Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.
A/N: Just a little one-shot that I thought would be funny.
"So, after you hang yourself," Gibbs was halfway through his little speech, "you'll be brought here, to Ducky."
"Ducky will then go on to tell you all about the other cases that it reminds him of, in some detail," Tony picked up the narrative, "whilst he prepares to perform the autopsy." Their victim was looking very green around the gills. Dr Mallard turned away, stifling a smile. This routine never got old, no matter how many times they went through it. Gibbs was up again, laying a hand on their young companion's shoulder.
"This is the best part. You will be laid out on this table right here, and Gerald will wash you off before Ducky takes a scalpel and sloooooowly drags it through your skin." Gibbs' finger trailed along the path the scalpel would take; making sure the young man could feel how slow it would be. He looked like he was going to faint at any moment.
"He will then remove and weigh your organs," Tony indicated the scales. "At this time, he may mention the ancient Egyptians."
"I was thinking more Aztec for this gentleman," Ducky informed him, and Tony nodded.
"Aztec, okay. Anyway-" He was interrupted by the appearance of Abby.
"Hey guys, have you seen – McGee!"
"Abby!" Came the undignified squeak from the victim. Abby sighed.
"Gibbs. Ducky. Tony." The three men all had the grace to look embarrassed. "You guys have got to stop hazing my boyfriends like this. I mean, I know we're just like family, but this is taking it too far.
"Yes, Abby," the men chorused. She smiled and turned to leave, before calling back over her shoulder.
"Bottom line, McGee? You make me cry, they make you cry."
One look at the predatory smiles on the other three men was enough to convince him. None of them had been exaggerating.
Maybe he should emigrate. Australia would be nice this time of year.