Wally wasn't sure when he fell in love with Kuki.
It might've been the first time Kuki had kicked his butt at video games. Or the time he had been forced to say 'I love you' as Mr. Huggykins. He wasn't sure.
All he knew was that the traits he used to hate had become endearing, and that her smile made his day beautiful, while her tears made it sad.
Somehow she managed to crack open his hardened heart, wiggle herself inside, and then seal his heart back up, making it impossible to get her out.
He hated her for that.
He had hated her at first. He hated all things girly and sweet, the very definition of her being. Still did for that matter.
They say there's a thin line between love and hate.
Wally didn't believe that.
It didn't make sense to him. How could you hate something you loved?
How could you love something you hate?
His ideas changed a little when he fell in love.
Not that he wanted to fall in love. Before he met Kuki, he had never felt like he was missing anything, like he needed something more in life.
To be fair, he was a young child. No boy dreams of finding his other half when he's young.
Wally hated being the exception. Absolutely hated it.
And yet he loved it at the same time.
He didn't understand how he could hold two conflicting emotions at the same time. He didn't like it.
He liked when his emotions were clear, straightforward. Then he could act on them, punch something; do something to get rid of the feelings.
He couldn't get rid of this.
He tried. He tried hard to shake his feelings. He denied them, fought them, fought her.
He pushed her away, hurt her. Trying to force her away from him, out of his heart.
It didn't work. Nothing worked. The more he pushed, the tighter her hold on him was.
Eventually he gave up. Resigned himself to loving her.
He still pushed her away, still denied his feelings for her, but it was a half-hearted attempt.
He still couldn't bring himself to admit his love for her.
He doubted that he ever would.
He hated himself for that.
The days went by, slipping by faster and faster, heralding the end.
He hated that word. Hated all that it implied.
The dreaded day arrived. He had promised himself, no matter what, he would tell her. He would admit to the world, scream from the rooftops that he loved her.
He hated himself for that too.
Hated that he was a coward.
But he was relieved by it at the same time.
Relieved that his love for Kuki was just a suspicion – a suspicion that could now never be confirmed.
She would never know.
He would never be rejected.
He wondered which was worst. Being rejected by love, or being eternally plagued by 'what ifs?'
It didn't much matter anymore.
He heard the order to begin the decommissioning. Slowly, then gaining speed, his memories faded. At first he sat by passively, resigned.
Then his memories of Kuki appeared.
As they scrolled through his mind, Wally felt a new feeling fill his core.
He was suddenly anxious, unwilling to let his memories go just yet. He grasped at them desperately, begging them to stay.
They didn't listen.
As he watched them flow past, he regretted the time he had spent hating her. He wished he had spent that time loving her.
He wondered if it was too late to tell her.
Pain stabbed his heart over and over. Unrelenting. Uncaring.
His heart cracked open.
A bright happy girl, wearing a green shirt that was far too big on her appeared.
As she tugged herself through the crack, a bit of her shirt ripped off.
The girl frowned.
Wally wished she would smile again.
After a quick examination the girl shrugged, and skipped away.
He had no idea who she was, but he knew deep inside he wanted her, needed her.
She didn't know that.
So she left his heart, leaving a wide-open crack, and a faint remembrance of the girl he used to love.
Who was she?
She liked those…
Who liked them…?
Slipping, sliding, losing.
This is what bounces around in my head at 2 AM.
Be very afraid.