A Slaughtered Lamb
Castiel was still crying against the younger Winchester when Dean came back, his hands bruised and bloodied.
"Dean…" Castiel breathed.
He's alright! He's alright, they didn't hurt him! He's okay, he's okay…
Sam let him go and stood, moving to let Dean take his place.
"You didn't kill them, did you?" Sam whispered, grabbing his arm and stopping him in mid step. Dean shook his head.
"I wanted to," He said, glancing at Castiel. "But…I couldn't." Sam nodded, thankful.
Dean sat down next to his injured friend, noticing that the cuts and bruises on his face were almost gone.
"Dean," Castiel cried, hugging him tight. "I thought, I thought they would hurt you t-too."
"Hey," Dean said, lifting his face and giving him a reassuring smile. "I'm okay. Those assholes couldn't have hurt me if they tried, alright?"
"You-you didn't kill them, d-did you?" Castiel asked, his innocent eyes begging.
"No," Dean assured. "I didn't, Cas. I wanted to…god did I want to. But I couldn't. Not after…after those things I did." His voice ended in a whisper.
"Then, wh-what did you do to them?" He asked. Dean swallowed, clenching his jaw.
"They paid for it, alright? It's okay, now." He promised. The angel cried heavily.
"I just want it to go away, Dean," He sobbed. "I want it all to stop. It hurts, it hurts so much. And it's not physical agony, Dean. I wish it was," He cried harder. "My heart hurts. My mind hurts. And Ji-Jimmy-"
Dean winced internally. He'd completely forgotten that there was someone in this body besides Castiel.
"I've tr-tried to keep as m-much from him as-as I can. B-but…It hurt him t-too," Castiel's chest hurt at the thought. It wasn't just him crying, it wasn't just him dealing with all the pain and anguish, and it wasn't just him reliving those horrid memories. Jimmy was too. "I've already made him suffer so much. This…this isn't fair, Dean."
"Shh…It's not your fault, buddy. It's okay." Dean assured. Castiel continued to cry.
"Make it stop, Dean," He begged. "Please, please make it stop." Dean winced.
"I wish I could, Cas. I wish I could go back and stop it, but I can't. Shh…It's alright. Shh…" Castiel rested his face in Dean's neck, his shoulders heaving, sides contracting painfully.
"When will it end?" He whispered. "When does the agony end, Dean?"
"I…I don't know, Cas. But it will, okay? I promise it will. Shh..."
"I don't want to be afraid anymore." He cried.
"Shh…I'm here. I've got you, alright? And if you need me, for anything, I'm here, okay? It's gonna be okay, Cas," He promised. "It's all gonna be okay."
Three Months later…
He sighed and downed the shot in one gulp. The bar was loud, and it wasn't helping his headache. He'd had a long week, a very long week, and he just needed some time to wind down.
But his headache got steadily worse. And he was getting nauseous and dizzy. Very dizzy.
He stood, wondering if he would puke. The room spun and he teetered. He regained some of his balance and managed to stumble his way outside.
He ended up by his car, reaching for his cell phone to call Sam. The screen went in and out of focus but he couldn't see.
Something hard hit his back, catching him off guard. He fell on the hard ground, gasping.
His phone had fallen under the car and too far away. He was alone.
Someone grabbed his hair and hauled his face up. "Not so easy to get to, eh?" His blood ran cold. "Well, I guess this makes you a fucking liar, now doesn't it?" A hand was clasped over his mouth and he was dragged to the back of the bar, out of sight from anyone that might be passing. He struggled as much as he could, but the drug was settling in, making it nearly impossible for him to fight.
"You might as well not even bother," Leader grunted, throwing him to the ground. "You won't have hardly any fight in ya here in a minute." Dean struggled weakly anyway.
"No!" He grunted, squirming. His T-shirt was ripped away, leaving his flesh to touch the cold ground. A belt that wasn't his was tightened over his mouth, silencing him. His own belt was torn away, breaking the loops. His hands were bound behind his back, tight.
"You know why I'm doin' this?" Leader asked, right before driving his steel toed boot into Dean's ribs a few times, leaving him coughing and gasping for breath against the leather. "'Cause of what you did. We got your little fuck boy and we're gonna get you."
He bent back over him, yanking his jeans and boxers off, leaving him naked. Tears of frustration welled in the hunter's eyes. He couldn't move. He didn't have the chance to fight back. He was helpless. And that pissed him off. But he was too scared to really notice.
There was hot breath in his ear. "I'm gonna fuck you good, green eyes."
Dean screamed into the belt, the tears leaking from his eyes. Leader's thrusts were so hard the pain literally blinded him.
He continued to scream, in anger, pain and fear. Stinging tears slid down his cheeks.
"SAAA-AAAM!" He cried, like he had so many times before.
"Shut the fuck up!" A hand squeezed his throat, silencing him.
It was those words that turned Castiel's attention to the alley. He'd been standing by Dean's car, just finding his cell phone and realizing something was seriously wrong.
He went toward the alley, and when he reached it, he froze.
It was like watching a movie of the horrible things that had happened to him a few months ago. But the eyes that turned in his direction weren't his. They were green, they were Dean's, tear-filled and terrified.
"HEY!" Castiel yelled, not knowing what else to say. The four men's heads snapped in his direction. "GET AWAY FROM HIM!"
Leader pulled out of Dean, making him sob, and zipped his pants, leaving Dean whimpering softly.
"That you, Blue Eyes?" He asked. Castiel swallowed, fear threatening to overcome him. But he looked at Dean again, those pleading eyes begging him for help.
"Do you know who I am?" He growled dangerously, walking toward them, any sign of fear gone. The men snickered. Castiel's glare deepened. Lightning flashed behind him and thunder rumbled, the shadow of his wings spread behind him. The men's eyes widened, turning to the cowards they were. "I am Castiel, an angel of the Lord. And I DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" There was a magnificent light and the sounds of screaming. All that remained when it faded was dust.
Dean was trembling out of his control, utterly humiliated. Castiel bent down next to him, hands shaking as they unclasped the belt on his wrists.
"It's okay, Dean," He assured. "They're gone now, it's okay." He unfastened the belt over Dean's mouth and let it fall. He shrugged off his trench coat and wrapped it around Dean's shoulders.
"I'm okay," Dean croaked. "He didn't finish, I'm alright." Castiel shook his head at Dean's stubbornness and helped him stand. Dean he could hardly keep his balance. The drug was still working full swing, making it really hard for him to move.
"Just hang on to me, alright?" Castiel hugged him, and Dean hugged him back, in obvious pain.
He blinked and he was in the motel room, trying not to cry.
The angel took him into the bathroom, turning on the shower and trying to stay calm.
Dean said they couldn't hurt him. He lied, he lied!
"Okay, Dean, come here," He said gently. He carefully lifted Dean into the tub, knowing what it felt like. Unholy, dirty, disgusting, humiliated.
Dean welcomed the warm water, letting tears fall because Castiel wouldn't be able to tell the difference. He certainly felt cleaner when the water stopped. And he had stopped bleeding, which meant he didn't need stitches.
Castiel dried him off, ignoring Dean's assurances that he could do it, and got him dressed, once again ignoring his charge.
He gently lied him down on the bed and covered him up. Dean was staring at the ceiling, closed off, bottling it all up like usual.
"Dean, don't," Castiel said, turning his face. "Don't bury it. It'll only hurt more later."
"It's not a big deal, Cas," Dean said. But Castiel could see tears coming back to his eyes. "He didn't finish. And it wasn't even close to…to what happened to you." The angel winced.
"Where's Sammy?" Dean asked, trying to get past the lump in his throat and shove the tears in his eyes back.
"He's on his way back from helping Bobby with something. He tried to call you and you didn't pick up. That's why I went looking for you." Castiel said. Dean nodded, shutting his eyes and cursing the tear that fell when he did. The angel took the hunter's hand, trying to soothe him in some way.
"Dean, it's alright. He'll be here soon," Dean nodded again. "Dean, look at me…please." He opened his eyes.
"It wasn't even that bad, Cas," He assured. "Yours was bad, that was nothin-"
"Dean, stop," Castiel whispered. "Rape is rape. It doesn't matter how long it is, or what was done. It still hurts the same."
"It's nothing I can't handle." Dean assured. Don't cry, He thought angrily. Don't you dare cry!
"Don't you think they did that in Hell too?!" The tears fell unbridled now. He couldn't help it. He let the sobs come, relieving his throat and chest. "Don't you think they would hurt me that way too?! It's the most awful place ever imagined, of course they do that! They do it a lot…" He sobbed, turning his face away from the angel. "So when I say that was nothin', it was nothin'. I've had worse, Cas. I've had so much worse. And that was my fault. They did it because I hurt them. I shoulda just killed them." Dean cried into his pillow, turning away from the angel.
Castiel was in shock, hardly able to believe what he just said. That was why Dean understood. That was why he got as angry as he did. He touched Dean's shaking shoulder, also shocked that Dean was crying.
"I know how it feels, Dean," He whispered. "I know how much it hurts. And it's okay. It's going to be alright." Dean turned and looked up at him. Castiel's eyes grew and pain hit his heart. He'd never seen Dean so vulnerable. His face's mask had been ripped away, leaving it naked. His eyes were wide and innocent.
Castiel carefully hugged Dean, not wanting to scare him or make him pull away. Dean hugged him back, sobbing hard.
"Sammy…" He whimpered.
"He'll be here soon." Castiel assured, swallowing tears of his own. He knew what Dean was feeling. Exactly what he was feeling. And it hurt.
He cried with Dean, hugging him as tight as he could without hurting him.
"Thank you, Cas." Dean breathed.
"For what?" Castiel asked, tears in his voice.
It was only a few minutes after that that Sam opened the door. He stopped short at the scene that was before him. It looked like what had happened three months ago, but reversed.
"What happened?" He asked, making Dean and Castiel jump. Castiel let him go and went over to Sam. What he told him in a very quiet whisper made his legs start to fail him and his stomach flip.
"And they, they're dead, right?" He asked quietly. Castiel nodded. "Good."
"He's been asking for you," Castiel whispered. "I believe he needs you, Sam."
"Thank you." Sam said, before nearly running to his brother.
"Sammy…" Dean cried. Sam hugged him as tight as he could.
"It's alright, Dean. It's okay now. Shh…"
Castiel stood outside, staring at the night sky.
"Why would you let this happen, Father?" He asked. "Why would you make us suffer this way?" There was no answer. Of course there wasn't. He didn't even know where God was. Talking to him was a little meaningless. But he had to talk to something. God was supposed to be in Heaven, so that was where he was going to speak.
"Dean Winchester should not have to suffer any more than he already has. And now he is in pain, weeping. As you know that's not exactly in his character to do. Please, Father, relieve at least some of it. I don't care about mine. But please…"
He bowed his head.
"I do have pain, Father. I have terrible pain. And I am afraid that I might not be worthy to enter Heaven now. I am…I am impure. I can no longer be an angel…Can I?" Tears fell down his face. "I am so sorry, Father. Please forgive me. Forgive what I have done, please. I know I can never be pure again. I am tainted, and…and," He was sobbing now. He collapsed to his knees. "I don't know what to do, Father. I don't know how to repair what has been broken inside me. I do not know how to purify myself again. I cannot get rid of them, Father! Please…Help me, please…I am not worthy of your help, but…please, Father, I beg you…"
He shut his eyes, overcome by his sobs.
He felt someone hug him, hug him tight and close.
"There is nothing to forgive, Castiel."
He opened his eyes. The sensation was gone. He felt better, completely. His pain was gone. And there was nothing there. Absolutely nothing. Anywhere.
Castiel looked up.
--Idk, maybe it was a stupid ending...U tell me! Thanks to all who read! :) --