Eh... Long time no see guys? *looks at dismal mass* Sorry for the long wait, really sorry. The exams are slowly coming to an end, so I can breathe easier now. I'm planning on catching up some to DC over the summer, since I've got out of date with it. Dunno how frequent my updates will be, and 'Raven' is currently on hold, and I have to write a summer project fic, so... yeah. Thanks for your understanding, if you have it ^^; And thanks for all the reviews I got in my absence, you guys ROCK!
Just a reminder: I'm not continuing or expanding on any of the oneshots/drabbles I have here, I made that mistake with Raven and am still waiting for inspiration to strike me again. But anyone else can do so if they want, just ask me for permission first ^^
Onto the story! It's humor, so you'll prolly enjoy it. Beware of my idea of humor! xD
Summary: Let's change just one bit, okay? Nothing serious, but let's liven up the beginning, hm? Here goes: Shinichi woke up in the morgue.
Title: The Morgue
Warnings: me and my crazy ideas
Shiho Miyano scratched at the billboard in her hand, occasionally glancing up at the dead lab rats in the small cages lining the wall. She also glanced at the heart monitors connected to each and every one of them, taking in the fine flat line. The number of the machines could be considered overrated, but then again, the financial support the organization gave this branch was so plentiful she just couldn't have resisted buying them all.
Damn her shopping obsession.
"Dead, dead, dead. Dead. Oh look- no, it's dead too." She sighed, glaring at the small creatures. They'd been dead for the last few hours, so they remained unaffected by it. 'Can't just one surprise me with… I don't know, a growth spurt or something?'
Yeah right, as if. But no, this was the poison department and everything living here given a sample had to die. She glared at the rats again. She wished she'd gotten faster to the application board for 'Unusual and Definitely Not Normal Research Project', but NO, that Vermouth had to set her up again and take the last place. For all the scientist knew, the older woman could already have some sort of eternal-youth pill or shiny-hair-like-Gin's serum in her system, while she was left with dead rodents.
Hah, like that would happen. She hoped the bitch died.
The heart monitor of the rat she was glaring at beeped suddenly. She growled and hit the machine with her billboard.
"Damn you! Why do you ALWAYS do that! Damn malfunctioning machines!"
Then steam started rising from the small dead rat. Shiho turned around, glaring at the nearest nameless lab coat and freezing him in place. "You! Dispose of these, they're starting to get grilled again!" She stomped away, muttering about stupid machines and buying a new batch.
The guy left behind sighed depressingly and pressed a button that opened the floor in each cage to let the bodies fall in a disposal hole leading to who knows where. He ignored the sounds of newborn rats that echoed out of it, instead closing the hole with a grimace. They had had a rat infestation problem ever since this project started, and no extinguisher ever managed to get the job done.
The organization wasn't happy about that, as you could imagine, and the number of extinguishing businesses in town abruptly diminished. And still it remained a mystery where they came from.
Oh well, not like it was their problem, their rats were definitely dead at the end of the day.
He eyed the soon-to-be disposed heart monitors with pity. This was the third batch already.
Shinichi woke up in the morgue.
Well, at first he didn't know it was the morgue, but it became pretty clear when the bright lights stopped burning his eyes. After all, he was lying on some kind of a stretcher, the stretcher was halfway placed in one of a many giant drawers that would definitely be large enough to contain a body, and there were some razor sharp scalpels next to this particular stretcher that he would have definitely done without noticing.
Reflexively, he gripped around his middle, relieved to find there were no stitches or opened parts felt. He relaxed momentarily, then tensed in alarm again.
It was one thing to wake up in the morgue, but another entirely to wake up in the morgue with only a thin sheet covering your naked body. The former was disturbing, the later was just wrong. He had to get out of here.
Ignoring the fact that he was prancing around naked in a morgue, he went in search of his clothes. Luckily, he found them in a plastic bag on a nearby desk. He didn't have time to wonder about that, just put them on in a hurry. Or, he tried to put them on, but they seemed some ten sizes too big for him.
'Okay, something is REALLY wrong here,' the boy thought. It also didn't escape his notice that the stretcher and desk were really high and that maybe he was the one ten sizes too small. But there was no time to take in this unimportant information when a voice shouted from just around the corner.
"Well yes, but you didn't tell me that the body was STILL burning when you put it in there! What- listen to me, just because I'm the night shift doesn't mean you can-"
Uh oh, the guy was coming his way! Shinichi scrambled for the conveniently placed back exit in his overgrown clothes, cursing as he stumbled. He could make it out just in time…
There was a mirror on the way. He didn't make it out in time.
"YES, I couldn't even see the face- No, I'm not a moron, you idiotic- what! Well then you too! Hey, don't hang up- DAMMIT!"
And the man rounded the corner, cursing under his breath and stopping abruptly at the sight of a seven-year-old kid who seemed to have tripped over the overgrown clothes he was wearing, which also definitely weren't his own. The boy turned his wide eyes away from the mirror and gaped at him.
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" he shouted in alarm.
The boy gulped, his look shooting to the wall with the drawers and bodies. The man followed his gaze, taking a moment to realize the stretcher with the burning body was empty. He turned back around, ready to grill the boy for answers, but abruptly became aware that he was the only one there.
Well, the only one alive at least.
Loud curses followed the boy all the way out of the building.
"And there was a seven-year-old there when you came back?"
"YES, I told you that already!"
"And the body was gone too, without any indication as to how?"
"Yes, yes, now will you do something or what?"
"What does it look like?"
"The body, what does it look like? It will help us in the search."
The man blinked. "What, there are more dead bodies lying around?"
(A/N: Duh, of course they know Kudo mansion is nearby!)
"Just answer the question, sir."
"Ah… Well, I didn't see it, I left before I got a look, and I didn't categorize it."
"Well, it was burning-"
"Yes, burning, steam and all, so I couldn't see the face."
The policemen shared a look.
"Do you know why it was burning?"
"No, I don't know, so I called the men that brought it here for an explanation-"
The policemen shared another look, this one more meaningful.
"Alright sir, maybe it's best we discuss it at the station."
"What? Well alright, but what about the boy that took the body?"
The other policeman spoke for the first time. "I'm sure we'll find him, he won't be that hard to track if he's dragging a body around. You know kids these days."
The man nodded confused. "Oh, alright then."
A moment of silence ensued as they walked toward the exit.
Then a spark of recognition lit in the man's eyes. He rounded on the two policemen in fury.
"Wait a moment, I know that voice! You're the bastard that hung up on me!"
The man had to be restrained before he was brought in. He tried suing the men. It didn't work. Then to escape charges for assault on a policeman, he claimed temporal insanity. The policemen were only happy to second him, also filling in about the reason they were called to the morgue at all.
It was not a good day for the man.
Kudo Yukiko hummed happily as she picked up the phone. "Moshi moshi?"
Kudo Yuusaku turned another page on his newspaper. He sipped his coffee and sank deeper in the soft armchair he sat in. There was the sound of his wife chirpily answering the phone in the background, and all was well in the world. He loved fancy hotel rooms.
"The man on the phone says our son was found dead in a park!"
She appeared distraught. Yuusaku's hummed as he turned another page, not even looking up. "Well, did you ask if they confirmed his death?"
His wife blinked, then smiled sheepishly at her forgetfulness. She went back to the conversation, her head popping out of the doorway a moment later. "They said he was quite dead when they checked up on him at the murder scene."
"Well, do they have an autopsy report yet?" Yuusaku was quite sure Megure-keibu would know he had their permission for one, even if Shinichi died by choking on a grapefruit. Hmm, that would make a good plot for his new book, actually…
Sounds of conversation drifted over him as he took another sip of his coffee. "…well yes, you said that… oh come on, don't be ridiculous… no, but have you never read crime stories before? There are hundreds of ways… just be a dear and look it up…"
The sound of a phone being put back in the cradle finally made him look up. Yukiko came in with her own cup of coffee and sat on the couch, hastily turning the television on. She had already missed the beginning of the movie she wanted to see. And it was a premiere too!
"Well?" he asked.
"What? Oh, the phone call! No, the body disappeared from the morgue. The man was quite baffled, some even think it fell out on the way there."
"On the way to the morgue?"
A moment of silence, except for the movie sounds. Another turn of the newspaper page.
"Yuu-chan, do you think we should go back home to check up on him?"
"Check up on whom?"
"Shin-chan, dear. Who knows what trouble he got up to by now."
Yuusaku mulled over the suggestion. It would be nice to see their son and the whole police department again (they were all almost like a giant family of distant cousins by now), but the deadline for his next book was coming up soon and his editors already knew he had a hideout there. He slowly shook his head. "No, I don't think there's any rush, we can wait a bit longer. But you can call Agasa-hakase to check up on him, if you want."
"Okay, will do! Just let me watch the movie to the end."
Life at the Kudo's continued on its way.
The small boy panted heavily as he glared at the device on the entrance gate to his house.
"Yes, I am!
"No, you're not!"
"Hakase, when I say I am Shinichi, then I am-"
Shinichi panted some more, wishing he could punch the professor in the face, or at least the device blocking his way. But he was too short to reach it. The speaker appeared to smoke from his glare.
"Alright, alright, have it your way then. I'll just go bring Ran, who WILL believe me, and then I'll laugh as she shows you her right hook! Perhaps THEN, when you're lying in the hospital with a broken arm with me laughing over you, THEN you will believe me!"
The speaker fell silent for a moment.
"…Now, little boy, let's not rush things, Ran-kun can be quite vicious when she- hey, how do you even know her? Are you a stalker or something?"
"Yes, you're Shinichi-kun. But, if you are him, you would have known the gate password, wouldn't you? And I might've believed you before, but even Shinichi-kun wouldn't threaten me with Ran. He's not that cruel. That doesn't help your case, you know."
Shinichi growled. The sound was almost primal. "Hakase, you'll find that one's patience isn't quite the same when they had just woken up and escaped from a morgue, only to run five blocks in overgrown clothes, chased by dogs, and show up at their own home AND THEN be denied access!"
And he couldn't reach high enough to type in the password, but damned if the professor knew that.
"Well, that's a funny story you have there- oh wait, I have a phone call, hang on a moment."
Meanwhile, on the other side of the line, inside the house, Professor Agasa blinked during a phone call. And blinked again.
"Could you please repeat that, Yukiko-san?"
"But he wasn't dead? He disappeared from the morgue?" Some more talking. "Well, that baffles me too, there are plenty of crime stories..." More chirpy talking. "Yes, I suppose he should be returning by now, I'll be on the lookout… Yes, goodbye, thanks for informing me."
He ended the call, still staring at the receiver in astonishment.
"Huh, from the morgue."
What doesn't that boy get into these days. This particular adventure has got to trump all the others, however. He was fairly sure nothing could surprise him anymore.
Abruptly, he remembered the boy he had been arguing with for the last hour. He looked out of the window again, catching sight of a small Shinichi-look-alike gripping the gates with both hands, head stuck between the bars and eyes glaring at him as he positively frothed at the mouth.
'…woken up and escaped from a morgue…"
And the rest is canon, or something like that xD
Just to clear things up, the one thing that changes everything is that the APTX 4869 doesn't just shrink you ten years and burns off the body mass like in canon, but it also leaves you in a temporarily dead state with a VERY slow heartbeat before the change sets in. btw, I claim temporal insanity too when I was writing this. The credit for that idea goes to RoxyConanKun, whose suggestion I've had saved up since three months ago. Finally it had its use :D
EDIT: FFN just loves eating my line breaks, sadly it took me some time to realize. Also, I reread this a year after writing it. Laughed my head off. Sometimes I surprise myself XD