I'd complain about getting crap past the radar, but this is a fanfiction. Sues and Stus probably give Media Watchdogs the finger all the time." Kyle deadpanned.
"Ya'd be right thar. Screw the rules, we're perfect!" Like Like replied. After the first sentence, her accent vanished completely. "Oh, by the way, I'd like to introduce you to my army."
The blocky part of the robot opened up, revealing hundreds of anthropomorphic FEMALE rams in kimonos standing in even rows on several level floors. Anyone who has seen the show would know who they are.
"Lucille! She has an army of Lucille!" Guido shouted in absolute horror and shock. Speedy now looked towards the robot in equal shock to Guido with Polly two beats ahead of him. One floor at a time, the army disembarked from the robot, until several hundred Lucilles now filled the street.
"Unlike the original hothead I based these robotic duplicates on, these babies can go off at any time. With the firepower in them alone, I could level Little Tokyo with only one floor of them. Now, eat missiles you imperfect wastes of nature!"
As one, the army of Lucilles had various hatches on their bodies pop open, baring dozens of micro-missiles per hatch. The Samurai Pizza Cats were in utter panic and Tash looked ready to reach for her Plothole Generator and get out of there. All Kyle did was stand in front of everyone and said as he began concentrating.
"Center behind me. The closer everyone is, the easier this will be on me." In their panic, the Samurai Pizza Cats didn't need to be told twice, while Tash looked either sceptical or suspicious or both as she complied. Then the missiles began to fire, every last one of them aiming for the five heroes. The closer they got to the group, the more intense Kyle's concentration became. The Pizza Cats were cowering while Tash wondered what Kyle was going to do to protect them. Once the closest missiles got within several feet of the group, the protection started.
Every missile that got close was immediately turned around and aimed at the duplicate Lucilles. Like on a pivot, the missiles were spun almost 180 degrees. Even as the last missiles were being launched, the redirected missiles hit the front lines and then further. For what seemed like an endless moment, Kyle was somehow diverting the missiles back at the launchers. Finally, after several moments of this, the last missiles were redirected and Kyle fell to one knee, breathing heavily. The smoke from the explosions began fading, revealing a heavily damaged street and houses, but no sign of the Lucille duplicate army.
"What the heck was that!?" Tash exclaimed in surprise as she gazed at the tired Agent. Like Like was now shouting obsenities through the loudspeaker. After she took at breath from her swearing storm, she concluded.
"It never occurred to me that he could divert the Kinetic energy inside projectiles with that -Fragging- Energy Manipulation ability of his. -Goshdarnit- The other Sues are going to give me -Fragging Heck- for this!"
Kyle finished recovering his breath; standing up on his own, but not completely stable on his feet. He felt drained, but decided that it was worth it. Looking at the weird robot, he addressed the Sue.
"Kinetic energy is basic stuff to understand. It's the fictional types that I usually have trouble with. I'll have to admit though, redirecting all those missiles was painful. Another volley might've slipped past me."
Like Like was ticked now, "You think you're all that, do you? It doesn't matter that my army was decimated! I'll just build a new one! But first, I'll use this Perfectonium-alloy robot to utterly DESTROY YOU!"
The robot sped forward, raising a hand and then bringing it down hard. The group was barely able to dodge it without harm. Tash hauled Kyle behind a building and then asked.
"Do you know what this Perfectonium-alloy she mentioned is?"
"Of course I do. It's a perversion of Realitium alloys." Kyle responded while trying to think of a way to rid himself of his tiredness.
Tash blinked, "A perversion? What do you mean?"
The Foxy World Breaker was busy swinging at the Pizza Cats so Kyle decided that they had time for him to explain it to the audience, "Realitium metal requires it to be forged into alloys in order for it to be useful as material. In its base state, its a very soft, non-conductive metal. Fortunately, its alloys are very diverse in what properties they can have. If there's a need you have, there's a Realitium alloy for it. However, Perfectonium is what happens when Sues/Stus get their hands on Realitium. They warp it into a substance that, for all intents and purposes, is harmful to a non-Sue/Stu."
"So, what would happen if a Realitium weapon and a Perfectonium weapon were to clash?"
"Perfectonium is to Realitium as Mary Sues/Gary Stus are to Fanfiction."
"I see. So how are we going to defeat it?"
Kyle didn't respond immediately as both of them heard a bell ringing. Kyle instantly knew what it was; Speedy was calling for the Rescue Team. In a matter of moments, four new cats landed on the scene. First to arrive was a big cat in mostly red armor and a pair of cannons on his back. The next one popped out of the ground in orange and yellow armor with buzzsaws and drills coming out of his armor. Next came one in yellow and aqua with a pair of water tanks on his back. Finally, wearing blue armor with a white helmet with a hard to describe pack designed for flight on his back, in came the last member of the Rescue Team.
"Don't forget me!" From out of nowhere, an anthropomorphic crow in dark green armor -the same one from the intro- zipped into view.
"Hey, it's Bad Bird! How'd you get here?" Speedy spoke in a bit of surprise.
"I was at the parlor when the emergency bell went off. It was a good idea to make that shute for me so I didn't have to go back home to get my armor. While I've told you to call me by my new name, I know that the author of this story is trying to avoid spoilers of the finale." Bad Bird replied. Speedy and Bad Bird gave each other a thumbs up when four more faces jumped in.
"Speaking of which, we haven't a good battle since that incident. We, the Rude Noise, are here to Rock and Roll!" A dark armored crow with an axe-like blade sticking out of both of his gauntlets. Next to him were three other crows; one in red armor with a katana strapped to his back, a big one in greyish armor with a single cannon behind his head, and the last one had mostly green armor that looked crossed with a diving suit.
Kyle looked over the situation and thought, Bad Bird, the Rescue Team and the Rude Noise here and now?! Kind of a contrived coincidence, isn't it Author?
"With all of us gathered together like this, we shall not be defeated!" Speedy declared as he struck a pose that anyone who's seen the show would recognize. In an instant, he became engulfed in a fiery, pink veil as Guido and Polly also took poses, which sparked their own veils. The Rescue Team were busy as their packs detatched from them and combined into one of the strangest looking weapons you'll ever see. As in, too strange for me to describe accurately. Bad Bird drew his katana and then gained an aura like the Pizza Cats. Finally, the Rude Noise turned themselves into smoke, which then began to circle around a single point, like electrons around a nucleus, until they formed into rings.
"The Author just had to go for epic, didn't he? As if the story wasn't going slow enough as it is," Kyle complained in a deadpan. With a sigh, he continued. "I might as well join in, for whatever it's worth. You going to join in, Tash?"
Kyle said that last part while pulling out his Omni-weapon from wherever he had stored it. He turned it into a naginata as he leaped out from behind the building and started charging energy into it. The energy was his own, so he was going to get it afterwards. Tash, having decided to just "follow the crowd", had brought out her staff and, like everyone else, began charging as well. Speedy's veil unlocked the second katana in the end of his sheath, which he immediately drew. He crossed his swords in front of him, over his face and then over his legs. Finally, he swept them to the sides and then over his head.
Polly was holding onto her sword, as well as, a pink flute and was charging her energy by holding her arms crossed with one "instrument" on either side of her head. Then, holding her arms out, she traced a heart in the air around her with them, her sword starting at the bottom and her flute at the top. Guido was standing on top of his umbrella and his sword was glowing spectral blue as he finished charging. Like Like's robot was standing awfully still throughout this.
Kyle and Tash finished charging themselves. The blade of the Omni-weapon's form flashed through many colors of the light spectrum, while Tash's staff held a fireball on the end farthest from her. As if on a silent cue, everyone with a bladed weapon swung hard, sending multiple forms of cutting energy at the robot. At the same time, the Rescue Team fired its combination weapon while the Rude Noise shot forth a stream of black energy. In tandem with the rest of the characters, Tash swept her staff and flung the fireball hard. At a single point, all of the attacks meshed into a unified stream.
The stream struck head on, pushing against the robot in an attempt to pierce through it. After several moments however, the stream died down and, while the robot had been forcibly pushed back, it didn't even have a dent. Like Like's voice came out of the robot's loudspeaker.
"What did you fools think would happen? This Perfectonium robot of mine is completely indestructable to puny power like that."
Puny power? I could have launched a dozen The Ends/Millennium Breakers consecutively with that much energy. I guess that means trying those abilities are out. Using the Heaven and Earth, Worldly Secret Art is out of the question for much different reasons. I'll just have to take a third option then. It's gonna suck to be me. Kyle thought this out, while withdrawing the blade of his weapon and extending the shaft, and then spoke, "Everyone, listen up."
Every character present turned to look at him. Know that he had their attention, he continued, "I need you to aim all of your attacks at the sphere on my weapon. Put all of the energy you can into it."
He set the bottom of the shaft on the ground, which meant that the sphere was a few feet above his head. All of the canon characters looked at each other for a moment before shrugging it off and then charging their attacks. Tash, however, wanted to know what Kyle was doing, so she just came out and asked him.
"What are you going to do that would require so much energy? It's not going to be something like the Worldly Secret Art, is it?" The "is it" came out almost threateningly. Kyle turned his head towards here just enough to give her a look.
"I've already promised not to use it unless in times of absolute need. This is connected to it, but is a far cry different technique. It will not affect my lifespan in any way, shape or form."
Tash looked him directly in the eyes. After a few seconds, she asked, "What will this technique do to you then?"
Kyle faced forward and, in his common deadpan, said, "It'll hurt."
Tash could almost hear the unspoken part of that, like heck. After a breath, she replied, "You seem to have a lot of techniques like that."
Kyle didn't look at Tash when responded, "This one actually has legitimate reasons other than to make me realize what using them means."
At that moment, the canon characters unleashed their attack. These looked far more powerful than what had been launched at the robot. Each attack struck the sphere dead on. Unlike what happened to the robot however, the sphere of the Omni-weapon absorbed them, almost like water down a drain. The sphere was glowing with the stored energy while everyone else looked on in awe of it. Well, the canon characters at least. At that moment, another surprise Kyle's form had decided to pop up. The front part of his armor shifted itself, revealing a perfect socket for the Omni-weapon to fit in.
Another surprise?! Dang it, Author! Aren't you overdoing it some?! Kyle sighed before just going with it. He fit the Omni-weapon into the socket and then felt the energy stored in it surge through the armor and into him. When the last of the energy left the Omni-weapon, it dislodged itself from the socket and fell to the ground. He wasn't able to bend down and pick it up as he had tensed while the massive energy coursed through him. I'll have to do this quickly...if I want to avoid having to vent. This is really going to suck.
His body tensed to degrees that he hadn't felt in a long time. That's when the pain started. With his teeth clenched hard, the pain ripped right through him as his body expanded. Not only that, his body changed as it grew. While not as much as it would have if he was in his normal form, but considering what this technique does, it's a BIG change. The armor shattered, unable to change with his form as he steadily grew. He was already twice his previous size when the changes became truly noticable.
The draconic form he had been given to blend in with the Fandom took on even more dragonesque features. His form's color shifted to pure white as he grew ever bigger. He was about as big as the robot when the process finished. Gasping for breath like he had just run a triathlon at world record paces, he fell from a bipedal position to a quadrupedal one. This form was an almost exact duplicate of his soul image, a majestic dragon that streamlined the best parts from dragons of various mythologies into one being.
"He physically took on the form of his Soul Image. So that's what it looks like...it's absolutely breath-taking!" Tash spoke in awe at Kyle's new form. He shook himself, now that he had recovered from the transformation, spreading his wings as he shot forward. The canon characters stood there, also in awe, as Kyle seemed to fly right over their hand and straight toward the Sue and her robot. In retaliation, the Sue tried to grapple him with the robot when he got close. With the force of his leap behind him, Kyle pushed the robot a bit as he caught its hands in his before it started pushing back.
Everyone watched as Kyle's massive form grappled hand in hand with Like Like's robot. He had his draconic legs braced on the ground, seemingly straining against his opponent. Among the canon characters, several of them were cheering and shouting encouragements while the rest were looking on in seriousness. Tash looked on as well and began to wonder.
Kyle's just grappling with the thing. I'm sure that his form can do more than just attack physically. Why isn't he doing anything other than pushing against it? It was then that an ethereal sound reached her ears. She could almost hear it calling her, beckoning her closer. As if subconsciously, she moved in the direction of the sound only to stop right next to the Omni-weapon. Almost like a whim, she slowly reached down, like she expected it to bite at her, and picked it up.
You are Tash, the Female Leader, correct? An ethereal, feminine voice echoed through Tash's mind. As one would expect from someone unused to random voices popping into their head, Tash jumped a bit and looked around for the source. I'm right here. I believe the Society knows of me as Master's Omni-weapon.
This statement drew Tash's attention to it in an instant. Wondering what she had just gotten herself into, she decided to see if she could talk to it by sending it her thoughts.
I'm not going crazy, am I? You did actually talk to me, right? The voice could hear her as it replied.
No, you are not going crazy. Yes, I did talk to you. I am rather surprised that you were able to hear me to begin with. Usually, they'd have to know that I am here before I can get someone's attention and, as far as I know, Master has never told anyone that I exist as anything other than his weapon. This is quite unprecedented.
Tash gave the sphere a weird look before returning her gaze to the fight and sending it more thoughts, So what are you exactly? When he sent in the specs of the Omni-weapon, it didn't include a consciousness.
I wasn't part of the Omni-weapon initially. I'm a safeguard that he added later, when he decided that DNA and Vital checks were not enough. So he made me to act as something like a bouncer.
Like a bouncer? You mean, you decide if someone can even hold the weapon. Does that mean that anyone can use you?
No. I was made on top of the DNA and Vital check parameters.
Kyle's grapple with the robot was currently at a standstill, but sooner or later, one of them would fail. Tash watched on, even as she conversed with the sphere. But could you override the parameter checks if you wanted to?
Each function of the Omni-weapon is segregated from each other except for certain circumstances. Like if Master was in danger, for example. If that's the case, then I could bypass the security locks to temporarily allow for a Society member to wield me in his defense. Of course, these are very recent additions made to the Omni-weapon that came about because of Master's sealing in the Endless Abyss of the Night Sky. He does not wish for such an event to happen again and has become fearful of such a possibility.
I would be too. Being unable to move, remaining conscious for two months while falling through a neverending void. It's actually a wonder that he was only disoriented and not insane when we found him.
Actually, he's much more worried that it will happen to another member of the Society instead of him.
Tash briefly looked away from the standstill to give a blank look at the sphere, What?
I won't say anything further about this topic. This was supposed to be a lighter-hearted story to take a break from his usual seriousness, but it looks like he can't stop being serious for even one story. You can talk directly to him about this serious stuff later.
I understand. Do you mind if I ask you a question about a different subject?
Which one? About why Master hasn't just blown the Sue and her robot away or why I refered to you as the Female leader?
Tash blinked before turning her gaze back to the grappling match deadlock, Both, I guess.
Kyle is most familiar with you and Adrian as the leaders. As such, he will listen to your orders and no one else's. Because of this, I have come to know of the two of you as Male Leader and Female Leader. For the other matter, he simply doesn't want to do anything where it will harm innocents. His wings aren't strong enough to lift something like that robot straight up if he were to just latch on to it. So he's attempting to get it to where he can lift it and then throw it.
This did make sense to Tash. Just then, she saw something change in the deadlock. Kyle's hands slipped out of the robot's grasp, which let him get close enough for him to grab the blocky bottom of the robot and lift it off the ground. With the robot off the ground, Kyle shifted his draconic body and then threw the robot into the air. It didn't go very high, but he took to the sky quickly to follow it and keep it in the air. While it was in the air, it was easy enough to get a grip on and carry it higher into the sky. Finally, hundreds of feet above Little Tokyo, Kyle gave one last effort and tossed the robot higher.
With the robot high in the sky, he didn't have to worry about collateral damages. The robot itself was still going up, but it would start falling soon. That thought in mind, Kyle began gathering energy into his mouth. Streams of light escaped through the slight gaps of his dragon fangs as the build-up of energy formed under great pressure. As the robot started falling, Kyle finished charging and released the pressurized energy in a powerful burst-stream. The stream caught the robot in its fall, its incredible power seemingly melting the very metal the robot was constructed with. Inside the cockpit, Like Like did the only thing she could think of to survive. She opened up a plothole and jumped in.
By the time the burst ended, the robot had ceased to exist. Not even the tiniest bit remained to fall to the ground below. Having won the battle, Kyle descended downward. The strain of both the battle and transformation were starting to show, as he landed heavily though it didn't cause any damage. Unfortunately, he knew what was about to happen. Now that the battle was over, he had to change back to his previous form and that was going to hurt. Tensing his body much like he did when he absorbed the energy he needed to transform like he had, he slowly began shrinking in size.
Just like when he changed into that form, his features changed as he got smaller and smaller. After several moments, he was on his hands and knees while trying to let the pain flow away. Later on, he'll thank the fact that his form wasn't human as changing into that big form had destroyed his armor and left him basically naked. With the battle done with and the enemy gone, the canon characters went on their merry way. Tash decided that enough was enough and took out her Plothole Generator to take her and Kyle to the Library.
Kyle was checked out at a medical room for that transformation stunt he pulled. Being given a clean bill of health, he was let go. Tash had given him back the Omni-weapon after the check-up and told him that they'd have to talk about some things later. For now, however, she told him to go to his room and get some rest. With a nod, he did just that. He went to his room and put on some relaxing music. As the music played, he laid down on his bed and went to sleep.
Dang...this has been one of the biggest one-shots/chapters I have done in my time on FFnet. Sorry it took so long, everybody. Anyway, other than asking for reading and reviewing, brownie points will be awarded to people who can list every TVtrope they can find mentioned in the story. The Society member that gets the most brownie points will be Kyle's partner in my next story. Not much of an award, I admit, but it's the only thing I could come up with.