Diamond in the Rough- Outtake #1
The Tea Party
A/N: Here's the first outtake from the DITR series, as requested by most of my readers. These will be updated sporadically, whenever I get a chance to write a new one. If you have any ideas for an outtake (that I haven't already mentioned in the A/N of a chapter in Part 3), then please, send them in a review. BTW, the "pairing" section below isn't necessarily a romantic pairing. It's the main characters in the one-shot, romantic or not (obviously six year old Bella isn't romantically involved with Emmett. That's just weird and gross).
Summary: Bella coaxes Emmett into having a princess tea party.
This was absolutely ridiculous. How unmanly could one get?
If manliness could be measured on a scale, I'd be in the negatives.
Damn. That meant I was a chick.
Well, I could definitely pass as some sort of woman…
"Oh wow." Came Esme's voice from behind me, making me frown as I turned. I didn't blame her when her eyes widened in shock as she watched me, making me sigh heavily.
"What are you doing?" she whispered, taking in the sight of me.
There I was, standing before my mother, of all people, dressed like the world's most absurd cross-dresser. Thanks to Alice's bright idea, I was jammed into a rather pink dress and a pair of killer heels that only Rose could have pulled off. To top it all off, my face was painted like a clown with Alice's makeup and she'd wrapped a large, hot pink boa around my neck.
Yes, I was definitely in the negatives.
"Bella and I have decided to hold a princess tea party in her bedroom." I said, mustering up as much confidence and dignity as I could. With a simple nod of her head, Esme's eyes melted, and I smiled.
I'd made her happy.
"She'll be so excited." Said Esme softly, smiling gently.
"She'd better be." I grumbled ungraciously, making Esme's grin widen.
"Well, you do look rather… pretty." She said, snickering to herself.
Damn it. Even Esme thought I was insane.
"If it gets her to laugh, I don't care." I said, standing up straight. Only when the wretched dress threatened to tear did I return to my slouched position instead.
"Well, have fun dear." Said Esme happily, making me nod politely as she moved downstairs with her clean dishtowels.
One down, seven to go.
"Right." I mumbled, trying once again to make it to Bella's room without another unwanted encounter with my family.
"What the hell are you wearing?" demanded a low voice from behind me.
"What does it look like, genius?" I snapped back, grumbling as Jasper snickered, absolutely and completely amused.
"Smile for the camera, Emmette." He said, making me snarl when he feminized my name. Then, to top it all off, Alice popped up behind him with her dreaded camera in hand.
"Alice…" I warned as she snapped a photograph of me.
She actually had the nerve to laugh.
"You know you look great." She said with an exaggerated wink, making Jasper smirk as he looked me over.
"I didn't know Rose was into that…" said Jasper playfully, making my wife laugh loudly from our bedroom.
We all knew Rose was into men, and I definitely wasn't a man at this point in time.
"Bella?" I called loudly, wanting to get out of this monkey-suit as soon as possible.
"Emmy!" I heard her little voice squeal from her bedroom, making me smile.
"Go play." Said Alice, giving me a small shove towards the closed door, where I was going.
"Belly-Bean!" I cried in a sing-song voice, earning me a loud, very girly giggle from the little munchkin herself.
"Knock!" she cried, making me smile as I rapped smartly on the door, laughing gently when it flew open to reveal a most-amusing sight.
Bella had her hair all piled on top of her head, a golden crown sitting in the mass of chocolaty curls as she beamed at me, her brown eyes alight with joy. Alice had her in a light blue princess dress, complete with light-up plastic heels and a fairy wand, which she held in her hand with all her childlike pride.
"Wow." She said, her eyes going wide as they took me in. I knew the boa was overkill, but when her eyes lingered on it, I was glad I had it on.
"Good afternoon, Princess Bella." I said sincerely, offering her my cheesiest curtsey. She giggled again, her eyes even brighter than before as she took my hand and drew me into her bedroom, closing the door behind me.
"Good afternoon, Princess Emmett." She chimed back, making me smile.
That was a title I did not want after today.
"Welcome to the tea party!" she squealed, forcing me to stifle a laugh as she gave a great bounce that would have rivalled Alice.
"You sit here, next to Veronica!" she shouted, pointing at a miniscule little chair, which I dutifully perched my oversized self on. The table reached below my knees, but I sat still.
Lo and behold, seated beside me at her very own chair with her very own cup and saucer, was Veronica, the yellow flower.
"Look Veronica!" Bella cried in a whisper. "Emmy came!" I watched with great amusement as she pretended to listen to the stuffed flower's reply.
"I know he looks very pretty." She said sincerely, smiling at her flower. Being polite, I pretended not to notice her little speech.
"And Polly, and Princess Butterfly and Princess Buttercup!" she added, pointing to each of the toys in turn. Bella smiled as she pulled up a tiny chair and sat in it, the table being the perfect height for her tiny body.
"How are you today, Emmy?" she asked me seriously, making me smile.
"I'm quite well, and you?" I asked, making her grin.
"Good." She said with a nod, right before she frowned, watching me.
"What?" I asked, worried that I'd done something against tea party etiquette, if that even existed.
"You're a princess, but you don't have a crown." She said softly, making me smile. Before I could dismiss the idea, she was out of her seat and on her knees in front of her dress up box.
Remind me to curse Alice later.
"Here!" she cried, pulling out a gaudy, very shiny headpiece, which she proceeded to place gingerly on my head.
"There you go, princess. Now you're a real princess." She whispered happily, grabbing her little plastic tea pot.
"Yes, I am." I agreed, unable to frown, even at her crowning business. She was just too cute.
"Here you go, ma'am." She said with a cheeky grin as she passed me a small tea cup filled with some sort of juice.
Aw, crap. I had to drink it.
"And for Polly, and Princess Buttercup and Princess Butterfly!" she chirped, making me smirk as she handed separate cups to each of the inanimate toys. I was beyond amused when she leaned in to whisper to Princess Butterfly.
"I know." She whispered, nodding. I watched as she listened intently to the nonexistent speech, looking completely serious.
"No, Emmy needs his special one!" she said indignantly, making me leery.
"Special what?" I asked, making her smile.
"Drink your tea first. It's a surprise." She said excitedly.
Drink my tea? Damn.
"Sip it!" she cried, showing me how to do it. She put her little finger out, and I sighed, mimicking the action before I brought the dreaded princess cup to my dead lips. Slowly, as if drinking my death-potion, I poured the small amount of liquid down my throat, forcing it down. My body protested almost instantly, but I ignored it, vowing to finish this before I tossed my cookies.
"Yay!" cried Bella happily, her delicate little hands clapping gleefully.
"Now what?" I asked, making her beam.
"Cookies!" she cried, pulling out a plate of Esme's homemade chocolate chip cookies from under her chair.
Now I'd literally have to toss my cookies.
"Yum." I said, mustering up as much enthusiasm as I could.
"Do you like cookies?" she asked seriously, obviously having noticed our lack of food consumption.
"I do today." I said firmly, not wanting to upset her. I was rewarded with a wide smile as she offered me the platter, letting me take the smallest one there.
"No!" she cried suddenly, snatching the dessert back. I frowned.
"That one." She said, the sheer happiness returning to her voice as she pointed to the largest one on the plate.
"You're the biggest, so you get the biggest cookie!" she cried, the notion obviously rational in her little mind.
"Oh, thank you." I said, snatching up the cookie.
Maybe I could eat it all in one bite and get it over with…
"Now, take a little bite and more tea!" she cried, abolishing my hopes. I frowned as I watched her take a dainty bite, dabbing the sides of her mouth afterwards.
Alice had been teaching her.
Damn you Alice. This was her doing.
She'd seen this cookie business, and undoubtedly gotten a rise out of it.
Obliging Bella, I took a teeny little bite, making her frown.
"Bigger than that, silly." She said with a small frown, making me smile falsely as I took another bite- a bigger one.
"Good!" she praised, obviously not noticing how my gag reflex kicked in. It tasted like I'd imagine a pile of bear dung would.
Not too pleasant, and definitely something I didn't want to repeat.
"Mmm!" she said happily, taking a rather large bite of cookie for herself. Her stuffed animals and dolls didn't touch the food, but I assumed Bella imagined they did.
If only I was so lucky.
"You're a good princess." Said Bella quietly, leaning over the table as she nodded at me. I couldn't hold back a laugh at that, making her smile too.
"Thank you." I said graciously, taking another sip of "tea". "You're not so bad yourself." I admitted.
"I like tea parties." She decided, looking over at Veronica the flower.
"Veronica says that she loves tea parties too, but only if you come." She said, making me grin.
"Well, that's good, 'cause here I am!" I said in the most enthusiastic voice I could muster.
"Want another one?" asked Bella suddenly, shoving the rancid platter of cookies under my nose.
"No thank you, Belly-Bean." I said quickly, making her smile as she took one for herself and ate it up quickly.
"Esme makes good cookies." She said happily, making me grin.
"You helped." I reminded her, earning me a small giggle.
"Yep." She said, dabbing the little crumbs from the side of her mouth again.
"You need to finish your tea and cookie." She said suddenly, eying my half-eaten cookie and cup of juice.
"Of course I do." I muttered, grabbing the cookie once more. Obeying her as best I could, I took small, dutiful bites, swallowing as best I could as the disgusting piece of crap disappeared before my very eyes. I sipped the juice, making her smile as she watched me eat.
"Is bears better than cookies?" she asked suddenly, making me grin as I shrugged.
"You wouldn't like them." I told her seriously, imagining what she'd do if I told her yes. She'd probably want to find one, and that wouldn't end well.
"Oh." She said, frowning gently. "Do you like bears?" she asked me in a small voice, her eyes alight with curiosity.
"Mhm." I said, chewing the last morsel of cookie. She grinned.
"Well, cookies are good too." She decided, making me grin as I downed the rest of the juice, ignoring the party etiquette.
She didn't notice.
"Done." I said firmly, making her smile as she glanced into my cup, making sure I wasn't lying.
"Me too!" she cried, shoving the last piece of cookie into her little mouth. I chuckled at her, making her smile too. She tried so hard to be the same as everyone else.
"Clean up!" said Bella, making me sigh in relief as I gently removed my large bottom from the tiny chair. I was shocked I hadn't broken it, but thankful just the same. Bella took the cookie platter and placed it on her desk, making me smile as I took over tea-cleanup, taking the tea from her stuffed animals and returning it to the nearly-empty pot. When that was done, Bella put all the dirty dishes in a plastic bin I recognized as Esme's from the kitchen and laid it by the door as she put her stuffed animals back on her bed.
"Emmy?" she asked suddenly, making me smile as I looked at her.
"Yeah?" I asked, picking up her table to move it back to the corner.
"I like your feathers." She said quietly, blushing as she looked away. Glancing down, I saw the mass of pink that reminded me of a skinned flamingo.
"Thanks." I said, making her smile as she stopped cleaning, coming over to me. I watched, amused as she reached up and pet the boa, her eyes widening.
"What's his name?" she asked, making me smirk. She wanted to name it.
"Umm…" I said, looking down at her. "I don't think Alice gave it a name." I said honestly.
"His name is Pinky!" she decided, making me smirk again.
"Pinky it is." I agreed.
"Can I hold him?" she asked eagerly, making me nod as I took off the ridiculous accessory, handing it down to the amazed little girl at my feet.
"Wow." She said, taking it gently as she stroked the feathers, pressing them to her face.
"I like him." she admitted softly, still examining it.
"Well, you can have him." I said, knowing not even Alice would wear that thing out of the house.
And that was saying something.
I was rewarded with a loud gasp and a small, warm body crashing into my thighs.
"Thank you!" she squealed into my front, making me smile as I patted her head, trying to avoid the clown.
"Why don't you put Pinky on Princess Buttercup?" I asked, looking at the doll. She grinned and nodded, moving over to her doll, where she wrapped the large boa around its neck, entwining it around its torso as well.
The doll was now a mass of pink feathers.
And a crown.
"All done!" she cried, looking around the room. She had her little hands on her hips, making me smile
"Yep." I said, just as my stomach gave a rather violent lurch, and I knew I had to get out of here.
"Bella!" trilled Alice's happy voice from outside the door, coming to relieve me of my feminine duties.
"Alice look!" cried Bella, rushing up to Alice to show her the boa-wrapped doll.
"Princess Buttercup has Pinky now, and Emmett gave him to me and now he's my friend too!" she said in amazement, earning a laugh from the pixie.
"Go clean yourself up." said Alice gently, shoving me at the door.
"Thank you Emmy!" cried Bella as I darted out of the room as fast as this damn dress would allow.
"Anytime, Belly!" I called back, right before I darted into mine and Rose's room, startling my wife.
"Nice." She said, smirking as I dashed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
A/N: So there we have it. Emmett and the tea party with little Bella. I liked it.