Hi there everyone. :)
This little ditty (not about Jack and Diane) goes out to TrixieTraci who bid on me in the Fandom Gives Back Auction. I literally just checked and the fandom raised over $87,000 for kids with cancer. That's freaking amazing.
Thanks to pkitten21 for beta duties.
And now, enjoy a Bella and Edward love story, set to John Mayer's Comfortable.
I'm writing this letter I know I'll never send because it seems right. It seems like the kind of thing I should do when memories of you haunt me every waking moment.
I went to the supermarket with her today. The manager gave me a funny look and she asked why. Can you imagine how awkward it was to explain that he was the same manager who threw me out last year for goofing off with you?
She hates it when I talk about you, but how can I not talk about someone who meant so much, for so long?
I told her anyway. I told her you jumped on the shopping cart, took off down the bread aisle (I only remember because we were only supposed to be stopping in for bread) and crashed into the magazine rack at the end of aisle five. She got huffy and decided to stop talking to me for a while.
She's so different from you, Bella. The guys love her and say she's good for me, but I can tell they miss you. If there is such a thing, she's too perfect. She spends far too much time on her make up and hair, her smiles aren't real and sometimes I swear I catch her posing for pictures when there aren't any cameras around.
I told someone to fuck off the other day; she laid in to me and told me it wasn't polite or proper. She doesn't swear at all and I've only ever seen her read the Bible, which in and of itself is completely creepy. Every time she says something like "Fiddlesticks!" I long to hear you swear about sports or something that pissed you off.
I won't disrespect you by trying to pretend I'm not sleeping with her, but even that's mediocre at best.
I took her to that jazz club we used to go to last week, because she swore she was interested. She had a better time than I did; she certainly kept Em and Jasper entertained. I thought I was going to pass out when she couldn't tell the difference between Miles Davis and John Coltrane, though. I'm not entirely sure how one gets those two mixed up; they didn't even play the same instruments.
I wish I could remember what happened last year. Right after your birthday, things…changed. They got weird and then we were done. I'm sure you'd remind me if I really wanted to know, but I won't ask.
I'm just always so confused at the difference between you and her. With you...things were so easy. Everything was comfortable. My favorite thing was how natural you always were. Even on the days when you lounged around the house in those stupid sweatpants and refused to put any make up on, you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
I want you back.
All my love,
I crumpled the paper and swiped angrily at the tears that had dared to slip down my cheeks. He had sent the letter and I'd stupidly opened it.
He was right about two things - I'd definitely remind him why we were through if he wanted to know and everything between us was natural and comfortable.
Even now, after nearly a year apart, things were comfortable between us. We were bound to run in to one another, we had the same friends. Minus one awkward instance when he first started dating her, we had fallen into a relaxed, if distant, role as friends.
I wouldn't - couldn't - let him know that he still had an effect on me, that every thought I had was of him, of the way he made me feel and of the life I wished we were still living together. I hated going to sleep alone every night, possibly more than I hated waking up without him next to me.
My cell phone beeped, indicating a new text message and I groaned when I saw that it was from Emmett.
Come out wherever u r, B! Going out 2nite. U in?
I fired off a quick answer - Where? - before heading to my bathroom to get ready. Nothing like a night out with friends to take my mind off of the stupid letter from Edward.
He might be there tonight. If he came, would he bring her? Could I handle it if he did?
Of course I could handle it.
After my shower, I checked my phone for Emmett's answer. The plan was to meet up for dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant, then head out for drinks afterward. I could handle this.
I let Em know I'd be there and managed to keep myself from asking if Edward would be there because I didn't want to seem like a whining ex-girlfriend.
I threw on my favorite faded jeans and a top that showed off my minuscule cleavage, lined my eyes and put on a bit of mascara before partially drying my hair and deciding that it wasn't worth the effort required to actually do anything with it.
Grabbing my keys, cell phone and a bag to toss my wallet in, I headed out to the restaurant. Jasper and Emmett already had a table when I got there and I smiled widely when I saw that Alice had tagged along with them.
"Hey guys," I said, plopping down in the open seat between Em and Jasper. "How are you?"
The guys were elbow deep in edamame and just nodded their hellos.
"Bella! It's so good to see you out and about!" Alice exclaimed.
I swear, the way these people were reacting to me showing up, they must think I was a complete hermit. "Thanks Al. It's nice to be able to get away from work for a bit, you know?"
She nodded her understanding and helped herself to a soy bean pod.
We chatted about nothing of substance and ordered our food. After we placed an order for a massive platter of sushi, I heard a few women at the next table gasp. Without turning around, I knew that Edward had walked in because that was the typical reaction he got when he walked into a room.
I didn't turn around when he greeted everyone and was grateful for that when Alice piped up "Hey Edward. Hi Rosalie. How are you?"
I wasn't sure whether or not to be pissed off when I realized that the two empty seats at the table were directly across from me.
"Hey Em, Jas," I heard his smooth voice say. I focused intently on the chop sticks in front of me, but caught sight of his arm as it wrapped around Alice's shoulders.
"Good to see you, Alice," Edward said softly. "Hey Bella."
"Hi," I mumbled without looking up. I was strong and okay with having my ex sitting across from me, but when we'd hung out in the same group, she'd only ever been along once.
I settled back in my seat and, under the guise of talking to Alice, took the opportunity to really look at Rosalie for the first time.
I didn't get it. At all.
Her pants and top were too tight, her make up was heavier than anyone who wasn't on stage ever needed, and her hair looked like it had been shellacked into place. I wasn't sure what exactly Edward was thinking, but she just didn't seem like his type at all. She really was exactly like he'd described her in the letter, trying desperately to be the center of attention when it was clear that everyone - including Edward - was uncomfortable with her constant chatter.
"So Bella, have you gotten any interesting mail lately?" Rosalie asked out of nowhere.
I coughed to cover up choking on my spicy tuna roll and Jasper beat on my back. "I'm okay, Jas," I said after a second.
"Sure you are," he said under his breath. I glared at him and turned to face Rosalie.
"It's just that I heard that you work in A&R at a record label and I was wondering if you'd gotten any new demos that we should know about. You know, the next big thing?"
"Um, yeah actually," I said and I smiled when her face fell. Suddenly everything was clear. She had found the letter that Edward wrote and sent it to me. How the hell had she gotten my home address?
"I just got this amazing demo from a jazz trumpeter. He reminds me a lot of Coltrane."
She immediately started talking about how much she loved Coltrane's music and I couldn't help but giggle quietly. She really had no idea; it was pretty sad. I noted that no one made an effort to correct her and started laughing harder. At some point Alice pinched my side and I let out a loud snort.
"Bella." Alice hissed.
"What Alice? It's clear she has no fucking clue what she's talking about," I said through my laughter. When Rosalie cringed at my curse, I started laughing harder.
Edward practically turned purple with embarrassment. "You're an idiot, you know that Rosalie?"
"Excuse me?" she asked, her face carefully arranged to exude a calm I knew she couldn't be feeling at the moment.
"Coltrane played the saxophone. Miles Davis played the trumpet. You really are a piece of work, aren't you?" I said, taking a heavy drink of the saki in front of me. "Furthermore, did you look in a mirror before you walked out of the house today? Your hair looks like my collector's edition Barbie dolls, you're wearing more make-up than a Broadway star and your clothes? Well, let me just say that I feel bad for the button on those jeans."
The entire table fell silent and I could feel a blush rising on my cheeks. "What?" I asked, downing the rest of my drink and all of Emmett's. "You all feel the same way, don't even try to deny it. I didn't notice any of you fuckers jumping in and trying to defend her," I said with a pointed look at Edward.
"Can I talk to you privately, Bella?" Edward asked quietly.
I stumbled a bit as I got out of my seat and he grabbed my wrist a little more forcefully than he probably needed to, to steer me out of the restaurant.
"What the fuck?" he snapped when we got outside.
I shrugged and reached into my pocket for the pack of cigarettes I'd grabbed on my way out the door. "What? Someone had to say it. What the fuck are you thinking, Edward? She's not your type at all."
He opened and closed his mouth a few times and his chin dropped to his chest. His shoulders were shaking and for a moment, I thought he might be crying until I heard him gasping for breath. There were tears streaming down his face when he looked up at me again, but it was because he was laughing so hard.
"I think...I think I needed that," he said through his laughter. "I don't know what I'm thinking. You're right. She's just a means to an end, I think."
"You have a hand for that," I pointed out, gesturing toward his crotch with my lit cigarette. "And a pretty extensive porn collection, if memory serves."
"Hey, hey, hey. Easy on the goods," he said, cringing away from me slightly.
We stood laughing together for a few moments. I calmed down when he snatched the cigarette out of my hand and took a long drag.
"Seriously Edward. What the hell?"
"I don't know. I just miss you so much," he said. He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the ground.
"I miss you, too," I said softly.
His head snapped up and he stared at me, green boring into brown as he inched closer to me. "Really?"
"Yes really. We broke up for a stupid reason. You were jealous of my friendship with Jake. I get that, I really do. But it's like I told you then and a thousand times before that - I grew up with that kid. He's nothing more than that to me, a kid I grew up with. I'm sorry you thought there was more between us, but there wasn't and there never will be."
I wasn't prepared for Edward to wrap his arms around me and press his lips to mine. I wasn't prepared for the kiss to feel exactly the way it had when we were together, or for the way my body reacted to him. I dropped the cigarette out of my hand and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing as close to him as I could with clothes on.
He pressed his forehead to mine when we finally came up for air. "I can't be with her anymore."
"Then don't," I whispered against his lips before kissing him again.
Alice came outside a few minutes later and gasped when she saw us standing there, kissing and groping like the past year hadn't happened. "Edward, Rose is asking for you," she said with a smirk on her face.
"Tell her to find a ride home, Alice. I'm going out to a bar with my girl and my friends," Edward said without letting go of me.