A/N: do you think I don't have a calendar!? I know it's february! Get your ass over here and do my homework then!
Zoe: calm down, no need to be mad
me: I'M NOT MAD!...it's just...people don't understand...the load of shit I need to do...T_T
Zoe: it's okay they don't mean anything
me: I'll be in a corner...
Zoe: what about the story?
Me: I don't care anymore!
Takuya: yay no more work!
Zoe: yay no more stupid takuminess!
Takuya: but I like to be around you
Zoe: well I don't so good bye
wait a minute!
Zoe: who's there?
It's me Robo-Jester, I'm a perfect replica of the original one, I'm activated in case of emotional crisis like this one
me: shut up!
See? Well you two on your post! Everybody ready let's end this NOW!
Takuya: it's bossing around like the original
Zoe: yah how annoying
no more pay checks for you
Zoe and Takuya: T_T noooooo!
The crimson eyes in the alley (wait wait wait! Crimson eyes? How cliché, let's change it to um yellow eyes!)
"you can't do that! You can't change something like this now!" Zoe said (I can and I will*click* there yellow eyes) "fine then, but don't complain when the readers torn you apart" (ain't gonna happen)
the yellow eyes in the alley said "you want to enter to Santa's factory?" the teenagers nodded "well I can help you with that, but with one condition"
"what could that be?" Takuya frowned
"well heh heh" the yellowed eyed creature came out form the dark spot revealing to be "it's me pock-man!"
"wait it isn't pack-man!?" Zoe asked (nope it's pock-man the pirate version of packman, his body is black with yellow eyes and his gloves are blue as well as his shoes) "stupid..."
"well, prick-man you were saying" Takuya
"it's pock man! But yes my condition is...well...I'm very lonely and you're a pretty girl" pock-man clearly wanted something...nasty
"no freaking way dude!" Takuya stepped between Zoe and prick-man I mean pock-man
"what is it Takuya? What does he want?" Zoe asked confused by the intentions of pock-man (seriously Zoe? I mean I think the readers know what that guy wants form you)
"if you don't let me boy, I will not help you to enter Santa's factory!" Pock-man treathened
"I don't care! For all I know you don't know how to enter!" Takuya
"how dare you!? Of course I know how, you take the right corner over there, there's a secret passage under the tree that leads to inside, now you trust me!? Can I have the girl now?" pock-said
"all yours, see ya Zoe I need to kick some ass" Takuya said leaving Zoe and pock-man alone in that alley
"heh heh heh heh" a creepy laugh came from the pirate video game character
"w-wait, what are you planing to do?" Zoe slowly made some distance between her and pock-man
"I want ALL of you" a lustful expression was on his face, he lunged at Zoe and lick her feet
"ah! Disgusting, help! Takuya!" Zoe cried for help, Takuya was around the corner when he heard Zoe's voice
"concentrate Takuya, you must go to the end, she'd stop you anyway" Takuya tought
"Takuya please! Help me!" Zoe
"I must go for my objectives!" Takuya slap his face trying to not turn back but...
"Takuya turn back and help Zoe!"
"who's said that!?" Takuya said
"I said it, the good in you!" a mini-Takuya appeared dressed like an angel on his left shoulder
"whoa! I didn't knew you exist!" Takuya
"yeah I've noticed -_-, you must abandon this campaign against Santa" the mini-angel Takuya said
"but I...he..." Takuya
"no way dude! Santa own us a lot!" another mini-Takuya appeared dressed like a devil
"ah crap you needed to come didn't you?" the angel Takuya said in annoyaince
"it's my job idiot!, now Takuya let's kick some Christmas butt!" the devil Takuya said
"hell yeah let's go!" Takuya said
"wait you idiots! Look Takuya I admit that Santa was a bit...unfair with you but just look at Zoe" angelic Takuya said
"who's Zoe?" the devilish Takuya asked
"the girl who accompanied me all the way here, where you been!?" Takuya explained to his evil part
"I was drunk, now let's see that girl" devil Takuya lift his head to see Zoe being licked in her ankles now and going up (it's rated T but Robo-Jester don't care hahah) "you mean you left behind THAT girl just to get revenge!?"
"well yeah..." Takuya answered a bit confused
"are you an idiot!? Wait of course you're" Devil Takuya think in words, Takuya could understand "look Kanbara, revenge can come and go everyday" Takuya was for first time in his life, attention "BUT a hot girl like THAT! It's a very rare occasion!"
"so...your point is?" Takuya asked and both his angelical and devilish part slap their faces
"GO FOR THE GIRL!" both entities shouted
"but what about the revenge!?" Takuya
"JUST GO!" the devil Takuya used his pitchfork to pinch Takuya's butt and sent him flying to Pock-man
"you're delicious girl" said pock man
"you pervert! Help! Takuya!" Zoe tried to kick pock-man away
"I'm coming!" Takuya said and kicked pock-man off Zoe who as soon got released used the snow to wash the saliva of the perverted creature
"hey we got a deal kid!" pock-man said
"we don't have a thing! Let my girl alone!" Takuya said pounding the videogame character
"you'll pay for this boy!" pock-man ate a rare pill and then "POCKA!" pock-man ate Takuya leaving only his eyes who flied away
"I must find a box or something!" Takuya thought
"well where I was?" Pock-man said approaching at Zoe
"ah no! Go away!" Zoe kicked Pock-man, Takuya found a box and got in, suddenly his body rematerializes to normal
"get off my girl" Takuya once again kicked the round guy away but this time, Takuya kicked the pills too and kicked the butt of pock-man
"no, my weak point!" pock-man body began to disappear with a weird music (game over!) Takuya was panting and sat on the ground, then Zoe suddenly smack him the back of his head
"ouch, why you do that!?" Takuya said rubbing his head
"that's for leaving me with a psycho rapist!" Zoe said but then she hugged him "and this is for coming back" this caused Takuya to be redder than mars (yay Takuminess)
"I...I'm sorry Zoe" Takuya apologized
"thank you but...you just call me your girl?" Zoe asked
"ah!" Takuya froze
in another place, better said a couple of miles away but coming closer every second in an invisible rocket car
"yeeeeeeeeeha!" Kouji yelled
"what's wrong with you idiot!? We got crazy mimes behind us and you're enjoying the ride!?" Tommy said
"kid you must enjoy this! I mean when will be the last time you'll see something like this?" Kouji said smiling (for once!)
"I can't see it!" Tommy said
"well but you get the point!" suddenly a mime catch them up with his own rocket car
"......" he said
"the slut who gives birth to you!" Tommy replied (strong words for a kid)
"look Tommy, Santa's village!" Kouji put the pedal to the metal
"we are almost there, finally!" Tommy said, then the mime tackled their rocket car with his "what's wrong with you idiot!? We can die you know?" Tommy said, however the mime do it again
"oh no you didn't" Kouji said and he too tackled the mime with the rocket car and sent the mime to the woods where he exploded, unfortunately Kouji damaged the rocket car "oh crap!"
"what!?" Tommy asked
"we don't have brakes..." Kouji
"I hate you..."
"I hate me too..."
again in another part -_-
"are you ready Kouichi-kun?" Yuuko asked to the short haired twin
"yeah...are you sure you don't have an extra snowboard?" Kouichi asked who was embracing Yuuko cuz they were sharing a snowboard
"pretty sure, don't complain hun, besides our little friend seems to like it" Yuuko said noticing a protuberance in Kouichi's pants touching her inner thigh
"well I can't control it..." Kouichi said blushing madly
"well we can have another round" Yuuko said (no no no no! Enough Yuuko, I know you have a tremendous libido but this story needs to end and for that you need to go to Santa's factory) "okay okay...downer" (grrr)
Yuuko and Kouichi snowboarded down the hill outside the cave they've been doing their...things, they were at high speed surfing down, at middle of the hill they saw a hairy figure with a man on it's back, they catch them up but no one said a word only glare at each other, it was Pierre and Louise, Pierre glared at Kouichi and Louise at Yuuko and vice versa, the Yeti was surfing on a snowboard made of mimes, dead ones apparently, they were side to side, as soon as Yuuko crouched a little to gain more speed (and to touch Kouichi's member with her butt on purpose) the Yeti to leaned forward to gain more speed too
"hey dude what a horrible burn you have" Kouichi said to Pierre, then Pierre examined the boy's face and the image of Kouji flashed in his mind
"YOU! I'll kill you for this! You and that damned boy!" Pierre yelled not knowing about the twins
"what!? What have I've done to you!?" Kouichi asked but Pierre only wave is hand at Louise and she tried to make them fall
"hey watch it you bitch!" Yuuko said and Louise growled, no one call her a bitch, she swung he hairy arm again "crap! We must increase speed!" Yuuko said, then in front of them a mountain was walking towards them
"crushing towns, all day long, crushing towns while I sing this song" the granite mountain was there "what is that? Oh snowboarders, oh hoho, I love snowboarders...wait a minute, they come this way! I need to get out of the way!" the mountain ran but never move to a side
"look Kouichi-kun! We can use that mountain as a ramp! Get the pickax just in case we need more speed while climbing!" Yuuko said but the mountain of GRANITE heard this and increased her pace
"oh no you're not going anywhere!" Kouichi said and tied the pickax with a rope and use it as a grip to catch the mountain
"ooooouuuchhh! My eye you stupid dumbf*beep*!" the mountain cried
Louise the Yeti swung again her arm and hit Yuuko, since they were attached to the rope with the pickax stuck in the eye of the mountain they didn't fell but swung around the mountain
"you did it Louise, good job!" Pierre congratulate his lover
"groooaaaarrrr" she said with joy, however Yuuko and Kouichi swung back at high speed, using the snowboard as weapon still attached to Yuuko's feet they kicked Pierre and Louise out of the way
"quick Yuuko release the rope" Kouichi said
"but why?" Yuuko asked
"with our current speed we'll surely be in Santa's factory in no time" Kouichi said, Yuuko released the rope and they flied at high speed towards the factory
random reader: question! How they knew they'll fly to directly there!?"
me: they knew, they calculated which direction was before go
the same reader: okay but I think Pierre and Louise where in another part very far away from there an-
me: a wizard did it!
Same reader: oh well but what about-
me: look, every time you see something that doesn't make sense is because a wizard did it okay?
Same reader: okay I guess...but in the chapter-
Back with Takumi
Takuya and Zoe where inside the tunnels that pock-man mentioned before, they had a lot of exits with a name on the door but Takuya was looking for a special one, while....HOLDING HANDS WITH ZOE, ZOMG! HOW THE HELL THAT HAPPENED!?
"long story" Zoe said with a smile
"yeah..." Takuya too was smiling (wait no! The people want to know how this happened!)
"too bad for them" Takuya (grrr, rewind!.....play!)
that part that Takumi didn't want to tell us
"you just call me your girl?" Zoe asked staring at Takuya's eyes
"ah" Takuya froze when he realized what he do and said "well Zoe you see...I a....you always looked very pretty to me and..."
"it's okay...I'm glad you think that of me" Zoe said leaning her face to Takuya's one
"oh Z-Zoe" Takuya tried to process what was happening
"Takuya..." Zoe pressed her lips against his, both closed their eyes Takuya returning the kiss and his evil and good part do a high five
"that's how you do it big boy!" evil Takuya
"keep it up!" good Takuya
"shut up guys! You're ruining the moment!" Takuya yelled
"who are you talking to?" Zoe said a blushing a little
"er..um..nobody...another kiss?" Takuya said and they kissed again with more passion than the first one (okay fast forward.....play!)
okay we saw everything guys, nothing to be ashamed of really, both Takuya and Zoe are blushing madly okay let's continue
"where's that door?" Takuya keep looking
"what door Takuya?" Zoe asked
"the one that says Santa's office, it must be here somewhere" Takuya
"found it!" Zoe said
"fantastic" Takuya opened slightly the trapdoor to see if anyone was there "I think it's clear" both entered to Santa's office, they saw his list, the naughty and the nice
"let's see if I'm on the naughty" Takuya searched for his name but found another one first "Zoe!?"
"what is it?" Zoe's eyes grew wide when she saw her name on the naughty list "what how is that possible!?"
"here says...for helping a naughty get to the north pole" Takuya
"what!? That's the most stupid thing I've heard! I'm gonna kill that red bastard!" Zoe grab a letter opener but her hand was suddenly stopped by another one, a big, old, hand
"HOU HOU HOU" Santa laugh in a menacing tone
"SANTA!" Takuya and Zoe yelled, suddenly some magical ropes snared them and tied them to a pair of chairs
"so you really think you can come to my home and get rid of me?" Santa spoke for the first time
"actually...yeah I thought so" Takuya said
"you really thought it gonna be easy!?" Santa asked again
"for moment just a brief moment, yes" Takuya said "wait you can talk!?"
"of course I can! I'm only laughed at your idiotic attempts to kill me before" Santa
"Santa...what are you gonna do with us?" Zoe asked
"a Zoe, it is a shame you turned evil tch,tch,tch...I'm afraid I'd gonna send you with Barney the purple dinosaur" with that Santa opened a door and Barney the dinosaur jumped from it
"I love you!" The dinosaur said
"NO, NO, everything but him!" Takuya tried to fight the ropes as well as Zoe
"I love you, and you love me everybo-" the annoying singing dinosaur was cut off by a rocketcar that stormed in by the window and crashed inside the factory, outside of Santa's office taking the dinosaur with it
"BARNEY!!!!!" Santa cried his name
"let's get out here Takuya" Zoe whispered to Takuya
"right..." they jumped on the chairs trying to escape from the office but Santa stopped them
"what do you think you're doing fellas?" Santa said "now you'll pay for being so naughty"
"whooooooooooohoooooooo!" someone screamed breaking another window this time hitting Santa in the head with a snowboard, it was Yuuko and Kouichi
"hell yeah we made it!" Yuuko said removing her helmet
"hey guys how you doing?" Kouichi asked
"tied? Untie us idiot!" Zoe
"okay okay people, hang in there" Kouichi
"we thought you were a goner for sure" Takuya said and then saw Yuuko "who's the girl"
"that girl is Yuuko and is my...um..."Kouichi hesitated
"I'm his girlfriend! Pleased to meet you!" Yuuko said
"wow that's a surprise!" Takuya said
"same to you guys, we know about you two" Kouichi
"what? When? How!?" Zoe said blushig
"the Robo-jester told us" Yuuko
"but where's my brother by the way?" Kouichi
in the crash site in the factory
"ow ouch, my head...." Tommy said getting out of the rocket
"are you okay kid?" Kouji asked
"yeah no thanks to you!" Tommy said
"no wonder why that butler of yours hate you that much" Kouji
"everybody loves me! He love me, my other servants love me too!" Tommy
"sure kid, now where are we...." Kouji scanned the place "looks like we made it Tommy"
"really!?" Tommy too scanned the place "hey you're right, now let's find that fat ass!"
"helloooooooo" a voice said
"who said that!?" Kouji asked
"ME BARNEY!" the dinosaur came out of the debris "I love you-" he was muzzled by Kouji who take a giant candy cane
"shut up! Shut up! You evil creature!" Kouji shouted as he continued striking the lovely purple dinosaur "you*strike* shall not*strike*sing!" Kouji discharge his anger in Barney who was now a pile of sponge and purple cloth
"you finished?" Tommy asked
"no...but I'm tired...I hate that dinosaur" Kouji drop the candy cane
"but what weird elves Santa have" Tommy pointed to the workers in the factory
"those are not elves! They're gremlins!" Kouji said
"grem-what? Why you're so scared, look at them all furry and cute, c'mon boy who's so cute huh?" Tommy approached to one of those furry bastards, the gremlin was all cute but then it bite Tommy's finger "ouch, ow, BITCH!" Tommy kicked the gremlin unfortunately it fell in a drum with water causing it to become more and more, all of them stare at Tommy "hehe sorry want some food?" Tommy threw at them a candy bar
"NOOOOOOO what have you done Tommy!?" Kouji take Tommy and climb up the stairs where the other where
"what!? I just give them food" Tommy said but Kouji only pointed at them, the furry bastards transformed into some disgusting creatures like reptiles but more sticky and drooling and ewww disgusting also they wanted more food...alive food "holy smokes! Get me out here!"
"hey guys I didn't knew you where here" Kouji said after entering the room
"hey bro, how are you doing?" Kouichi asked
"fine, fine...oh there's a bunch of hungry gremlins out there by the way" Kouji said
"O_O" everybody stare at him
"oh yeah that's bad I totally forgot it!" Kouji, suddenly a moan was heard
"what's that creepy noise!?" Takuya
"I heard it too!" Zoe said and clung on Takuya for protection (Takumi 4TW)
"Takuya, I think you're on Santa's face" Kouichi
"SANTA!?" Tommy said and leaned to the fat man "you bastard! Give my presents!"
"uck...you!" Santa said
"wait Tommy he may know how we stop the gremlins" Kouji
"why we would do that anyway he got it deserved it!" Takuya said also kicking the fat man ass
"you give them food?" Santa said
"hahahahahahahahahahahahaha" Santa laugh in haha and no in hoho which is creepy "you all gonna die here!"
"tell us how to stop them or I'll kill you!" Zoe take Santa by the beard
"never...theres no way to stop them...I'll take them all with me!" Santa laugh more when from his sleeve revealed a weird apparatus like bracelet and pushed some buttons "bye bye mwahahahahahahahaha" Santa laugh like Predator
"let's get out here, follow me!" said Yuuko
"wait do you know where you're going!?" Tommy asked
"yeah, I downloaded the blueprints of this place" Yuuko said "c'mon a transport must be near by
they ran as fast as they could, there wasn't any sing of the gremlins but outside the hangar where Santa keep his sleigh was an old woman with some cookies
"hello children want some cookies?" the old grandma which I'll assume is Santa's wife said
"of course!" said everyone in unison
"EXPLOSIVE COOKIES!mwaahahahahah" the granny jump and threw the cookies like shurikens then exploded on contact, the gang managed to evade them but the old woman use another weapon...he plate where the cookies where
"ouch, ow, stop it!" Takuya was being hit for the second time by an old woman
"you'll pay for this kid!" the old woman wasn't a great deal but...you know she's old
"hey you, leave my boyfriend alone!" said Zoe who take a random candy cane knocked her out
"thanks Zoe...you call me boyfriend?" Takuya
"um yeah...that's what we are isn't" Zoe (awww more ah)
"okay I'm sick of this! C'mon you two!" Kouji yelled driving the Santa's sleigh, Takuya and Zoe get onboard as well as the others, they were at high altitude now but not too far from the village, when suddenly Santa came flying with a jetpack
"you'll not escape from the explosion!" Santa still had the bomb bracelet as well as some gremlins munching him, Takuya take a dart gun(not very effective -_-)
"why*dart* you don't* dart* die!?" Takuya said as he shot some darts which only stick on Santa's face
"30 seconds kids hahahahaha" Santa was 2 feet away from the gang, nothing they do seemed to stop him until...
"uh ah uh uh uh ah!?" (hate those kids, hate those pigs, but hey isn't that hot blond!?) the flying monkey was passing by and rushed to Zoe
"Takuya is that horny monkey again!" Kouji said
"wait for him" said Zoe
"what!? Do you want him to hump on your leg again!?" Takuya
"trust me!" Zoe
"wait for it...wait for it...NOW!" Zoe said and Kouji lower the sleigh, Santa and the monkey crashed with each other, Santa and the monkey fell directly to the factory again
"HOHOHOHOHOHOHO" yeah...laugh idiot
the explosion was more bigger than a nuclear one, the gang barely made it alive, Takuya take a seat in the sleigh taking Zoe in his lap
"well...I think is over" Takuya
"I'm still angry with you for my grandmother!"
Not really here's an epilogue
after Santa's death, no one celebrated Christmas, no presents no celebration.....the three wise men expanded their territory beyond Latin America...they're rich now
the mountain made of GRANITE! Forgive Kouichi for stuck a pickax in it's eye after he found it a job as the logo in Paramount studios
Kouichi is still being sexually harassed everyday by Yuuko...she made it legal somehow
Kouji establish an organization called Emos Against Happines...he's the only member by now everyone cut their wrist and died
the rich guy who used to drop his monocle in astonishment was fired and that's why he didn't appear in the end...he bought glasses
Tommy still kick ass of their servants when he returned...they didn't mess with him anymore
Takuya and Zoe were BF and GF for a week...the break uplater...then they come back...then break up again and so again and again mostly due to Takuya's stupidity
so that's the end! This was Robo-Jester and hope you liked it!
*doors open* what the hell is going on here!? Who let you out of your box!? And who's the crying dude in the corner!?
Takuya and Zoe: O_O three Jesters!?
Me: there's only one! This one is my robot one and that guy...who the hell are you!?
I'm a hobo using your clothes! See ya later! By the way I fake my crying!
Me: I go to the store just for ten minutes, six hours ago! And look at the mess you made
robo-jester: I finished your story pal
me: good...now die!*blow his head off with shotgun* anything else?
Takumi:*shook their heads*
me: good, well people this is the END, hope you liked it, thanks to my reviewers
blackandblood, don'tchaknowme4life, Kaito Lune, heartbreaker19, utsukushii04, lanski12, gcleemon, Mikiko97, Kimiko Heroux, Alvin Chip, Veemon the ruler, d (who reviewed today) and everybody else who read and didn't review (no hard feelings) thank you all and well hope you liked it, see ya later ^_^