Author's Note: None of this is my own creation, and absolutely none of this I own. I saw this video on YouTube (from Robot Chicken) and I thought it was absolutely hilarious. The only thing I did was transcribe it. I don't own Star Wars, I don't own Robot Chicken, and if we're done agreeing how I own nothing, let's begin this story, shall we?
The Emperor stalked up the metal stairs of his great second Death Star. The rebels would be crushed, he would have his planet-destroyer, and he even had his new apprentice—his old apprentice's son, the irony in that. The years of planning were finally ending in this great climax. A grin lit up his marred, wrinkled face. Yes, the boy whom his servant restrained he had been waiting a long time for.
A boy who had the audacity to state, "Your overconfidence is your weakness."
The Emperor was not goaded at all; no, he was above that. It was a show of his power as he turned to leer, "Your faith in your friends is yours." After all, he was the Emperor—he was allowed to have the last word.
So naturally, he couldn't believe his ears when the brazen boy mumbled, "Faith in Yo Momma!"
Taken by surprise, he couldn't help but snap, "What was that?"
The boy grinned cockily, leaping up two steps to proclaim, "I said, Yo Momma is so fat that Jabba the Hutt said, 'Daaaaaaaaammmmmmm!'"
Well, the Emperor had to admit, this boy was good. He had guts, if not brains. No one challenged the Emperor in a Yo Momma fight. The Emperor had practically invented such a concept. He had been the undisputed champion for 150 years, and he doubted some whelp of a boy could be able to beat him.
Still, it took all of his self-control not to burst out laughing. The boy might be a blockhead and suicidal, but he sure was funny.
Out of force of habit, the Emperor snapped back, "Well, your mother's so ugly she put the 'ug' in 'ugnog.'" Luke winced at that joke; ugnogs were one of the most vile and dangerous creatures in the galaxy, and definitely considered the most repulsive to look at.
His father, the revered Darth Vader, actually seemed to be displaying uncharacteristic glee. Cupping his mechanical gloved hands to his mechanical opening (for it wasn't really a mouth) he yelled to all the surrounding Storm Troopers, "Yo Momma Fight!"
The entire empire had never seen something this funny in decades. Naturally, it took but two minutes to have a whole miniature stage set up, with chairs for the upper ranking officers and a chalkboard with floating chalk for scorekeeping, provided via the Force. Someone had even managed to score up a techno-remix Star Wars soundtrack.
Luke stepped forward, timing his words with the beat of the music. "Yo Momma is so stupid she spent all day saying 'am not' to R2."
"Oooww," hooted the audience appreciatively.
The Emperor was unperturbed. He had been in enough of these fights to know that the audience would laugh at any joke, despite whether or not it was funny. He waited for the laughter to die down, then stepped forward all in Luke's personal space. "Well, Yo Momma is so fat that Obi-Wan Kenobi said, 'That's no moon. That's Yo Momma!'"
And oh, did that burn. Luke felt the fury rising inside of him—insulting his mother, he could take. Insulting his old Master—that was unacceptable. "Yo Momma is so stupid," he spat, "that she thinks that Jar-Jar comes with pickles, pickles!"
The audience screamed for him, and he raised both arms in the air, the champion's salute. The Emperor found himself a bit intimidated—after all, he was used to his own officers cheering him on, and the boy was so confident. Confidence was the key to any verbal battle—it was the one who was most intimidating who won.
"Well, Yo Momma is so stupid that she," he stuttered, "she thinks a light saber has less calories."
At that exact time, the soundtrack failed, and he was left in silence. The audience stared at him, uncomprehending. "You get it?" he tried to explain, grasping at straws. "It's light, so it has less calories? Well, it's light, as in it doesn't have a lot of calories, so it's good for your body, that's how stupid your mother is."
Oh, the shame, the ignominy, of having stupid subordinates.
"Yo Momma is so stupid," Luke began, and of course, the music came back on at that exact moment, "she went to Bangkok to find a TIE fighter."
(For those of you who are not geography nerds, Bangkok is a large city in Thailand, on the small, insignificant planet Earth, in the distant future, where intergalactic wars and rebellion still remained in the realm of science fiction. There were certainly no TIE fighters, despite similarities in the country's name.)
This brought many laughs from the audience, along with calls of, "Oh, Luke wins!" The Emperor didn't have a second to recover before his own servant, Darth Vader, picked him up.
"What are you doing?" he demanded. The great man didn't answer him. "What are you doing? What are you doing? Ah, ah, put me down!"
Darth Vader did exactly that, throwing him down into the ventilation shaft, ending his life and balancing the Force for once and for all.
Below, at the bottom of the ventilation shaft, was a lowly janitor. Sweep the floors, don't ask any questions.
The dead body of his former ruler prostrated on the floor ahead of him. "Oh, not again," he moaned, beginning the long and arduous job of cleaning his floor of the corpse. He started by pushing it away with his broom, mumbling, "What are they doing up there anyways?"
So, is it good? Bad? Funny? Am I hopeless? Please review!