So this is my first(but hopefully not last) Mortal Instruments fic. This is part one of a two-shot centred around Malec(who else?!)

Enjoy and please R&R! PS, I know it's silly and Magnus is a bit OTT but it made me giggle

Wooing a Warlock- Chapter 1

Alec Lightwood almost fell on his face after stepping out of the cab.

Great start, you're making a fool of yourself even before you meet him, he chided himself.

He wasn't ready for this yet. He had just recovered from an attack at the hands of a Greater Demon, after all. The crutches had just been abandoned that morning and feeling free for the first time since his ordeal, he had decided to do something ballsy. Confronting a warlock about his not-so-innocent intentions was the most reckless thing he could think of.

Ideally, he would have liked to have ridden in on one of the cool vampire motorcycles at night-time with his dark hair billowing in the wind. He would traipse up the steps that led to the metal-bound door, press the apartment buzzers and say…see this was the problem. The words always fled when he needed them most. Anyway, in his fantasy he would wow the High Warlock with his quick wit and be invited in immediately. And after that….Alec blushed despite himself.

"Hey kid, what's the weather like on your planet?" the cab driver rudely interrupted his reverie, just when it was getting interesting.

He rooted in his pocket for some spare change and proceeded to hand the driver his due. He ignored the man's mumbling about a lack of a tip.

Once Alec had climbed the steps leading to the warlock's door he was forced to face the reality of the situation- he was on a stranger's porch and hadn't received an invitation. What if Magnus turned him away? Just because he had given Alec his number didn't mean that he was cool with him dropping by anytime he felt like it. How did he even know that he was genuinely interested in him? He might say "call me" to every third person who entered his apartment on a whim. Either that or he could just have been messing with him. Tease the Shadowhunter. No, that couldn't be true. If he didn't care then he wouldn't have healed him. Alec groaned. Things would be so much simpler if he hadn't lost Magnus's number.


When he had awoken from his healing after Abbadon's attack he had been almost suffocated by Isabelle's embrace. When she had filled him in on what had happened to him he had felt ashamed. He had one chance to prove to Jace that he could be tough like him and kill a demon once and for all and he had failed.

He perked up considerably once he heard who had come to his rescue. Magnus Bane was without doubt the most illustrious company he had ever kept, even if he had been unconscious at the time.

"Um…did he leave a number or anything?"

She raised her brows in a suggestive manner. She was obviously holding herself responsible for introducing them at the party and he could tell from the way that her lips were curving that she was going to declare herself the reason of his recently active love-life…if that indeed was what it was.

"I just want to thank him for saving my life," he cut her off before she could assume anything. He wasn't fooling her. Hell, how could he fool his sister if he couldn't even fool himself?

"Yes, he left a number…but he gave it to you not me," she responded, relishing the look of confusion on his face. She sauntered off before calling back- "You'll know what I mean soon enough."

Siblings. Could they never be straightforward? Despite his limbs being more tender than usual, he was well capable of hauling himself out of bed with the aid of crutches. He entered the bathroom and stripped. While in the shower he thought of how to open the conversation once he called Mr. Bane. He failed to come up with anything original and it was only when he was towelling himself dry that he realised what a huge blunder he had made.

In the mirror he saw smudged numbers trailing from just above his chest to his bellybutton.

Damn it!

This was all Isabelle's fault! If she had only been straight with him, instead of trying to be clever then he could be talking to Magnus right now! He moved closer to the mirror and desperately tried to discern the ruined figures…to no avail. At the back of his mind a voice wondered if Magnus had seen more of him than his naked chest….


That was how Alec found himself on Magnus's doorstep a week after being healed.

Before he had a chance to talk himself out of it, he pushed the buzzer. He was greeted by purring strangely enough. The naughtier side of him wondered if Magnus purred, then realised that he probably had a cat. The thought put him off slightly. He was more of a dog person and even Church made him feel a trickle of unease.

He shook his head. Magnus was obviously holding his cat while waiting for a response. If he didn't hurry up and say something, he would look like a fool.

"Um…Mr. Bane?," Mr. Bane? he criticised himself. What kind of pick-up line is that? He wouldn't be impressed unless he found it kinky….was he kinky? He was a warlock after all. Alec didn't know if he had any strange fetishes in the bedroom department. He realised that he had trailed off in mid-sentence. Panic reared it's ugly head and predictably, he started to babble.

"I just wanted to-Oh, it's Alec Lightwood from the Institute by the way. I just wanted to thank you for sucking-drawing the demon poison out of me and you gave me your number but I lost it so I justwonderedif-"

No response except for the faint purring.

Was he trying to torture him? Because he was doing a very good job. His shyness quickly turned to anger. Was he playing with him?

"The least you could do is respond."



"If you don't bother answering then I swear on the Angel, I'm leaving and never coming back."

He prayed that he wouldn't have to follow the threat through. Then he would have travelled to the far side of Brooklyn for no reason. When his threat wasn't acknowledged he turned on his heel and prepared to walk down the steps, all the while hoping that he would be lucky enough not to get the same cabdriver as before. He was so deep in thought that he almost failed to see the sparkly sight before him.

Magnus Bane the famed High Warlock of Brooklyn was blocking his access to the steps. He was magnificently dressed as always. The garments that were privileged with draping his already magnificent form were, a bright blazer adorned with multicoloured flowers-though Alec noted that at the centre of each flower lay a menacing looking skull. He chose to ignore this particular feature and continued his inspection- a pair of black and crimson tartan jeans and sequined boots that seemed to be sprinkled with even more sparkles. His hair was arranged into the trademark spikes, his cat-like eyes were buried under a mountain of black eyeliner and his mischievous smirk was enhanced by his purple lipstick. In his right hand he held a plastic carrier bag which contrasted with his elaborate outfit.

Alec was faintly surprised that he wasn't more shocked by his ensemble, and while he appreciated Magnus's efforts to look good he wondered idly what he would look like without the mask of make-up.

Had he heard his little hissy fit? Alec sincerely hoped not. That would be absolutely mortifying.

"I don't remember mail ordering a Nephilim. Perhaps I was drunk."

Alec flushed in embarrassment. He had travelled all this way and Magnus didn't even want to see him! He tried to step past him but the warlock mirrored his movement.

"That's a compliment Muffin. I don't regret anything I've done while drunk…well except for that time when I had too many strawberry schnapps and made an abusive phone call to Lady Gaga. FYI the bitch totally stole my style," Magnus whispered the last part as if it were a scandalous secret. Alec just nodded mutely as if he knew what he was talking about. Madam who? Also, had the High Warlock of Brooklyn just called him Muffin?!

"What's the matter, kid? Forget how to move or something?"

Oh God! Say something! Anything!

"I'm not a muffin!"

Anything but that!

Magnus's grin widened wickedly. "Yes you are Alecakes. I bet you taste sinfully good and that I'll feel like a glutton after devouring you whole."

Alec almost squeaked but stopped himself. What could he say to that? He wished that he could freeze time and text Jace for a good come-back. Well not Jace but someone witty. Then something miraculous happened-the perfect response danced in front of his eyes and he grasped at it before it floated away,

"I bet you taste like a powdered donut."

Magnus stared at him for a good five seconds before throwing his head back and laughing. Alec's self-confidence went up a notch.

"All this talk of pastries is making me hungry. I'm on a diet at the moment so if you don't like houmous and crackers I'm afraid you're going to go hungry."

He was inviting him up! Yes! Alec did his best to look nonchalant and fought the urge to perform a victory air grab.

"I don't eat much anyway. Why are you on a diet? You're a bean-pole."

Magnus raised a perfectly plucked brow and his smile became feral, "Does that mean you'll grant me a lap dance?"

Alec managed to maintain a cool countenance while Magnus began rooting in his jean pocket for his key.

"Uh…won't your cat let us in?"

Magnus continued rooting while he answered.

"Ordinarily Chairman Meow would save me the trouble of fumbling for my key but he insisted on accompanying me to the store for cat food. He's getting so fat."

As if in response, the small tabby cat popped his head out from the plastic bag and gave an outraged meow of protest.

Magnus remained oblivious to Alec's confusion as he squabbled with his cat.

"Oh don't get so offended! I keep telling you 'A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips' but do you listen? No, you just lie eating catnip in your basket all day or stretch out on the couch to watch Oprah-"

Another meow of indignation.

"That's different. I can multitask by watching Oprah and doing Pilates at the same time-"

"Uh…I'd hate to interrupt but couldn't your other cat open the door?"

An icy silence filled the air.

"I only have one cat," Magnus stated. He glanced suspiciously at Chairman Meow who conveniently had something stuck in his eye. Magnus, who had found his key moments before during his quarrel with his pet, unlocked the front door and strode purposefully inside.

"Then who pressed the intercom button…", Alec trailed off as he realised that Magnus wasn't paying attention to him.

He followed the High Warlock inside and up the steps to the apartment, curious to find out what was going on.

The Magnificent One's abode seemed much smaller in the harsh light of day It seemed almost like an artist's abandoned canvas -there were dashes of glitter paint peppered across the naked walls and the floorboards possessed an almost unnatural sheen. Across the way, Alec spied a fluffy, white, tail twisting into a bedroom. Magnus was practically shaking with fury. He dropped the plastic bag and Chairman Meow scampered out obviously dreading what was to come. The tabby cat proceeded to sprint passed a door on the other side of the room, which on closer inspection, was revealed to be an average sized den.

Magnus pursued his pet and shut the den door behind him. Alec, not wanting to eavesdrop, began to sift through Magnus's shopping. Perhaps he could prepare a snack for his glittery friend. He tried to inspect the purchases without reflecting on why Magnus would be having an almost lover-like tiff with his kitten. The warlock was baffling enough without throwing unnecessary questions into the mix. Yet another issue presented itself-how could a cat open a door? He stifled the question, not wanting to know the answer.

As Alec made his way in the direction of what appeared to be the kitchen, he couldn't help but hear a few exclamations along the lines of-

"Don't you play innocent with me Chairman Manipulator! How long have you been keeping this fluffy little secret?"…… "Don't you dare turn this back on me! I'm not one bit like Othello! I have hard evidence of your sordid deed!…" "Why couldn't you just tell me that my company wasn't sufficient? The deception is what upsets me the…"

These bursts of indignation filtered into his ears as Alec smoothed houmous onto crackers for Magnus. Eventually, the den door was swung open and Chairman Meow flitted out, a figure of guilt and shame. He headed for the room in which the fluffy cat had disappeared earlier. Before the sheepish tabby could shut the door behind him, Magnus emerged from the den and shouted, "You're undeserving of the title of Chairman! I'm demoting you to Secretary Meow!"

So humbled was the cat that he attempted to hide behind the bedroom door. Seconds later with the help of his friend he managed to shut it.

"Now that tubby cat has left us, where were we young Shadowhunter?" a concluding chapter in order?xx