Title: Council of Undesired Characters
Characters: Nishiura boys, with a mention of Hamada.
Pairings: No pairings were intended but if you squint while reading this Oki does appear to be hitting on Nishihiro. You could also infer some Mizutani/Izumi, but like I said: pairing weren't actually intended :P
Warning: I don't mix well with medication, so it probably wasn't a great idea that I took a sleeping pill when writing this. It's complete crack. Also what may appear to be bashing of the Oki, Nishihiro, and Suyama variety, but what is actually my evil love for them. Nishihiro is a curious genius, Oki is a giant dork with a matching giant nose, and Suyama is Suyama XD
Disclaimer: I've seen Oofuri a lot. I still don't own it.
Summary: Nishihiro, Oki, and Suyama are always pushed to the back. So, they decide to make sure they get some well-deserved screen time. What we get is nothing short of stupidity. Isn't Oofuri wonderful?
Nishihiro didn't understand why he was back at the school long after it had closed, even on a day when there was no practice. Sure, he knew /why/ he had come. After practice last week one of his teammates had slipped a piece paper with a date, time, and classroom number into his locker. He held the note in his right hand as he navigated by classroom after classroom using a flashlight in his left hand.
He had spent the week agonizing over whether or not he should show up, but analyzing the situation he could not find too much harm. It wasn't as though he had enemies, it couldn't have been an admirer or else they would have slipped it through his shoebox, so that only left friends waiting for him. Teammates most likely, since only members of the baseball club could use the Clubroom. Thus it was devote curiosity that brought him wandering the desolate hallways.
Finally at the end of the hall he found the classroom he was looking for. The first thing he noticed was that the lights were on; the second was Suyama and Oki sitting cross-legged on the floor.
None of the aforementioned struck Nishihiro stronger than the white curly wig on the shortstops normally baldhead.
"Nishihiro!" Oki didn't seemed as concerned about the fluff his friend now sported so Nishihiro tried to ignore it as well as he took a spot in the semi-circle.
"Good, now we're all here!" Suyama surveyed, pulling a gravel out from behind his back and hitting the floor with it.
"B-but why exactly are we here?" Nishihiro had never put up a good fight against his curiosity.
"Suyama thought we should get together and discuss our roles," Oki explained with a small smile for Nishihiro's comfort. He returned the gesture nervously.
Suyama cleared his throat. "I, Suyama Shoji, now call to order the Council of the Undesired Characters!"
"Undesired?!" Nishihiro chocked, "I thought we were important members of the club!"
Oki patted Nishihiro on the shoulder, "He just means we don't exactly add much to the plot other than as filler characters."
"So tonight we're here to make sure that changes. Does anyone have any ideas?"
"Wait, shouldn't Mizutani be here, too? He doesn't really do anything…"
Suyama frowned, "His ineptitude at baseball brings comic relief."
"And he's pretty," Nishihiro supplied quietly. Silence soon followed the admission.
"Man, I really can't take you seriously in that!"
"It's professionalism, Oki! Anyway, we really need to discuss the matter at hand." Suyama cleared his throat and then looked between the two other occupants of the room, "does anyone have any ideas?"
Silence followed again. Oki crossed his arms and looked up at the ceiling, Nishihiro toyed with his bottom lip, and Suyama sighed sagely.
"Maybe we should try looking at everyone's good points."
"Oh, like defining characteristics!" Nishihiro piped up, feeling more in the groove of the conversation than before.
"Right! Let's see… Nishihiro, I hear you're really smart without having to study!"
Nishihiro blushed under the attention trying to ignore the praising looks from his teammates.
"And…And Oki, aside from first base you can also play pitcher!" Nishihiro exclaimed turning the tables on Oki. It became the first baseman's turn to hide from his friend's appreciations.
"Yeah, but I don't really like to pitch…" He mentioned.
Suyama smiled as though he hadn't heard Oki's admission, "So we have Nishihiro who's incredibly smart ("I'm not that smart!" Nishihiro exclaimed modestly) and Oki who can play pitcher. Then we have me… who…"
Nishihiro squirmed as his friend trailed off, trying to jump out with something about his friend.
"What is my defining feature?"
Oki and Nishihiro exchanged looks, neither really certain about what to say.
"Well…" Oki began recalling what he knew about his taller friend, "you're really nice."
"Y-yeah. You helped Sakaeguchi with his batting against Tosei!"
"You're pretty smart, too!"
"A-a-and d-decent at baseball!"
"…You're really tall."
"Uhm… you… can be very responsible," Nishihiro committed.
"Enough!" Suyama chastised trying not to raise his voice. He hit the gravel to the floor three times to make sure they got the message. He wasn't angry at his teammates, but he also wasn't fishing for an all out "Suyama Love Fest" in a quiet classroom. There were more important subjects to discuss.
"So we've established that Nishihiro is smart, Oki can pitch, and I'm….responsible."
"And tall!" Oki added helpfully.
"Right, and decent at baseball!"
"And pretty smart—"
"Guys," Suyama hoped that wasn't his voice whining, "let's stay on topic. With our powers combined, how can we pull ourselves from Nishiura's most unwanted, to Nishiura's heroes?"
"Well, we could…" Oki didn't have much of a clue and turned instead to Nishihiro for direction. The reserve player frowned, scrunching up his features.
"What we need is a dues ex machina," he finally decided.
"A dues ex machina," Nishihiro re-articulated for his friend's benefits. "It's a plot device used by people and authors when they've written themselves into a hole. Usually a very unexpected event occurs just in time to, in some ways, save the day. You know, in medieval times there was a story told where the main character had to solve a mystery or be executed and just before he would have died—" Nishihiro, for once feeling secure in his nature, continued to prattle on about the invention and use of the dues ex machina.
Suyama banged his gravel to help bring him back to the present, and then awkwardly rubbed a strand of curly white faux hair from his eyes. Having never done such a thing before, Suyama wondered how strange he must have looked preening.
"So we need a plot device that will help us use our attributes," the short stop summarized.
"Oh! Like aliens?" Oki smiled, obviously being a fan of the extra terrestrial creatures.
"Correct. Usually when strange phenomenon occurs an author will use the recycled idea of beings from another planet making contact. Although it's usually a last resort and shows a lack of creativity from the author."
"We can all agree it should be during a game," Suyama mentioned, preventing another Nishihiro rant mode. The two looked up from their discussion on other life forms to nod.
"Then it should be big. If it happened during a Practice Game, the plot might not be used. So maybe in the Spring Tournament when we have the chance to get seeded, or during the Summer Tournament when the games on the line."
"The Summer Tournament!" Nishihiro agreed vigorously.
"And the dude egg machinery should happen during the sixth inning, maybe the bottom, with a tie and a runner in scoring position! …It would have to be their runner, though; otherwise it wouldn't be as scary. Well, it's nerve-wracking when we're in scoring position too! I always think something bad will happen and we'll loose the run…" Oki traveled off as a shiver went over his body.
"But the Runner on Third!" Nishihiro gasped, using his oh so powerful catchphrase. "We've been training this whole time!"
"I know! It's still scary to think about! And they have the chance to score…"
Suyama banged his gravel several times. "So Mihashi will be on the mound ready to throw the deciding pitch. He'll be really nervous, until he spots the runner on third, and just as he gets ready to pitch—"
"The stadium lights go out!"
"All of them?" Nishihiro asked. "Wouldn't the generators kick in?"
"But they won't!"
"Then the field will become pitch black, assuming we're playing a night game. Then Mihashi won't be able to see and the crowd will panic…"
Nishihiro looked around for a moment, then smiled at the reserved pitcher. "Then someone from the stands will notice a faint light coming from the field and shout. Then everyone turns around and notices that Oki's nose is glowing from the field with just enough light!"
"Oh right! So he'll be able to see in the dark with his nose! Momokan will ask him to pitch instead of Mihashi—just so he doesn't have harm himself for future games, of course. Mihashi is a great pitcher. Then our team will be able to pitch decently while the others struggle."
"And Oki's nose will be bright enough they don't have to cancel the game, but since he'll be in the field or on the mound, our side will have the definite advantage!"
"My nose does not glow!" Oki protested, holding his overly large nose self-consciously. "And I don't really want to be the pitcher…"
"Well of course it doesn't," Suyama rolled his eyes. "We have the lights on!"
"It doesn't glow in the dark!"
"Then when does it glow?"
"But what causes the power to go out?" Suyama wanted to know after a brief showdown with Oki.
"A short circuit maybe?" Nishihiro offered quietly. "But that wouldn't explain why the generator didn't start up…"
"Well…. We'll say you're the smartest person on the field… plus a lot of the crowd left in the confusion before so we don't have a lot of technicians or people around. So Momokan and the umpires will have to put Nishihiro in charge of discovering the source."
Nishihiro looked proud even as he mentioned, "I don't much about electricity, though…"
"Then we'll need another plot device," Suyama looked around the room thoughtfully for something to inspire him. When nothing came the room grew into a familiar silence.
"So I'll go down the electric room and start looking around… I won't find anything out of the ordinary until I discover—."
"Aliens!" Oki piped up after a nice sulk over the mention of his nose. It was a sensitive subject and the two really didn't have a right to be bringing up people's insecurities. However, now that they were off the subject of his (not) glowing appendage he felt highly obliged to offer his own…ideas.
Suyama and Nishihiro looked thoughtful for a moment and then shrugged.
"Fine," Suyama sighed. "Just as the game starts to wind down, and we're ahead by two, suddenly a giant white light comes from the sky."
"The crowd has to go wild! They'll start screaming and their hair will stand on end! Sakaeguchi will get really nervous and run off to the bathroom. Mihashi will get scared and hide behind Abe who will get really pissed off!"
"…And while all of those wonderfully off topic events happen, Nishihiro will come out with a full detailed report on his discoveries. Knowing all the information we'll be able to defend ourselves… somehow…"
"How is that…?" Oki frowned.
"Uhm… well, we could…" Nishihiro didn't seem be to be fresh on ideas either.
Suddenly Nishiura's first baseman and their benchwarmer turned to one another with highly suppressed grins.
"SUYAMA CAN PHONE HOME!"
"I can what?" Suyama asked obliviously as his teammates sunk into hysterical laughter. "What's funny guys? Come on guys!" Even hitting his trusty gravel didn't bring their attentions back to focus.
"Yeah, yeah!" Oki shouted over his laughter finally, "the aliens will be from Gelcamex nine!"
"And they're looking for their long lost son who was accidentally left on this planet!"
"They're so pissed they decided to stop a high school baseball team! But then they mistake Suyama for their own!"
Oki grinned feeling satisfied over avenging his nose's honor. The fact that it had originally been Nishihiro's idea went completely ignored.
"I am not an alien!" Suyama defended to the other two who went back into their hysterics.
"They'll ask Suyama to come back with them!"
"But he'll try to get away on his bike!"
"Only the aliens have a tractor beam and they use it to lift Suyama! Bike and all!"
"So when he goes over a cliff—!"
Suyama, fed up with their teasing, decided to throw his Victorian wig and gravel at Nishihiro and Oki respectively.
"If you're not going to be serious, then we'll just forget the whole thing!"
"Don't be mad…" Nishihiro said sincerely, bowing his head to his friend.
"We were only having fun!" Oki pouted as he rubbed his nose, a red welt forming where the gravel had hit it.
After some apologizing, making up, and a short meditation session that involved unnecessary hand holding, the three boys decided to call it a night.
"We'll reconvene next week around the same time. I want you both to think about more ideas that can get our characters a decent shot towards 'semi-involved' and we'll discuss it then," Suyama declared. The other two nodded earnestly.
Just as Oki had gone to open the door, shouting out nonsense involving his (not) glowing nose, the door opened just in time to pop him on the snout.
"Oki?!" A confused Mizutani revealed himself, starring down at his fallen teammate.
"Mizutani?" Nishihiro and Suyama asked from either side of Oki. The three continued to stare up at the Left Outfielder and he continued to stare at his three teammates.
"What are you doing here?" Suyama was the first to recover from the shock. He and Nishihiro helped the first baseman to his feet as the teenager rubbed at his nose solemnly and muttered something about how it would probably be glowing in the morning.
To their continued shock, Izumi appeared at Mizutani's right shoulder, "Mizutani, what's going on? Hamada and Sakae—what are you guys doing here?"
"…W-we asked first?" Nishihiro offered meekly.
Izumi and Mizutani shared a look. "We were having a meeting out on the field…" Mizutani said lamely.
"We were talking about our positions as Semi-Involved characters," Izumi continued the explanation. "Then we saw lights in the building and Mizutani wanted to check it out. Hamada and Sakaeguchi were too scared to come inside," no one could tell if he was amused or annoyed by this last fact.
"Y-yeah! So now why were you guys in here?!" Mizutani declared passionately to his still confused teammates. Suyama looked at his two friends and shrugged.
"We were discussing ways to get more involved in the plot."
"Oh…" Mizutani's passion seemed to have burnt out rather quickly as his body sagged. They realized he had been interested in something more…not lame.
"What a c-coincidence that we all happened to meet on the same night!" Nishihiro offered a soft smile to the new attendants.
Izumi rubbed at his hair, "It's actually more sad that we didn't have anything better to do on a Saturday night."
"Hey! It was fun, wasn't it?" Mizutani defended.
"You only think that because it was your idea."
"You didn't have to show up," Mizutani sulked.
The three members of the Council of Undesirables shared a pained expression as the goading continued in the background.
"Izumi is right though," Oki agreed still trying to rub the feeling back into his particularly large nose.
"Yeah. You'd never see the others meeting up like this."
"So we're all in agreence?" Hanai asked, banging his gravel on Mihashi's bedpost. Mihashi, Abe, and Tajima all nodded—Tajima a bit more enthusiastic than the rest. "We're going to use an alien invasion to keep our positions as Vital Characters."
"Right." Abe didn't look as though he'd paid any attention.
"Can I try on your wig now?! Can I?!"
Hanai tried to ignore the small twitch in his left eye, "Then this concludes the Council of Vital Characters."
"Great! Can we eat now? Hey Mihashi! What's your mom making for dinner?!"
This was a really stupid idea… but I still like it, so meh :) So if you enjoyed it for whatever reason please review! Even if you didn't enjoy…?