"Butt sniffer."

"Lipstick wearing corpse."

"Man's best friend."

"That's not an insult."

".....Shut up."

"No, how about I just---."

Bella sighed in annoyance as she watched the two men she loved dearly fight over her. Again. Yes, again. Because apparently mystical creatures can't get enough of our stubborn brunette!

Jacob continued, "---snap you're scrawny pale neck and feed you to the wolves!"

"Oh, so your pack eats vampires now, do they?" Edward smirked.

The ripped werewolf growled, "You know that's not what I meant..."

"Does anyone know what you really mean? Lovesick little pup?" Edward's remark made Jacob shake with anger. Bella thought, "Oh no...not again!" Before Jake could transform into Mister Fluff Ball, she quickly threw herself between her vampire boyfriend and dog like best friend.

"STOP! Be civil please!"

Emmett, who was eagerly watching from the background groaned, "Aw! The show's over?"

Jasper joined in with his emotionless tone, "And I made popcorn too." He lifted a bowl of popped kernels. The sight made Bella furious. It's Christmas! There shouldn't be any fighting on such a joyful holiday!

She turned back to the men in front of her, "Can we just put our differences aside and enjoy Christmas? Besides, Charlie is coming over soon and I really don't want him to see a fight between two creatures that he doesn't know exist."

Edward scratched his flawless chin, "Christmas..."

"Yes, Christmas. You know, the time of the year where everyone gets together and celebrates life? Not to mention it's Jesus's birthday! Do you want an apocalypse on Jesus's birthday?!"

Jacob chuckled slightly, "Chill, Bells."

"I will NOT---"

Edward place his icy hand on Bella's shoulder. She shivered and resisted the urge to blush. Let's just say the vampire heart throb has that effect on people.

He whispered, "The mutt is right, Bella, you need to chill."

Jacob snorted, "You would know everything about chilling."

"Yes. I would. Do you know why...?" Suddenly, catchy music erupted from every corner of the Cullen house. Bella jumped in alarm, her only thought was, "Am I being punked?" Thank god Edward can't read her mind.

Alice poked her head out from down the hall, "I feel a song coming on!"

Jasper stood up, revealing shiny black shoes, "It's a good thing I decided to wear my tap shoes today."

Edward advanced toward the werewolf and broke out into song,

"I'm Mister White Christmas, I'm Mister Snow, I'm Mister Icicle, I'm Mister Ten Below.

Friends call me Snow Miser, whatever I touch, turns to snow in my clutch! I'm too much!"

Bella stared at her boyfriend horrified as he circled Jacob mockingly. Now where the heck did that come from? She was too far into shock to notice Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie crowding around them silently.

Jacob huffed loudly as the vampire family began to chant,

"He's Mister White Christmas, He's Mister Snow, He's Mister Icicle, He's Mister Ten Below!"

Edward smiled, "Friends call me Snow Miser, whatever I touch, turns to snow in my clutch!---" He then placed his hand on Bella's cheek to prove his point. She turned into a vampire loving snow woman before anyone knew it.

Alice hopped up and down excitedly, "He's too much!"

The handsome vampire gazed out the window, "I never want to know a day that's over forty degrees! I'd rather have it thirty, twenty, then five, then let it freeze!"

"Brrrrr!" Jasper took his tap dance solo.

"He's Mister White Christmas, He's Mister Snow, He's Mister Icicle, He's Mister Ten Below!"

"Friends call me Snow Miser, whatever I touch, turns to snow in my clutch!" Edward yet again reached for Bella, however she ducked and hid behind the Christmas tree.

Esme and Carlisle ended beautifully, "Too much! Too much!"

Jacob started to clap as he rolled his eyes, "Bravo, please bravo."

"Yo! That was off the chain! We should be on America's got Talent!" Emmett beamed.

Rosalie fluffed her blonde hair, "Are we done here? I'm missing The Hills right now."

"Stay where you are Blondie. You haven't seen anything yet."

Edward raised his eyebrows, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jacob smirked, "It means my brothers and I are going to kick your pale white asses old school style."

Bella emerged from the tree, "Hey...wait a second...!"

However, it was too late. Jacob opened the living room window and did the oh so famous wolf call, "Oi Oi Oi Oi!" In a matter of seconds, the buffed to the max wolf pack climbed up the Cullen's house and sprang through the open window. They landed on the now dirty carpet with a thud.

Sam stared at Jacob in alarm, "What's wrong?"

Jared added in, "Yeah! Why are we in the bloodsucker's house!"

"Emily just finished baking her christmas cookies...." Paul muttered darkly.

Jacob ignored his friends and placed his utter attention to Bella, "Why do you want a vampire when you can have a hot werewolf?"

Bella decided not to answer this, only stare at his abs with an open mouth.

Seth clapped his hands, "Here it comes...!"

Jacob sent his younger friend a glance before singing, "I'm Mister Green Christmas, I'm Mister Sun, I'm Mister Heat Blister, I'm Mister 108.9! They call me Heat Miser, whatever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch! I'm too much!"

The devilishly gorgeous pack surrounded our favorite werewolf, "He's Mister Green Christmas, He's Mister Sun, He's Mister Heat Blister, He's Mister 108.9!"

Jacob wrapped his muscled arm around the freaking out Bella, which made Mister Snow Miser almost make a blizzard.

"They call me Heat Miser, whatever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch!---"

Seth jumped on Embry's shoulders, making them both fall on the leather couch, "He's too much!"

Jacob barked out a laugh, "Thank you!"

"I never want to know a day that's under sixty degrees, I'd rather have it eighty, ninety, one hundred degrees!"

The werewolf heat miser smirked at the wide eyed girl in his arms, "Oh, some like it hot, but I like it REALLY hot! Don't you Bells?"

The look on her face made Paul snicker silently. If Bella wasn't trapped in Jacob's arms, she'd slap him. Well---probably not. We all know what happened last time. (Insert fluff ball explosion here)

The wolf pack continued on, "He's Mister Green Christmas, He's Mister Sun---"

"Sing it!" Jacob encouraged.

"He's Mister Heat Blister, He's Mister 108.9!"

Jacob sang, "They call me Heat Miser, whatever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch! I'm too much!"

Quil and Jared hollered out, "Too much!"

The cheesy music came to an end, the fancy house was full of silence. Bella was considered she was having a dream, however the heat of Jacob told her otherwise.

"That was hot." Emmett admitted.

The wolf pack smirked as Jacob nodded knowingly, "Told you. We kicked your asses old school."

Bella finally found her voice, "You guys should leave...Charlie is going to be here soon..."

"I heard from Billy that Charlie is in bed sick." Sam shook his head.


Jasper stated the obvious, "Seems like we're going to have a Christmas without Charlie.."

Alice threw her pale index finger in the air, "Not on my watch! We'll bring Christmas to Charlie then!"

Let the cheery singing and traveling to Charlie's house continue....And Bella thought this holiday was actually going to be normal...

Rosalie already bored, yawned, "Not when you have Snow Miser as a boyfriend and Heat Miser as a best friend..."

As the gang reached Charlie's house, Bella turned to Alice, realization clearly on her face.

"You probably saw this coming. Why didn't you tell me?"

Alice removed her sunglasses, grinning, "It would make a good fanfic?"

Our favorite brunette had the urge to smack her head against the dashboard a million times. She then remembered that she's surrounded by vampires, so if her head started to bleed then she would turn into the Christmas feast.

"Merry Christmas....and Happy Review Year." She mumbled under her breath.

A/N: Okay, I think I watched too many christmas specials. And the craze about New Moon must have gotten to my creative head. Aside from that, I hope you enjoyed this little oneshot, please review because it's what Jesus would do. Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or the Christmas special; A Year Without Santa Clause. The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer while the music belongs to the classic special.