Last chapter! Sorry it took so long... I've just returned from hiking up Mt Doom (yes! We were the ones who were daring each other to leap out on a group of school children and shout YOU SHALL NOT PASS at them). Mt Doom doesn't have the internet.
I can only repeat how much I've enjoyed writing this and how very grateful I am to you all for reading it, especially to you wonderful people who review! And even more so to you wonderful wonderful people who have reviewed regularly and given me helpful advice/ideas I've used/answered my questions. I wanted to thank you all individually here but there were just so many of you!
I don't own, and only meddle with, Tolkien's work, Peter Jackson's work, the Discworld, The Hitchiker's Guide, facebook, twilight, the Lion King, Monty Python, Firefly and anything else I've stolen from (If It's funny or awesome) or mocked (if it's twilight).
Ps apparently you google/internet search "facebook fellowship squidoo" for the version with pictures that the wonderful Flynn-the-Cat did.
Reviewers from Australia, please forgive me.
King! Aragorn!: I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!
Gimli Sonofgloin: I've never seen a King with such pathetic facial hair
Frodo Baggins wrote on King! Aragorn!'s wall: I think it's time that you and I arranged a heart-to-heart
King! Aragorn!: Kings don't need advice from little hobbits for a start
Frodo Baggins: If this is where the monarchy is heading, count me out! Out of Gondor, out of Middle Earth, I wouldn't hang about.
Merry Brandybuck: well, that was quite an adventure.
Sam Gamgee: I hope my potatoes are OK... can't wait to go home and check on them
Frodo Baggins: we're all keen to go home
Pippin Took: I'm not. I met someone here that I rather like.
Merry Brandybuck: WTF, Pip? I didn't know you had any relations here…
Pippin Took: you will pay for that comment, you Brandybuck.
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to it's complicated
Merry Brandybuck: Well, it would be rather complicated if you met someone here... they'd be twice your height!
Pippin Took: Try to keep your jealousy under control, cousin. In fact, this fine lady is a mere foot and a half taller than me
Sam Gamgee: Please tell me you are joking.
Pippin Took: It is a quite reasonable height difference, easily traversed. I just stand on something and the problem is solved.
Merry Brandybuck: You stand on something?
Pippin Took: Legolas found me a box.
Frodo Baggins: as long as you never have children... I don't think Middle Earth is ready for three-quarterlings.
Legolas Greenleaf: this city needs more trees
Sam Gamgee: I agree. And more plants in general. And more potatoes.
Gimli Sonofgloin: elves like trees in the same way Australians like sheep...
Legolas Greenleaf: what's an Australian? Was that an insult?
Gimli Sonofgloin: I... I don't know... I don't know what came over me just then. It felt like someone was writing through me.
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to "in a relationship"
Pippin Took changed his relationship status to "single"
Merry Brandybuck: aw, never mind Pip. You'll be very popular back in the Shire!
Pippin Took: She- she said I was cute! I'm not cute... I thought I was fierce!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Is regretting a rather hasty deal he made with That Elf. Anyone know how to defend yourself from an angry tree?
King! Aragorn!: Alas, that is a branch of warfare unknown to me.
King! Aragorn!: ...
King! Aragorn!: BRANCH of warfare?
Legolas Greenleaf: We got it, Aragorn. It just wasn't funny. Gimli, you need to man up.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Man? Up? That expression is both specieist and heightist!
The Fellowship of the Ring is attending Last Goodbye/ Yet Another Excuse for Mad Drinking up at Aragorn's place!
Arwen: oh for Eru's sake, how many of these have you had? And every one of them ends with someone passed out on the roof, and someone else throwing up on my nice curtains. And I know who it was last time Pippin because a) whoever threw up had consumed a large amount of mushrooms and b) because of the hidden video camera.
Pippin Took: we are the Fellowship of the Pub Crawl now!
Gimli Sonofgloin: let's spike Legolas' drinks. I want to see if it's true that elf-vomit glows in the dark.
King! Aragorn!: If anyone makes any reference to getting royally pissed, spirits or the drinking horn of Gondor, the party is cancelled.
Boromir Ofgondor: these drinking parties are so corporealist.
Pippin Took: Sam, bring your potato vodka! It's amazing!
Merry Brandybuck: most drunk person at midnight has to update their facebook status.
Gimli Sonofgloin: I HATE that rule.
Gandalf: goodbye evevveryryones! LOVES YOU ALL! LOVES YOUOUU youe the bBEST fellowship any one ever had. ,
Merry Brandybuck: OK, I didn't expect it to be Gandalf.
Legolas Greenleaf: I am definitely going to hate this cave. Dark, UNDERGROUND, smelly, full of rocks and distinctly lacking in trees or anything else remotely interesting.
Gimli Sonofgloin: well, you can't back out of it now!
KIng! Aragorn! : don't be too hard on him. He's just scared of the dark.
Legolas Greenleaf: I am NOT scared of the dark. I just happen to be a little... claustrophobic. It's a cultural thing.
King! Aragorn!: Oh, a cultural thing, is it? Like the males doing the cooking in elvish society? Arwen claims that's a cultural thing too. I saw right through it, of course! She can't trick me with that one!
Gimli Sonofgloin: Then why do you always do the cooking? And the cleaning?
King! Aragorn!: ...
Gimli Sonofgloin: Ha!
Merry Brandybuck: In the Shire, we all cook. And then we all eat.
Legolas Greenleaf: Cook, eat, repeat. Yup, we had that figured out.
Pippin Took: you can pretty much reduce our cultural heritage to those three words.
Merry Brandybuck: except when it's 'drink, eat, repeat'. or 'Smoke, eat, repeat'.
Pippin Took: we tried 'drink, cook, eat' and decided not to repeat.
Merry Brandybuck: I told you that you couldn't eat the curtains, but you insisted they were 'some kind of delicious biscuit."
Pippin Took: I was quoting!
Merry Brandybuck: you were on fire. I don't mean 'High five, dude, you were on fire!'. I am talking about extensive damage to my furniture, and second degree burns.
Legolas Greenleaf: I never know if I should interrupt you two quickly before you get going and no-one else can get a word in, or just prepare to be surprised at where the conversation ends up.
Sam Gamgee: I like cooking.
King! Aragorn!: I don't mind doing the cooking and cleaning, but she expects me to be the breadwinner and lightbulb-changer as well! I'm doing the non-traditional and the traditional tasks, and she just watches the telly.
Legolas Greenleaf: just don't expect her to sew.
Frodo Baggins, Sam Gamgee,Merry Brandybuck, Pippin Took,Gimli Sonofgloin and Legolas Greenleaf are attending Journey Home
Legolas Greenleaf; Sparkly. Sparkly caves.
Gimli Sonofgloin: that's elvish for "Gimli was right! I was wrong!"
King! Aragorn!: Aw, I miss you guys. Being King is boring. You're not supposed to chop people's heads off. Apparently there are rules about that sort of thing... Even Boromir's always haunting the tavern so I have no-one to talk to.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Now who's failing? Aw, I don't mean it! We'll be back soon for another EPIC PUB CRAWL OF DOOM unless of course Legolas' pet trees eat me.
Legolas Greenleaf: Sparkly.
Gimli Sonofgloin: ... yes. I think this may have been a bad idea.
Saruman changed his name to Sharky
Sharky: Curse you, Peter Jackson! CURSE YOU AND YOUR SLIGHTLY HAPPIER ENDINGS!
Pippin Took:Green Dragon! I missed you so!
Sam Gamgee: So did I...
Frodo Baggins: and I'm sure Rosie missed you too, Sam.
Merry Brandybuck: yes, proper beer!
Pippin Took likes this.
Pippin Took: proper weed!
Frodo Baggins: I didn't save the Shire for me
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now in a relationship
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now engaged
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now married
Sam Gamgee and Rosie Cotton are now abundantly fertile.
Pippin Took: the worst thing about coming home after being away for so long is that everything's in a mess. You have to air the rooms, wash the curtains, clean the bathrooms...
Sam Gamgee: weed the gardens...
Frodo Baggns: yeah, and it's hard when you only have nine fingers.
Merry Brandybuck: Oh well, we might as well get on with it. Come on, everyone- let's go and scour the shower.