What if the first time Bella dreamed of Edward she wasn't really dreaming. Would their growing relationship be tainted by what had already occured?
Based on the 'that was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen' deleted scene on the Twilight DVD.
Stephanie Meyer owns everything as she rightly should. I own nothing but this plot and a dirty mind.
Thanks to my two betas on this chapter RedSummer (go check out her fic My Family and I) and desespoir for all their help on this fic.
I jerked awake - some sixth sense rousing me from my uneasy sleep.
Disorientated, I lay perfectly still, covers kicked down around my legs, one arm half-clenched by the side of my face, breathing heavily as though I had just run a marathon. Or experienced an intense moment of passion the little voice in my head whispered to me.
For a moment I tried desperately to recall why I wasn't asleep anymore, what dream I had had that disturbed my mind so much that it returned me to consciousness so abruptly.
And then I saw it. A small shadow at the end of my bed, insignificant really, that just caught the corner of my eye.
I whipped my head round surprisingly fast for someone with my lack of reflexes, spoiling the illusion of effortlessness slightly by shooting out a hand to brace myself against the mattress, stopping my body from tumbling over the edge onto the floor.
And there he stood - fists clenched, shoulders hunched, as though he was fighting the urge to throw himself on top of me.
I was slightly pleased by this. Earlier in the hospital he seemed like he couldn't wait to get away from me, or maybe that was just the questions that he hadn't wanted to answer.
I hope you enjoy disappointment.
I had presumed this meant that he resented me; his seeming avoidance of me after that first biology class and now after the almost-accident had led me to believe that he did not share the same fascination with me as I did with him.
Yet here he was. Standing in my room. By my bed. On the second floor of my house. In the middle of the night. With my police chief father and his standard-issue gun only a hall away.
Questions floated through my mind at that moment: How did he get in? What was he doing here? Why wasn't I screaming to Charlie that some boy who may or may not hate me but did save my life was hovering over my body while I slept? But I didn't care.
He was beautiful. Oh so very beautiful - too beautiful to look away fromand begin to think rationally. He was just too charming, and mysterious, and intriguing, and he filled out his jeans and dark blue shirt so well that I could almost feel the muscles hidden underneath with just my eyes.
Flushing at the inappropriate direction my thoughts were going I glanced up at his face only to be held spellbound by his eyes - pools of amber slowly darkening to perfect onyx under my scrutiny, yet it wasn't the colour that left me enraptured but the emotions they betrayed. No longer was this the carefully formed blankness apparent in the emergency room. The illusion of calm was completely shattered.
Tormented, was the word my mind supplied for me. Edward looks tormented.
Some hint of his defiance from earlier still remained but it was overshadowed by other feelings. The predatory hunger should have scared me off, made me recoil back against the headboard, but the intense sorrow held me in place.
My Edward is sad.
The fact that I was now referring to Edward in my head as being mine should have been a big enough hint that my brain once again wasn't functioning properly, and that the best thing for me to do was to ignore Edward as the dream figure he so clearly was, lie back down and go to sleep.
I leaned forward slightly, wondering if I'd imagined the last emotion. Hunger, but of a different kind. The kind I'd always secretly wanted to be a part of, despite the fact that no one had ever caught my eye or made me feel that way before. It was want and need and desire and it was my dream. It was my dream, and Edward was in my room, and he wanted me - really wanted me. It was my dream and I could do what I wanted in it.
I launched myself onto my knees and across the bed barely staying on it, and grabbed the front of Edward's shirt.
My hands fisted, dragging him towards me and he came willingly. As I settled back onto my heels my hands slid up, instinctively cupping Edward's face before moving round to dig my fingers into his hair.
So soft, my mind registered, revelling in the fact that I was touching him. And he wasn't backing away.
Then his lips met mine and my mind went blank. My eyes fluttered shut, unable to stay open with all the emotions running through me. If I had ever been satisfied with merely gazing at Edward I knew I could never be so content in the future. His lips were cool, moulding themselves to mine, never yielding but taking as fiercely as they gave.
Edward Cullen is kissing me, my mind squealed before my body shuddered at the contact between us and my muscles gave up supporting me altogether.
I collapsed backwards, never releasing my grip on Edward's hair, pulling him down onto the bed with me. As we fell Edward shot out his right handbracing himself so as to avoid crushing me underneath him as we landed. Whilst this was a nice gesture, it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted it all. I wanted to feel Edward's body pressed against mine, to become intimately acquainted with those muscles I had so admired a minute ago. I moved my hands slightly, making sure I had a firm hold on the back of his head, not allowing a sliver of light to come between my face and his and yanked him down on top of me.
It wasn't a particularly graceful move on my part, and it wasn't one of those elegantly seductive moves that women on TV, or the popular girls at school in Phoenix,always seemed able to make when trying to have their way with the opposite sex. I secretly smirked to myself at the thought; I'm having my way with Edward. Not graceful and not seductive, but lustful and desperate... and working. I could feel Edward capitulating to my silent demand and again I squealed inwardly before my internal musing stopped. Lust took over my body and then...bliss.
Edward was suddenly possessed with the same sheer desperation that haunted my actions. His free arm swept out from behind himpushing my remaining covers out of the way. Our kissing paused for a moment, allowing both of us to inhale air greedily. Secretly I was pleased that he seemed as affected by our kiss as I was. It wasn't like I had much experience at this sort of thing, and he was so beautiful that I couldn't believe that he didn't. Our foreheads rested together for a second as we panted in unison and I was proud that I could reduce this gorgeous boy to the same state that I was in.
Then his mouth claimed me again and I couldn't help the slight whimper that escaped me. It was answered by his low moan, and then he was fully on top of me and I was reduced to a quivering wreck underneath him. All from just a kiss.
The noises now resonating out of my throat would have embarrassed me normally, but this was my dream and I felt strangely confident, helped along of course by the fact that Edward was now emitting a strange rumbling growl through his chest that shot warmth through me.
As his full length began to rest against mine I felt his hand settle on my hip, sliding around to my ass and clutching me to him.
Until this point I had been lost solely in the sensation of his mouth against mine, the pleasurable numbing of my lips had kept me thoroughly occupied, but now I became aware of the other feelings assaulting my senses.
Tingling heat had shot out across my form from where his hands grasped at me: one sliding behind my shoulders to crush my chest to his, the other curving round from my behind to run sensually up and down my thigh, his fingers reflexively clutching my flesh to him.
I was overwhelmed. The sensations running through my body caused my breath to hitch in my throat, my insides clenching in reaction to Edward's touch.
Edward moved his mouth across my jaw towards my ear, kissing and sucking and licking. Gasping for air my hands left the bronzed hair that I had been steadfastly clinging to, my arms sliding up to tighten around his neck, holding him to me in the hope that his actions would never stop. I threw my head back whimpering and moaning, my eyes flicking upwards where they blankly fixed upon the ceiling
The hand that had been running down my thigh curved around my knee, hitching my leg around his hips where the other one quickly joined it. Edward's attention towards my jaw grew more frantic as his lips moved downwards towards my neck and my hips jerked upwards.
We both froze: Edward with his face buried in my hair at my neck, his breaths sounding incredibly loud in the silence of our pause, and me, quivering, my spread legs pressing my core tightly against his body.
And I felt it. Holy shit did I feel it.
I was suddenly incredibly glad that this was just a dream. In my dream this would go perfectly, . I wouldn't be nervous, I wouldn't say or do anything stupid, and I definitely wouldn't freak out about the fact the I was feeling it and was 99% sure that the mechanics of the whole situation wouldn't work.
He was huge... or what I could feel felt huge anyway. Not that I could judge. And I wasn't judging really. I was just...
Evaluating. Overthinking, my brain helpfully supplied. I scowled slightly, angry that I was overanalysing my dream, ruining the glow that had so painstakingly been built up between myself and Edward. And...
"Bella breathe," a smooth voice commanded, and as I inhaled sharply feeling the burn of my lungs accepting the oxygen I realised that Edward had raised his head slightly and was gazing at me with concern.
This was wrong. All wrong. Edward wasn't supposed to be concerned.
I tilted my head slightly to gaze at him and in return he stared back at me, his expression nearly pained, his chest heaving. Edward seemed to deliberate with himself for a moment, before opening his mouth and echoing the same thing that I was thinking but for a totally different reason, "Bella this isn't right, we should stop."
What? Stop? No no, no! This was my dream and we were not stopping. Dream Edward was not going to make me stop. My mind flitted briefly over the idea that maybe Dream Edward wasn't really Dream Edward but quickly dismissed the thought as it entered my head.
Real Edward hated me. Real Edward had stood there and mocked my efforts to explain how he had stopped a van from crushing me to death with his hand. Real Edward had no place in this fantasy. I wanted Dream Edward back.
I leaned towards him, straining towards that decadent mouth but he jerked away, the look on his face becoming more and more panicked... and then he was gone. Not far. He still sat on my bed facing me, but was no longer on top of me where I wanted him to be.
I sat up slowlynot wanting to spook him but needing to be close again. "Edward..." I breathed.
He flinched at the sound of his name, running his hand through his hair in a gesture I recognized as frustration... or was it indecision? "Bella we..." he hesitated. I continued to move slowly towards him until he held his hand upstopping me in my tracks.
"We can't do this."
The words cut into me, freezing my body in shock and embarrassment. Until that instant I was so sure that this was going to be one of the most beautiful moments that I had experienced, dream or no dream. My hopes were shattered.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I ducked my head down so Edward wouldn't be able to see me cry, I didn't want to see the look of pity that would inevitably cross his face.
"Bella I..." Edward started, visibly gathering himself before trying again. "Bella we can't do this... It wouldn't be right. There are things that you don't know about me..."
"Only because you won't tell me," I blurted out, interrupting him. "I asked and you laughed in my face." My ranting picked up its pace, my tears of humiliation turning to ones of anger. "I came to Forks and then you glared at me, and then biology... and the mitosis quiz... and the questions about my life... you actually seemed like a decent guy. Then one tiny accident later..."
"I wouldn't call nearly being crushed by a van a tiny accident."
"... and you suddenly decide 'no more!' And you yelled at me, and now you're in my room, and we were just..." I gestured towards my mattress, not wanting to say the words out loud. "I just... Don't you want me?" I asked brokenly, suddenly very tired of trying to fight for the affection of someone who didn't feel the same way.
Edward groaned - the tormented look etched once more upon his face. I hated that look passionately and wanted it gone. "Bella of course I want..." But he didn't get any further. I'd heard what I wanted to hear and decided to shut him up the only way I knew how.
I lunged at him again, this time pinning him down as he yielded to me, reclining smoothly backwards. There were no hesitations now, the moment in which to stop this madness had passed by and we were now helpless slaves to our emotions...
Or at least I was. I like to think that he was too. It certainly seemed like it anyway.
Our lips tore at each other his palms gripping my hips, pulling my lower body to his, whilst my nails dug into his chest anchoring me to him. If he felt any pain he didn't show it.
And then my camisole and his shirt were gone and our bare chests were pressing together and it was too much. I threw my head back, hyperventilating at the tingling that once again spread out from the points of contact between us, trying not to pass out.
Edward's mouth quickly claimed my throat, furiously kissing and sucking at the bare skin surrounding my pulse points. His hands slid up over my ribs, hesitating slightly before moving up to cup my breasts, thumbs delicately flicking at my swollen nipples. I thought I would die from the sensation, moaning low and deep in the back on my throat.
Edward lifted me slightly, allowing his mouth to venture down past my collarbone before his lips attached themselves to my breast, kissing the flesh of one, whilst his hand massaged the other, until he reached my nipple. His mouth enclosed it, sucking lightly, and the pulling sensation sent another flood of warmth down my body.
I needed more. The erratic clenchinginside me growing to a fever pitch, and I yanked myself away from Edward's mouth. Moving my hands up from their resting place on his chest to his shoulders I used my newly gained leverage to pull myself upwards, my legs falling apart to straddle Edward's hips, my core grinding into his.
Edward was growling again, the vibrations sending shockwaves up my body which encouraged me to push down against him harder, whimpering at the heightened contact. We were grinding in unison now, our hips uncontrollably jerking and shuddering against each other.
His eyes never left mine. The torment and frustration were gone now, replaced by a gaze of awe and wonder, as well as a healthy bucketload of lust. This was how my Edward should look. This was right.
I needed to get closer.
Sitting up slightly I let my hands return to Edward's muscled chest, allowing myself a brief moment to explore its surface with my fingers before bringing them down to rest against the top button of his jeans.
Edward froze, his hands moving down to grip my wrists, keeping me from moving any further. I whimpered, wriggling slightly to try and increase the pressure on my clit, which was throbbing uncontrollably. Why did he keep stopping?
"Bella maybe we should..."
"Edward," I interrupted. "Edward please. I need this." I wasn't sure how much of this semi-rejection I could continue to take. I was now mentally willing him with everything I had to hear my pleas and just get over his reservations. What kind of self-respecting seventeen-year-old boy was he?
Edward, who had been staring entranced at where my hands were held captive by his, glanced up. Taking in my expression and the desperation in my voice he hesitated before nodding, teeth clenched together and heavy pants resounding through his body underneath me. Releasing mehis fingers traced the edge of my yoga pants whilst mine worked frantically to pop open the buttons of his jeans before he could stop me again.
As I got the last one undone I felt my world tilting and a gust of air escaped me as I found myself on my back again, Edward on top of me and my pants down around my ankles. I quickly kicked them off the end of my feet as Edward's lips claimed mine. Managing to hook my fingers around his belt loops I yanked downwards, attempting to wriggle his jeans off him.
Edward rose onto his knees above me, shedding his pants, practically throwing them into the lamp in the corner of my room, and then turned and looked down at me.
I held his gaze boldly for all of two seconds before his eyes slid hungrily over my body and I suddenly remembered that I was lying spread out in front of the most beautiful and perfect boy in the entire world in nothing but a pair of plain white cotton panties. I squirmed in embarrassment, flushing heavily as my blush spread all the way down to my chest.
Just as I was about to cover my breasts with my arms in a pretty pathetic attempt to cover myself Edward growled. Not that I was an expert but it sounded like a noise of appreciation and studying Edward's face I noticed that once again his eyes had darkened in what I was coming to recognise as lust.
But I wasn't the only one half naked, I reminded myself. Finding comfort in this recollection I decided to conduct my own appraisal, sliding my eyes down over his broad shoulders, that muscular chest, those toned abs, the mouth-watering 'V' at his hips which led down to...
I snapped my eyes shut. He wasn't wearing any boxers. He wasn't wearing any boxers!
A low sinful chuckle interrupted my brain meltdown at the discovery that Edward went commando. I slowly peeked through my lashes to meet Edward's deliciously crooked smirk. Confronted with the desire to wipe it off his faceI blindly reached downwards until his cock was cradled in my shaking hand. The smirk vanished to be replaced with a low groan as Edward's eyes fluttered shut and a look of pure bliss crossed his face. Entranced, I began to move my hand slowly up and down, Edward's hips moving slightly with me to push himself further into my palm.
Inhaling sharply, Edward buried his face into the hair at the crook of my neck, hands flitting lightly down my sides until they reached the top of my panties. I barely registered the short ripping sound before his fingers were on me. Inside me.
Practically crying with relief my spare hand gripped the back of Edward's neck, clasping him to me. I began thrusting in time with the one finger, then two, which entered me.
Edward was now working me over at a quickening pace, his thumb moving round to first press down gently, and then begin rubbing, over my clit. I cried out sharply at the sensation, my voice breaking through the sound of our heavy panting, my legs jerking up uncontrollably to clamp around Edward's hips fastening myself to him once again.
As the pressure inside me began to grow the hand which had been caressing Edward's length dropped to the bed, feebly clawing at the mattress. And then...
A symphony of colours erupted behind my closed eyes as pure heat shot up through my body, blinding me, deafening me to nothing except this feeling of pure bliss.
As the colours began to fade to black I could vaguely hear Edward's voice murmuring desperately to me and I struggled to focus on the words.
"... Bella. Bella, you need to breathe love... open your eyes Bella... Bella please...'
Groggily opening my eyes I registered that Edward was gazing worriedly down at me. Smiling up at him I received a relieved grin in return before heated pleasure overtook his expression. Wriggling, I noticed that in my orgasmic haze, first ever my head squealed, Edward had positioned his cock at my entrance and appeared to be waiting for some kind of signal from me to proceed.
As I nodded slightly, he pushed inside, and the blaze overtook me once more. The sharp pain as my hymen broke made no impression beyond a brief acknowledgement to myself that it had happened.
Grunts and moans took over as Edward pistoned inside me. My hands flittered over any of his exposed skin that I could reach, whilst his arms stretched over our heads to grip the headboard.
My stomach began spiralling again as the tightening of my walls steadily increased towards another orgasm. Edward's rhythm started to falter, and I realised that he must be close to his release as well.
Three hard thrusts later and I shattered, wailing out Edward's name as I came.
This time I remembered to breathe and idly noticed that whilst I was occupied with my pleasure Edward had reached his at the same time.
Head once again buried in my hair, Edward slowly lowered himself onto his elbows, restraining his body from crushing me into the bed, although at that moment I wouldn't have cared if he did. My body heaved as I worked to get air back into my lungs and I began to rhythmically rub up and down Edward's back, lulling both of us back to earth.
Edward lifted his head, staring wondrously at me, "Bella, that was..." His lips claimed me passionately before he broke away again. His fingers lightly traced my cheekbone. "Thank you so much."
As his face lowered to mine once more, I shifted slightly, cringing as a dull ache began to penetrate my lower body. "Oh god, Bella I'm so sorry... I hurt you... Are you in much pain?" I hadn't realized that my instinctive flinch was conspicuous enough to attract Edward's notice, but he now seemed completely panicked at the idea that he had hurt me. "Bella please forgive me... I didn't mean to... I knew we shouldn't have done this. Please forgive me?"
Rolling my eyes at his overreaction an errant thought knocked me sideways from nowhere, causing me to be the one to jerk away from him and halting his pleas for forgiveness. It was something I had written off before but now seemed blindingly obvious. Why would Dream Edward be apologizing for having sex with me? It was something that seemed so out of sorts with my dominant dream lover.
But he hadn't been dominant. Edward had been hesitant, unwilling to continue until I begged him to.
He looked confusedly at me as I stared blankly up at him. Comprehension of what had happened, what I had easily dismissed earlier in the heat of my passion, beginning to filter through my mind.
"It was all real."
... and then everything went black.