title. a child's play
Ichigo groaned, almost heartbroken as he looked down at Inoue Orihime. Small, cute and, yes, flat-chested.
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disclaimer. Bleach © Kubo.

He was going to sound trite and ridiculously out of character but she was beautiful.

(and he was amazed that his Hollow had not made a single malicious comment; the white menace was probably in shock right now due to the massive amount of exposed delicate skin; it was rather perplexing that a pretty girl's skin could make his Hollow shut up.)

Not only she was beautiful, she was also–

"Um, K-Kurosaki-kun…"

— naked.

"Yeah…" he said, dazed and still staring. He should stop, he knew he should, but who could blame him? Urahara was right – he was a very lucky person. It was rather wise (later, he'd beat himself up for blatantly staring at his friend's body, "I'm a bloody bastard," he'd later tell himself) to use his very rarely bestowed luck and… stare. And stare. And stare– more.

"P-Please turn around…"

Ichigo blinked. "Huh?" Then his eyes widened in realization, his face bright red. "O-Oh shit! I'm sorry I didn't see any —" He saw plenty and he stared more. "I-I mean, I…" Nice legs.

"P-Please t-turn around…"

"R-Right!" Hastily, Ichigo whirled around, his heart racing and beating against his ribs. He lifted a hand and rubbed the back of his neck. Licking his lips, he subconsciously relived the previous scene in his head. And he could only say one word: wow.

His Hollow opened its mouth and before the white nuisance could spout a word, Ichigo mentally shoved his fist into the Hollow's mouth.

Not a word.

Ffff, the aggravated Hollow snorted.


Ichigo stiffened. "I'm sorry, Inoue. I didn't know you were…" He cleared his throat, tugging the collar of his shirt.

"I-It's alright!" she chirped. "I-I-I mean it's n-not your fault!" she added hastily, realizing how she sounded. "I didn't lock the door and… Kurosaki-kun is not that type of person."

"Thanks, Inoue," he replied, relieved.

"You're welcome. B-But… could I borrow a bigger towel, please?"


Orihime stood in the middle of Ichigo's room, wearing nothing but a towel around her body. It was thick and large, reaching her knees, but still, the amount of exposed skin was still capable of sending Ichigo's brain to an overdrive. To Ichigo's credit, he was trying very hard to keep his stare on Orihime's toes, the part which he considered the safest to look at. And they were peculiarly … cute.

Ichigo mentally sighed. What the hell had gotten to him? It was probably the Chad's I-am-weak-to-cute-things Syndrome. Apparently, the disease was contagious and he was infected.

The girl broke the awkward silence with a quiet "Um". Instinctively, Ichigo looked up to her face; she was religiously keeping her face hidden behind her long, damp hair, but he could see a small glimpse of her forehead and eyelashes. Her shoulders were hunched as though she was trying to appear small.

Lifting her lashes, she smiled timidly. "W-What am I doing here?"

Ichigo scratched the top of his head, eyes averted to the side. "You live here."

"I-I do?" she stammered.

"Yeah." He gestured toward his bed. "Do you want to sit down? You look tired." Her gaze landed on the bed, and a bright blush erupted in her face, causing Ichigo to frown. "Are you okay?"

She looked at him in a snap. "I-I'm fine!" she chirped quickly. Ichigo shrugged and sat down on his bed in front of her. He looked up and stared right at her eyes, wet reddish brown hair framing her face. The weight of her innocent gaze startled him, so he shot up to his feet abruptly and sat down on his chair instead, his back to her.

"Really, Inoue, you have to sit down. You look as if you're gonna pass out."

"O-Okay…" He was sharply aware of her slow, careful movements as she sat down. "Kurosaki-kun." He tilted his head, indicating that he was listening. "Why am I here?"

Ichigo shifted his seat so that he was facing her fully. "What do you remember?"

Orihime tapped her chin with her index finger, trying to jog her memory. "Hmm, I remember watching an old comedy, I was laughing nonstop because it was really funny and then I fell asleep, I woke up, I decided to walk around then I visited Urahara-san's shop! After that… everything's kind of blurry. Like a weird dream…"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "All right. You ate something weird and it turned you into a child."

Her eyes widened. "Eh?"

"It was a weird candy made by Urahara-san. And whatever it was, after you ate it, you turned into your three year old self." Ichigo elaborated. "I've been taking care of you ever since."

Orihime flushed. "Y-You have?"


Orihime pressed her palms on her heated cheeks. "Oh no! I hope I didn't make any trouble!"

"You didn't, don't worry." There were, however, borderline heart attacks and awkward old underwear hunting he had endured. "You better take a rest, Inoue. I'm serious. You look tired. I think your body is still adjusting from the changes."

Smiling bashfully, she shook her head. "I feel fine. I think it's better if I go —"

"Onii-chan, we're here!"

Their eyes widened as they look at each other in horror.

"Where are you?" They heard footfalls coming.

Ichigo lunged toward his closet and yanked it open. "In here!" Orihime climbed in clumsily, carefully securing the towel around her. His bedroom door swung open just as he closed his closet.

Yuzu blinked at her brother who was pressed up against his closet. "What are you doing, onii-chan?"

"Nothing!" he replied quickly, trying to mask the anxiety in his voice. "What's for dinner? I'm starving!"

Yuzu blinked, baffled, but she replied, "I'm going to prepare beef steak and stir fried vegetables." The young girl looked around. "Where's —"

Ichigo jumped in front of Yuzu, holding the girl in place, blocking the view to his bed. "That's good! Can't wait! Why don't I help you, yeah?"

"That's great! But Inoue-chan, who'd look after her?" Ichigo ushered his sister out of his room and closed his door.

"Nah, she's okay. She's sleeping. She needs rest. So she can grow fast and healthy."

"But I didn't see her–"

"We're having beef and stir fried vegetables, huh?"


Ichigo closed the door behind him and placed the tray of food on his desk. He slid the closet door open; Orihime was asleep, curled up in a ball, looking perfectly content and serene. Hesitantly, he reached down and shook her shoulder gently.

"Wake up, Inoue."

"Mm," she sighed sleepily, her nose wrinkling.

"Come on." Ichigo shook her persistently yet gently until she opened her eyes to stare up at him groggily.

"Wassamatter?" she mumbled. "Is there something wrong…? What… what are you doing here, Kurosaki-kun?"

He had to smile at that. "You're in my closet."

She blinked a couple of times, obviously still very drowsy and when she finally opened her eyes wider, she recognized her surroundings and recalled her current predicament. "O-Oh!" She blushed. "I'm sorry, Kurosaki-kun. I forgot." She smiled sheepishly.

Ichigo shook his head. "It's okay. Come on. I brought you dinner." Orihime slowly unfolded her body, her fatigue and grogginess still apparent. Under his hooded lids, he watched her shift and unfold her legs, his lashes obscuring his thoughts. The towel rode up above her knees, a slit appearing exposing a bit of skin of her thighs. His stare traced the curve of her calves and finally settled on her feet.

"Um, Kurosaki-kun…?"

He lifted his gaze to her face; Orihime was looking up to him, innocently curious. Realizing what he had been doing, he panicked mentally and glanced off the side quickly, clearing his throat. "Sorry. Come on." He slid the door close behind her.

"Thank you, Kurosaki-kun and I sincerely apologize for intruding," Orihime said when she's finally seated.

"Hey, you're not intruding. Stop apologizing already."

She beamed at him and started to eat. In between spoonfuls, she'd compliment how tasty the food was. "Yuzu's the master chef." Ichigo would reply with a shrug and small, crooked smile. Watching her ate with gusto reminded him of the times when he used to watch her younger self eat. He felt a tinge of melancholic nostalgia; he could not deny that he already missed that small bubbly ball of sunshine. Her wide, toothy smiles, her small stubby fingers that struggled to hold her food, the messy way she ate. A bigger part of him was relieved, though, that she was back to her original self.

After clearing her plate and everything else, and allowing Ichigo to carry it downstairs to the kitchen, Orihime began to feel self-conscious again. The room was warm despite of the cold outside. By the time Ichigo was back, she was fidgeting with the towel, a wrinkle on her brows.

"Are you alright?"

The girl smiled up at him timidly. "U-Un!"

Ichigo frowned. "Are you sure? You don't look alright to me."

Orihime bit her lip first before continuing, "I hate to bother you, Kurosaki-kun… But I wonder how can I go back to my apartment? I don't have any appropriate clothes…"

"Do you intend to go tonight?" She nodded. Ichigo shook his head. "It's impossible, Inoue. It's going to be dangerous for you. And you look as if you're going to fall into pieces." He turned towards his closet and opened the top shelf. "You need rest. Use my bed and some of my old clothes."

Behind him, Orihime flailed and blush in embarrassment. "I-I can't do that! W-Where are you going to sleep? I d-don't want to bother you and make you uncomfortable! I've troubled you enough!"

"It's alright. Don't worry about me." He placed an old futon on the floor and started to look for his old clothes. "Here, try this on." He handed her an old navy shirt and knee shorts.

Blushing, Orihime shakily took the clothes and stared at them reverently. "A-Are you sure it's okay? I don't want to put you out…"

"I'm sure. You can't prance around wearing a bath towel." She giggled softly. Relieved at the sound of her small laughter, Ichigo smirked. "And it's going to get colder." He nodded at the old clothes in her hands. "I know it's going to be… uncomfortable but they're better than a bath towel."

"Thank you! I'm very grateful for your help. I'm sure they're warm and will protect me from the cold!"

He grinned briefly at her determined tone.


Ichigo's frown returned instantly, worried. "What is it?" he asked as gently as he can without sounding fierce and demanding.

Orihime's skin flushed as she bowed her head to probably hide her face behind the curtain of auburn hair.

"I n-need u-underwear…"


Ichigo groaned silently for the umpteenth time. His Hollow was back on its babbling self. And it babbled on and on about the girl in his bed. His initial plan was to ignore his Hollow's overly enthusiastic monologue. Most of the time, this tactic worked, but the white menace was on the roll; it did not stop. Ichigo resorted into mentally socking the Hollow; it did not work. It kept on cackling about the "the mouthwatering feast on his bed". Much worse, his Hollow knew about his more pressing problem.

Oh come on, King. She's naked under your clothes. It would be so damn easy!

Are you ignoring me again?

Fine! The bathroom is just a few steps away, asshole. Do it. With your hand.

Shut up or I'll do it for you!

Heh. Just don't forget to wash your hands.

Ichigo groaned, raking a hand through his hair.

"Kurosaki-kun… Are you okay?"

He stiffened, startled to hear Orihime's voice. "I thought you're already asleep."

"Mmm… I'm trying but…"

"Are you uncomfortable?"

"Oh no, no! Your bed is very nice to sleep in and it smells wonderful but I feel guilty that you have to sleep on the floor. You know I can –"

"Inoue, we discussed it, didn't we? I won't allow you to sleep on the floor."

She laughed softly. "I know. You're very kind and considerate but Kurosaki-kun…"

"Don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine. You should go to sleep."

"Okay… Thank you, Kurosaki-kun. Good night…"


Ichigo turned his head towards his bed, listening to Orihime's steady, soft breathing. He was keenly aware of her every gentle movement she made, her soft sighs. Under the shafts of moonlight filtering through the gaps of the curtain, her long hair shone eerily. For some odd reason, he was mesmerized and felt tempted to touch her hair, which he did after a second of deliberation. Without shifting in his position, he reached out a hand. Auburn strands slipped through his long fingers. Gently, as though he was afraid to wake her up, he rubbed the strands between the pads of his fingers. He froze when she suddenly moved, rolling to her side, facing his position, a hand dangling off the bed. She sighed deeply before going still again. He stared at her immobile hand, his hollow strangely quiet; it must have grown tired from its incessant crowing. With a sigh, he lowered his hand and closed his eyes.


Before Isshin could make contact with the door to his only son's bedroom, the said door swung inward and a foot slammed on to his face. Isshin flew backwards and hit the opposite wall. The impact caused the whole house to shake. At the kitchen, Yuzu stopped from preparing breakfast, startled; Karin remained unaffected, reading the morning paper.

"Karin-chan, what was that? An earthquake?"

"Nah, just two idiots colliding," replied Karin.

"Excellent timing, my son! You are exceptional! I am now at peace to leave this world knowing my virgin son is capable of defending himself!" cried Isshin.

"Be quiet already!"

"Clearly, you need further education about good manners and right conduct!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and slammed his door close to his father's face. He glanced at his bed and found Orihime peacefully sleeping. Her thick fan of hair spread all over his pillows, drowning her pale face, and he was sure his pillows, beddings and blanket were saturated in her clean scent. He contemplated whether to wake her from her deep slumber, but he thought the earlier he sneaked her out of the house the better.

He went over the bed. He placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her. "Inoue, wake up." She responded with a soft whine of protest, curling under the covers more comfortably with a small smile on her lips. He continued to shake her but she was unmoved, going as far as shoving his hand off her shoulder, muttering how soft everything was.

With a sigh, Ichigo sat down on his bed, looking down at the slumbering girl. They had to plan how she could get out of the house undetected. He tried again, this time, Orihime rolled away from him, bringing the blankets with her as she settled on her stomach.

Ichigo stilled and swallowed slowly, his gaze fixed on the naked skin of the back of her legs. It seemed that because of a certain lack of important piece of clothing, she had decided to simply wear the overlarge shirt. When standing, it was long enough to protect her modesty, but due to twisting and turning in his bed, the hem had gathered around her thighs. The shirt had not completely ridden up, although the hem was on the verge of fully exposing her buttocks. With just one false move, it will fully expose her rear. He swallowed again, and though the weather was cold, he felt uncomfortably flushed. He forcefully averted his gaze, causing his hollow to spew nonsense.

Stop being a prude! Take a long, good look!

He rolled his eyes at his hollow's desperation. With a determined sigh, Ichigo reached for her shoulder and pulled her back so that she lying on her back. He brushed the few locks of her hair off of her face and shook her again. "Inoue, wake up." There was no reply.

He tried again. She gave a soft snore.

"Come on, wake up, Inoue." She tried again to escape his hand but he kept a firm hold on her. She whined softly and wrinkled her brows. With a sigh, she slowly opened her eyes. He raised a brow at her but her expression remained blank.

"Kurosaki-kun…" she mumbled in a clear but flat voice before closing her eyes with a sigh.

"Good, you're awake. Come on."

"No…" Her lips parted in a sigh, eyes half-lidded.

Mesmerized, Ichigo stared at her lips. He swallowed as he placed a hand on the bed beside her head. As though pulled by an unseen magnetic force, he bent down to her, fully intending to close the distance between their lips. She was not reacting, her lips parted as if waiting for him. Eyes half-lidded, he angled his head to the side.

Their noses touched.

"Onii-chan, breakfast's ready!" Startled, Ichigo jumped and fell backward to the floor with a loud thud.

In his bed, Orihime woke from her dream with a jolt. She rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Kurosaki-kun?" She peeked over the edge of the bed and saw the boy on the floor, his red face twisted in a grimace of pain.

"Kurosaki-kun!" She exclaimed and hurried to help him up, but Ichigo held up a hand while turning his red face away from her. He mumbled something. "What is it, Kurosaki-kun?"

Ichigo cleared his throat with a cough. "S-Skin."

Orihime blinked. Ichigo made a wild gesture with his hand to elaborate. Frowning confusedly, she tried to comprehend his gestures and translate them to words. She looked down to herself. Seeing the healthy amount of skin she was exposing, she squeaked in mortification and dove back to the bed, covering herself in his blankets. "I-I'm so sorry!"

No wonder why Kurosaki-kun's horrified! She covered her face with her hands. So embarrassing!

On the floor, Ichigo sat up, red-faced. "Inoue."

"I-I'm so sorry!"

"I should be the one apologizing."

She bit her lip. "Y-You don't have to. It was my fault… I was so careless and clumsy."

Ichigo rubbed the back of his head, ignoring the gleeful whoops of victory of his hollow and to his horror, the few congratulatory words from Zangetsu. The old man was even nodding in appreciation!

That's it. My respect for you just went down a few notches.

Zangetsu shrugged pensively.



"Inoue, hey, it's… Let's just forget about it, okay?" Which, in his part, will require Herculean effort. He was a mere male mortal…


Ichigo sat down on his bed. "Anyway, Merry Christmas," he said with a small smile.

Orihime poked her head out of the cocoon of blankets. "It's Christmas? Today?"

Chuckling under his breath at her reaction, he nodded. "Yeah."

"O-Oh no! I'm sorry Kurosaki-kun for intruding! It's a special day and I'm here, bothering you with my problems!"

"Hey! You're not bothering me. What gave you that idea?" he demanded with a frown. "You're my nakama. I'd do anything to help you. That's what friends do to each other." Although several minutes ago, he was ready to kiss her – his unattainable, off-limits nakama. Friends don't kiss, do they? A part of him despaired.

She gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you."

"So, what should we do? No offense to you but I'd rather keep you hidden from my family. My dad's crazy, Yuzu will jump into conclusions and Karin, she'll think I kidnapped you."

She giggled. "I could just climb out of your window."

"Without underwear on?" he blurted without thinking. They both blushed. Ichigo quickly added. "I mean, you can't climb out of my window! It's dangerous and you–"

"AHA, MY VIRGIN SON! What are you… hiding … from… papa – Orihime-chan?"


Isshin was sobbing his heart out in front of his deceased wife's poster. Karin and Yuzu were gaping at their scowling and blushing brother. Both girls were wearing expressions of extreme reverence. Their unpopular, sullen brother… in a room… with a half-naked girl – and this was no ordinary girl. It was Inoue Orihime. Pretty and kind, pretty and friendly, pretty and approachable. Something went wrong with the world, Karin was sure. So she had to ask.

"Did you kidnap her?"

Ichigo twitched, a vein pulsing in his temple. "I did not!"

"Then why is she here, in your room, without panties?"

Both Ichigo and Orihime flushed brightly. Karin saw their faces and her eyes widened.

"You did it, didn't you?"

Ichigo opened his mouth to defend their virtues. "We–"

"Tell us you used protection."

Orihime squeaked and covered her face.

"Karin!" bellowed Ichigo. "We did nothing. I slept on the floor. She slept in my bed. That's it. We slept, that's what we did – separately. Our virtues and integrity remain intact."

Isshin jumped to his feet, baffled. "W-What! I thought Orihime-chan finally took your virginity and I have to give you away?"

Ichigo stared, horrified. "W-What, give me away? You…!" Ichigo and Isshin started to sort out their differences by using their fists and feet.

"Nothing really happened?" asked Yuzu with wide eyes. Orihime smiled shyly, shaking her head.

"Kurosaki-kun was just being kind to me. Something had happened to me and he was the only one who is available to help me. That's all, Yuzu-chan."

Karin scoffed. "I knew it. Ichi-nii's such a wimp."


After several broken furniture and threats from Karin, the father and son stopped their squabbling. Orihime spoke softly. "I think it's time for me to go."

"But Orihime-nee," Yuzu said, "You can join us for breakfast!"

"You're too kind, Yuzu-chan! But I have to go and let you spend the day together." She smiled sheepishly, blushing brightly. "Thank you for inviting though! Maybe next time, ne? Under normal circumstances…"

"All right."

After throwing his father against the wall, Ichigo stood up. "Come on, Inoue. I'll walk you home. Use my old pants and coat with loads of belt and clothespin to keep it on."


She was bundled in Ichigo's clothing, wrapped up in his scent, causing Orihime to blush profusely. The pants were baggy and Ichigo's old loafers were too large for her feet, but Orihime didn't mind. She was too happy to be saturated in Ichigo's wonderful scent to be mortified that she was walking beside the person she loved for a long time without underwear on inside his old sweatpants, which was being held on by numerous safety pins.

"We're here!" she said excitedly, pointing at her apartment. She went up the stairs and crouched down to rummage around the potted plants she had placed beside her door. Behind her, Ichigo watched her with interest.

"It's here somewhere… Tada! Found it!" She straightened up and shook the key in front of her. She unlocked her door and sighed in relief. "Thank you very much for looking after me, Kurosaki-kun! I can't remember anything so far but I'm sure you took care of me well!"

Ichigo slightly went pink. "I did my best."

"Un! Kurosaki-kun always does his best." She agreed. "I'll return your clothes as soon as I finish washing them!"

"You can return them anytime you want."

"Thank you. And Merry Christmas, Kurosaki-kun!"

He favored her with a small smile. Orihime went very pink, bowed slightly and moved to close the door.



It's now or never, Ichigo thought nervously.

Grasp your destiny! His (supportive) Hollow bellowed.

Zangetsu nodded pensively.

When did the old man become interested in his love life?

Ichigo steeled his resolve.

"We're going to have a Christmas dinner," he began awkwardly, "Just me and my crazy dad and sisters, er… Do you want to come over and join us? It's just a simple dinner where no one is allowed to be late."

Her eyes rounded. "B-But… I don't want to intrude. It's Christmas, after all. It's a holiday to be spent with your family."

Ichigo chose his words carefully, but he did not have any idea how to say it without stating the obvious. "It's true but you don't have anyone else to spend it with," he said softly. "You're welcome to join us. There's plenty of room for you."

"A-Are you sure?"

Ichigo nodded, trying to curb his nervousness. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Blushing, Orihime acquiesced. "O-Okay."

"Great." He grinned, relieved. "I'll pick you up at six."

"Y-You will! But it's not necessary and –"

He shook his head. "It's going to be dark and slippery. I'll be here at six."

She pouted, but he could tell she was pleased. "All right." She moved to close the door but for the second time, Ichigo put a hand on the doorframe, making Orihime to stop. She blinked up at him. "Kurosaki-kun?"

"I…" He scowled at the space above her shoulder. Then he sighed and looked right at her. "I'm sorry."


"You can slap me later if you want."

"Why would I–"

He put a hand on her cheek and put his lips on her, causing her mental workings to shut down momentarily. It was awkward, and his target was slightly off. Nevertheless, it was their first kiss, it was chaste and it would always be special.

Ichigo pulled back slightly, watching her face apprehensively, waiting for her to freak out. But she merely blinked and stared up to his eyes in wonder. She licked her lips and stared at his lips. Blushing anew, she tiptoed and pressed her lips on his. Amazed and relieved that she did not slap him like he had expected, Ichigo closed his eyes and returned the pressure, moving his lips gently over hers. He spread his fingers over her cheek, stroking her cheekbone with his thumb. He felt her grip the front of his coat, pulling him down and closer to her.

When they parted, both of them were breathing faster. She lowered her gaze shyly, missing the look of satisfaction in Ichigo's eyes.

"You can keep my clothes."

Startled, she looked up. "I-I can?"

"You can give me back my pants and coat, but you can keep my shirt."

Secretly, Orihime was glad she got to keep the shirt. It smelled so much of him. "I'll keep it and take good care of it too!"

Ichigo took her hand and squeezed it. "Inoue," he breathed. "It's going to sound weird but…" He gulped, sweating and panicking inside. "I like you."

Her eyes widened.

"We can go slowly, you know. You don't have to like me back instantly. But yeah, I hope eventually you will." To his horror, her eyes suddenly filled with tears. She was horrified, wasn't she? She was horrified that she was liked by him. "I-Inoue, don't cry! Did I scare you?"

He was not told that it was possible to terrify someone by telling them of your feelings. But he was of special case, anyway. He had a perverted freak in his head and he was not exactly the type of boy with pleasing personality and looks. Her horror was justifiable; no one in their right mind would be pleased to be liked by him.

Orihime was shaking her head. "These are happy tears." Again, Ichigo was not aware that there were different types of tears. "I-I'm just very happy."


She looked up at him with gentle eyes and pink cheeks. "I like you… I have for a long time."

It was his turn to be stunned. "You have?"

She nodded.

"Inoue," he began quietly, holding onto her hand tightly. "You know who I am and what I am capable of. You saw me lost it once. You saw me transform to a monster and I can't promise you that it won't happen again."

She cupped his face with her free hand. "You are the person I love and no matter what happens, no matter what you've become, I will always love you. True, I will get confused and frightened at first but I believe in you. I know you will do your best to make everything all right."

Ichigo soon found himself smiling widely. She smiled as well, blushing. At the sight of her smiling face, he was again very tempted to kiss her. He found kissing her very enjoyable, something he could get addicted to.

"I'll see you later, okay?" he said after kissing her.


He grinned boyishly and stepped out of the threshold. When he heard the click of the lock, he went down the stairs and walked back to his house, wearing a silly grin that looked awkward and equally frightening on his normally scowling face.

Congrats, King! Finally, you don't have to use your hand anymore!

The grin vanished instantly. S-Shut up! What the hell are you talking about! I don't–

Fff, oh come on. It's time to read those magazines that stupid lion bought for you! Memorize the top ten best positions and–

Shut it or I'll march in there to do it myself!

Oh, I am so scared! BRING IT ON, JACKASS!