Disclaimer: This story is not mine except the plot.

Summary: mother complex.

Pairings: Japan X China, Russia X China

Enjoy! (Thank you for Farm-Story for betaing my story)


Once upon a time, when Japan was still an infant and when China was still a young adult himself, they met. China was lonely when he came into the shady woods (and trash cans, and dark alleys) and found the small boy. His name was Nihon, or Japan. He was alone. And China was alone too. Two loners became family.

China fell in love with his little brother/ son. Nihon is his brother, his son, his family.

Japan felt awe for the bigger nation; he was graceful, beautiful, elegant, cheerful and kind.

Japan fell in love.

*****

"And listen, aru! You know how the guest wasn't supposed to enter the kitchen? He came in, aru! My boss was too afraid of him and he let him do whatever he wanted! Just because he is Russia's Ivan Braginski, the biggest nation right now! I know he is the owner of the hotel where I worked, but it's not fair, aru! And he disturbed me, harassing me, hmph! You know how I don't like people hugging me while I was cooking, don't you?"

"He hugged you?" Japan swallowed as his anger rose.

"Yes! But I kicked him! And he laughed, aru! He said he will be coming tomorrow too! Hmph! I already asked for the day off tomorrow. I don't want him to find me again, aru!" China gulped down his tea angrily, then sighed. "Kiku…"

"Yes?"

"… Is he… really bad, aru? I mean… can I think that he is… honestly… attracted to me?"

China blushed. Japan smiled, while his heart throbbed. No, no. Damn that Russia. He dominated China's complete attention. China seemed like he has his hopes up. Maybe China was starting to feel attracted to the Russian. No way. He has been in love with China way longer than that Russian started to even notice him. Japan clenched his fist underneath the table. He needed to make China forgot that damn northerner.

"No, I don't think so. You know how he is so cunning, always asking people to become with him? I think he was just playing with y… Sorry, Yao-nii. Don't cry…"

" No, aru! Who's crying?! I am not!" China pouted, pretending to be mad. But Japan could see a tear that had fallen down from his eyes. "I know he was just playing around, aru! Hmph! What a waste of time! He was making me lose concentration on my cooking, aru! Ah, I am so mad!!! Kiku, would you like another cup of tea?"

"Yes, please."

"Then I will boil the water." China stood up and left the small living room. It was a two room apartment, small, warm and comfortable. They had been living together ever since China adopted Japan. It was small, but China had worked his ass off for it. China was poor; but he kept working diligently in order to give Japan a good living. He worked 14 hours a day and 7 days a week just to make sure Japan gets the best education he could afford. China was a good cook; he had been employed in the same hotel for 15 years now. His food was good, however it wasn't enough to earn him a better living. Not that he cared. As long as Japan is happy, he was fine. That's what family's for.

Japan stared at his brother/father/first love. He was still in love with China. After all these years… how could he not? He was in the best school, receiving nutritious (although not expensive) food, living all those years with lots and lots of love from China because his brother/father/first love has been working like slave for him. He tried to help by having part-time jobs, but China always got mad whenever he found out. "You only job is to study!" China always said to him. Japan tried another way, by getting a scholarship. He persuaded China to put all the money he wanted to spend on Japan's welfare inside the bank so he would have it as a savings fund for his old days. Now he was in college, getting his bachelor degree in IT engineering. He pretended he was fine, but deep down he resented himself for making China become old so fast.

Japan followed him to the kitchen. China's sanctuary. China knew every pot, every chopstick, and every wok. He treasured every spice, every herbs, every grain of rice. China looked so happy surrendered by his treasures. Japan thought he looked the prettiest whenever he was in a kitchen.

Japan swallowed. The fragile body, the silky hair, the thin arms. Cooking heaven's delicacy. Surrounded by his treasures. He looked stunningly beautiful. No wonder Russia wanted to enter the kitchen to see China working. No wonder that Russia attracted to the beauty. Who wouldn't be?

The Russian was famous for being a player. He had all the beautiful Baltic brothers and sisters under his feet. He was good at collecting pretty things, and he knows how to get what he wants. Russia had everything and could get anything easily. Japan knew Russia was just playing around with his brother/father/first love. And worse still, China has started to show some affection for the man.

China has never dated again ever since he found Japan. It's been a long time, too long, and now he craved for another man in his bed, again. It used to be Japan, but Japan didn't count. To him, Japan is his child, and a child is different from a lover. And Japan had grown, much to China's dismay. He had a lover once, England. But the stupid moron left him for America. China was devastated and swore he would never fall in love again. Or so it seems, because in a mere 2 hours he found baby Japan in the middle of trash cans. He fell in love again.

"Kiku? Can you pass me the pot?"

"Yes, here you are."

"Thank you, aru! Ah, I have been talking non-stop about myself… how about you? How was your day today? Did you do well in your exams?"

"Yes." Japan came closer. China wouldn't know that the exam period hasn't come. For China, everyday in school is exam. China didn't get the luxury to attend school like him. He recalled China telling him that he was an orphan too, like Japan. And all he wanted was for Japan to be happy, and not be like him, uneducated. So whenever Japan told him that he got good marks, China was always so happy. He hugged him and kissed him. And Japan loved that. So he always gets good marks.

"Good! I am so proud of you!" China smiled and poured the water into the pot. "You are a genius, Kiku, aru. Bring this to the living room? I will prepare some snacks for us."

"No, it's fine. Yao-nii should just rest. I think we still have some egg tarts I bought from school cafeteria yesterday. I'll prepare it."

"Oh, thank you, aru! Those egg tarts were delicious! Kiku…" China suddenly grabbed Japan's hand and pulled him closer. Japan blushed. China was so close to him. He smiled, gently patting Japan's hair. "I just realized you have grown taller again. You are such a good boy. Do your best, OK? I would like to see you graduate. "

"…Yes, I will, Yao-nii." Japan held his breath, enjoying China's small hands on his hair. The palm was rough, unlike the rest of China's body. The proof of his hard work through the years was in his palms, from working in the kitchen. He pressed his hand against Japan's forehead.

"You are a smart boy, Kiku. I am proud. You know, I always brag about you with my workmates. They are all happy for you." China smiled proudly, leaning by Japan's chest. He was now a good head shorter than Kiku. "But now you have grown so fast… you are so big now. I am a bit sad. I kinda want you to be small forever so we can share the bed, aru."

"If Yao-nii wants it, we can sleep together today. I can buy a bigger bed if you want to." But I can't make myself any smaller. I don't want to become small again. I want to be a bigger and stronger man for you.

"That's awfully kind of you, but no." China sighed. "I will be waiting on the living room… oh yes, and don't waste your money buying the egg tarts again, it was lovely but you better use the money for yourself, aru."

"But I want to share the tarts with Yao-nii!"

"Ha ha. I am fine, Kiku. Thank you." China moaned. "I am so tired today… damn that Russian…"

Japan stared at the tarts on the plate. It's always like this. China never let him treat the older nation. China always says he doesn'tt need it, and Japan should buy things he wants, not what China wants. Why won't China let him treat him like how he treats him? In China's eyes he will always be the small boy by the trash can. The infant who needs to be fed and loved, not a lover who can love him back.

When he came out from the kitchen, Japan could see the joy of living together with the person he loved secretly for 15 years. China slept on the old sofa, snoring softly like a baby, curled up and peaceful. He looked so exhausted, tired, and frail even though he still managed to look pretty, stunning and elegant at the same time. The beauty that slept in front of him. China only felt at ease with him.

Because he is his family.

Japan bit his lips. How he wanted to make China rested and comfortable, living in luxury so he wouldn't need to lift a finger anymore. How he wanted to make China feel like he was a queen, so he wouldn't be this tired. And now, Japan felt like he understood the torture of living with your love with no chance to show his love for the older nation.

But he wanted to be his lover.

Japan walked over to the older man and touched his cheek gently. "I love you,". He whispered secretly, "I love you. Let me love you.

Let me be your lover."


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