Once upon a time, Bella was sad. Why? BECAUSE OF HER TEENAGEish MOTHER WANTS TO MOVE AROUND WITH phil. So, Bella, holding her wittle cactus, went to her dada's house. BTW, her dad's name is awkward Charlie. So anywyas, Bella goes to school and she's like a total awkward person (getting her awkwardness from AWKWARD CHARLIE!!) But luckily for her (or fortuitously, according to Meyer language of 'tI) she is like a stuffed animal and all the boys (who i guess like stuffed animals?) are flocking towards Bella like a swan and butterflies. Which leaves some of the girls, aka that Lauren Malfoy (jkjk her last name is Mallory, but you know you wish it was malfoy, huh Draco? huh? huh?!), super jealous. But bella is like, yeah i don't care about boys, and then she looks at the table and went OOOH BOYS!!! She sees these super shiny people. 3 guys for 3 girls, except for what's this?? A loner bronz-haired boy???? So that dude's name is Edward, but you can call him Eddie. Or double D. Basically, Double D doesn't like awkward smelling people because in bio class, he was like *bored, and then he was all like *girl! and then he was all like *eww get away. Which already tells you a lot about his sexual orientation. But bella is like, ooh shiny! I seriously don't know about that girl. Anyways, so bella is like "Oh no! he doesn't like me!"

And then something unimportant happens, and Edward is like, hey bella! in bio class. And bella is confused. Poor bella. Then Eddie is like DISAPPEARING ACT!!! And bella is like "Oh no! he doesn't like me!"

Then things happen and Eddie is back. hehehe. And Bella gets to ignore poor dumb little unimportant Michael some more. Then Car accident, ice, new ice tires that AWKWARD charlie gave bella, handprint. Bella is in the hospital, and she wants the TRUTH from Edward, who from reading the back fo teh book, you already know is a vampire. GASP!! Anyways, Eddie's like, hehe no way. So bella is like I hate you! But in the inside, she's like I luv u! Heart hands!!!

Okay, things happen dadadala. Bella decides to help her social life by hanging out with Jessical & sweet sweet Angela. Then bella, the awkward person that she is, decides to go get a book about vamps because she has her suspisions because she had flirted with a super young dude just to get answers. NOT SO INNOCENT NOW, HUH BELLA???

Anwyas, then she's surrounded by these weirdos and Bella is like thinking...huh i obviously can't run away...i'm gonna fight these doods with my nonexistant muscles. (BTW, bella sux at PE so pretty much she's dead) when...DUNDUNDUN!!! DOUBLE D!! SWOOON (*roll eyes, look for Jasper) anyways, Edward shows up in his uber cool car and kicks butt!! Never mind, he just saves Bella. Then they go to a fast food place and Bella and Eddie have a heart to heart. Turns out Bella is right!! EDDIE IS A VAMPIE!! And gasp! Bella doesn't care because it's soooo romantic.

so next day, Double D is wearing sunglasses and they are together. yeah... i think...

Little notes on vampires in the Stephanie Meyer world:

-Vamps sparkle in light, not die cause that's stupid. This fact spawned the horrid slogan: I like boys that sparkle.

-Vamps are super speedy. in other words...YES THEY FLIT!!

-Vamps have super powers!! Apparently whatever u were good at when u were human, because superized. so if you were good at at tap dancing, then...you could be almost as good as that penguin from Happy Feet! Imagine the possibilities!!

-And that is all i can think of.

-Did I mention sparkling?

after the sunglasses scene: Supposedly romantic/creepy/stalkerish behavior & activities happen. (VERY SUSPICIOUS...)

then.. MEET THE CULLENS!!

First off there is Carlisle. No, it's not Car is el, it is pronounced as Car ile, like the island. And his super power is being nice. He looks like a movie star.

Then is his wife, Esme!! Her power is being motherly. Motherly.

NEXT UP IS KELLAN! or Emmet!!! His power is SUPER STRENGHT!! YESS FINALLY A REAL POWER!! But a big let down is the fact that he could still be beaten in an arm wrestling match by a newly vampire Bella. Sad T_T

Then, is Rosalie!! Shallow as evah! wishes she were human! Anyways, her power is either stupid or pretty. Or both. Oh, and she hates Bella. hehehe She's blonde.

Next is ALICE!! hyper and pixie like and pixie like! She can see the future except when werewolves are involved!! And she likes Bella. a lot. O.o. She wishes they were sisters...she likes shopping...shopping....

JASPER JASPER!!! JASPER! Omg, jasper and Alice??? Like totally!!! so jasper is like, totally not talkative. BUT when he ttalks....you can hear his southern accent!! That would have been a good enough power, compared to Carisland and Esme, but guess what?? He has another power!! he can radiate emotions & influence & stuff. Pretty cool huh?

Then is!! Eddie. This 100-virgin is someone who enjoys reading and lightswitches. He can also read everyone's mind. Everyone except bella that is!! He is also crepe. (pronounce those e's wiht ee's.) Bella's blood sings to him. But that's okay.

Back to the story!: The cullens luv Bella. except Rosalie. They're all pretty awesome. except eddie.

One day, they decide to play baseball. Cause baseball is just awesome. BAMBAM BASEBALL!!! WHOO HOO!!!

Then these 3 new vampies come on randomly. One is Laurent, the lemur. Next is James the pillow. No, not that pillow, that pillow. Last is Victoria with red hair. And the ability to run away.

So here is how it goes. Victoria likes James, but James like Laurent. However, Laurent likes Irena from the Denali clan.. However, Irena is friends with tanya. And tanya likes Eddie. But eddie prefers to stick with humans. And Bella is awkward. So you can just imagine the trouble that is coming up!!!

So James is a tracker and wants to kill Bella cause it's just fun like that. And so now Bella must be saved! Because if she isn't, then Eddie would go to the Volturri and toss his own cookies. However, bella ends up in her old ballet studio with James the pillow and a videocamera. (BTW, can you imagine clumsy bella doing a ballet? whoo, someone give that ballet teacher some pills!) Anyways, Eddie comes in, hero-like and the Cullen Team kills off James. Laurent, who was just standing around being unimportant, goes away. Victoria runs away too, except she's secretly plotting to kill Bella.. because...bella...sux. but those things are later!!

Bella and Eddie are happily ever after! They dance in the highschool dance!! Bella wants to be vamp, but Eddie's like no way! And bella is like okay.

AWKWARD CHARLIE!!!!!

And that is my story.