I Heard You in Hell

Some kind of tag or AU to Lazarus Rising...

Sam's thoughts on Dean's accusations to his comeback.... and through to season 4 finale.

"S'ok Sammy. I believe you..." Dean gazed at me, eyes so deep with understanding.

Oh really?

'Cos I sure don't.

I don't believe any of it. Not anymore.

I heard you down there.

In hell.

My hell.

I imagined every single act, your skin torn and ripped, your body raped in every way possible.

I saw it all, in my head, saw your organs torn out, the fire, the pain... knowing it would...

I can't.

You want me to be the same as before... I'm sorry, but I-I just can't.

Knowing I put you there.

I was gone, broken... so long before you went to hell for me. Long before we knew... it was... you were lost.

I was lost.

I watched you torn to pieces by hell hounds... in front of me...

You're back, and there's nothing I could want more...

My big brother... here... with me...

...except vengeance..

...for what they... she did to you... to us....

That's all I can think about.

I don't deserve forgiveness for what I've done, and I'm prepared to accept Hell's eternity.

But the difference is,

You don't need it.

Not for what you've done for me.

That's what makes you the warrior for the people...

All I'll ever be is the lost, broken-down, bitter sidekick little brother, worthy of no more than a coward's dismissal. 'Cos I couldn't deal...

At that cross roads I just couldn't deal... I tried... but he just laughed at me...

So I fought back the only way I knew how.

Don't sit there and tell me you wouldn't have done the same.

Another drabble.

So sorry I haven't yet answered your reviews to my last drabble, but I will do.

Thank you so much.

Love ST xxx