Ok, this is just a little something I thought up and decided to get off my chest. I'm warning you now, this is going to be a bit surreal. Hope you guys enjoy it.

Alucard Meets a Mary Sue

The moon rose high above the Earth as clouds drifted gently, the silver lighting of the half orb enough to highlight the world below. It was a cool, summer night, the stars all dancing to their own song. However, the heavens seemed to be the only peaceful thing about the night, as down below, a scene of death and chaos unveiled. The setting was thus: Green rolling pastures with quaint hobbles and tiny farm areas. Populating these places were not the usual crowd. Instead, it was a hoard of growling, gnawing ghouls, eyes ablaze and decaying jaws wide open and slacked. But they weren't the only ones there. Two other figures sat themselves within the mess of ghouls. One of them had a tuft of blond hair with large, blue eyes, a uniform of mustard yellow covering a body with a very generous bust. She toted around a gun that was twice her size, firing it easily at the onslaught of ghouls. Seras Victoria. She had separated herself from her counterpart, who was currently using two hand guns to ward off the wave upon wave of the undead. He was a tall figure, with a draping red coat and wide brimmed, matching hat. Orange glasses sat on his nose, a twisted grin of sharpened teeth beneath his lips. He shot, the pentagrams on the back of his gloves popping out against the moonlight. Alucard.

Alucard sent quite a few bullets into quite a few skulls, before releasing the empty cartridges to the ground. As he reloaded, a shrill cry came from the distance. He looked up, a dark brow cocked in interest. Rushing for him was a thin, boney looking vampire, his eyes wide and his pupils dilated. Alucard took his time reloading his gun, the vampire's attack hardly considered a threat. He was just about ready to turn his gun up and fire, when a shot rang out from nowhere, a bullet slicing through the vampire's chest cavity. He sputtered and coughed, before crumbling into ash. With a confused frown, Alucard turned to where the shot had been fired. Unsure if it was a friend or foe who had fired it, he raised his Jackal to eye level, just in case. From out of the shadows, a girl walked into view.

The female looked young – perhaps still a teenager – with a desirable shape to her body. She wore a suggestive outfit of a short, black mini skirt and midriff top, as well as knee high, high heel boots. Her hair was waist length and blue. Not the dark blue of Rip Van Winkle, but a pale, cyan blue. Her skin was evenly tanned, her eyes large and neon green. In one of her hands, she carried a two gage shot gun, a strap of ammo across her chest. She rested the barrel of the gun against her shoulder, a smile on her lips.

"Hey," she said, giving Alucard a wink. Naturally, Alucard was incredibly confused. He turned to Seras, who had just finished off the last of the ghouls. His vassal then turned, a bit of sweat on her face, to see the odd stranger. Seras blinked and turned to her master, completely bemused as to who this person was. The girl let out a ringing laugh. "I see... I guess I should introduce myself! My name is Amethyst Rose. Former Hogwarts student come to help you to fight off the Nazi vampire threat!"

For a while, Alucard wasn't sure what to say. He scratched his head beneath his hat, attempting to come up with a word or two. Perhaps even a question. Seras, on the other hand, brightened. "Oh! What a pretty name! It's nice to meet you, Miss Rose!"

"Please," she said, smiling, "call me Amethyst."

"Amethyst, right... I'm Seras Victoria. Nice to meet you!" Innocently, Seras held out her hand in greeting, but Alucard put a hand on her shoulder, keeping her where she was.

"Easy, Police Girl. We don't know what this girl wants." He wanted to say more, but was stopped by Amethyst's giggling.

"I'm guessing you're the famous Alucard. Pleasure to meet you! I've heard all about you..." She put her hand on her hip, a bit of mirth in her eye. "Since I'm going to be living with you, don't go falling in love with me, kay? One of the reasons I left school... So many boys were getting on my nerves!" She let out a sigh. "My poor Draco... I hope he's not upset with me..."

Alucard was starting to get a sore brain over whatever it was that she was talking about. He gave her a blank stare. "Are you insane...?" he asked honestly.

"Alucard!" The vampire turned to see Integra coming his way, Walter close behind her. He bowed at his master's arrival, before straightening back out. He was about to ask about this newcomer, when Amethyst broke the silence first.

"Cousin!" She practically danced over to Integra, spinning and holding her arms out for a hug. "It's so nice to finally – mph!" She couldn't say much more, as Integra had shoved her hand gun into Amethyst's mouth. Seras blinked, a bit dazed at the scene.

"I... didn't know you had a cousin, Sir Integra."

"I don't."

"Blah!" Amethyst pulled back and spat out the metal taste from her mouth. She shook her head. "Of course you do!" she said brightly. "You just don't know it!"

Integra stared at this girl, her eye beginning to twitch. "Walter..." She turned to her butler. "Are you aware of this?"

Walter shifted his monocle, observing the girl. He slid over to her and gave Amethyst a good once over. "Ah... Now I understand." Hands folded behind his back, he turned to his employer. "It seems that someone has created a 'Mary Sue' for our universe, Sir Integra."

The woman frowned. "What on Earth is that...?"

"A Mary Sue." Walter cleared his throat. "A fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors or readers."

"My name isn't Mary," said Amethyst, her hands on her hips. She pouted at the old man, her shotgun slung back over her shoulder. "My full name is Amethyst Rose Ruby Renesmee Sakura Von Hellsing. And I'm here to help fight the war against the Nazi vampires! And maybe fall in love on the side..." She gave Alucard a flirtatious grin. Integra put her forehead into her palm.

"How do we get rid of it?"

"Simple," said Walter easily. "Come along." Motioning the others to follow, Walter lead them into the thicket, dry leaves crunching beneath their feet. Seras looked about her, her gun clutched within her hands.

"Walter, where are we going?" she asked.

"Somewhere not many ever go," he said simply. "Somewhere others are afraid to dare venture into." The old man walked them to a large tree and moved straight towards the bark. Reaching forward, he slipped his fingers into the crack of the trunk and began to pull. With a sharp cracking sound, the tree trunk started to open up like a door. In fact, once it was all the way open, Walter revealed that it was, in fact, a door. This door lead to a darkened room, the shadows covering up any real detail of the room itself. He took a step inside, the others following suit.

"Ooh!" said Amethyst, her eyes bright. "This reminds me of when I used to go to school... Harry, one of my best friends in the whole world, he taught me how to use Floo Powder. It's this stuff that lets you travel in between fire places...!" By this point, even Seras was starting to get a bit irritated. Walter shut the door behind him, a few automatic lights coming on. They were in a room of metal, a strange platform and guard rail sitting in front of them. Motioning for them to follow, Walter got onto the platform and pushed a few buttons on a control panel in the front. Once each person was on board, the platform moved forward a bit, the entire front wall starting to lift. What lay before them was something that none of them could imagine.

It was a wide, vast canon of sorts, one that seemed to go on forever. Both vertically and horizontally. The floor, ceiling and back wall were all so miniscule and far away that the side walls seemed to never end. On each side of them, they realized, the walls were filled with all sorts of different doors and labels.

"What is this place...?" said Seras, her eyes wide.

"This is the inner workings of the fan fiction universe," said Walter simply.

"Fascinating..." said Integra, shifting her glasses. She looked down when the control panel in front of Walter began to speak in a sleek, female voice.

"Category, please."

"Anime and manga."

"Title, please."


There was a little pause, and then the podium beneath them began to hiss and dislodge itself, hovering in mid air. It straightened itself out, before making its way through the air and passed the numerous doors and titles.

"You see, whenever an idea is created, often times a character is made up to go along with it. More often then not, they end up in a sort of limbo once the story is finished. It's a vault of sorts."

A grim laugh came from Alucard's throat. "Sounds familiar."

"Yes, well..." Walter turned to the others as they continued to fly, the wind knocking back their hair. They passed door after door, the wind slapping their skin. Finally, their floating dock settled right in front of a large door marked "HELLSING." Pressing a few other buttons, the butler locked the deck where it was, allowing the five of them to slip onto the ledge of the door. Seeming to know what he was doing, Walter pressed a few keys on the number pad, the door unlocking. "Here we are."

"And where would that be?" said Integra flatly. "The seventh circle of Hell?"


With that, Walter slid open the door, revealing a large, open room with all kinds of different faces bodies, all mulling about. Just about all the males there had some kind of scar or marking with either a large gun or strange looking weapon. All the females were either big breasted or seemed to have a relation to Schrödinger. That is to say, they sported cat ears and in some cases, even tails. They all looked up as the group walked in. A chorus of "master"s, "brother"s, "sister"s, "cousin"s and "lover"s greeted them all. A few males slid up to Seras, some of them ready to molest her right there. As for poor Integra, she was also bombarded with just about the same crowd. The same went for Alucard. For some reason, his admirers were males as well. Walter turned to Amethyst, his hands behind his back.

"This is your new home," he said simply. The girl looked around, seeing what she was to become. Fear fell over her face and she gripped her hands to her chest. Slowly, she began to back out and shake her head, unable to believe what she saw. In a sudden cry, she rushed from the room and went to the balcony outside, sobbing over the railing. Alucard watched her leave and then turned to the slew of characters that were clawing at him. Easily, he slipped away from their grasps and made his way to the sobbing Sue on the ledge. Hearing his approach, she turned, her eyes filled over with tears.

"Oh Alucard..." She simpered. She put her hands to her face, trembling, before rushing to the vampire and latching around his waist. Her tears began flowing more freely, her voice echoing against the wide spread walls of doors. "Please! Don't leave me...!" She turned up to him, her eyes overflowing now. "I... I know that I've been with Draco for a while but... b-but... I've always loved you, Alucard! It's always been you! Please... c-can't you love me too...?"

Alucard stared down at the tiny girl that clung to him. Her face was so delicate, her eyes yearning. What cruel master would create such a creature only to abandon her? It really was unfair. With the spare wind from the vault, his hair gently brushed against his own face, a hand reaching forward and laying a hand on her head. Her gaze brightened, a tiny smile coming to her face. "Oh Alucard..."

Without warning, Alucard slipped out his Jackal, putting the barrel of the gun in her mouth and pulling the trigger. Her brains flew out from the hole his bullet made, her eyes wide with shock. After standing there for a split second more, the blue haired girl fell in a pool of her own blood. Dusting off his coat, Alucard slipped the weapon back into his holster. Integra clicked her tongue behind him.

"Honestly, Alucard. You don't think that you could at least have let her live?"

"I wouldn't be to harsh on him, Sir Integra." Walter shifted his monocle, looking at the body. "If I'm correct, she should be coming back to life just... about... now."

"Nnnnnggghhh..." With a groan and a jerk, the body of Amethyst began to rise, jerking and twitching as she stood to her feet. Her skin began to glue back together, her blood returning to her body. Finally, she shook her head and put a hand to it. "Ooh... what a headache..." She blinked up at the vampire who shot her, who looked just about ready to do it again. "Alucard! You meanie! Why did you do that!? We were having a tender moment just now!" She got distracted, however, when Seras walked forward, astounded.

"Master's bullets didn't harm you?" she said, blinking.

Amethyst giggled as she shook her head. "Of course not! I'm half vampire, silly!"

Confused, Seras scratched her head. "But... that gun is designed to kill vampires..."

"Forget this..." Alucard grumbled. "Let's go home. Master?"

"Agreed." Pulling her coat tighter to her, Integra got onto the floating dock, followed by her servants. Walter quickly dislodged the craft, turning it and driving it back to where they came. "What a horrible place," Integra sniffed, her arms folded below her bosom. "Those... Mary Sues, were they? Dreadful creatures..."

A chuckle came from the old man's throat. "You should see the Twilight vault."


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