just a random drabble, about 15? years post BD.
Jake/Nessie humour. Well, I thought it was funny when I came up with it. :)

Jacob approached the house with a stupid-happy grin plastered all over his face; it made Leah sick and made Seth the slightest bit jealous that imprinting seemed to have missed him out.

The smell didn't bother him, which is because he practically lived here now, and also as it was mixed with the sweetest perfume that was his Renesmee's smell.

Much to Edward's dismay, the werewolf and his perfect little daughter had finally got together; everyone was so shocked, of course. Nessie didn't have a clue that it was all planned out (unlike everyone else).

He walked (sprung, skipped, danced) in, only to find her draped over the sofa with a bored look on her angelic face, pouting at one of the millions of gossip magazines she was surrounded by.

He rolled his eyes; surely the pixie and the blonde must have had something to do with this.

Sitting down, her gaze landed on him, and she grinned.
'Hey, Jake!' She chirped, kissing him on the cheek.
'Hey honey,' He smiled, genuinely. Being around her made him as happy as he could ever be. He stroked her copper curls absentmindedly.

It was silent for a while, until a hysterical giggle exploded from between her pretty pink lips. He frowned, confused.

'Listen to this!' Her face was a mixture of hilarity and disgust; what on earth was bothering her?
'There's this thing here,' she waved the magazine around. 'And it says…It says…' She burst into a fit of laughter again.
'There was this boy, and he dated this girl, then she chose someone else.'
'Okay? What's so funny?' He asked. Story of the first part of my life, he thought glumly.
'No, that's not it! Anyway, he was lonely, then he ended up with…with her DAUGHTER!' She keeled over laughing.

Oh God, he thought, Oh my good God.

'But isn't that disgusting?! I'm so glad you're not like that Jakey. Because if you'd even liked my mother, I'd kill you. I mean, if you'd have kissed her?! Ew or what?' She giggled again.

Edward! He was starting to sweat now. This was a little uncomfortable. God, everything about this situation screamed awkward!

'Ha-ha,' he half-heartedly attempted to laugh, and then scowled as he caught sight of Edward Cullen, hysterical with laughter.
'Anyway… I've gotta go now Ness. Erm, pack business, y'know?' He grinned, his smile wavering.

She sulked, but he was out of there quicker than a vampire running from those Italian freaks.

Because he was going to kill the editor of OK! magazine.

review? thankyou. :D