Happy Birthday, Tonya! You totally popped my fanfic cherry. I hope you enjoy my little o/s! Thanks to Annanabanana for the bj, (er the beta job)

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Rub My Ass and Call Me Bella


"Happy birthday, boss! Here, this is for you." Angela handed me a very ornate looking envelope with a big loopy "E" on the front. I recognized the logo as coming from The Esme, a lavish day spa.

"Angelaaa... You shouldn't have, really," I said with a begrudging groan, taking the envelope and wrapping Angela in a hug. "I told you not to do anything for my birthday. You know how much I dislike extra attention. Besides it's not even until tomorrow."

"I know, I know. But I couldn't let your twenty seventh birthday go by and not acknowledge it. What kind of assistant would that make me?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips and looking expectantly into my eyes.

"You're the best assistant there is. Not giving me a gift wouldn't change that." I sighed in resignation. "Thank you for thinking of me, even if it isn't necessary." I managed a small smile.

"Well I figured, with all of the new ad campaigns that you've taken on, you deserve a little R and R. You hold in your hand a gift certificate to Esme's for a facial and a relaxing full body massage. But wait, there's more! I've also cleared your schedule for tomorrow afternoon and booked your appointment for you. It's too late to cancel. So there. Happy birthday."

I'd had a bad experience before at a spa, but it wasn't The Esme. My last massage was painful and not relaxing at all. I'd been told that my experience wasn't the norm, but I was still hesitant to go through that again. However, I could tell that Angela was so very happy to have given me this wonderful gift. I didn't have the heart to turn it down. Besides, I'd heard wonderful things about The Esme, and felt I should give it another shot. Angela was right, if I was being honest with myself, I really could use a few hours to myself to unwind. I loved my job in advertising, but it could be very grueling at times. There was always a deadline to meet, and I got so little time to myself to just... be.

"I'm feeling more relaxed already. Thanks again, Angela. You really are a wonderful assistant and friend. I don't know where I'd be without you."

"You'd be late for your ten o'clock meeting with the Newton's. Now get to work!"

"Yes ma'am." I turned on my heel and stepped into my office to do the final preparations on their new sporting goods campaign. Dealing with Newton senior was easy enough, but if I had to work with their son Mike, aka Touchy McFeelerson, it was going to be a long morning. Tomorrow afternoon could not come fast enough.

The following afternoon I found myself outside of the spa. I was a little early, but thought I'd go ahead and check in. I was feeling a bit anxious, but once I stepped inside, I was immediately consumed by the warmth and delicious smells. The scent of lavender immediately calmed my nerves. My anxiety began to wane as I felt the positive energy swirling around me. I felt like I was in some mystical fantasy world, not at a day spa.

I was waved over by a kind looking woman sitting behind the receptionist desk going over the afternoon schedule with the tiniest woman I'd ever seen. She could fit in my pocket, she was so little. And that is saying something; I'm no amazon woman myself. She had short spiky black hair pointing in every direction, and she was fluttering around like a butterfly, graceful and vibrant. She couldn't have stood more than five feet tall, but her aura seemed to fill up the entire waiting area. She was somehow able to make her fitted, plain, white smock look fashionable over her black, skin-tight leggings. She glanced at me with an almost knowing look, smiled and then departed to the back after a few more words with the receptionist.

The receptionist, whose nametag said Carmen, addressed me politely. "Hello. Welcome to The Esme. How can I help you?"

"Hi. Um, I'm Bella Swan. I believe my assistant scheduled a facial and massage for me this afternoon."

"Yes, of course, Ms. Swan. I do apologize for not greeting you sooner. We've had one of our massage therapists call in sick today, and we find ourselves short handed." Before I could say I was willing to reschedule, she started speaking again. "Please do not worry, we have everything covered. Our owner is a licensed massage therapist and will be filling in. You're quite the lucky gal, if I may be so bold." She winked at me. I didn't understand what that was all about, but I figured the owner must have been a really good masseuse; The Esme was renowned around Seattle for their services.

"Oh, okay. Really though, I don't want to be a bother. I'm more than happy to reschedule for a different time."

She waved me off and hushed me up. "No bother at all. I'm going to need you to fill out this registration form, as it appears this is your first time visiting us. Feel free to have a seat over in one of those chairs, and please bring it to me when you're finished. Can I bring you a beverage? We have water, wine, soda, coffee and tea."

"Um, just water would be lovely. Thank you."

"Coming right up!" She walked over to the refreshment stand, I guess you'd call it, took out a bottle of water and brought it over to me.

I sat down in one of the plush armchairs and started filling out the form. This place was so cozy I could curl up and take a nap right there. After I was finished with the questionnaire, I took it back to Carmen. She thanked me and walked me to the back of the spa into a beautiful room. "You'll be starting with your facial first. Alice will be your esthetician and will be in shortly. In the meantime, please feel free to change into the robe and slippers we have provided for you. Also, your assistant mentioned to us that it is your birthday today." She gave me a knowing look. "Alice has offered up a complimentary bikini wax, to complete your spa experience. And before you say no, it would be wise of me to tell you that Alice pretty much gets her way around here. After all, she is the co-owner of The Esme."

My face must have shown my anxiety. I'd only ever self groomed in the naughty bits region. But since Alice was going out of her way to accommodate me today, filling in for the masseuse, I figured I should just shut my mouth and be grateful. It was my birthday, after all. Dammit, I was going to enjoy it.

I quickly changed into the robe and slippers and waited for this Alice woman to come in. After a moment, the door opened and in walked that same petite Thumbelina from earlier. The energy of the room quickly changed, and suddenly I felt rejuvenated.

"You must be Bella. Hi. I'm Alice Whitlock." She walked over and hugged me as if we'd known each other for years. "We're going to be spending some time together before I hand you off to my brother, Edward. He's the joint owner of The Esme along with me. He'll be doing your massage after the facial and bikini wax." My face must have betrayed me. A man was doing my massage? It might have be sexist of me, but I had assumed it would be a woman. I thought it was this woman.

"Trust me, you'll be in very capable hands," She winked. What was it with all of the winking in this place?

Alice continued to talk animatedly about her family and her husband Jasper and how she and her brother, this Edward fellow, opened the spa, naming it after their mother Esme Cullen. She talked almost the entire time she was working on me, which I was very grateful for when the time came for my bikini wax. The distraction was welcomed. Alice was very professional, however, and did her job deftly. I'm not going to lie, getting your pubes liberated from your skin hurts like a bitch, but she was as gentle as could be expected.

Once my pores were clear and my lady parts were smooth, I was already feeling like a new woman when Alice led me back to a separate waiting area. It was dimly lit, and the most beautiful melodic sounds were coming from the overhead speaker system. I could hear violin and piano and two voices that sang like bells. I was unfamiliar with the artists, but I could have listened to them all day. I felt like I would fall asleep once I was on that massage table.

"This is where I leave you, for now. Please sit back and relax until Edward is ready to take you back to his room, I mean, the massage room." Alice grinned from ear to ear, and I felt like I was on the outside of an inside joke. I didn't like it. "He will want to go over any questions you might have about your massage before he goes to work on you. Enjoy, Bella!"

"Thank you, Alice. I've really enjoyed meeting you." With that, she hugged me again before floating away.

I reclined in a chair and closed my eyes for what seemed like mere seconds before I heard the sound of a throat clearing. I opened my eyes and was paralyzed by the sight before me. Was I dreaming? Standing before me was a man so... beautiful, I could use every word in Webster's dictionary and not come up with the words that would do him justice. He was mesmerizing. He stood before me wearing a black v-neck t-shirt and well worn button fly jeans, and by well worn, I mean he wore them damn fucking well. He was barefoot. His toes were nice and long, and they made me wonder about other parts of his anatomy. I knew I was staring at him, but I couldn't help it. His brown hair was rumpled and gave him the appearance of having just woken up from a nap.

He cleared his throat again, and this time he spoke as well. "You must be Ms. Swan. I'm Edward Cullen. I'll be your therapist today. Please follow me." I was a bit taken aback, but this time not by his rugged good looks. He came off as a little bit cold. After meeting Alice who was so warm and inviting, Edward seemed abrupt and harsh with me when he spoke. I knew I should have insisted on rescheduling. He probably resented me because he had to do this massage today. He's the owner after all. He shouldn't be doing the dirty work. Alice explained to me that she tried not working every day in the spa, but found that the everyday running of The Esme was best left to Edward. Plus, she enjoyed her job so much, she didn't want to give that part of it up.

I followed Mr. Sex on Legs into the massage room. The table was set up and looked like a giant cloud, ready to carry me off into the carefree abyss of relaxation. I was determined not to let Edward's mood affect the already serene state in which I found myself. Candles illuminated the space, and there was very little light other than the little bit of sun that was peaking through the wooden blinds, casting the strangest glow on Edward's skin. He almost seemed to glow, or sparkle, in the natural sunlight. The light caught his vibrant green eyes, and it was then that I noticed his hair was not brown. Not at all. It was a mix of copper and bronze and gold and many other colors on the periodic table all rolled into one unique color.

"I just want to go over the procedure for today, Ms. Swan." He sounded so clinical, but then again, this was his profession so of course he's going to be professional.

I interrupted him, "Please, call me Bella."

He looked angry that I'd cut him off, but then he let just a hint of a smirk slip by his otherwise stony facade.

"Well, then, Bella. Your information form says that you've had a massage before, but that you didn't enjoy it. Do you mind telling me why that is?"

"Um, well, Mr. Cullen," I felt a bit formal saying that after being on a first name basis with Alice after two seconds of meeting her. This time it was his turn to interrupt me.

"If I call you Bella, then I'd like for you to call me Edward." He seemed to be relaxing a bit more, and the cold man that stood in front of me mere moments ago seemed to be slipping away, making room for this calm gentle man now giving me a full on smirk. I'd like to eat it right off of his face and... Wait, what was I doing? Oh right, I need to answer his question.

"Okay, Edward," I said, now smiling. "My only other massage was from Aro's Salon and Day Spa, have you heard of it? The massage was... painful?" I stated it like a question. "The therapist there almost seemed to enjoy the fact that she was causing me pain. I think her name was Jane. Anyway, I was very sore for several days afterward, and I haven't had one since then. My assistant gave me this spa day for my birthday today, and I'm going to be honest, I'm very nervous."

Edward gave a little chuckle, "Yes, I've heard of Aro's. I actually used to work there when I first got my massage license. Aro Volturi is quite the business man, and business is his bottom line, when it should be keeping the client happy and comfortable. That is one of the reasons I wanted to start my own business. Aro wasn't happy when I told him I was leaving. Alice mentioned that she wanted to become an esthetician, and we opened The Esme. I assure you, I will not cause you pain, Bella. If I do, please speak up immediately, and I will lighten up on the pressure."

His voice which was once hard as brick, was now as smooth as silk and just as genuine. Whatever bug that was up his ass when he first greeted me must have burrowed it's way back out again. I was soon very much at ease and excited to get on that massage table. Very. Excited.

"Bella, I'm going to exit the room to allow you to disrobe and get onto the table." I swear I saw him blush at those words as he swallowed, causing his adam's apple to bob slightly; it must have been the glow of the candles playing a trick on me. He gestured to the massage table, and for the first time I looked at his hands. They were strong but elegant, with fingers that went on for days. I remembered the scene in Return of the King when Aragorn unsheathes that sword and the camera follows the length of it, yeah, that was me following those fingers from knuckle to tip. Good lord, those fingers were about to be all over my body. No. Focus, Bella. He's still talking, remember?

"You'll start by lying on your stomach with your face in the face cradle, under the sheet and blanket. I'll knock before I re-enter, and then I'll get started. Do you have any questions?"

"No, Edward. Thank you." It finally hit me that I was going to be naked under this magnificent man's touch. The idea of it all made me feel very warm, and it had nothing to do with the temperature of the room, which was perfect now that I thought about it. They really went all out of their way to ensure their guests were comfortable here; that was something Aro's did not do.

Edward exited the room, and I took off the robe and slippers. The table was calling to me like a beacon. I just knew that once I was laying down and between those flannel sheets I could very easily pass out. I slipped between the sheets and rested my head in the provided face cradle. I could feel my neck muscles loosen up already. The table was even more comfortable than it looked. I could tell it had padding underneath the sheets; another very nice touch. It seemed like several minutes had gone by, and I was already so relaxed and warm when I heard a quiet knock. The door creaked slightly as it opened.

I heard Edward walk into the room. His presence brought with him a feeling of static electricity.

"Are you ready, Bella? Are you... comfortable?" His voice sounded shaky, but I couldn't care less about why that would be, at the moment, I felt like I was floating.

I gave a muffled "Mhm" and felt him turn down the sheet, stopping just short of my naked behind. I felt Edward exhale, as if he'd been holding it in. His breath caressed my flesh and caused goosebumps to raise up from my otherwise warm skin.

"Please tell me if you get cold, I will turn up the heat." He quietly whispered those last few words.

My mind immediately went to that very dirty dark place that I hadn't visited in way too long. It was then that I felt his strong warm hands make contact with my shoulders. I felt a buzz shoot through my body from my head to my tippy-toes. I wondered briefly if Edward felt it too but quickly brushed that thought away. Anyone that good looking wouldn't be interested in me with my plain, pale face, generic brown eyes and brown hair. No one ever believed that I grew up in Phoenix until moving to UW in Seattle for college. The sun hadn't felt I was deserving of beautiful, glowing, bronze skin like the rest of the Phoenix population, I guess.

I was reveling in the sensations reverberating throughout my being. Edward was gifted. It was as if he could read my mind and he found every nook and cranny where I held onto my stress. This was certainly a much different experience than my first massage. I could feel how much Edward cared about his clients. His touch was deliberate, but gentle. I couldn't tell where his hands ended and my body began. Those hands. Those damned heavenly hands. I felt them gliding down my back toward my ass. They never made full contact, like I'd wanted them to. Instead they circled back up the sides of my back, up toward my shoulders once more. All the while, they were kneading and gliding across my muscles in the most delicious pattern. On the last pass, his hands finally slipped under the sheet, and I felt them strong and warm on my firm ass. I couldn't help it; I let out a moan. It came from deep inside of me, and I heard his breath hitch.

"Bella" I heard him breathe out. He stood there and massaged my ass at an excruciatingly slow pace. I felt my breathing begin to pick up, and I could tell Edward's pace was quickening.

He groaned out loud and startled me. I lifted my head, and my eyes met his gaze. We were locked in a battle of brown and green. He had a crazed look in his eyes, and for a moment, I thought he was going to run out of the room. That is, until he caught me completely off guard, flipping me over quickly, my body completely naked and exposed. I lay there stunned and waiting for an explanation, my breasts heaving with uncertainty as I tried to gain some semblance of control and figure out what was happening.

I didn't have long to think because suddenly those green eyes were inches from my own as Edward's hands grasped my shoulders, holding me in an upright sitting position. His lips smashed against my own as a groan escaped his lips. Our lips were a tangle of flesh and wet and want. I had no time to think. I could only feel. Edward stroked his strong masculine hands down my arms and settled them on my hips. He positioned me flat against the table once more, this time on my back. I watched his face as his eyes scanned my body, and I saw him shiver when his eyes found my glistening wet pussy; he put his fist to his mouth and bit down, trying to suppress the feral sounds coming from deep within his chest. He ripped off his black t-shirt and quickly unbuttoned his jeans, allowing them to fall to the floor. Holy. Fuck. He was commando. He was perfect. Edward, while strong and muscular, was lean, not bulky. And that's exactly how I liked it.

Before I knew it, he had joined me on the massage table. I was thankful that it looked to be a sturdy piece of furniture.

He rested his hips between my open legs, and he propped up his upper body on his elbows; his hands were roaming the parts of my face and neck he could reach in that position. I couldn't take it anymore. Looking into those eyes, I lifted my head up to join my lips with his. He lifted his head and looked intently into my eyes.

"Bella, you are exquisite. Your body is a work of art. I couldn't hold back any longer. I need you."

All I could do was whimper and nod my approval of what was about to take place. I pulled his head into my neck, moaning while he nipped and sucked at that oh so sensitive space behind my ear. I wrapped my legs around his waist, trying to find some friction. I was so worked up, it was almost painful. I was moaning and calling out his name. I heard my name coming from his lips in return; I could feel his words on my skin.

"Bella... Bella..."

"Bella, Ms. Swan, are you okay?"

I opened my eyes abruptly and lifted my head.

"What?" I said, breathing heavily. "What's going on?"

"You fell asleep, Bella. It's okay, it happens to a lot of people. Um," he stammered. "It's time for you to flip over so I can continue your session. We're only half way finished." He looked at me awkwardly but helped me to get turned over onto my back.

Dammit. It was only a fucking dream...

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