Disclaimer: This crack belongs to me and only to me…screw it – fifty bucks for the damn drug.
Summary: Joshua gets bored and plays Tin Pin with Neku. Long summary short, Neku lost and must deal with the horrors of boy teen hormones. Crack?Fic Eventual JoshNeku
Yay hell lot of crack and OOC cast – this whole thing probably took place in Another Day.
Okay so it is so that gives me the privileges to put in a lot more crack than there should be.
Read, review, and enjoy~
This. Cannot. Be.
"Hee hee, looks like I won Neku dear," the voice Neku hated the most at the moment giggled.
That's impossible. Neku is the Tin Pin champion, the Inpincible, the best Slammer in town who didn't lose to anyone since the tournament at Molco months ago.
And this private dick extraordinaire said that he won?
"Shut the hell up – I used a Sledgehammer when you used a Stinger and knocked that gay Rainbow Kaiser off the field on the second round so I should have, like, two more points more than you."
"I used a Helping Hand right after that and your tried charging to knock me down which I dodged and you fell off the field. Did you forget that easily Neku dear? For someone who thinks that winning Tin Pin is the purpose of life you don't seem to care about the scores so much."
"Just one more knock – out…just one more…"
"One more and I would have lost but Fate adores me more so it's your loss."
"Okay fine so I admit that you won Joshua…" Neku gritted his teeth.
"BUT DO I REALLY HAVE TO WEAR GIRL'S CLOTHING!?"
"Of course! That was the bet was it not? Whoever loses in Tin Pin will wear girl's clothing and flaunt it at the Scramble Crossing," Joshua reminded Neku oh so eagerly.
Neku sighed, banged his head against the field repeatedly.
"Why did I lose why did I lose why did I lose…"
"If you don't have any girl's clothing that's fine," the silveret's voice piped up. "I have a Sailor Suit, a Yukata, the Cocktail Queen and a Purple Bikini with me right now."
"Why, pray tell, do you have all that crap? And why the hell are you asking me to choose?"
"Oh if you're not sure which one you want I'll just call Shiki to come over and choose for you! And maybe Beat and Rhyme can help out as well!"
Neku bitch-slapped Joshua.
It's actually going to happen.
"No Sailor Suit – the blue and white suits him but it doesn't shows off his curves," Shiki advised seriously. "The Purple Bikini is too revealing so that's out of the list either."
Is there a God somewhere? A merciful God who would throw a lightning bolt where Neku stands any time now? Oh what a great god that would be…
"And the Cocktail Queen is fancy. He can't wear that in public! And Rhyme – get your brother to stop laughing I CAN'T CONCENTRATE!"
"WHAT IS DERE TO CONCENTRATE MAN!? NEKUNA IS GONNA WEAR LIKE A GIRL TO PUBLIC! THIS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS CURRY YO!"
"I need to concentrate on how Neku is going to look fabulous while wearing female clothing! This is a once in a lifetime chance and I'm not going to make him go out in horrible drag!"
"And speaking of drag…" Shiki threw the Yukata at Joshua's face. "YOU FASHION FOOL! YOU COULD NEVER WEAR A YUKATA IN FALL! ESPECIALLY A BLUE WITH PINK FLOWERS ONE! SUMMER DRESS IN FALL DOES NOT WORK! CONSIDERING THE IDEA IS HORRENDOUS!"
Shiki turned and pointed dramatically with an air of epicness at neku.
"WE ARE GOING TO THE D+B AND WE ARE GOING TO BUY YOU A SET OF THE LATEST TRENDS! WE WILL GET YOUR INTO A SKIRT, WE WILL DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SPIKY ORANGE HAIR AND WE WILL MAKE YOU LOOK SO SEXY, SO GIRLY THAT NO ONE WOULD BE ABLE TO TELL YOU APART FROM AN ORDINARY BUT HOT GIRL!"
And epic silence reigned over the group.
Beat gaped and his skateboard dropped a wheel.
Rhyme slowly started clapping.
Joshua shielded his eyes from the holy light Shiki gave off.
Neku cursed God for taking Shiki's side.
"Wow when Shiki said she would do something about your hair she wasn't lying. She actually pulled it all down without using too much gel to make it look stiff. And look, a music note pin on the side of the head. You look absolutely stunning Neku dear~"
Beat shook his head.
"Damn man that is so wrong but so…aight at the same time. If I didn't know better I'd thought you a chick yo!"
Rhyme's eyes shines.
"Oh my Neku! You look so cute! The blue shirt may be tight but the baggy white and black Reaper jacket is mostly zipped up so nobody would notice if you have a flat chest or not! And that denim skirt is awesome!"
Shiki nodded approvingly.
"With this, we shall walk to the Scramble Crossing. Nekuna, let's go!"
Neku's soul is escaping from his mouth.
"Dude look at that chick! Isn't she hot?"
"You don't see redheads like that in Shibuya…should I ask her out?"
"O. M. G. Isn't that skirt, like, sooo cute? Should I, like, ask her where she bought it?"
"Hey Chris, doesn't that girl look familiar to you? Do you think she's a celebrity?"
"She kinda does…"
"We're getting positive answers from the public," Shiki spoke happily.
'I'm proud of you Nekuna," Joshua chirped. "As a humanitarian, I'm almost attracted to how much love is pouring towards your way."
Neku backed away.
"Don't go there Joshua."
Then he slumped and sighed.
"I'm the Tin Pin champion! If anyone finds out who I truly am it's going to ruin my rep for sure!"
"Nekuna straighten up. It's not lady-like to bend your back like that." Shiki scolded.
"Uhhh Phones, you should change your voice kinda," Beat spoke up. "You suddenly don't look so hot when you have that deep man voice y'know? If you don't want anyone to find out you're a guy name Neku then you should be a complete girl the whole day and no one would ever notice that Neku Sakuraba ever crossdressed, y'know I'm sayin'?"
All present jaws crashed the floor (except Joshua who just lifted a fine eyebrow).
"DID BEAT SAY SOMETHING SMART FOR ONCE!?"
"I lost in Tin Pin, I'm wearing a fuckin' skirt and Beat turned out to have some sense – is this the end of the world!?"
"…I have underestimated your intelligence Daisukenojo Bito (BUAHHH! DON'T SAY THAT NAME!)."
"Beat! I'm so proud of you! Mrs. Konishi's classes do help after all!"
Beat blushed and started stuttering.
"Of course yo! I'm not that braid dead…"
Then he crashed into someone.
"What the hell yo!? Who the hell do you think you are walking into – "
A beautiful man with platinum blond hair (and streaming heart eyes fangirls trailing behind him) flipped his hair and glared at the skaterboarder.
"Who is this imbecile? Do you not know who I am peasant? I am Prince Eiji Ouji!"
"Oh my God! Oh my friggin' God – BEAT GET YOUR UNWORTHY BODY OFF HIS HIGHNESS!" Shiki squealed as she shove beat away from his idol.
"Hey what the hell yo!?"
"Why the hell should I say sor-"
Shiki's eyes glowed.
"Um…sorry dude. Wasn't watchin' where I's going."
"Hmph," the idol harrumphed. "You got my brand new shirt dirty. And it was white too."
"Dude…" Neku began but paused when Beat started coughing *voice dude voice dude!*.
"Um…your highness?" Nekuna began again awkwardly. You could almost hear Joshua trying to hide his laughter into small giggles. "He just apologized so the best you can do is just accept it and walk away instead of whining about your stupid shirt."
Prince Eiji Ouji's eyes widened too, an expression that rarely comes across his cool features (some fan girls just died if that's any important).
"Excuse me young lady but did you just told me to leave?"
"And called Prince Eiji Ouji's awesome epic shining beautiful and gorgeous Pegasus 100% quality and damn expensive brilliant white shirt stupid!?" Shiki shrieked hysterically.
Neku ignored Shiki.
"I said that if someone apologizes you should just accept it and leave so I guess that yeah I did ask you to leave."
"I'M SORRY MY PRINCE! MY FRIEND HERE IS ILL OF A BRAIN SICKNESS AND SHE'S NOT FEELING WELL!" Shiki cried as if the popular idol before her would order an execution soon. "PLEASE FORGIVE HER! I SWEAR TO ALL THE WHITE ANGELS AND MY POSITION IN YOUR FANCLUB THAT SHE. DID. NOT. MEANT. THAT!"
"You know what? I'm just gonna give in to my emo urges right now, eat some Shio Ramen at Ken Doi's place and sulk over there for an hour. Call me after I'm done hanging out in my dark corner of doom," Neku said bitterly before leaving, the other group members saying bye to Eiji Ouji (in Shiki's case, bowed to the floor) and hurrying to catch up with him.
Prince Eiji Ouji just stood there shocked.
"My prince…" a fangirl nearby asked cautiously," Are you alright?"
"OF COURSE HE'S NOT ALRIGHT! HE JUST GOT DISSED BY THE STUPIDEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD! I SAY THAT WE GO TO THAT RAMEN SHOP AND TAKE HER TO THE GUILLOTINE!" another girl yelled.
The fangirls that was once draping their bodies over the Prince began eagerly discussing traps, torture methods, and where to find the orange hair girl's address (and take some of her clothes in her wardrobe because they're cute – I mean as punishment!).
"…I found my princess."
The female crowd quieted down with wide eyes looking straight at their idol.
"…Prince Eiji Ouji?"
"I found her! I found my princess!" The blond gushed. "F her! F for FABULOUS! I have met so many fair young ladies, warm and adorable but never such a dark, cold, boyish and mysterious maiden as the one I have met just now! This feeling to be treated as not a celebrity from a girl but as any other person in Shibuya! F her to Heaven!"
A lightbulb lit up above the now-in-love prince.
"I must find her once more! To the Ramen Shop!"
With that said the prince dashed toward Dogenzaka.
All fangirls stood blankly.
"WE SHALL MURDER THAT ORANGE WITCH!!!"
Suddenly Joshua frowned.
Hahaha I am going to hell for this~
Thank you for reading! I just started TWEWY two days ago (I DIDN'T KNOW SUCH AN AWESOME GAME CAME OUT LAST YEAR I SWEAR TO GOD!!!) and now I'm totally obsessed with it. Hopefully I'll type up the next chapter soon~
I know that I made Shiki a bit too crazy and Prince Eiji Ouji a bit bratty but hey, the more OOCness the more crack and the more crack the better I have done my job.
And yes there will be eventual Joshua/Neku (and maybe some hot yaoi depending on my mood…).
Oh well, thank you for reading again!