Who else is in the mood for a parody of all things Tiva? Yeah? You? Awesome.
Yea, it's not outrageously funny. Sue me. I'm bored, and this is the result of countless hours spent on the internet looking for a muse (which failed, evidently).
The sun was setting, and amidst the hustle and bustle of people preparing to leave the office building, Ziva let out a very audible sigh. Tony, picking up on it almost immediately with his bat like hearing senses which complemented his 20/20 vision, strutted over to her desk, his curiosity peaked.
"What's up, your Isrealiness?"
Ziva stared at him momentarily and stood up, so she was eye to ... nose with him. Damn her height.
"Tony, I honestly think we should just have sex and get together. Now." She stated matter of factly.
McGee, sensing a situation that he would not like to participate in, surreptitiously exited the bullpen to go to wherever authors make McGee go to whenever Tiva are having a moment.
Tony took note of McGee's sudden departure, appreciating the younger agent's discretion.
"But, but Ziva! Rule – rule 12!"
"Oh Tony, Gibbs has only mentioned rule 12 twice in my four years here. It cannot be that important. After all, it is number 12. There are 11 more important ones, like keeping secrets and telling very specific lies!"
"Ziva, you don't understand. Many people have brought rule 12 up regardless of how few times Gibbs has mentioned it. Of course it's important. Who cares if he's forgotten it, it's RULE 12. RULE 12! The one rule that everyone focuses on and yet blatantly make us break, just so we can BE TOGETHER. And then Gibbs will find out and we will get head smacked, but because me and him, we both have a father/son ship, he will warn me to take care of you and it will be okay."
Ziva eyed him warily, and looked down on her desk.
"Well, then obviously we have to comply with this, hive mind concept, and break rule 12. And have sex."
Tony thought this over, and suddenly realised the many flaws in her plan.
"But – Kiva! Tate! Tabby! Zibbs! Tibbs!"
Ziva sounded dangerously frustrated now. Maybe it was time for her to threaten him with The Paperclips. After all, it was the one thing that she was an expert in using to implement torture on her co-workers, in 19 different ways as people liked to stress countless times. She wondered what people would have come up with if it was revealed she actually had telekinetic powers.
"Tony, we all know you and me, Tiva, we're ham and cheese, we are the OTP! Besides, Kate is dead-"
"NO! She's in witness protection, with Ari! Kari!" Tony interjected, cutting her short.
Ziva glared at him.
"Right. With Jenny and Paula and they are all having an orgy."
Tony hung his head dejectedly. He so wanted to be part of that orgy. But now all he had was Ziva. He decided there was really nothing he could do about the situation anymore, he was NOT Tibb-ing.
"Fine, Ziva, I agree, let's get together. You can tell me the horrors you endured in Somalia while bawling on my shoulder and simpering and saying you're broken, and I can be all angry and vengeful and comfort you and then you can thank me with sex."
Ziva beamed at him, happy that her point had gotten across successfully. Now there was only one more thing she wanted from Tony. One thing she had been missing since she'd returned from Somalia. One thing only Tony could give her.
She fished around her desk and pulled out a long thin box, shoving it into Tony's hands.
"Now Tony, you have to give this back to me. You are supposed to give me a Star of David necklace. Because everyone is doing it."
Tony stared at the box in his hand, and back up at her. "Er..."
"Yes, I am aware I do not actually need one. I have not mentioned a need for a necklace, and honestly a new one will only remind me of how my first one got taken and bring back horrible dark memories which will decrease my ninja-ness and make me bawl even more like a baby into your shoulders. But -"
"Oh right! But I have to. I get it, because it's what I do, all the time, especially since Christmas is coming. They always make me. Right. So here." Tony pulled out the necklace and thrust it into her hands.
"You are doing it wrong idiot." She snarled, and put the necklace back into his hands.
"You are supposed to put it around my neck while I shed a tear at your kind heartedness, and sweetness, and thoughtfulness. Please wait while I turn away and hide said tears from you. Please also make sure you kiss my neck while you put it on. It adds to the sweetness of the moment." She instructed as she turned away from Tony.
He complied, clasping the delicate chain around her neck.
"Thank you Tony. That was beautiful."
"I love you sweetcheeks."
"I love you hairy butt."
"I love you more sweetcheeks."
"I love you even more hairy butt."
"I love you even more than that sweetcheeks."
"There, now we have officially outworn our stupid endearments. Let us not speak of these horrendous only-spoken-once-in-canon nicknames forever."
Heh. Right. If this made you smile, yay!