Another Year of Christmas Disasters
One: Twelve Drummers
Hermione was convinced there was an earthquake, or that Death Eaters were storming the castle. What other explanation could there be?
But there was a lack of screaming, in fact she thought she could hear someone laughing, so instead of grabbing her wand and charging downstairs to rescue small children (not that there were actually any small children left at the school this year over the holidays) she grabbed her wand and made her way to the Common Room cautiously, perfectly aware that there were only twelve days between now and Christmas and given his track record, Harry was almost certainly up to something suspicious.
"For the love of Merlin make it stop!" she heard Parvati wail as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Agreeing whole-heartedly, Hermione followed the horrified or amused stares of her year mates, Ginny, Colin and Dennis across the room, to where a group of - "Harry, are those monkeys?"
Harry turned from the spectacle and beamed proudly at her. "They sure are! Drummer monkeys, in fact."
"Drummer monkeys," Hermione repeated flatly.
"Twelve of them," Ron confirmed, looking a little dazed. "Hermione, how in the hell did Harry get monkeys into the castle?"
"I don't know, and I refuse to ask, because if I ask, I might find out, and if I find out, I might have to kill him."
He eyed her for a moment but nodded. "Fair call."
"I'm hurt, really," Harry said, not looking hurt in the least.
Hermione sighed and then took notice of what he was wearing. "Harry?" she said, almost afraid to continue. He blinked and her and gestured for her to go on. "Please tell me you've at least washed your sexy Santa suit since last Christmas?"
"Of course I have! I've heard the stories about Quidditch uniform monsters, I wasn't willing to risk it."
"Quidditch uniform monsters, Harry?" Dean asked curiously from his seat by the fire (and the monkeys, which were still drumming out Christmas carols - though for the life of her Hermione couldn't figure out which ones, because they were rather out of synch with one another). "Dare we even ask?"
Harry, Ron and Ginny all shuddered.
Hermione just rolled her eyes and ignored the three of them in favour of the rest of the group. "Remus was telling them horror stories all summer about how their unwashed laundry was going to come after them for revenge in the distant future and eat them alive."
"That's kind of ridiculous," Dennis muttered.
She nodded. "Yes, yes it is. But he was so convincing that he even got Fred and George searching their bedroom at the Burrow for dirty socks they had lost years ago in order to wash them."
Lavender and Seamus both snickered. Colin shook his head, looking amazed. "That man is my hero."
"I thought I was your hero?" Harry said, pouting slightly.
"Have you ever inspired a Weasley twin to do laundry or clean their room?"
"Then sorry Harry, but you've been replaced by Remus as my hero."
"Oh. Fine. Okay then." Harry feigned wiping away tears on the sleeve of his Santa suit. Then he turned around, eyes returning to his twelve drumming monkeys, and presumably pretending he was offended. "See if you get any Christmas presents," he muttered, probably going for vicious but sounding more petulant than anything.
"Harry, you can't confiscate Colin's Christmas presents," Hermione sighed.
"Because that would be mean."
"What if I want to be a Grinch this year?"
"I would rather you found an alternate method of expressing your discontent."
He heaved a rather loud sigh. "Oh, fine."
"Please stop the drumming and get rid of the monkeys."
"Ah." His eyes darted away from her and he shifted nervously.
Hermione shivered. "Harry..."
"I'm sorry I can't get rid of them until Christmas but I should be able to do something about the drumming and I'm really really sorry please don't kill me?" Harry stopped, gasping for breath.
"Can people actually speak that fast?" Neville said, raising his eyebrows.
"Apparently Harry can," Ron replied with a shrug.
"Harry, the drumming?" Hermione prompted.
"Oh, right!" he exclaimed, whipping out his wand. He waved an intricate pattern at the drumming monkeys, and soon the volume lowered considerably and all the varied songs coalesced into one. "Is Jingle Bells okay, or should I change it?"
"You can't stop it?" Parvati asked, an appalled expression crossing her face.
Harry ducked his head sheepishly. "Uh, no."
Ron shook his head. "Ah, Harry. Only you could possibly torture us all so effectively without us killing you."
"That's so true," Seamus agreed quietly.
Harry just grinned at them.
A few things: Yes, this is a sequel to The Twelve Disasters of Christmas. No, you don't have to have read it...but it might help. Yes, this fic will theoretically be updated every day between now and Christmas. No, this is not a guarantee that it actually will be.
But, well, let's just say Wolfie is optimistic this year. And currently has two and a half completed chapters in reserve, so...
Also, Wolfie is aware that technically the Twelve Days of Christmas starts after Christmas Day and ends on January sixth. But a countdown seems more fun.
Um...was there anything else?
Oh yes. Please review.