A/N: Yo.

So, first new post on the new account. It's so exciting!

OK, so, I made a website dedicated to this on Rachel's request. it's (without spaces) www . the great epic multi crossover fic of doom . webs . com. It would mean a lot to me, especially if you like the story, if you just stop by for a moment.

SPONGEBOB IS IN THIS CHAPPIE!!!! OK, I am soo frickin' excited about this it's scary. I also really like how I incorperated it. On a final note on this- YAY!

There is major Twilight bashing in this. I did mean this as a joke. Remember, this is a Humor/Parody story.

There is a Return Of Nathan, but no other people that I know except my friends (A.K.A- Me [Maggie], Rachel, Ashlie, Christine, and Emily.)

Warnings: Semi-OOC, Randomness, Character death, MAJOR Twilight bashing. I think that's it, but I could be wrong.

Disclaimer: Nope, nothing, nada, zip, zulch, zilch...


Everyone got into defense mode instantly and separated into their three teams.


Harry Potter Point Of View:

"Umm… Christine?" Remus, who was currently spying from afar on the Twilight team, asked.

"What?" Said Christine, who was currently strategizing with Maggie.

"I have an update on the Twilight team- their using spoons." He said officially.

"Spoons?" Asked Maggie. Was there a hint of fear in her voice?

"Spoons." Confirmed Remus.

"What kind of spoons?" Asked Christine.

"They looked like white plastic spoons."

"And what are they planning to do with these spoons?" Asked Sirius skeptically.

"It looked like they were going to catapult them over here." Remus said.

Christine paled.

"OH! THAT'S HITTING BELOW THE BELT!" Maggie shouted, and stormed out of the room.

"Huh?" Harry said stupidly.

"What's her problem?" Sirius wondered aloud.

Snape voiced everyone's common mental question, "What's the big deal with spoons?"

"It's not just spoons," explained Christine, "Maggie has a strong irrational fear of being poked with white plastic spoons."

Everyone gave her a bewildered look before asking in unison disbelievingly, "Being poked with white plastic spoons?"

"Why?" asked Ron.

"We don't know. No one knows. She doesn't even know." Christine stated.

"Well, this can't go well." Predicted Tonks.

(A/N: Before I forget to mention this- Yes, I do actually have an irrational fear of being poked with white plastic spoons, it wasn't made up for the story, and I have no idea why I have it. I didn't have some traumatic experience, I'm just scared of being poked with them. Sometimes, truth is stranger then fiction.)


CNRS Point Of View:

"Did you get the weapons yet?" asked Rachel.

"Yeah," Said Chuck Norris, "Hey, where's Perry?"

DO BE DO BE DO BA…

"NO!" screamed Rachel, "NO ONE SHALL INTERRUPT MY Point Of View! NO! MWHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Umm… OK then…" Said Shadow.


Twilight Point Of View:

"Did you get the spoons?" Ashlie asked between bites of corn on the cob.

"Yeah." Said Jacob, "But I don't get why you need over a million spoons. This is a war, not a dessert buffet!"

"MAGGIE! WHY DID YOU INTERRUPT MY POINT OF VIEW?" Rachel asked.

Because, Rachel, you were annoying me. Anyway-

"No! I WILL NOT BE- Ooh! Corn!" Rachel cut herself off before attacking Ashile for said delicious yellow nutrients.

"NO! MY FOOD OBSESSION!" Ashile shouted before Rachel attacked.

Fortunately for all involved, Chuck Norris and Shadow were able to pry Rachel off of Ashlie for the time being.

"Whoa, what was that about?" Asked Edward Cullen.

"Hey guys." Said Harry Potter. Don't ask me how he got to them when they are supposedly on opposite sides of the war, he just did. "I just- CEDRIC! YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"No, Harry." Said Cedward. Or would it be Edric? Oh, really, who gives a s*** either way? "When Voldy Avada'd me, he accidentally turned me into a half-dead, shitty, sparkly vampire."

"What? NOOO!" shouted Harry.

"I'm sorry." Cedric/Edward said regrettably.

"Wait a second," said Emily, "Didn't you die because of the Spanish influenza? And didn't that happen, like, almost a hundred years ago?"

"Well, that's my official story. It's not like I could tell everyone, 'Hey, I'm a wizard and was just killed by an evil Dark Lord crazy person. So I moved to the United States and charmed their memories into thinking that I had been with them for over ninety years."

"Like Hermione did to her parents?" Asked Maggie.

"What?" Asked Harry.

"Oops. That wasn't until the seventh book. Carry on."

"YOU LIED TO US!" The Edward and Cedric fangirls screamed.

"Yeah, sorry about that…" He said, looking anything but sorry.

"Ugh," ugh'd Chuck Norris, "This sparkly dude's getting on my nerves. CHUCK NORRIS POWER!"

*THIS SECTION HAS BEEN CUT OUT FOR VARIOUS REASONS- VIOLENCE, CHUCK NORRIS AWESOMENESS. BUT, MOSTLY, BECAUSE I CAN'T WRITE A DEATH SCENE TO SAVE MY LIFE. HELL, I DON'T EVEN LIKE READING A DEATH SCENE. WHY DO YOU THINK I HAD CEDRIC COME BACK AS EDWARD CULLEN AND THE HP PART OF THE STORY START RIGHT BEFORE SIRIUS (sob) DIED? EXACTLY. ANYWAY, ENOUGH OF MY PRETTY BOLD-Y, ITALIC-Y, CAPSLOCK-Y, RAMBLINGS OF MY PROBLEMS AND BACK TO RELEVANT TOPICS-*

Two seconds later, Bella (As in Bella Swan. I really can't see Bellatrix caring too much if it ended up that Cedric died again. On another semi-rambling note, I now have a crack!pairing idea. Can you guess? Scary, I know…) walked into the room.

"Edward? Edward, where are you?"

It was then that she saw the limp, dead, bloody corpse of the aforementioned vampire on the ground!"

"NOO! I THOUGHT VAMPIRES COULDN'T DIE!" She shouted to no one in particular.

Shadow walked over and said, "Apparently, they forgot to mention that their only weakness is Chuck Norris."

"Wait," cut in Maggie, "Chuck Norris isn't their only weaness. They do have another."

"Yeah, the Volturi." Said Ashile.

Maggie looked at her, "No. Kermit the Frog." She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Everyone stared at her for a moment, except Bella, who was overcome with grief, and Edward, who was dead.

Bella started crying, "Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to do jump off the cliff again!" She said, and stomped off.

"Aren't you going to save her?" Emily asked Jacob.

He thought about that for a moment before saying, "Nah, she's just an Edward-obsessed psychopath!"

"Good point." Said Christine. Again, don't ask how she got in. Or Rachel, for that matter.

"NO! MY POINT OF VIEW!"

"FINE!" Everyone said together.


CNRS Point Of View:

Shadow watched as Chuck Norris and Rachel talk about random subjects.

"Why am I on a team with two complete idiots?" he mumbled to himself.

Unfortunately, Rachel surprisingly heard him and walked over to give him a 'pep talk,' of sorts. "Hey, it could be worse- you could be on a team with me, Chuck Norris, and Ferb!"

Just then, Ferb walked into the room. "Hi, Rachel! Can I be on your team?"

Rachel shot Shadow an evil glare and said, "Suure… Why not?"

Shadow held his head in his hands and shouted, "NOOOO!"


Twilight Point Of View:

As Edward Cullen's funeral came to an end, all that could be heard was the crying of Edward fangirls and the laughing of Christine, Rachel, and Maggie.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, MAGGIE!" Shouted Ashlie ruefully as she was placing flowers on his grave.

"What? Me?" Asked Maggie, playing dumb, hoping it would work. "What did I do? Chuck Norris is the one who killed him!"

Miraculously, it did- "WELL- Wait a second, your right. YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, CHUCK NORRIS!" said Emily.

"Chuck Norris doesn't pay. You pay…" said Rachel.

"Rachel, that makes no sense." Pointed out Christine.

"So?" Rachel asked.

Maggie and Christine gave a long-suffering sigh as a response.


Harry Potter Point Of View:

"OK. So- Um, do we know you?" Remus started but cut himself off.

"Don't think so." Said a certain grumpy, blue, large-nosed squid (Or is it an octopus? That would be stupid, considering his name is Squidward, but you never know. On another not- I have finally added Spongebob! It's so exciting! Anyway, I really should 'get on with it,' as Weird Al drinking coffee and those random dudes on Monty Python's Flying Circus' would say.) we all know and love.

"Well, um, why are you here?" asked Hermione.

"Because," said Squidward, "Maggie was getting really annoyed-"

"Don't you mean peeved?" Asked Nathan as he randomly popped up out of nowhere.

'How does he do that?' everyone mentally asked.

"Peeved means-"

"EAT LEAD!" Rachel screamed, and shot him with a bazooka.

"AHHH!" He screamed, and fell over dead (told you I can't write killing scenes.).

Everyone stared at her.

"What?" she asked, "He's just soo annoying!"

Everyone seemed to accept this.

Squidward continued, "Anyway, Maggie was getting really annoyed, or peeved," He said this while glaring at the almost cold body, "that Spongebob hasn't even been mentioned. So, she sent me here."

"Oy!" shouted Peter Griffin, with Stewie standing next to him. "We go to the bathroom for fifteen minutes, and you start a war without us?"

"Peter, you've been gone for three days." Pointed out Maggie.

"Oh."

"So," started Squidward, "This is all we do here? Add random characters at random times for no apparent reason and only following a plotline occasionally and when it's absolutely necessary, you know, to be random?"

"Yup, pretty much." Said Christine, "Glad we understand each other."

"How did I get sucked into this?" Squidward asked, presumably, himself.

"I've been asking myself the same question for weeks. Years, if you count things other than this FanFic." Said Snape while walking up to Squidward.

"At least you don't have to live between two complete morons." Said Squidward.

"No, but I'm a teacher. That means I have to educate morons." Explained Snape.

"Hey!" protested the entire population of Hogwarts. They were ignored.

Squidward scoffed. "I'm a cashier," at this, Snape snorted, but continued to somehow pay attention and not interrupt. "That means I have to take morons orders."

"Oh, yeah? Well…" Snape was saying as he and Squidward were walking off into the sunset together. Really, I do not want to know what I was smoking when I imagined up this scene.

"Well, Maggie," Said a bewildered Christine. You had to admit, that was pretty weird. "They do have quite similar personalities. Kinda scary…"

"Yeah, someone like Snape?" Harry said, and then shuddered.

Sirius broke the semi-tense atmosphere by exclaiming, "Yeah! They even both have extremely long noses!"

Everyone laughed, and thus started the strange, cross-dimensional friendship of Snape and Squidward.


Yeah, both me and Rachel missed our pills the morning we wrote this.

Oh, and we probably won't be updating until after New Years because Christmas Break (I go to a catholic school, so they actually call it that.) started on Friday for us. So *pulls out a Santa beard and hat out of her pocket* HO! HO! HO! MEEERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Thoughts?

Review!

Thanks!