Title: Bad Romance (working title – no idea what to call this yet)
Pairing: Renji x Ichigo
Rating: M (for language, situations, yaoi – angst, romance, sex, fluff)

Summary: AU. Ichigo is so NOT gay, so when he goes to the exclusive bordello Club Sakura, will a certain redhead named Renji make him think twice?

Disclaimer for the entire story: I do NOT own any of these characters from BLEACH which belongs to Tite Kubo et al. Thank you.

DISCLAIMER: All characters depicted in sexual situations in this post/fanfiction/fanart (including material in the comments) are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent in the United States state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.

Hello. ^_^ I have no idea what I am doing with this story – the only thing I know I want to tell is a tale of Renji being so uber hot that he is the sexiest male prostitute ever, and that Ichigo won't be able to resist. Someone else may get in their way. My goal is to make it sexy, angsty and sweet. So if you're anti-fluff, you might like this, but I hope you'll give it a try.

So, this being an AU story, please bear with the possible OOC. I always try to do my best to keep the characters within a realm of what their truths would be… yada yada.

But of course, I can only hope you'll find it entertaining.

Chapter 1


"I could kill him," thought Kurosaki Ichigo. It was a momentous occasion for one of his oldest friends, Asano Keigo, and Ichigo had asked Yuzu to bake a cake to celebrate the moment. Of course, his father had a hand, literally, in it by choosing to do the cake's lettering himself. The lovely white cake was decorated with bright pink letters that said, "HURRAY, YOU'RE GAY! Gambatte, Keigo!"

However, the guests were already gathered in the living room, so Ichigo had no choice but to walk out with the cake since it would signal the end of the party before the night unfolded into phase 2 - one Ichigo was not looking forward to at all, but it was all for Keigo, and that's what friends are for, right? With a heavy sigh, Ichigo took the large cake in hand and stepped out to rejoin the group.

All of their closest friends from high school had gathered to give Keigo their warmest support. Since most had chosen to attend different colleges, it was difficult to see one another often, so this had been the first event to gather the old gang back together so it made it all worthwhile.

Kojima Mizuiro had arrived with the guest of honor. Ishida Uryuu had arrived with Inoue Orihime and Arisawa Tatsuki. Yatsutora Chad came alone but he always ended up hanging out with Ichigo's other sister Karin, so that wasn't surprising. And of course, Kuchiki Rukia was there. Being one of Ichigo's best friends, there was no way Rukia wouldn't come, but even more importantly, she completely facilitated the real present Keigo was going to get from Ichigo later that evening.

From Ichigo's perspective, it seemed like Orihime still hadn't chosen between Tatsuki or Uryuu and both suitors seemed content enough for the moment to hang around until Orihime made a final decision. While Ichigo wondered what her choice would be, he was grateful that their attentiveness to her had finally allowed Orihime to get over her crush on him. Ichigo didn't realize that the girl even had that big of a crush until Rukia practically yelled him into deafness about it. He had no reason not to like a girl as cute and sweet as Orihime, but the attraction never sparked beyond friendship for him.

Rukia had helped Ichigo arrange Keigo's big gift by providing a Friends & Family discount to a place where no such discount exists. However, since her brother does own the place, and Rukia had politely begged as one could beg someone of high rank, she was pleasantly surprised by her brother's generosity. Of course, he made enough money so one discount shouldn't even offload the massive amounts of money he made from his Club Sakura. The Sakura's unofficial nickname was the B&B - Byakuya's boys. And that is what Rukia's brother did. He ran the most exclusive "sporting house" in the city - one could argue in the country. It catered to the richest and most powerful people all over the world and its secrecy was tougher than anything done by the CIA. Not only did Rukia have to beg for a discount, she had to convince him to allow two "nobodies" access to the club and its best assets - the hottest guys imaginable.

Ichigo knew he could have gotten any hot guy to sleep with Keigo, but he'd known a little bit about the B&B and he felt he owed it to Keigo to give him something extraordinary for all the shit Ichigo had given him over the years. He'd always been annoyed with Keigo's over-enthusiasm and all the fawning but it hadn't dawn on the orange-haired boy that Keigo was professing his undying gay love back then. Ichigo figured getting Keigo in to the most exclusive club and getting laid for the first time by someone completely out of his league would be a big payback for his past ignorance.

Taking a deep breath, Ichigo placed the giant cake in the middle of the dining table. He immediately felt the vibe amongst the guests take a long pause. The tension around him felt like one giant sweat drop emanating from the room itself. Ichigo released the breath he'd been holding and looked up to see all eyes glued to him.

"Rather childish of you, Kurosaki." Uryuu pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he waited for the inevitable retaliatory response.

"Oi, it was my DAD." As if he could almost hear her eyebrows twitching in anger, Ichigo turned to face his sister Karin before saying, "Yeah, he made sure to do it when you and Yuzu weren't looking. Didn't you notice how fast he left the house before everyone started to arrive?"

Karin walked over and gave Keigo a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Keigo. I'll be sure to let goatface have it for being such a retard."

"Ah, thanks Karin-chan! But it's OK. That what this party is all about, right?!" Keigo raised a fist in his usual jester-like stance to express mock-victory. Everyone relaxed once they knew Keigo was completely aware of the joke and the first to embrace it fully. He was gay, and the point of celebrating his coming out was to make it open and official.

Ichigo felt himself relax slightly as he started to cut slices for his guests. Orihime was the first to line up for a slice. "Can I help you with serving, Kurosaki-kun?"

"Thanks, Inoue. But I think we're good here."

"I think it's so generous of you, having this party and all for Asano-kun." She looked at Ichigo and gave him one of her biggest smiles.

Ichigo might have found it a bit unnerving if he thought she was still pining away for him, but now, he could take her affection with grace. He replied, "I think it's even better that you guys made the time to come back to Karakura to celebrate. It's great seeing everyone in one room again."

"Yes," she responded. "It has been a while. Oh, I understand you are taking Asano-kun somewhere else tonight?"

Ichigo started to blush. For one thing, he wasn't supposed to talk about Club Sakura in any way. And secondly, it was a brothel, so it wasn't something he really felt like discussing with Inoue anyway. "Err, yeah, Mizuiro was supposed to but he couldn't get out of something… or something like that…"

"Ichigo! Inoue!" Rukia rushed over to smack Ichigo on the back of his head before embracing Orihime in a hug. "What are you two talking about?" Rukia gave the other woman her bright-eyed fake smile before giving a sidelong glance to Ichigo with a "if looks could kill" glare.

"I was just asking Kurosaki-kun about where he is taking Asano-kun tonight, but it sounds like it's going to be some kind of surprise."

Rukia stopped giving Ichigo her death gaze so she could resume her conversation with Inoue. In her mind, all that mattered was that Ichigo had kept his word as to mention nothing about Club Sakura. Her nii-sama, Byakuya, would kill her if anything about his club were revealed to anyone. Right now, the Sakura was in the realm of the Boogey Man – nothing but an urban legend. Even the slip of something out there being called the B&B – most had no idea the B was for Byakuya. Only the inner circle of esteemed clients knew, and they too were not allowed to discuss anything about the club or its members.

As it was, Ichigo and Keigo would be driven to the club with blindfolds on so they would not know where its location is. Rukia was going to get them in and they'd be allowed to hang out until Keigo had done the deed, and then they'd be blindfolded upon their departure.

Ichigo was grateful that Rukia could steer the conversation to whatever direction she felt was safe. He didn't know how to dodge all the questions about where they were going. He figured Keigo would brag about it after the fact, but considering he won't know anything about where he went or who he would have had sex with, it would be fairly safe. And Keigo knew better than anyone he'd never get Ichigo to yield in answering any questions so at least his promise to Rukia will remain intact.

He glanced at the clock on the wall and watched as Rukia did the same. It was almost time to go. Ichigo took in another breath before walking off to wrangle Keigo for the car ride to Club Sakura with Rukia. I have no idea what this is going to be like, but I hope it's over quick.