Author's Note: Sephiroth/Genesis defines perfection. Do not argue with me about it – I have a horde of reasons why it is classified so.
"…To aid a heart that is so broken, a mind so futile of affection, a shell so barren of life and a soul bathing in fright. Despise the hours in mine empty shell. To heal my mind, my heart – oh do be filled. Erase this empty plain oh sweet firefly, for I yearn not to bathe in fright, but forever in thy eternal light."
"Is that an original?"
I snapped my beloved book closed, a gentle smile pulling on my cerise lips as I took my eyes to the man before me. His long silver hair glowed under the early morning sunrise, bright orange and yellow hues dancing across his features as he took in the sunlight through his pale skin. His gloved hands held onto the iron edge of the balcony as he watched the Goddess bring her luminous jewel to a slow rise beyond the horizon. I could write poetry on this man, yet he would have utterly no clue that I would write it about him.
"Hmph…Did you enjoy it?" I asked, approaching him from my position against the wall. We were in the training room, its usual hologram in play; the mesmerizing sunrise before us remains nothing, but a beautiful illusion.
"Well…If I were to say I disliked it, you…wouldn't be anything, but angered," drifted his deep voice, floating around us in the gentle breeze that wafted in the air, how this happens, remains a mystery.
I chuckled low in my throat, tucking 'Loveless' into a fold within my red coat as I reached the balcony and extended my arms to the rail, resting my hands on the smooth, cold metal which bit my palms through my leather gloves.
"Are you trying to tell me that you disliked it?" I questioned, gazing out into what many would suggest a sunrise of romance that would make even the strongest of men weak and ensnared by the warm, colourful rays.
His smile caught my attention from the corner of my eyes. A smile he gives is always small and fragile, but genuine – it is always genuine like the golden and silver jewel of the Goddess.
"Who is the 'sweet firefly' whose light you wish to bathe in?"
His question caught me off guard. I gaped up at him, not knowing what to say and I prayed in the recesses of my mind that he would not turn his head ever so slightly to the side to see the face of shock upon mine.
I hesitated for a moment, my body becoming rigid as I searched for something to take place of the inappropriate answer.
"It is…uh…" I looked away from him, my cheeks slowly growing warmer with each passing moment.
'Loveless' prodded at my side and the most simple of all excuse sprung into my mind. I inhaled deeply, trying to force my hammering organ to slow down its frantic pace and to clear my throat for my voice to be spoken without a crack nor waver.
"I-it is simply a poem. It has neither meaning nor…purpose."
"Oh…Would you say that about 'Loveless'?"
"'Loveless' is a play."
"But would you say it has meaning and a purpose?"
"Of course it does."
"Then why doesn't that poem?"
I hesitated. I know this man as well as the back of my hand, but I do not stand for such clichés so I will say that I know Sephiroth like 'Loveless'. Everything about him that I know of is like poetry, like a play of sorts, with tricky language enthralled with vast imagery and similes tying with metaphors to describe both beauty and rapture that this one man possesses. He is like no other man, like how 'Loveless' is like no other play. Sephiroth longs for decent solid answers and 'Loveless' longs for one too. Perhaps that is why there is no fifth and final Act. Perhaps it was lost, because it was never completed, never made. Then perchance it would be a blank and empty canvas for me to paint a scene of stars and fright, of death and might.
Just like Sephiroth, 'Loveless' wants its answer. Its ending to its fairy tale. Then…would being so much like 'Loveless' would Sephiroth be my one other canvas to complete?
I found myself gazing up into questioning, patient green eyes which caught me in the midst of two precious gems: jade and emerald – both of which harbour beauty and intrigue. I looked away and found myself giving him the same excuse, "It's just a poem, Sephiroth."
"All things have a meaning. All things have a purpose."
Oh how I longed I had thought up an excuse more, expandable, "Well…this one…doesn't."
Why so? Why so? He wants to know why so? So here I am trying my, not exactly my best, but it is still in the early hours of the morning and my head still thinks it is resting against a pillow. I took a long pause to turn over his question, why did he have to ask so many questions? Through my pause of ponder, the only answer to his question that I could find was the truth, but do I tell him this?
"Because…" I began, fiddling with the hem of my coat, "I wrote it."
"Does that matter?" he said, on some part I was offended, yet at the same time I was relieved at that response, "Tell me what it is, Genesis."
I shook my head, sighing into the gentle, artificial breeze, "It's nothing. It's…just words on a page!"
"Who's the Firefly Genesis?"
Oh please Sephiroth! Why must you long to know? If I were to tell you, well then, I honestly do not believe that you would like it. I know you dear friend. You have said it once too many times for yourself: love is nothing, an illusion that we make up to hide the pain of our sorrows and to add a meaning into our lives. You said you're the General of ShinRa's defence force, that just that is your one reason to live – the thing that adds meaning to your life. I want to change it, but you will turn me down and hurt me so much in ways you can never imagine.
"No one." I lied, but I yearned to say his name.
"Genesis, just tell me."
"Just drop it! It's no one! I don't love, Sephiroth! I don't love."
He staggered backwards slightly at the sudden change in my voice. I felt a pang of guilt wash over me, but I was just...irritated. Can he not take no for an answer? Must he try to pry all of these answers out of me? What would he do if he knew, I long not to face. I just wish…hope that maybe someday, we could take our friendship one step closer.
I do remember on New Year's Eve, before the countdown, Angeal and I had told Sephiroth about a Banora tradition to be taken part on that day: to kiss who was sitting next to you. Yes, it is different to the typical New Year's kiss for your lover; no this was for whoever was closest to you. And what did you do Sephiroth? While Angeal was counting down you shuffled closer to me, at the time I thought perhaps you might have at least favoured me over Angeal and that perhaps you loved me on some level, but no. When you kissed me, one I promised to myself that I would never forget and Angeal had become a sleeping drunken mess on the floor, you took me to your room, let me sleep with you though you told me and I quote 'I only did that because I wanted my first kiss to be with someone who was at least aesthetically appealing'. It hurt to hear that Seph, that I was used in such a way, but I'll never forget it.
"I liked it."
I stripped my mind away from my reminiscing and looked back up to the beautiful silver haired man, whom I longed to hold and kiss just once more.
"The poem. I liked it."
A smile twitched at the corner of my lips. He liked it. My dear, sweet Firefly liked it.
"You did?" I asked, wanting to bask in the warmth spreading in my chest further.
He looked away from the morning sun and turned those stunning shining emeralds to me.
"I'm glad you read it to me."
I could see it, a faint, but truthful smile spreading over his pale pink lips brightening up his gentle, yet well defined features. It almost rendered me breathless and I could feel my heart pounding furiously inside my chest to the point where I had the suspicion that I could hear it and possibly Sephiroth too.
"Why?" I urged on, hoping for those three words that would fulfil all of my dreams and all of my wishes that I knew will never come.
His smile shifted and transformed instantly into a smirk, making me frown. I think I liked it better when he smiled.
"Because now I have a firefly to catch."
I tutted, tearing my eyes away from his, "Oh Goddess, Sephiroth. Do you ever stop?"
"Once in a while, yes."
"Hey you two!" shouted a deep, familiar masculine voice and together in unison, we turned our heads over our shoulders to find Angeal standing in the doorway with three paper cups.
"I got some coffee," he announced, walking up to us with the steaming cups, the scent of the dark liquid drifting through the air, enticing our senses in longing need for the drink. Angeal always bought us coffee in the morning at the café.
He reached us both and handed us our coffee. I could smell it; I just knew it and had become accustomed to it over the years. Cappuccino for me, Café Bombon for Angeal and Mocha for Sephiroth. It was always the same, we never changed our coffee preferences, and quite frankly, I have no idea to why anyone would dare stray away from the lovely taste of something so magical like the Cappuccinos they make in the ShinRa café.
A silence swept over the three of us and I could feel those green eyes watching me. Angeal, being Angeal, sipped his drink and sighed in relief, relishing the dark taste that he loves.
"So…" he started, shattering the silence, "What's this thing with 'fireflies' I was hearing about?"
Oh goodness. I already have Sephiroth on my tail about this and I need not have Angeal. Together those two…I honestly do not want to think about what they may do. Just the vast extent to where they will go with this…that is the problem with having friends that care so much for you: they would do anything to make you happier. I do not think I could get any more joyous, I am quite content with where I am.
My eyes flickered over to Sephiroth, but his beautiful green eyes did not look at me, just continued to gaze out into the simulation, the rays of sunlight caressing his cheeks as he smiled a gentle smile to no one, but the sun. For that moment I envied the glowing star.
"I was simply talking to Genesis about how when we were younger we used to catch fireflies in the summer." he said, not stopping, hesitating, or re-thinking his words.
Angeal laughed and I frowned in confusion, "Oh yeah. They were the good old days."
I stared at Sephiroth, perplexed and unsure of what exactly that was for. He turned his head and looked at me, flashing me his dashing smile and offered a lighthearted wink. I blinked a few times in surprise, wondering to myself, did he just do that? My friend just shook his head, long silver hair swaying slightly from side to side, like a waterfall of silver rain.
"Well," said Angeal, patting Sephiroth in a friendly manner on the back, "I have to go."
"So soon, Angeal?" I asked, finally finding my voice again.
Must he be leaving? He only just arrived here.
"Yes. I have a new class to teach."
"Yeah. I'm training a few 2nds," he turned around and looked out at the door, "I should go now. I'll meet you two later outside your place, Seph."
And with that, my childhood friend strolled away leaving me with Sephiroth and an awkward
"What was that for?" I asked, breaking the silence.
He merely shrugged and turned to me, "You remember what it used to be like. Angeal would be busy doing something while you and I would play in the woods or when we were to play hide and seek, Angeal would come looking for us while we snickered and hid amongst the branches of a pine tree. We always did things together and we always kept some things secret from everyone, like our secret place and the time when you had a crush on Angeal."
"Oh please don't remind me of that."
"And the time when you screamed at your own shadow." he added, I scowled.
"I was…very young."
"You were twelve."
"Well…I thought it was the 'Doppelganger'."
"The 'Doppelganger'?" he questioned, looking at me in confusion, urging me to elaborate.
"It's a Banora myth. You wouldn't know it."
"I do know one thing though."
I furrowed my eyebrows and eyed him suspiciously. This man, he knows far more than he really should and he can depict a lie amongst many things. Perhaps that shall be the reason to why he would not buy my silly excuse of an excuse…nice wording there Genesis.
"And what is that?" I asked, pulling him my infamous smirk.
"Never recite that poem to anyone."
Now I am utterly confused, but my honour and brilliant mind picked out an error in his words. But also, I was slightly offended. Was he trying to say that my poem was…rubbish?
"That's an order not something you know." I corrected, hiding my bemusement and insulted manner.
"Just do it. For me."
"Why? Was it really that bad?"
He smiled again and all rising anger dissolved into nothingness as the serene look gracing his fine features made my helpless heart melt.
"No…It's just our secret. Our thing…if you'd like to call it that."
I was staring, but I could not help myself. He was beautiful and I wanted him. I wanted to hold him, kiss him, make him mine and become his. However, his words caught up to me and my mind caught up in trying to calm down my fluttering heart, was now taken over by the organ – the symbol of love and infatuation spilling words from my mouth.
"Why? Would you like me to write a poem for you?"
"I…You would do that?" he asked.
I nodded, but then my mind woke up and I realized what I had said. I hesitated, eyes darting around the room, trying to find a place to rest other than him. For the second time today, I am in desperate need of another excuse. A better one, one without further question.
"…We have been friends for…quite some time…"
I watched him from the corner of my eyes and cocked my head to the side at the sight of his smile falling. Is there something wrong?
"Oh," he began, his voice sounding awfully hollow, "If you would like to then…go ahead, but it wouldn't be fair. I mean…how about Angeal? You two knew each other before me."
I smiled at that, "Oh yes, we shouldn't leave him out. He might sulk or…something."
Sephiroth chuckled, shaking his head at me, "Sulk? Are you sure you are not describing yourself?"
I folded my arms over my chest and stuck my nose up in the air. He laughed this time and I smiled. I loved it when he was happy, joyous…
"Well a poem for Angeal?" he spoke, somehow he became…closer.
Unfolding my arms and gazing up at him, I stated, "We should write it together."
He held his hands out defensively in front of him, "Oh no I can't write poetry."
"Come on, just think. Try an opening line."
"Hmm…an opening line…" he began to think and gazed out into the expanse before us, "'You're disgusting, disgraceful, annoying and hideous. Oh how I long to find salvation!' Is that good?"
He turned back to me, smiling like a fool. Perhaps I was wrong…
"…Maybe not…" I said, nestling closer to him and taking a sip from my cup, "Just when you look at Angeal…what do you think of?"
Sephiroth thought for a moment and I watched him. This would have to be the first time I had ever seen him think over something that was not paperwork. I found it quite adorable, the way his brow would crease and his lips would pout ever so slightly in a very uncharacteristic way.
"No!" I exclaimed, amused.
Now was he really that dense in the ways of poetry and literature? Has he not read 'Loveless'?
"Well what do you think of?" He questioned, placing a hand on his hip as he gave me that 'well let's see what you can do, Mr I'm So Great!' look.
"I think of…friendship, someone hardworking, loyal, trust, honesty…those types of…Angeal things."
"Oh…can I say plants?"
I laughed. Angeal Hewley has a very fond liking to plants, almost unhealthily so.
"Yes you can say plants."
He smiled, satisfied, but his eyes remained on me. I felt trapped under his gaze, but in a good way. I didn't want those eyes to look anywhere, but at me and all I could do was look back at them, finding swirling pools of emerald and jade threatening to drown me, making me become lost.
"What do you think of when you look at me?"
My smile widened, that was a simple question, "…Heroics, allure, grace…honour, pride…silver…"
"Are they all what you think of?"
No, of course not. I think of wonder, riches, beauty, handsome in all perspective, kindness, forgiveness, dreams, hopes, Banora Whites, 'Loveless', but most of all…love.
His eyes begged for more, but…I could not tell him that.
"Oh…well there is also Masamune."
Sephiroth rolled his eyes before settling them on me again.
"SOLDIER First Class Commander Genesis Rhapsodos, Sir!"
In complete unison we turned around and found a young SOLDIER standing at the doorway, his right hand raised in salute.
"Director Lazard Deusericus would like to see you, Sir!"
I nodded at the young man, "I will be there. You may take your leave."
I gave the simulation's scenery of the rising sun one last glance and turned my heel, ready to take my leave as well, but a black leather gloved hand caught mine, stopping me in my tracks. I turned around and faced Sephiroth, only this time his head was downcast, his hair shielding his handsome face from view.
"When I look at you…I can't help, but think of…" he trailed off, his voice soft, barely even audible.
"Think of what?" I questioned, walking in closer to him.
I placed my hand against his cheek, raising his head ever so slightly, enjoying the contrast between the crimson of my glove, the pale creaminess of his skin and the platinum of his soft hair.
"Tell me." I whispered, stroking his cheek gently, not thinking twice about my actions.
He seemed so…tense…almost, dare I think…would he ever be…shy? I smiled softly at that thought and my heart warmed as it beat rapidly inside the confines of my chest.
He raised his head and my breath caught in my throat.
I caught his faint smile and moved before thinking, pecking him lightly on his cerise lips. With that I removed myself from the training room, a smile on my face, but a pain in my chest knowing that friends is all we ever will be.
To be continued in Part II…
Do review to tell me how this is. I know it's a little different and well, the ending wasn't exactly something I was too happy with, but do review…if you want.