Author's Note: We just learned how to write How-To Memoirs in English, and I thought it might be fun to write a How-To Memoir from the perspective of Percy's mother, Sally Jackson. I'm in the process of typing my HP fanfic, so this is just a quickie in-between thing. Let me know if you enjoy this kind of writing, and if you'd like me to do similar style fanfictions in the future. Anyway, enjoy...

Disclaimer: I am not Rick Riordan, so I don't own Sally, Paul, Annabeth, Percy, Poseidon, or Athena. 'Course, he doesn't really own Poseidon or Athena either, but for the sake of using his book as a basis for this fanfic, I have to say that they belong to him. I guess the concept he uses them for is his. But, to cover all the bases, I'm not the Greeks either.

How To Marry Off Your Son

by Sally Jackson

When your son and Annabeth inform you nervously that they finally started dating, act surprised, even though you could see this coming from a mile away.

Restrain yourself from crowing with glee; you've been hoping for this for years.

Help your nervous son pick out an outfit for his first real date outside of Camp Half-Blood.

Assure him that Annabeth will be there, to relieve his slightly-green face.

Drive him and Annabeth to the movie theater. Pretend you don't see them holding hands, but secretly sneak looks in the front mirror every so often.

Wish them a good time.

Walk back and forth over the carpet the entire evening.

Refuse to let Paul convince you to come sit on the couch or eat anything.

Hear footsteps on the stairs. Peer through the peep-hole, but don't open the door, because you see him leaning down to kiss her sweetly.

Walk to the kitchen, so that when they come in, you appear not to have peeped.

Ask her if he behaved when she walks into the kitchen to help prepare for dinner.

Hide the tear that falls from your eye as it suddenly dawns on you that the "perfect gentleman" she is talking about is your little boy all grown up.

Agree to let her stay at your house for the duration of the school year when her boarding arrangements fall through, even though it means adding a bed to your already-crowded office, because you son begs you not to make his girlfriend move back across the country.

Come home to find the two fast asleep on the couch, her head on his shoulder, while a romantic comedy plays softly in the background.

Lose track of how many dates they've gone on, but know that months have gone by.

Listen to their old nicknames- "Seaweed Brain" and "Wise Girl"- become endearing.

Know that when they go fight monsters, he won't let a single monster touch her, but don't worry about it because of his (mostly) invulnerable body. Worry more about what will happen to his heart if something would happen to her.

Send them off to Camp Half-Blood during the summertime. Marvel that the house wasn't overrun with monsters because of the large joint attraction of a Child of Athena and a Child of Poseidon.

Then worry because at Camp, they won't have as much supervision. Especially since the two are cabin leaders who will have to do patrols alone together.

Keep the two in the back of your mind all summer.

Watch as they get off the Camp bus at the end of the summer holding hands, and how he carefully helps her with her stuff.

Allow him to visit her every day after school.

Teach her to cook. Be patient with her when she burns noodles.

Help her gain cooking as a new skill.

Send them off to long battles now with a hot plate and raw ingredients, so that she can feed them when they're done fighting.

Let them go on that camping trip by themselves.

Send them off to Camp Half-Blood again the next summer. And again in the summer after that.

Watch the next three years fly by. Be half-surprised that he's lasted this long without seriously ticking her off, but know in your heart that they are perfect for each other.

Never once consider the idea that she's not good enough for him.

When your 21-year-old son tells you he wants to propose to his girlfriend of 5 years, agree to take him ring shopping. Never let him see the tears.

Never tell him you feel old with him approaching marriage.

Help him pick out the perfect outfit. Make sure it incorporates sea green- to match his eyes and Annabeth's favorite color.

Assure him that she loves him, and that there is no doubt in your mind that she'll say yes.

Pace back and forth like you did when they were on their first date.

Know that all went well when you see him open the car door and kiss her.

Smile largely and eagerly await when they come in.

Pretend to be surprised when they announce the news.

Start to prepare for the wedding.

Accustom yourself to the fact that you are going to be losing your son.

At the ceremony, be too embarrassed to cry, because Poseidon and Athena actually come. Approve of the chariot and horses on the cake to symbolize that Poseidon and Athena CAN get along.

Realize the depths of their love for each other when their eyes don't stray from each other's during the ceremony.

Realize that you aren't really losing your son; you are gaining a daughter-in-law.