Guns For Hire
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Nintendo and Marvel.
Chapter 1: Pursuit of the Prize
Samus Aran, the premiere bounty hunter in the galaxy, had just survived her latest encounter on the planet of the Metroids. Having exterminated the queen, Samus explored the lair and discovered a Metroid hatchling. The hatchling thought Samus was its mother and immediately began following around the bounty hunter. While Samus realized she had a job to do, to exterminate such a young hatchling like this was cruel and unnecessary. She figured that a space research lab would be just right for the Metroid; she could get paid, and not have to be a mother at the same time.
As she brought the Metroid in a containment pod to her ship, Samus said,
"All right, squirt; listen up. No talking, no listening to music, and, if you vomit all over the interior of my ship, I will shove my missile launcher so far up your…wait, where would a Metroid's ass be, anyway?"
She examined the energy-based life-form and shrugged,
"Whatever. Let's just say, squirt; I'll hurt you real bad."
She put the Metroid hatchling in the seat next to her, and took off in her ship.
Along the way, Samus was listening to an old tune from Earth. She was singing,
"The jig is up; the news is out; they've finally found me; the Renegade; who had it made…" (1)
As she was singing, an evil looking creature was spying on her from far away. The creature was Ridely, a part pterodactyl, part dragon monster. He was in command of a group of space pirates, who looted on-coming ships. Ridley decided to follow the ship and see where it headed.
Samus docked her ship on the science station, and brought the Metroid hatchling to the lead scientist. The scientist was quite pleased with what Samus brought him and said,
"Very good, Miss Aran. As such, your payment of ten million space credits will be transferred to your account immediately."
Samus smirked underneath her helmet,
She started skipping away back to her ship,
"I think I'll take a little vacation. I heard there's this nice pleasure planet that I'm dying to soak in their famous hot springs."
Samus got back in the ship, and the bounty hunter took off.
It was not long into her day dream of hot springs and being able to relax that she received a distress call from the science station. She looked on her viewing screen and glared darkly,
She turned the ship around and bolted back to the station,
"That son of a bitch is dead when I get my hands on him. I've been hunting his winged space ass for months!"
Samus docked the ship and proceeded inside. Several other space pirates got in her way, but she vaporized them with her blaster. She then accessed the computer and noticed Ridley in the science lab. She hurried there as fast as she could.
Once inside the science lab, Ridley let loose a stream of fire at the bounty hunter. Samus dodged it and returned fire with her missile launcher. A few hit, but Ridley had what he came for. He flew out of the space station, letting loose with his fire breath. Samus pursued him in her ship.
In the distance, the station exploded, but Samus' ship was in near hot pursuit of Ridley.
Just then, the two disappeared in a bright light.
Meanwhile, on Earth 616…
"Wow, and I thought I made a mess in my bathroom after all you can eat bean burrito night!"
That voice belonged to none other than Wade Wilson, the infamous Deadpool. He was known by many as the Merc-with-a-mouth, a master of swords and guns, his seeming lack of sanity, his-.
Deadpool knocked on the camera,
"Hey, no need to be insulting."
Cut! Wade, I'm listing your credentials and being a bit descriptive about your many…talents.
Deadpool folded his arms,
"You could have describe my awesome physique, how I bench press telephone booths every day."
Do I look like I'm writing a gay romance novel, Wade?
I might, with you and Wolverine as the stars.
"Oh, no, bub. You ain't getting' me involved with this freak."
Old man, if you don't get out of here and come back when it's your cue, I'm going to call the writers of that Marvel Superhero Squad show and tell them to make your character so girly-girl, Miss Marvel will be braiding your hair.
"You wouldn't dare?"
Would I? I have their number on speed dial.
The feral Canadian bolted as fast as he could. Wade grinned,
Shut up, Wilson. Now, remember your lines and…ACTION!
"Now, to claim my prize."
He walked down the hall, slipping by all the blood and body parts left in the trail of destruction he had left behind. Inside one of the vaults of the secure bunker he was asked to infiltrate, he pulled out a box. The Merc-with-a-mouth shrugged,
"I don't know who my buyer is, but he better pay a lot for-."
Suddenly, there was a large explosion outside. Wade blinked,
"Hey, that's not one of mine!"
He ran out of there with box in tow.
Outside of the command bunker, he saw an alien looking ship. It was really Samus' ship, but the mercenary did not know that at the time. Wade exclaimed,
"Holy Roswell, Batman!"
The hatch opened and out stepped Samus. She looked around,
"Where am I?"
Deadpool and Samus talk, fight, interact, and explain each other out.
(1) This is a song by Styx. It's called Renegade.