This is not a story or a eulogy or an angry, secretive, innuendo. It's an early Christmas gift (I couldn't wait until Christmas) to an author that has influenced me in so many ways. I only hope she likes it and doesn't hate me. ~_O
Stephenie Meyer created the magical world of Twilight, but JasperSAYSrelax128 made it worth obsessing over. She has made me laugh, cry, pull my hair out, scream, sigh, gag, flinch, gasp and every other emotion out there. Everything I am today is because of her. JasperSAYSrelax128 is -hands down- the most random person on the planet. No insane asylum will take her in fear of her being a bad influence on the already crazies. She certainly influenced me.
JasperSAYSrelax128 is the type of person that will scream "WAFFLE" in the middle of a silence. She's the type of person that will stare at a wall for hours because she is sure they moved earlier. She's the type of person to dance in the street just to see the look on the passersby faces. She's the only person to write amazingly funny stories that really truly make me feel happy and crazy and random for no reason. She's the only person that I really truly feel deserves the millions of virtual cupcakes and Emmett-made cookies in our world.
JasperSAYSrelax128 has made fanfiction the best place in the world. And I'm sad to think one day she'll finally realize that she's too good for this website. One day, she'll make millions of dollars from selling her brilliant ideas that form constantly in her mind. I love her stories more than can even be measured.
Not just her stories, but JasperSAYSrelax128 herself. I remember the day when I first read her story Oops, he did it again! I literally fell off my couch laughing so hard. I had never read a story on fanfiction where you had so much stupidity and random nonsense with Emmett. I wrote long crazy nonsense reviews to try and show her how much I wanted to be like her. I wanted nothing more than to be as crazy as her. I'd review so randomly, only she understood me. The more I read her stories and reviewed, the more she recognized my name on the reviews and soon looked for my reviews as much as I looked for her stories. She'd end a chapter a certain cliff-hangy way so a normal person would be on the edge of their seats, but the strangest things happened. We found so many scary similarities in ourselves that we'd wonder if we made each other up. Like an evil twin (or in this case, a random, crazy twin since we're both evil). Both of us had the same name, the same age (our birthdays are very close), the same likes and dislikes, we've watched the same movies, read the same books, had many of the same experiences in life, we even love Patrick Star! We had this weird connection to each others mind too, which I've yet to figure out. For example, I'd know what was going to happen in a story before she'd post it, or I'd eat something as soon as she's craving it, or I'd go looking for a new chapter update as soon as she'd post one. It was freaky and awesome, just like JasperSAYSrelax128 herself: freaky and awesome.
To just remind everyone that has read her stories (particularly Oops, he did it again!) how wonderfully random she used to be, here are some clips of her disclaimers with the ever-crazy Twin. I really do miss Twin...
*all these conversations are copied directly from her stories. the "me" person is JasperSAYSrelax128 and Twin is...Twin*
Me and Twin: CHOCOLATE BUNNIES!!
Me: So…..chocolate bunnies are A LOT like Edward Cullen……
Twin: ………full of fun, and joy, and joyfulness……..
Me: So, if we can buy a chocolate bunny……….
Twin: …………..can we buy Edward Cullen?
Me: I think not Twin, I think not………
Twin: ………………but we still don't…..
Me: ……own Twilight, so let's……….
Twin: …..…substitute for….
Me and Twin: THIS FANFIC!!
Me and Twin: FISH STIXX!
Emmett: Fish Sticks?
Me: NO! FISH STIXX!
Emmett: What's the difference?
Me: Fish STIXX!
Twin: as in stixx TO THE CEILING!!
Emmett: wouldn't that still be STICKS?
Me and Twin: NOOO! IT'S STIXX!
Emmett: What does this have to do with the disclaimer??
Me: Because when we take over the world…….
Twin: ……including Twilight……
Me and Twin: We're changing the alphabet.
Emmett: You don't own Twilight, but remember when you take over the world……I was nice to you….
Emmett: STOP POKING ME! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?!!
Me: I see dead people.
Emmett: Yea, it's called a vampire.
Twin: Your future is troubled.
Me: You have 7 days to live.
Twin: Run. Now. GO!!!
Emmett: But you don't own Twilight, so it's not up to you. *smirks*
Me and Twin: But we control this fanfic.
Emmett: DAMN YOU!!!
*This particular disclaimer has stayed in my head ever since I first read it. It's the first one I blurt out when asked.*
Twin: …….flavored Jellybeans.
Me and Twin: LLAMA FLAVORED JELLYBEANS!!
Me: I wonder if they make Edward Cullen flavored Jellybeans?
Twin: ooohhh I want a Jasper Hale flavored Jellybean!
Me: ME TOO!! Mmmmmm
Twin: Sadly, they don't sell those…..
Me: So there is no way to own Twilight……
Twin: ……..or its' Edward-Cullen-Jasper-Hale-flavored-goodness.
Emmett: So how were those llama-flavored Jellybeans?
Me: full of fun, and joy, and joyfulness…….
Twin: ……..just like our favorite Twilight hunk…..
Me: ….. JACOB!!!
Emmett Jasper Edward: WHAT?!!!?!
Twin: yuppers, he's puppy-licious.
Me: hey…..I wonder… if we buy a dog…..
Twin: …….and name it Jacob…..
Me: Will we own something from Twilight??
Jasper: …….you don't own ANYTHING from Twilight.
Me: Hey! Twin! I gotz a GREAT idea how we can make those Edward-Cullen and Jasper-Hale-flavored Jellybeans….
Jasper: oh shit.
Twin: *Gets up and chases after me* OHMAIGAWSHNESS!!
Me: *runs around circle and sits back down in between Jacob and Edward* PHEW! That was a close one, guys!
Jacob: you guys made all of us, stop what we were doing, sit in a circle, for you to play duck duck goo—I mean Edward, and not even tag us.
Twin: Duck……..Duck……Duck…….Duck…….EDWARD!! *Tags me*
Me: *Gets up and chases after Twin* BAHAHAHA!
Twin: *runs around circle and sits back down in between Jacob and Edward* GAWSH, she almost had me!
Edward: Ok, I'm leaving….
Me: NO!! YOU WILL STAY RIGHT HERE AND PLAY DUCK, DUCK, EDWARD!!!!
Jacob: but you don't own Twilight, or us….
Twin: DAMN YOU!!!
Edward: Can we leave now??
Twin: WE AREN'T DONE, ED-WEIRDO!!
Jasper: Can I leave??
Edward: I do not see a point to this.
Twin: JUST PICK A COLOR!!
Me: Your fortune says that you will belong to us.
Jasper: If I wanted my fortune I would of gone to Alice, not some folded, paper-thingy.
Twin: NO ONE ASKED YOU!!!
Edward: Besides, these don't come true. End of story.
Me: hey, Twin!! Do you want to make that Edward Cullen sundae now?
Me: Peanut Butter Jelly time! Peanut Butter Jelly time!!....
Twin: Peanut Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly!......
Edward: could you please stop?
Jasper: Have mercy!
Twin: Only if I get another Edward-Cullen-Sundae…..
Jasper: *raises eyebrow* what does she mean……another?!
Edward: uhhhhhh…….OH LOOK!! IT'S ALICE!!! *takes off running*
*Jasper turns back to Edward who is gone*
Twin: Jasper-Hale-Sundae-Time! Jasper-Hale-Sundae-Time!.....
Jasper: uhhhh…OH LOOK!! IT'S EDWARD!! *runs off*
Me and Twin: WHERE?!?!?!
Me: Damn, Twin. I guess we still don't own Twilight or the characters.
Twin: Life is cruel.
Me: You DO realize they have like, EVERY flavor for these thing?
Me: *shouts jumping up from my stool at the counter* I should make an EDWARD CULLEN FLAVORED POPTART!!!
Edward: *jumps at sudden outburst*uhhhhh…..how do you plan on doing…..that?
Me: *grins evilly and walks toward Edward*
Edward: *takes off out of the house, knocking the chairs and furniture to the ground in an attempt to slow me down*
Me: Hi, my name is Jennifer. And I'm a Twilightholic. I'm also a Jasperholic and an Edwardholic
Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Jacob, Emmett: Welcome, Jennifer!
Twin: Erm….Hi, my name is Twin, and I'm….a…..EDWARDHOLIC! THERE! I SAID IT! MAKE THE VOICES STOP!!
Alice: there there.
Edward: welcome to the group. Now go sit in that chair over there, the one that is all the way across the room from me.
SnappleApple450: Hi my name is also Jennifer. And I'm also a Twilightholic and an Edwardholic and a Jasperholic and an Emmettholic...*3 hours later*...and a Mr. Molinaholic and a Carlisleholic and a Sethoholic...*3 more hours later*...and a Pauloholic and a Jaredholic and a Jacoboholic...*5 more hours later*...and also that-guy-at-the-bookstore-holic, but not a Mikeoholic, that's just sick.
Everybody: *snoring loudly*
SnappleApple450: *glares, takes shoe off and throws it at Jacob* Buttwipes! Hmph!
Me: sea urchin.
Edward: what are you talking about??
Me: WHAT THE FUCK IS A SEA URCHIN?!?!
Twin: *puts down sea urchin skeleton she was holding, on to the ground*
Edward: Right. Well……… *walks away but steps on sea urchin*
Me: ! HOW COULD YOU!?!
Me: ANIMAL ABUSER!!!
Edward: but it was a skeleton!
Me: IT HAD FEELINGS, EDWARD! FEELINGS!!!!
Me: SON OF A BITCH! *runs off*
*jules96 is another humongous fan. we were competitors to be the greatest fan (I won, but later relinquished my title to her)*
jules96: Hey JSR! I was being totally unreasonable before. Here's a gift!!
Me: Uhh, I don't thin-
jules96: *shoves box in hands* YOU WILL HAVE IT!!!
Me: Um, o...kay? *Opens* OMAIGOD!!! IT'S THE DOCUMENTS TO OWNING TWILIGHT!!!
jules96: Yep. *gets matches*
Me: I can't believe it!! I OWN TWI-
jules96: *Lights matches*
jules96: *sets documents on fire*
jules96: *smiles sweetly* Oops!
Me: I want skittles.
Twin: M&Ms are better.
ME: WHAT??!!??!!??! NOTHING CAN BEAT SKITTLES! THEY TASTE LIKE THE RAINBOW!!
Twin: Chocolate. End of discussion.
Me: RAINBOWS ARE BETTER!!
Edward: yea, I must agree. Rainbows win.
Jasper: PSHH!!! Yea right, man! M&Ms rule.
Me: dude…..THERE ARE MORE RAINBOW COLORED THINGS IN THE WORLD! OHH BURN!!! *highfives Edward*
Twin: damn you. And we still don't own Twilight.
Me: I'm sad!
Me: This is the last chapter of my first story!
Me: OMG WHERE!?!
Emmett: up there! *points to sky!*
Me: OMG! *jumps up in the air, trying to reach*
Edward: there are no waffles up there.
Me: WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!?! IT'S CALLED BELIEVING, EDWARD! BELIEVING!
Edward: seeing is believing. I see no waffles.
Me: Well, I don't see the deed to Twilight, but that doesn't mean—
Edward: yea, it does.
Me: here's a llama….
Twin: there's a llama…..
Emmett: llama llama llama…..
Me and Twin: …….DUCK!
Edward: what? That doesn't make sense!!
Twin: your mom doesn't make sense!
Jasper: *walks in, playing with a pone* WOA! It's a touch screen!
Me: your mom's a touch screen.
Edward: ………….wrong on so many levels…..
Twin: What was the point in this?
Me and Twin: oh yea. We don't own Twilight or the characters!!
Me:*dazzle dazzle dazzle*
Edward: what are you doing??
Twin: *dazzle dazzle dazzle*
Me: trying to dazzle people!!
Jasper: Edward, let it go…….
Edward: they aren't even doing it right! It goes like this! *puts on his dazzling face and stares into our eyes*
Me and Twin: *eyes glaze over and faint*
Jasper: why didn't you do that BEFORE!? ALL THOSE TIMES THEY CHASED US!!
Jasper: they don't own us or Twilight anyways so let's go!!
Me: hey!! It's………JOE JONAS!!! OMG!!!!
Twin: OHMAIGAWSHNESS!! HE'S THE HOTTEST GUY EVAA!
Edward and Jasper: whaaa??
Jasper: I thought you loved us!!
Edward: I feel so…..unloved.
Me: awwww it's ok. We still love you.
Twin: NOPE! Now get out!
*Edward and Jasper walk sadly through the front door with their heads hanging*
Me: *pops in front of them with camera* you just got PUNK'D!!!
Edward: so we're still loved??
Jasper: we're still hot?
Me: duuurrr even if we don't own you or Twilight.
Twin: GROUP HUG!!
Me: *whispers to Twin in a fan girl voie* OMG I'm hugging EDWARD CULLEN AND JASPER HALE!! *low squeal*
Edward and Jasper: uhhhh....see you....later....
Me: OMG THEY'RE GOING TO SEE ME LATER!!!
Me: I own Twilight!
Me: okay……I only own the characters.
Me: okay….fine…..I own the plotline.
Edward: *COUGH COUGH*
Me: FINE! I only own Jasper.
Edward: *HAS A COUGHING ATTACK*
Me: Please, Die quietly.
Edward: *gives me stern look*
Me: OKAY I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!
Me: You are not doing it right.
Edward: THEN TELL ME HOW TO DO IT!!!
Twin: No. It's a secret.
Jasper: THEN HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO DO IT?!?!
Me: You are a super smart sparkly flammable vampire. You figure it out.
Edward: I'm leaving.
Me: NO YOU WILL STAY RIGHT HERE AND MAKE LANYARDS!!!
Jasper: ………Edward…….maybe we can tie them to that chair with these.......
Edward: good idea! *ties us to a couple of chairs*
Me: ok. Fine. We don't own Twilight or the characters so we can't force them to make lanyards with us :(
Me: Give me an E!
Twin: Give me a D!
Me: Give me a W!
Twin: Give me an A!
Me: Give me an R!
Twin: Give me a D!! What does that spell?
Jacob: Fag? BAHAHA
Edward: *slaps Jacob*
Me and Twin: NO! ITS SPELLS EDWARD!!
Edward: what does J-A-C-O-B spell?
Me: mongrel. BAHAHA
Jacob: these girls are HARSH!
Edward: nope. They're my fan girls.
Jacob: and they don't own Twilight.
Me and Twin: RAWWWWRRRR!!
Jasper: Edward! Do something! They can't own Twilight!!
Edward: ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!
Auction dude: GOING ONCE!.....GOING TWICE!......
Me and Twin: damn you, stupid, shiny, Volvo owner.
Twin: sigh sigh
Me: sigh sigh si—
Edward: OKAY! OKAY! WHAT'S WRONG?!
Twin: I was just thinking about owning Twilight.
Me: I was just thinking about Edward in be—
Jasper: WOA! WOA! WOA! Ok, don't want to know!
Edward: neither is going to happen, so dig a ditch and bury yourselves in it.
Jasper: What are you doing??
Me: Writing a love letter to Edward.
Me: so how does this sound:
I'm in love with you. You are an amazing kick ass sparkly Vampire. We are going to get married and have 20 kids and live in a ginormous house and you're going to turn me into a vampire so we can live together forever.
P.S. are you supposed to capitalize Vampire?
Me: What do you think, Jasper? *looks to my side but Jasper magically disappeared*
Me: EDWARD! EDWARD! EDWARD!! *runs in Cullen house*
Me: I WROTE YOU A LETTER! I WANT YOU TO READ IT!!
Edward: that's ok I'm goo—
Me: I SAID READ IT BITCH!!
Edward: ok ok ok! *reads letter* um……HEY LOOK! JASPER!
Me: WHERE?!?!?!...........................................fuck. I wish I owned Twilight so this would stop happening.
Seriously guyz. I could go on forever. And don't EVEN get me started on Jules96 and JasperSAYSrelax128's episodes of Chill Pill and Urchy Adventures. Those can literally go on forever. I feel very lucky to be one of the few to have seen some of the exclusive ones. JasperSAYSrelax128 has been more than a writer to me, but an inspiration. She was my inspiration for almost all my stories especially the newest ones. (So if they're too depressing, blame her.)
I remember being strictly "Greatest Fan" and nothing more to JasperSAYSrelax128. Sometimes I really wish I could go back to those times, but I can't. This is kind of my way of remembering them. ^_^
Your stories were there when I needed to smile. They were there when I needed to escape from my own reality. And even you were there when I needed a friend. Thank you are the only words I can come up with to express my gratitude to you. Thank you.
So Jen, I hope you're reading this because it's my gift to the greatest most comictastical author on Fanfiction and in the whole history of stupidity. I love your mind. ^_^