I do not own these characters, and am only borrowing them to write a parody intended solely for amusement purposes only.

Xena: Designs

By LJ58

"Are you sure this is a good idea," the curvaceous blonde asked her companion as she leaned back from inking the sensual and intricate designs onto the brunette's body to match her own. Designs that the other woman had labored nearly two hours to put on her soft, sexy body.

"You always ask that," the leaner, if voluptuous female with a far more toned frame drawled from where she lay on her belly before the blonde. "And don't I usually pull our fat out of the fire?"

"But…sneaking into the most secure harem in the world.....?"

"Now you're exaggerating," the other laughed as her companion glared at her.

"Be still. I don't want to smudge this. It has to be perfect, or the eunuch's will know we're frauds," she warned as she glanced at the image on the parchment, and then leaned back over to finish the circular design around Xena's shapely buttocks.

When completed, they would both possess the special, and specific markings of a consort of the high-king Darius the Great. The design parchments had cost them almost two hundred dinars to bribe the guard who had a connection with the royal artist who usually inked the new prizes with their specific designs that permanently marked them as royal consorts. Of course, the ink they were using was only temporary. Not the permanent ink that never faded. For the king's real consorts were marked for life. By the time the ink wore off, though, they should have completed their mission and escaped the king's harem.

Nor did Xena worry about them being selected by the king while they were there. Not since they would be unknown to the king who was rumored to have hundreds of consorts and brides, and likley didn't remember half of them. They could sneak into the harem, and literally hide in plain sight among the others until they found the young woman they were being paid to rescue, and never have to worry about being chosen as the king's favorite for any particular night.

"All right," Gabrielle sighed as she finished the pattern the completed the intricate ink chains the connected the designs from ankles, wrists, neck, and waist to the greater pattern that covered her breasts, cheeks, and belly. "You know I'm with you."

"Good. Now hurry up. This stuff has to dry before we can get dressed. And we have to get into the harem before dawn. Sneaking in will be impossible after the sun rises. And I hope you found someone trustworthy to hold onto my armor and weapons until we can get back out. I prefer not to end up stuck in slave silks running around the country," Xena remarked grimly.

"I don't know. Think of how easily the bad guys would be distracted when you fought them."

Xena glared over her shoulder at the blonde. "You're going to pay for that one," she growled, but the blonde only grinned as she dabbed more of the ink onto Xena's smooth, sun darkened skin.


"You did as I bid you," the robed figure demanded as he caught the anxious guard by complete surprise by literally materializing in front of him out of thin air.

"Yes, my lord," the suddenly pale man bowed low as the man in the dark robes glared at him with strangely luminous eyes. "They never even guessed that I switched the inks either."

"Excellent. And the designs I gave you to switch for that idiot artisan's patterns?"

"I switched them as well. They're so close to the original, that even if they had seen them, they would never have noticed the differences."

"Good. Very good," Ares smirked as the god of war shoved back the hood of his cloak, and turned his dark eyes on the mortal before him. "Very good. This time, Xena will be falling into my trap without even knowing I'm involved. This is perfect."

"You…. You promised me a reward, my lord," the man asked, smiling weakly as he tried to image a divine reward adding to his wealth since the women's coin already weighted his purse considerably.

"Of course. And you know, I always keep my word," Ares smiled coldly as he raised his glowing right hand. "Enjoy the Elysian Fields, if you make it there. What better reward can any mortal want," he asked the air before he kicked at the ashes left of the man he had just incinerated with his divine might.

"And now to watch the fun," he chortled as he vanished from sight once more, leaving no trace that he had ever been there.


"You all right," Gabrielle rasped as Xena lowered herself into the courtyard beyond the high walls they knew led to Darius' palace harem. They were both clad in light, gray robes to hide the sheer harem silks they wore beneath to help them fit in once they reached the women's quarters. With luck, they might even be able to find Lydia, and get out of the palace before sunrise.

"I'm fine," Xena scowled at her as she studied the darkness around them.

"You seem a bit….distracted," her companion told her as she shivered beside her friend as they stood perfectly still as Xena planned their next move.

"I'm fine," Xena hissed, ignoring the peculiar sensations that were rising to fill her body the closer they had gotten to the palace. Now that they were so close to their goal, she was feeling a rather familiar heat that she had not felt in some time now. For she was a creature of passions at heart, and she knew how arousal felt. Only she hadn't felt this kind of raw desire in many years. Those desires had been muted of late as she curbed her more ferocious, and often darker appetites, and learned to care for those around her.

Especially her current partner and companion, Gabriel, who could be a bit of a twit at times, true, but was still a very attractive…..

Xena frowned as that thought filled her mind. Since when did she start looking at Gabby like that? True, she loved her blonde sidekick, but not like that. She fought her own body's peculiar reactions, and focused her mind on the mission at hand. On the girl they had come to save. Lydia had not asked to be stolen from her village to sate the horny, old king's lusty appetites. Xena had promised to free her, and that was just what she intended to do.

"The coast is clear," she hissed at Gabrielle. "Let's go."

"I feel funny," the blonde complained as she moved after Xena, following her lead.

"You're nervous. That's to be expected. Now, suck it up, and let's go. This courtyard can't stay unguarded forever," she hissed, not knowing the guard usually on duty there would never be coming back. Not in this world.

"All right. All right. Nag, nag, nag," Gabrielle muttered as she trotted after her friend, and nearly bumped into her when they reached the main doors.

"Is it locked?"

"No. It's open. But I prefer not to blunder into a crowd of witnesses. So let's practice a bit of caution," she advised as she fought the surge of sheer lust that suddenly filled her body as she carefully opened the door and peered inside the door through the narrow slit. It was as if just being in this place were amplifying every one of her body's usual desires to unbelievable heights.

"No one's around. Come on, let's go in," Gabrielle suggested as she looked over her shoulder into the luxuriously decorated main lobby of the women's quarters.

"Go slow. We don't want to look suspicious if there are still any witnesses up and around," she told her as she eased into the harem before dropping her dark robe by the door to reveal her shapely body clad only in sheer, nearly transparent blue silk. Closing the door behind them after they were inside the dimly lit room that revealed the inhabitants must be abed by now, the two women moved carefully through the huge, cavernous chamber, and couldn't help but gape at the soft, silken paradise that surrounded them.

"This place is unbelievable," Gabrielle sighed as she hugged herself against the butterflies currently occupying her stomach after dropping her own robe near the door which Xena hid with hers beneath a pile of thick cushions. She wore silks of a lighter green. Her trembling, however, had little to do with the cooler, night air, or the room that was not quite heated as warmly as anticipated.

"We're not here to sightsee," Xena hissed, used to denying herself when necessary. She stared around herself, though, but not for the same reasons. Her own instincts were starting to be heard through her bizarrely aroused senses, and she realized that finding the village girl might just be more difficult than she had thought. Where did the women sleep around here if they weren't in this chamber? And where would Lydia be? Hopefully, she had not already been claimed. But she had only been taken two days ago. Surely it wasn't enough time to have already prepared her for the randy Darius, and condemned her to his bed?

"What do we do now," Gabrielle asked when they reached a hall that revealed endless rows upon rows of doors. Some sealed by thick, wooden panels. Others covered only by sheer draperies. And this, they now saw, was only one hall that led away from the main chamber. The harem was as large as she had been told, and maybe even larger than that.

"We start hunting. I'll take this side, you take the other."

"And just walk in on someone? What do we say if we're caught?"

"You'll think of something," Xena snorted. "Get busy. I'd prefer not to be here any longer than I need to be," she huffed as she became aware of the swollen, aching heat between her thighs.

"Do you smell something," Gabrielle paused and asked as she stared at Xena's back.

"No," Xena hissed, knowing she lied even as she spoke.

"I do. It smells like….you," Gabrielle told her as she stared into her dark, blue eyes, licking her lips as her corral nipples thrust out like small fingers from her rounded breasts beneath her sheer silk gown.

"Wh-What do you think you're doing," Xena demanded as Gabby stepped closer, reaching out to boldly cup her all but naked breasts as she leaned forward to brush her lips across her friend's.

"I think you know," the blonde grinned just before she deepened their next kiss.

"So, you think you're big enough to play games," the brunette remarked huskily when Gabby finally broke the kiss. "Let's see how big you really are," she grinned, and reached to cup and fondle the blonde's plump mons, sliding a finger across the dampness through the equally damp silk panty that covered her sex.

Gabrielle arched and spasmed in Xena's arms as she felt the surge of pure delight that filled her. "Don't stop," she begged, pressing her hungry flesh toward her friend's hand.

"You hungry, Blondie," she sneered, her hands rising to take Gabby's shoulders, pressing her down to her knees. "Well, here, eat your fill," she ordered, and wrapped her hands in the blonde hair to pull that golden head between her thighs as she stood over the trembling woman at her mercy.

A moment later she was trembling just as much as Gabby licked at her through her own silk panty, already wet with her own freely flowing juices. Then the blonde pulled her thin garment off, and she moaned as she felt the heat of Gabby's tongue slide across her heated sex, and felt her own legs trembling as she slowly dropped down to sprawl on the floor before the horny blonde that never stopped stroking and licking her even as she pulled away her few, sheer garments, completely baring Xena's luscious body to her touch.

"You taste….wonderful," Gabby moaned as she paused before burying her face in her dark bush, stabbing her tongue deep in her throbbing core. Xena exploded, arching her hips up at her as she cried out in abandon. She didn't need to pull the blonde head closer to her, though her hands tried, for gabby was already doing her best to bury her face in her crotch as if trying to penetrate her with her very body.

"And what do we have here," a tall, bearded man asked as he suddenly appeared in the hall to stare down at the two writhing women.

Xena and Gabrielle both moved as one. They rose to their knees, their bodies flushed, and trembling, and bowed to the man in red, silken bed robes. They cooed as one in unrestrained pleasure as the man put a hand atop their heads, smiling down at them as his robe tented atop the swelling shaft at his groin.

"When I was told I was going to receive two, new concubines tonight," the king said casually as he let his hands fall away from the pair. "I had no idea they would arrive in such an….interesting manner.

"Still, it is late, and I am tired, so one of you will have to wait before I claim you. You," he said, eyeing Xena. "Go and kneel on the dais behind that curtain," he ordered her, pointing out the chamber she had been approaching before Gabrielle had sidetracked her.

Xena felt a shudder of grim anticipation as she rose and walked to the chamber, letting her full hips sway as she looked back over her shoulder with a tempting smile. Then she drew back the curtain, and entered the dimly lit chamber. The king smiled as he crooked a finger, and Gabrielle rose with a beatific smile to follow him from the main chamber of the harem. Behind her, she heard not a word from the silent chamber where Xena had disappeared.


"Well, well, well," a mocking voice filled the room after a bright light faded instantly after flaring to temporarily banish the darkness of the small chamber. "And what do we have here," Ares asked as he stepped forward to stare down at the kneeling figure of the warrior-woman who moved not an inch at his approach. She did not even bat an eye.

She couldn't. She was completely made of stone, or so it seemed.

"Living stone," Ares grinned as he ran a hand over Xena's still warm flesh, cupping her cheek before sliding his hand down to cup a bare breast beneath the silk that hung off the apparent statue.

"I've always wanted to do that," he said, squeezing her right breast, and thumbing the nipple. "But you would have tried taking my hand off if I had, wouldn't you, my dear? Not now, though. And never again. My magic, combined with Darius' security spells on his harem saw to that. Now, my warrior-princess, you are forever bound to him, and his lusts. You will either be spending your time writhing beneath him on his bed, or sleeping away your life inside this stone façade when he doesn't want you. I must say, it was a wonderful plan. One that finally ensnared you. But, then," he smirked, freeing his hard, pulsing shaft, "You are only human. While I....am a god. And gods can pretty much do as they wish," he said, pressing his engorged glans to her mouth to rub it over her full, ripe lips.

"Now let me show you a benefit of being living stone, rather than true stone," he said, sinking his shaft into her mouth as he pressed forward, knowing she was helpless to resist in her current state.

Still, her lips formed a firm oval as if she were still true, and pliant flesh, and Ares moaned softly as he thrust again, and again, feeding the living statue his hard length as he continued to mock her. She did not otherwise move, nor could be moved, but he did not mind. Xena was finally at his mercy. Completely helpless, and unable to do anything but what he desired of her.

"Don't worry. You and I are going to spend a lot of quality time together in the future. I have foreseen it," he chuckled as he too quickly spent himself after the years of anticipation made his blood boil, and his flesh hungry. "After all, after Darius inevitably goes his mortal way, you'll be left just as you are for all time. All his women will be so. And only a direct descendent of his blood can wake you. Only that isn't going to happen. I've seen to that by blighting the old mortal with impotence. So your tempting little carcass will end up in one of my temples in the end, truly mine. Maybe I'll even claim your silly little pet, too. Either way, our battles will finally be over. And I win. Enjoy your eternity while you think about that," he grinned as he put his still hard shaft away before he vanished in a faint lightshow.

Xena's solidified, slightly grayish form did not move. Did not shift at all. She remained kneeling, her lips an open and inviting oval for anyone that came upon her. But deep within, just beneath the stone-like veneer, her once blue eyes were glittering with unfettered fury. Yet it was an impotent fury just then, and she knew it. She had known it the moment her knees had touched the enchanted dais like that of the five other women occupying the small chamber, and her own body turned into an unyielding mass of stone beyond her control. Even worse, that maddening desire still filled her body even in this state, and seemed to grow exponentially when that warped god had touched and molested her. It didn't matter that she despised him. That she would have cheerfully hacked off any part of him that touched her. The truth was, and she knew it, she would have been screaming in bliss if she had still had her voice. Even if she did hate him beyond measure.

She couldn't even bear to think of the bleak future the monster had painted for her and Gabby just then. Somehow, she had to beat this monstrous ploy he had lain out before her. Surely, once the ink faded, this magic would fade with it. Yes, that was it. Once the designs on her body faded, she would be free. And then Ares would pay. Oh, how he would pay.

She just had to be patient. Sooner or later, it would be her turn. It was just a matter of time.