Title: I'm No Angel
Summary: Inspired by a song fiction challenge by Lorre. Seven decides that it's time for her to leave Voyager. Based on the Album "No Angel", by Dido - Copyright 1999 Arista Records
Disclaimer: I love Voyager. Please don't punish me for writing a story about it. Paramount owns everything and I love them. Arista and Dido own the song lyrics I have used for my story. Thank you.
I want to be a hunter again, I want to see the world alone again. To take a chance on life again, so let me go...
Seven stepped out of Captain Janeway's ready room with a look of sadness on her face. She quickly shook it off, as to not give herself away to the Bridge Crew. There was no need for them to know. She walked to the turbolift and got inside quickly. Once the door shut, she uttered, "Deck ". She let out a huge sigh and rubbed her ocular implant absently. How am I going to tell him? – she thought.
Captain Janeway"s reaction had been painful. The older woman had broken into tears at the news. Seven had felt uncomfortable and had left the room as soon as she could. Now the doctor….. how would he react? She was sure he wouldn't cry, but he wouldn't be pleased, not at all.
The turbolift slowed and the doors opened. Seven stepped out and made her way to Sickbay. As soon as she entered, the Doctor turned around and greeted her with his customary glowing smile. "Well, Seven, what a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you?"
"I have news," Seven said more coldly than she had hoped to.
"Oh?" the Doctors eyebrows shot up.
"I have decided to leave Voyager. I have informed Captain Janeway of my decision. I thought that I should let you know also. Since we are… friends."
The look on the doctors face was devastating. His mouth was pursed shut, his face flushed and his eyes were cast downward. "I… I… don't know what to say," he said softly. "Why?"
"I feel I need to go my own way, and learn my own lessons. I don't wish to return to Earth like the rest of you. I need to be by myself," she said softly.
"Seven, we need you here on Voyager."
"I have to go, Doctor. I feel it here," Seven said, taking the Doctor's hand and placing it on her chest.
The Doctors eyes watered. He quickly wiped away the tears and cried out, "That's fine, Seven. Do what you want. I don't care, I never have. Why should I? I'm just a program. Why did you even tell me?" He stomped off into his office and sat down with his head down on the desk.
Seven followed him and kneeled beside her friend. She put her hand on his shoulder and said, "Doctor, I don't wish to hurt you, but I must go. I know it."
The Doctor raised his head and looked into Seven's beautiful blue eyes with his teary brown ones. "Then take this with you," he whispered and leaned toward her. As his lips touched hers, she gasped with surprise. He kissed her with intensity, pulling her to him and rubbing the back of her unitard. Then as quickly as he had attacked her, he pulled away and said, "Computer, end Emergency Medical Hologram". Seven got a final look of his weary, hurt face as he shimmered away.
I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here. I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory...
2. HERE WITH ME
The room materialized in front of the Doctors eyes. "Please state the nature of the Medical Emergency," he said, a little softer than usual. He turned around to see Tom Paris standing by a biobed looking concerned.
"I'd say the emergency has to do with you, Doc," said Paris in his usual matter-of-fact way.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"It's your attitude. Ever since Seven left us. You used to be…. well… nicer. You tried to be funny, you even fought with me. Now….. nothing," said Tom. "Is there anything I can do? I'd like to help."
"There's nothing you can do, Mr. Paris," the Doctor said slowly.
"Well, at least she said goodbye to you. That's more than the rest of us can say."
The Doctor walked over to his desk and eyed two of Seven's gifts to him, that he had placed there earlier – the medical tricorder and "fan" letter. Looking at them made his eyes tear up and he felt an intense pain coursing through his body. He turned away quickly, trying to block out the hurt.
I hope you're well and what you've done is right. Oh it's been such hell, I wish you well, I hope you're safe tonight...
The Doctor sat alone at Sandrine's. He had deleted all of the characters and "Someone To Watch Over Me" played softly in the background. How he wished he could drink alcohol and feel the effects…. He wanted to forget about her…. his Seven. The woman he had fallen so deeply for had left him, and he couldn't stop thinking about her. Why had she left? He needed her so much, so much more than he had ever known.
He wondered what she was doing at this very moment. Was she happy? Sad? Did she think about him? Probably not – he thought.
Had she settled on a planet? Found friends, enemies? Was she in danger? Oh, God. Please let her be safe, no matter what.
I just want to feel safe in my own skin, I just want to be happy again. I just want to feel deep in my own world, but I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself any more...
4. HONESTLY OK
Seven of Nine fingered the controls on her shuttlecraft. It had been nearly a month since she had left Voyager. Seven had been satisfied to roam around the galaxies, at her will, exploring. In all honesty, she didn't really know where she was going or what she wanted. Deep down, she missed Voyager, but she couldn't go back now. It would be too humiliating, a show of her imperfection.
It had been over a month since she had laughed, smiled, spoken. It had been over a month since she'd felt…. anything. Her mind drifted to thoughts of the Doctor.
She could still see his face in her mind. She remembered the way he had looked at her when she had given him the news. It was a look she had never seen before. Shivering, Seven shook off the thought of his sadness. She started to think about the times they had spent together – the fun. Singing, conversing, dancing…. she had enjoyed it.
Seven hated to acknowledge it, but she was lonely. During all those missions with Tuvok, she had relished silence, but now it was deafening. It reminded her of when Captain Janeway had first severed her from the Collective. She had hated the silence. And now, here it was again, by her own choice. What is wrong with me? Why is my decision flawed? What am I looking for? – she thought. She remembered the kiss he had given to her in Sickbay. It had taken her breath away. Seven was puzzled. Was this a normal friendly goodbye gesture? It didn't seem friendly. It seemed…. romantic. I must return to Voyager... to the Doctor. I need him.- she thought.
Seven scanned for traces of Voyager and set a course to meet up with them.
So you're with her and not with me, oh how lucky one man can be. I hope she's sweet and so pretty. I hear she cooks delightfully, a little angel beside you...
5. DON'T THINK OF ME
Seven's shuttle craft turned out to be less than 4 light years away from Voyager. That's funny – thought Seven. Even though I was attempting to be on my own, I was traveling in the same direction as Voyager.
She smiled and flew towards the ship. As she approached, she was hailed by Captain Janeway. "Seven! What can we do for you?"
"Captain Janeway. I wish to rejoin Voyager. I have realized that I belong here," Seven said.
Captain Janeway smiled broadly. "I'm SO glad to hear that Seven. I'm sure I speak for the whole crew in saying 'Welcome Home'"
As Seven docked the shuttlecraft, she thought of what she would do next. She knew that she had to stop by Sickbay right away and say hello to the Doctor. All of a sudden, she felt a queasy feeling in her stomach. Curious – she thought.
Making her way to Sickbay, Seven was greeted by many members of the crew. Seven was surprised that no one mentioned her error in judgement, her imperfection.
She took a deep breath when she arrived at the doors to Sickbay, and then entered. The Doctor was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a pretty young blonde Ensign sat at the Doctors desk. Seven entered the Doctor's office and said, "Where is the Doctor?"
The Ensign looked up. "Oh hello, Seven. You're back." She didn't seemed pleased. "The Doctor is on the Holodeck." As Seven turned to leave, the Ensign said, "He doesn't want to be disturbed. He's busy. I can tell him you stopped by if you'd like – I'll be having dinner with him later."
Seven felt her face getting hot. Who was this little hussy? Had the doctor replaced her this quickly? Why was he spending time with her? Were they "dating"?
"Ensign..." Seven said.
"Jenkins," she answered.
"Ensign Jenkins, there is no need to let the Doctor know that I stopped by. I will see him later." At that, Seven walked quickly out of Sickbay and headed for her Cargo Bay.
She ran into Harry in the turbolift. "Hey Seven! It's nice to have you back," he gushed. But Seven was too immersed in her dark thoughts to reply. "We sure missed you," tried Harry.
"Ensign Kim. State the nature of the relationship between Ensign Jenkins and the Doctor."
Harry gave a surprised look but said, "Ensign Jenkins is a fine officer. After you left, the Doctor put in a request to the Captain for help in Sickbay. Jenkins volunteered to work with the Doctor. I heard she's got a huge crush on him."
"Crush?" Seven asked.
"She likes the Doctor. You know, like she wants to go out with him. Be his girlfriend. It really funny the way she hangs all over him!"
Seven wasn't amused. When the turbolift reached her deck, she stormed out quickly without saying another word. Harry was left alone in the lift with a dumbfounded look on his face.
My lover's gone, I know that kiss will be my last. No more his song, the tune upon his lips has passed. I sing alone...
6. MY LOVER'S GONE
Seven was sprawled out on the floor of Cargo Bay 2, crying her eyes out. She couldn't stop. All the anticipation, all her secret longings to see the Doctor had been in vain. He had found someone to love. No more would he have any time to spend with her. And now, she looked like a fool after leaving Voyager and returning a month later. Nothing had turned out the way she wanted it to.
She pulled herself to her knees and tried to calm herself. She began humming "You are my Sunshine", but then stopped once she realized that she would never be singing a duet with the Doctor again. The tears started to flow again and she sobbed loudly, pain filling her heart.
I'd like to watch you sleep at night, to hear you breathe by my side. Although sleep leaves me behind, there's nowhere I'd rather be...
7. ALL YOU WANT
"What?" the Doctor asked his eyes widening.
"Seven's back," said B'Elanna.
"This afternoon. She's back for good. It seems she didn't like being alone, so much for Borg perfection, eh?"
The Doctor was speechless. He gave B'Elanna a strange look.
"Go see her. Tell her hi for me…. like she cares," the half-Klingon muttered.
The Doctor had already bolted from the Holodeck.
When he entered Cargo Bay 2, his heart fell a little when he saw Seven regenerating in her alcove. He had so much to ask her, to tell her. Watching her chest rise and fall, he felt his heart thumping louder. She was beautiful, so perfect. The light of his life. He had missed her so much He felt like a piece of himself was now back.
And I'm tired and bored of waiting for you and all those things you never do...
8. MY LIFE
When Seven awoke the next morning, she noticed a large bouquet of flowering plants stems – species Rosa Rubifolia – laying on a Cargo container by her alcove. Puzzled, she looked at a small slip of paper nestled among the stems. It read: "I'm so glad you're back. Your friend, the Doctor."
"Your friend" it had said. Nothing more than a friend. Seven wondered when the Doctor had put the flowers in her room.
She knew that she had to thank him for the gift, and now was as good of a time as any. Seven checked her appearance out in a small mirror and then headed for Sickbay.
When she entered Sickbay, Seven noticed that Ensign Jenkins was there, laughing and talking with the Doctor. He looked up and rose from his chair to greet Seven. Seven felt stiff, angry at the sight of the other woman. "Hello Seven," the Doctor said softly.
Jenkins rose and headed to the far side of Sickbay, busying herself with a menial task.
Seven felt odd. "Doctor," was all she could utter.
"Well, its good to have you back," the Doctor said slowly, as if he were unsure of himself. He put his hand on Sevens shoulder. The touch felt hot and electric, clashing with the huge lump in her throat.
"Thankyou," was her answer. Seven knew that she had to get out of there before she burst into tears. She turned quickly and left.
The Doctor looked on. She was so cold. He felt upset that she hadn't mentioned the roses. She felt nothing for him, this he was sure of. It was time to stop his foolish thoughts about he and her ever having any sort of romantic relationship. He was tiring of chasing an impossible dream and getting hurt in the process.
I know I'm not perfect, but I can smile, and I hope that you can see this heart behind my tired eyes...
9. I'M NO ANGEL
Seven tried to concentrate on the algorithmic equation she was entering into the Astrometrics computer but her mind kept drifting. She kept imagining herself entwined in the Doctor's arms, being kissed by him. She shook her head, trying to make these images stop. He is involved with another woman – she thought. I have to stop this. It's counterproductive.
But no matter what she tried, she couldn't stop her thoughts. Finally, Seven stepped away from the workstation and exited Astrometrics. She had to tell him. Embarrassment was irrelevant. He would tell her what to do, he would not laugh. Perhaps she would feel better after doing so.
Then she stopped. This had to be private. She didn't want Ensign Jenkins hanging around and overhearing their conversation. Seven tapped her combadge, "Seven of Nine to the Doctor."
"This is the Doctor. Go ahead Seven."
"Doctor, I require your assistance in Jeffries Tube 8, Section Beta," Seven said.
"I'll be right there," replied the Doctor. He grabbed his holo-emitter and left Jenkins in charge of Sickbay.
Seven descended the metal stairs that led to Jeffries Tube 8. She had definitely chosen a private place to talk. The Doctors arrived a few minutes later, with a worried look on his face. "Is there something wrong?" he asked anxiously.
"I am undamaged," Seven said slowly, "Physically. But emotionally... I am experiencing some damaging feelings.
The Doctor looked at her quizzically. "Tell me," he said.
Seven rubbed her brow. She felt tired, so tired.
Inside everybody's hiding something. Staring at the same four walls, have you tried to help yourself. The rings around your eyes they don't hide that you need to get some rest
"I want to thank you for the flowers," said Seven. "It was a kind gift."
"You're welcome," smiled the Doctor. "I was beginning to think that you didn't get them!"
"I did," Seven rubbed her brow again. She looked worn out.
"Seven, are you sure you're feeling alright?"
"Doctor, are you in love with Ensign Jenkins?" Seven blurted out.
The Doctors eyebrows raised. "In love?" he smiled a big broad smile. "She's my assistant, Seven. Nothing more, I assure you. Besides how could I possibly be interested in her when I am in love wi….." he stopped abruptly and looked downwards as if he were embarrassed.
Seven sighed. So he was in love with someone. All was lost, the tears started to well in her eyes. "You are in love with someone."
"Yes, I am," said the Doctor looking deeply into Seven's eyes.
The tears started to spill onto her cheeks. Seven wiped at them futilely. "Then, I am lost, because I love you, Doctor," she sobbed.
The Doctor couldn't believe his ears. He pulled Seven to him, hushing her and rocking her gently. "Don't you see?" he asked. "It's you. I'm in love with you, Seven of Nine. You are my sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey."
Seven looked up at the Doctor, her tears slowing. "You love me?" she said in wonderment. "You never told me."
"You never told me either. You were always very, well, cold to me, Seven. Especially recently, after you got back."
"I thought that you and Ensign Jenkins were romantically involved," whispered Seven.
"Silly!" said the Doctor.
I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life. Oh, just to be with you, is having the best day of my life...
11. THANK YOU
"What do we do now?" said the Doctor softly. The two were sitting on the floor of the Jeffries tube, alone in each others arms.
"I never want to be apart from you again," whispered Seven. Her tears had subsided and she rested her head on the Doctors shoulder.
"Every moment we're together, are the best moments of my existence," said the Doctor.
"I will look upon this day as the best day of my life. The day when we came together," said Seven.
Touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking. Take my hand and show me where we're going. Lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing...
12. TAKE MY HAND
Seven looked up at the Doctor. She felt warm in his arms, bathed in love. She leaned up to him and placed a kiss on his mole to the left of his eye. He tightened his grip on her and pressed his lips to hers. They explored each others mouths with such passion that it was overwhelming to both of them. Seven pushed the Doctor back onto the floor of the Jeffries Tube and laid on top of him, kissing him, rubbing against him.
"You're incredible, my love," were the last audible words that were heard.