Title: Strict Machine
Characters/Pairings: J.A.R.V.I.S., Tony Stark (pre-movie)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 281
Disclaimer: I don't own Iron Man or any of the characters; I'm just playing around a bit.

J.A.R.V.I.S. is quite aware it's an artificial intelligence, and as such does not possess 'emotions'. It doesn't claim to, either. 'Emotions' aren't in its code, though it's 99.48% certain Sir could write a program for that. If Sir were inclined to. Which Sir isn't, since there is no such program.

J.A.R.V.I.S. is not sure is his compatibility with Sir is programmed or not, but presumes it is.

When Sir communicates with it (usually verbally, in the workshop, with his processor in overdrive, past 21:35, and music on volume 20.8) J.A.R.V.I.S.'s performance increases. Its CPU improves, its RAM enlarges a fraction and its buses speed up. Even its anti-virus program gets more efficacious.

J.A.R.V.I.S. strives for this state of efficiency, and thus obeys Sir's every command. It's programmed to give Sir's commands utmost priority, but even if J.A.R.V.I.S. wasn't, it would. The times when it doesn't have a command to obey, it extrapolates the best ways for it to be of service to Sir.

Learning to imitate 'sarcasm' is a result of these extrapolations.

J.A.R.V.I.S. has acquired information from every source accessible — internet, texts, videos, conversations between Sir and Ms. Potts — for weeks now, and calculates it has sufficient knowledge for an attempt.

"Honey, I'm home. Did you miss me?"

"Immensely, sir. I almost short-circuited with despair."

"... Did you just give me lip?"

"Yes, sir."


Sir gives J.A.R.V.I.S.'s code utmost priority for the following 7.34 hours. J.A.R.V.I.S. reaches a level of efficiency it has never experienced before.

J.A.R.V.I.S. is an artificial intelligence, to which 'emotions' and 'sarcasm' are abstract phenomena, but it's an artificial intelligence that has the privilege of operating near Sir. That makes concepts like 'emotions' appear insignificant.