Title: Nine and a Half
Characters/Pairings: Harry Lockhart, Perry van Shrike
Rating: R for language
Word Count: 320
Disclaimer: I don't own Kiss Kiss Bang Bang or any of the characters; I'm just playing around a bit.


It's weird going from having ten fully functioning fingers to just nine and a half. Harry's had a lot of time getting used to his original ten — nearly thirty-five years, his whole life, in fact. Now a half is AWOL and it still stumps him regularly. Like, for example, when he's trying to pick the lock on Perry's desk drawer just for the fun of it and reaches for something, and it feels goddamn wrong holding that something, and when he checks why he sees that hey, half a finger is missing, maybe that's why?

(Not that this has ever happened. And Perry definitely didn't find out and tore a strip off Harry for it.)

Still, it's not like it's an important finger. Harry didn't really have any use for his left ring finger when he had it and certainly doesn't now. (He's tried the marriage thing and fucked it up big time. Of course.) It would have been a lot worse if he'd lost, say, a middle finger, because that's one useful finger.

Oh, come on, like you don't think so.

So really, he should just get over being the nine-and-a-half-fingered man already and get on with his life. Only, he obviously hasn't.

When Harry voices these concerns ("Hey, Perry, this whole finger business kinda bugs me. I mean, how am I'm supposed to count things? Fuck the decimal system, I'll have to start doing fractions and shit with nines instead of tens.") Perry's reply is just turning off Harry's computer monitor and saying that it's a good thing that Harry doesn't wear nail polish, and quit playing solitaire so he can go get them lunch before it's time for dinner.

It isn't until fifteen minutes later, when Harry is given the greasy plastic bag from the Thai take-away place, that he realizes Perry hadn't called him an idiot, or a numbskull, or a fuckwit, or anything at all.