Summary: No one could ever hurt her like he'd done. He'd sent her hope crashing down from the sky, and she was left to live with the hell he put her through. But without her, he was lost. Little did he know, she wasn't ready to say goodbye either.
Inspiration: Konstantine by Something Corporate
Keep your eyes down, I reminded myself all too quickly as the usual crowd of students filled the hallways. I moved closer to my open locker, my books still clutched firmly against my chest. And don't forget to breathe.
Some days it was easier to forget; take weekends for example. I wasn't surrounded by the past constantly, and I didn't have to live with the reminder that I had yet again, managed to fuck things up quite successfully. I used to be confident and unafraid, but that was before she arrived. Back then, I could walk down the hallways – undaunted by the many other hundreds of people around me. Alice would willingly sit with me at lunchtimes, as would Emmett.
But the good things in life never last. I'd learnt that early on.
"Get your ass to Biology Cullen," Mike hissed towards me, his eyebrows raised daringly as though he were asking me to disagree with him. He squared his shoulders, a smug, bitter grin flashing across his face. Biology. My face drained in colour from the word, and instinctively, my fingers tightened around the edges of my locker – no longer caring when the metal bit into my skin. That was where everything had started.
I slammed the locker quickly, and pushed my glasses back up my nose as I darted towards the classroom. I used to wear contact lenses; but that was when I actually cared about my appearance. As I opened the door to Biology, the teacher thankfully not in the classroom yet, my eyes fell on the seat that – for the last month – had been completely empty. Today, it wasn't.
Bella was back.
I bit down on my bottom lip, feeling my palms starting to sweat against the handle of the door. As her own eyes glanced up from our table at the back, they widened in surprise, and her gaze quickly trailed over my new appearance. I broke her glance to walk stiffly towards my seat. I had done everything that I swore I would never do to her – I'd hurt her beyond what I could have imagined. But it couldn't change how I felt towards her though.
I still loved her. And God damn it, I missed her so fucking much.
We'd been at a party together. She was in a tight red dress, black high heels and her thick brown hair was curled down her back. It was hard keeping my hands off her in the car, and now we were in a room clustered with bodies, alcohol and music, I had an excuse to hold her.
Tyler had pressed two cans of beer into my shoulder, and with a drunken slur, he'd muttered something about Bella's dress. I pulled her in closer towards me, letting my lips linger against her neck. I already knew how lucky I was to have her, and I didn't need Tyler's sly remarks to remind me.
As soon as the alcohol was in my system, I could feel my muscles loosening and my stance becoming almost instantly more relaxed. She smiled into my shoulder; her eyes alight with excitement as she led me into the mass of bodies.
I disappeared in her eyes, neglecting how the drink in my hand was constantly replaced as soon as the liquid hit the bottom. I'd let my arrogance get the better of me, and pushing my dignity aside, I'd pulled her recklessly close, my hands now running wildly across her.
But she didn't care.
She only fought back, her hands eagerly pushing for more skin, more space, more of me.
The music changed suddenly, becoming more subdued and temperate. Taking a step back from one another, she raised an eyebrow coyly towards me.
"I want you to stay right where you are," she whispered roughly against my ear. "And not move for the next two minutes. Can you do that for me?" Her voice was laced with desire, lust and such a raw hunger that it took everything left of my willpower to stay rooted to the spot.
"I'll miss you," I called after her as she sashayed out of the room, her brown hair flying after her.
It was barely a minute later before a woman to my right attached herself to my arm, but I shook her off fairly easily. I didn't want her; I just wanted Bella. The music continued to pound loudly throughout the room, bodies tangled together in the heat, and drinks still scattered across the windowsill. Maybe I should have sat down. The more I started to think about it, the more confused my thoughts became – and it was only then, did I realise that I'd had far too much more than I should have had to drink.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a mass of brown curls running towards me, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I opened my arms wide. Bella fell into my embrace, her hand tightening against my own.
She smelt different – was my first instinctive thought.
"I need to sit down," I tried to say to her, but the words only came out as a mumble. Either she couldn't hear me, or she couldn't understand what I said, because without another thought she pulled me up the stairs.
I tripped constantly, my mind whirring in confusion when she didn't stop, her grip constantly tugging against mine. Was she impatient for something? The door of the bedroom shut behind us, and in the darkness of the room she'd led me into, I could see that everything we'd left on the dance floor was back in her eyes.
"We promised," I whispered hoarsely, my fingers instinctively darting out to her waist. She only shook her head and pushed me towards the bed.
Her clothes shed in an instant.
"Not now..." I tried to argue with her. We'd promised that we'd save one another for marriage – and that we would wait before we finally lay together. But suddenly, she wanted to lose everything in one drunken night?
"Please," was her only reply, and from past experience, I was a fool to try and deny her anything.
My own clothes disappeared beneath me before I could blink.
It lasted barely five minutes, and before I knew it, she was lying beside me, her eyes hooded with contentment, her naked chest rising and falling in time with mine. Right then, I could have bet my heart that the girl next to me was Bella. But as a muffled sob came from the doorway, the blood froze inside me. I knew that voice. Hell, I loved that voice.
And it was in pain.
Looking up through hazy, confused eyes, I saw her standing opposite me, her mouth open, her eyes wide and glossed with tears as she looked at the scene before her.
Fuck didn't cover it.
I sat down against the edge of the chair, my movements hesitant and slow. As I pushed my bag under my seat, I heard her breath catch in the back of her throat, and instinctively, my eyes flashed towards hers. I had expected her to ignore me.
The day after the party, I'd tried desperately to call her, leaving messages on her answer phone, and countless text messages on her mobile. When she'd finally picked up, her voice was full of the venom, bitterness and hatred that I deserved. The desperation in my own voice wasn't hard to find, and I'd broke down on the end of the line, pleading and begging for her to take me back.
"I didn't know you wore glasses," she said quietly, my heartbeat flying inside my chest at the sound of her voice. My fingers gripped the edge of the table, forcing myself to keep my hands in place – when all I wanted to do was wrap them tightly around her back and hold her in my arms.
"I only wear them when I need to hide behind something," I whispered in reply; nothing but honestly in my words. After, the shame had been too great for me to try and escape from it. Eating had become a necessity – and I hadn't played the piano since it had happened. I'd tried, but the whole in my chest burned like a candle was held against it.
"Bella, I'm so-" I started, my voice trembling and weak but she cut me off before I could finish. I needed to tell her that if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have even touched the beer Tyler had given me. I wouldn't have been deceived into believing she was someone else.
"I can't do it." She admitted softly, her brown eyes filled with an anguish that went beyond what I could imagine. "I just..." she turned to me, her chest heaving as she tried to breath. "I can't say goodbye to you Edward."
For the first time in a month, I felt hope. "What are you saying?"
"I don't trust you," she said slowly, and although the words increased my guilt tenfold, they were nothing but the truth. "But that doesn't mean I won't ever trust you again. I want to try... and give, whatever we had another chance."
"You want me back?"
The gesture was full of uncertainty, and indecision, but cautiously, she nodded. "I thought that I could move on, if I knew you were happy with someone else. But Alice said you were far from that." Her gaze travelled once more over my appearance. "Since when did you start buttoning up your shirt to your neck?"
I looked down at the desk, feeling the blood rushing towards my cheeks in embarrassment. A lot had changed about me since a month ago – not only how I looked at reality differently, but how I looked at myself.
When she wasn't at school, I didn't see a reason to try.
"You want me back?" I repeated my first question, trying to ignore her comment about my new appearance. Did she think of me any less for it?
"Only if you want me back too."
I couldn't help but let the sly, amused grin slip out onto my face. "That is one of the most absurd comments I've heard in my life."
Just as tentatively as she had done, I reached across the desk and linked my hand with hers. "I missed you."
AN - The song was about a guy that cheated on his girlfriend, and how despite the pain he'd caused her, his girlfriend couldn't bring herself to let him go. If you haven't heard the song before, don't do anything else until you do. It's beautiful :P
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