Warning: Yes, I said it'd be short... but... I never do anything short, apparently. :P ANYWAY! Here's the first part! HEHEHE! And yes, it's ZAGR and some humorous poking at Dib. I'm hoping you'll enjoy it, even if you don't like the pairing.
Chapter One: What's A Beach?
The bell rang, singing out its announcement that skool had begun. Students piled in to their classrooms, muttering dejectedly as the day promised to be as mind-numbing as any other skool day.
Zim didn't even bother to feign interest as he sat down in his seat and instantly pulled out a pencil to chew on it. Dib sat in his own chair, absently doodling a picture of Zim. Much like all the other pictures that Dib did during Ms. Bitters' rants, his current masterpiece contained a bound Zim, floating in a test tube as Dib poked him with a stick while wearing a triumphant grin on his face.
The day promised to be very boring until, most unexpectedly, Ms. Bitters arched forward and let out a displeased hiss. The students sat straight up in alarm as she glared at them, obviously displeased.
"I have an announcement today," Ms. Bitters snarled. Zim blinked and tilted his head while Dib rested his chin against his palm and fixed Ms. Bitters with an unimpressed gaze.
"What? That we're all doomed?" he inquired, sarcastically. Ms. Bitters hissed at him, which he hardly reacted to, then returned her gaze to the class.
"In another doomed, pathetic attempt to reduce misery... the entire skool is going on a field trip tomorrow," she said, her voice giving away the fact that she had no desire to reduce misery for anyone. Ms. Bitters leered about as numerous students cheered enthusiastically.
Dib was not so easily fooled and glanced at Zim, accusingly. Zim didn't bother to return the glance as he stared at Ms. Bitters, blankly.
"We shall go to...," Ms. Bitters paused and glared about, almost daring the students, before she returned to her original position. "... the BEACH. So pack appropriately. Bring sun block to protect your fragile doomed bodies from the cold, harsh, destructive, merciless sun,"
Zim stared blankly, uncomprehending, as a huge grin crossed Dib's face. Zim blinked twice, then turned to see Dib's wicked grin which hinted that he knew something the Irken did not. Students squealed with delight and talked to each other, eagerly, while Ms. Bitters scowled with obvious disgust.
"Yes... cheer... let us see if you cheer after the great destroyer that is the ocean drags you in to its depths where you are devoured by vampire sharks and squids," Ms. Bitters spat. However, the students were all but ignoring her at that moment. She paused, then shrugged and sat down in her desk. "Let us continue our doomed lesson...," she grumbled, then proceeded to ramble about the doomed effects of food poisoning. Almost instantly, the room went quiet as the children started drooling like zombies at the sound of Ms. Bitters' droning voice.
Zim glared, suspiciously, at Dib. He disliked the fact that Dib looked so innocent and yet so evil. Zim arched an invisible eyebrow, as if asking Dib to explain why he was so happy, but quickly found that Dib had no interest in doing so. Dib, instead, chose to feign interest in Ms. Bitters' lecture while casting Zim an insanely smug grin.
The Irken fixed Dib with a poisonous glare, then sulkily returned to chewing on his pencil.
Time passed very slowly. Hours ticked along, tormenting Zim as he suffered through Dib's smug grins and the fact that Dib knew something he did not. Eventually, much to the delight of the students, the bell eventually rang once more to release the brain damaged students from their cells.
Ms. Btters paused as the bell rang in her ears, then curled up her lips in a snarl.
"... LEAVE," she barked.
Zim stood up and walked out of the room, proudly, as he waited for the inevitable confrontation between himself and Dib.
Like clockwork, Dib walked up behind him and snickered.
"Make sure you bring your SWIM TRUNKS tomorrow, ZIM," he breathed. Zim raised his head even higher and snorted.
"Foolish human," he sneered. "Only elephants have trunks!"
"I'm going to enjoy tomorrow's field trip," Dib continued, practically purring as he walked alongside Zim. Zim cast Dib a disgusted glare, but the human seemed to ignore it utterly. "AND I'm going to bring my camera and plenty of film,"
"Good, stupid beast," Zim waved a claw, dismissively. "I care little about you and your stupid human bitch,"
"BEACH, Zim," Dib smirked.
"... That's what I said!" Zim retorted, hotly. Dib chuckled, which only infuriated Zim even more.
"You'll care, oh yes you will. I know what to bring to the beach and what it is, and when everyone sees how you react to this trip... they'll KNOW you're an alien!" he declared. Zim paused and fixed Dib with a suspicious look.
"What is so important about this beech anyway!?" he demanded.
"You'll see," Dib smiled, mysteriously. The smile alone set off warning bells in the Irken's head.
"... And supposing I fall ill tomorrow? Oh! What terrible pain I feel! I must be sick with some MEATBAG DISEASE!" Zim inquired, dynamically.
"Even better!" Dib's grin increased ahundred fold. "No one EVER gets sick when they get an offer to go to the BEACH! If you skip then EVERYONE will know something is weird with you! And from there... it's not a far trip away from your carcas being strapped down on to a table and MY name on your autopsy tape,"
Zim felt his skin pale slightly, but he quickly hid it and glared defiantly at the human.
"I shall go to this... BEEOCH... and I shall... BE NORMAL!" he announced, pointing a claw at Dib's face. Dib glanced at Zim, chuckling evilly.
"Start with trying to figure out how to say it right, ZIM," he mocked. Zim quivered with rage, then strode forward a couple steps before snapping about to face Dib once more.
"I SHALL NOT BE DEFEATED BY A STUPID MONKEY!" he screamed. He took a few more steps, then stopped in the middle of the doorway and turned to point a claw at Dib. "... WITH A TITANIC HEAD!" he finished.
Dib's eyes widened, before narrowing with anger.
"... My head is not titanic!" he growled.
"INTERGALATIC!" Zim retorted.
"... WHY YOU!"
Zim yelped and leapt out of the way as Dib lunged at him. He quickly darted down the stairs to the sidewalk, jeering back at the irritated human.
"Your head shall be named a planet soon enough! Nay! A GALAXY! A UNIVERSE!" he cried.
"MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!" Dib shrieked, chasing after Zim. "COME BACK HERE, YOU ALIEN!"
"Indeed," Zim agreed. "It is not BIG. It is simply... HUMONGOUS!"
The two ran down the sidewalk as Zim cackled, pleased with himself for discovering such a sensitive button to jab in the human's psyche. He grinned as Dib chased him, shouting threats and insults as well as denials concerning the size of his head.
"I'LL GET YOU, ZIM! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME, YOU ZIM... ZIMMY... THING!"
Zim glanced back and sneered.
"NEVER, BIG HUMONGOUS TITANIC GALACTIC GARGANTUAN BIG HEADED PERSON!"
"MY HEAD IS NOT THAT BIG!"
"IT'S EVEN BIGGER!"
"IT IS NOT!"
"OH, BUT IT IISSSSSSSSSSSSSS! So... very... BIG!"
"AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE SPORES!"
"NO... you have... HUMONGOUS DANDRUFF!"
"I DO NOT!"
"COME BACK HERE, ALIEN!"
"So you might crush me with your HEAD?! NEVER!"
"STOP SAYING MY HEAD'S BIG!"
"BUT IT IS! IT IS... BIG! SO VERY BIG!"
"IT'S NO BIGGER THAN YOURS!"
"... If you inflated my head to the size of a mountain!"
"I'LL GET YOU, ZIM!"
"YOU SHALL NOT!"
Zim quickly jumped up a fence and ran over the hedge, cackling as Dib followed while seething with such anger that his entire face was red. Zim zipped along the hedge, then turned about and jumped on to a bus as it drove by. He grabbed on to the slick, metal roof as best he could and sneered over his shoulder at Dib.
Dib, not to be outdone, charged after and lunged as well. He almost missed the bus, but managed to grab the very edge and slowly heft himself up. He gulped for air, then adjusted his glasses and sneered back at Zim.
Zim paused, then suddenly used his feet to spring off of the bus. He flipped in the air, then grabbed on to a street lamp. He dangled, precariously, and smirked at Dib.
"HA HA HAH!"
Zim stopped laughing and let out a terrified squeak when Dib leaped after him. Dib missed the lamp but managed to grab on to Zim's midsection. He wrapped his arms tightly around Zim, grinning wolfishly.
"I'VE GOT YOU NOW, ZIM!" he crowed. Zim squirmed violently and kicked at Dib, sputtering with rage.
"RELEASE ME!" he commanded.
"NEVER!" Dib laughed, holding on tightly. Zim squirmed a bit more, then blinked and smirked evilly. With a cry of triumph, he let go of the lamp. Dib stared, startled, then let out a cry of pain as Zim used him as a landing pad when the duo hit the sidewalk. Dib whimpered in pain, arching his back slightly, as Zim took off running.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! FOOLISH STINKBEAST!"
Dib moaned and raised a fist in the air, shaking it weakly as he remained lying on the sidewalk.
"I'LL GET YOU TOMORROW, ZIM! Just... JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE!"