AN: For xAutumnTwilightx's Puckleberry Request, for an Epic One Shot based on John Mayer's song Edge of Desire. So here it is! Its Not Beta'd BTW, just cos its a quick little thing I put together.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or John Mayer (who would want to? gross) or Edge of Desire.
Edge of Desire
Young and full of running
Tell me where's that taking me?
Just a great figure 8 or a tiny infinity
Puck considered leaving town.
After the baby daddy drama came out and Quinn told him that she still wanted nothing to do with him, he figured he didn't have anything to stay for. He wanted to be a dad to his daughter so badly, but he would never get the chance, and even though he would never admit it, that knowledge was killing him. Puck knew he could be a good father, he knew it. Puck shrugged the thoughts from his head and swung his duffel bag into the bed of his truck. His mother was at work, his sister was at the babysitters, there was no one to stop him leaving.
No one except the tiny brunette standing at the edge of his driveway, standing there staring at him. Puck cursed the fact that Rachel Berry lived down the street from him, she had such a big mouth she would blab to everyone before he even left town. Puck chose to ignore her as he hopped into his truck though he left his door wide open, he couldn't say why, he just did, knowing that she would come to talk to him. Rachel walked briskly to the drivers side of his car and looked up at him.
"Going somewhere Noah?" she asked him curiously, but she already knew the answer. She had been watching him for a good ten minutes as he packed up his few belongings and threw them into the bed of his truck. Puck didn't bother to correct her incorrect use of his name, and he didn't bother to hide his intentions. He had nothing to hide from her now.
"Leaving town," he said coolly and Rachel continued to stare up at him not saying anything. Puck had expected a protest at least, or a long winded speech about how he was a coward, but Rachel remained silent. Puck couldn't help but ask, "Aren't you going to try and stop me?"
"Will anything I say change your mind?" Rachel countered his question with another and Puck looked at the steering wheel. She was right, nothing she said would change his mind; he had just sort of been hoping that someone would try and stop him.
"I want to be there for Quinn and the baby, but she won't let me, she doesn't want me, she never wanted me," Puck didn't look at Rachel as he spoke, he just explained his reasons. For some reason he had to tell someone why he was leaving, maybe so that someone would remember him.
"So your solution to a difficult problem is running away?" Rachel asked him incredulously, and when Puck just shrugged, her posed another question, "Where will running away take you?"
"Away from here, anywhere will be better than here," Puck muttered desperately and Rachel reached up hesitantly and placed a hand on his forearm. Puck shuddered under her touch and by the concern in her chocolate eyes.
"Noah, you know leaving is the wrong choice," Rachel was the voice of his conscience, which had been trying to tell him exactly this from the start.
"What am I supposed to do? She won't change her mind," Puck whispered brokenly and Rachel squeezed his arm so that he looked down at her.
"You never struck me as the kind of person who gives up easily," she told him bluntly, and then came the speech he was waiting for, the speech that could possibly change his mind, "Running away won't give you the answer or clarity you are looking for. You don't need to run away. You're stronger than that."
It didn't change his mind. He would never say it out loud but one of the other reasons he wanted to leave was that he had no one. No one who cared, no one who would miss him apart from his mother and his sister. Rachel chewed on her lower lip before looking up at him, her brown eyes shining with sincerity.
"My offer to be your friend still stands Noah," Rachel said quietly and that was what changed his mind.
That moment there. Rachel Berry offering to be his friend even though he had been horrible to her for most of the year, and had gotten his best friend's girlfriend pregnant and kept it a secret. Rachel's grip on his hand tightened as she pulled on him lightly and Puck allowed her to pull him from the car. On a whim she wrapped her arms around his waist and Puck slowly slid his arms around her and buried his face in her hair.
"Thanks Berry," he said gruffly and Rachel pulled back from him slightly.
"You'll stay?" she asked hopefully and Puck nodded.
Rachel went on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.
"You should check your letterbox, I saw Quinn walk by earlier this morning," Rachel informed him and Puck released her to jog over to the letter box. Opening it up he saw an envelope with his name on it, inside were ultrasound images of his daughter. They brought tears to his eyes, and he didn't care who saw. Rachel came to stand beside him and slipped her hand into his.
"She's beautiful," Rachel whispered softly and Puck wrapped his arms around her and cried into her shoulder. Rachel held him tenderly.
Puck considered leaving town, but it was Rachel Berry who convinced him to stay.
Love is really nothing
But a dream that keeps waking me
For all of my trying
You still end up dying
How can it be?
Puck could tell you the exact moment that he knew he was in love with Rachel Berry. He may have started falling in love with her the more time that they spent together ever since she stopped him from leaving town. things at school had not gotten better for Puck or Quinn. Finn refused to speak to either of them, and seemed depressed most of the time, lost in his own thoughts. After a month Rachel had given up hope that Finn was going to want to be with her and had focused all her energies on Puck.
Puck liked being the centre of Rachel's attention. She made him feel better about himself, she made him believe he could be better than he was. Things between him and Quinn also got better as Quinn started to see the change in him. She wasn't interested in him romantically though, Quinn was still in love with Finn, but Quinn updated him on his daughter and had arranged for an open adoption so that they could see her grow. Puck felt that the world was good again, he was getting along with Quinn and he had Rachel all to himself. Then it happened.
Finn finally decided, after three months, he was done mourning the end of his relationship with Quinn and his friendship with Puck. Finn had decided that he wanted Rachel, that he was ready to be with her. Puck was waiting by Rachel's locker with a slushie, as he did ever morning but this particular morning Rachel was walking towards him with Finn in tow and he could hear their conversation.
"Rachel, did you want to go on a date tonight?" Finn asked her, his eyes shining as he looked down at her with adoration.
Rachel was blushing under his gaze but at the mention of tonight Rachel stopped smiling knowing that when she replied Finn may not be still smiling at her. Rachel had remained friends with Puck and Quinn despite their lies and even though Finn knew that, he didn't really like it.
Puck felt cold on hearing Finn's invitation. He and Rachel had a study date planned for tonight but Puck knew she would blow him off to be with Finn, her dream guy.
"I'm helping Noah with his homework tonight," Rachel said quietly and Puck felt his heart warm again, happy that he meant something to her, happy that she turned down Finn for him.
Finn frowned hearing his former best friends name and then Finn glanced up and saw Puck standing at Rachel's locker with a slushie for her. Finn's eyes narrowed at him before Finn turned back to Rachel who hadn't noticed Puck at her locker.
"Tomorrow night then?" Finn persisted smiling winningly and Rachel nodded.
"Okay," Rachel agreed blushing and just like that, Puck felt cold again.
He felt like he was dying on the inside. He briefly wondered what this feeling was, and why his chest hurt so much. Only then does he realise what had happened without him even noticing. He had fallen in love with Rachel Berry and she would never want him, just like Quinn. Puck turned away and tossed the slushie into the nearest trashcan.
That night when Rachel came over to help him study he tells her he doesn't need to be her charity case anymore and slams his front door in her astounded face. He ignores her texts and calls, and comes to school late so that he doesn't have to see her. She tries to corner him in the halls but he brushes by her as if she doesn't exist. She can't exist to him, it hurts too much.
When Puck sees Rachel on Finn's arm laughing as he tells her a joke the morning after their date Puck tells himself he doesn't care. Love doesn't meant anything anyway, love means nothing if that person doesn't love you back.
Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me
His mother lets her into his room one night. About thirteen days after Rachel's date with Finn; not that Puck is counting. Puck is lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling but as soon as he smells the familiar perfume he turns his head and his eyes find hers. Just the sight of her made him want to set fire to everything in sight, as long as he could have her. She is wearing her short skirt and a sweater, and Puck thinks she looked adorable. Rachel took a sit on the foot of his bed and Puck sat up, his eyes not leaving hers. His mother closes the bedroom door sensing that they needed privacy. The two teens stared at each other in silence.
"I miss you," Rachel finally spoke breaking the silence, and Puck looked down at his sheets before he raised his hazel eyes to hers again intensely.
"Don't date Finn," Puck begged her and Rachel didn't look surprised at his request. Instead she shifted a little closer to him.
"Why not?" she whispered and Puck figured it was now or never.
If he didn't stand up and tell her everything he felt for her he was going to loose her to Finn and Puck needed her, he needed Rachel. Puck leaned towards her and took her hands in his, licking his lips nervously.
"I want you, I want you so badly," Puck blurted out and mentally slapped himself. That was the best he could do?
I want you so badly? Great Puckerman, I can't believe she isn't falling into your arms right now, Puck sneered at himself.
"Noah," Rachel said his name so softly and Puck thought he was losing her. Especially because her eyes left his face for a split second.
"You go out with Finn and you'll forget about me, I'm scared that you'll forget about me; there I said it," it was like he had verbal diarrhea, he couldn't stop himself from saying all these stupid things. He had never opened himself up this way, he had never laid everything on the line and let himself be vulnerable but he was doing it for her. Couldn't she see how much she mean to him? Rachel sighed deeply and dropped her eyes to his sheets. Puck felt himself freeze. She was going to reject him.
"Noah..." Rachel tried to speak again but Puck jumped to his feet startling her into silence.
"Don't say anything, I know what your going to say," Puck grunted at her, turning to the window so that he didn't have to look at her and Rachel sighed again this time in annoyance.
"No you don't, that's why you have to let me say it," Rachel scolded him firmly and Puck felt her hand tug on his and he turned to face her, "Finn and I decided to just be friends. I don't feel the same way about him anymore."
Her eyes said the rest.
I want you too.
Puck sat back down on his bed tugging her down with him.
"Come here, lie with me," he bade her as he lay on his side and Rachel curled up onto the bed beside him. Puck wrapped his arms around her protectively and buried his face in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent and the floral perfume she always wore as he muttered, "I thought I'd lost you."
So young and full of running, all the way to the edge of desire
Steady my breathing, silently screaming,
"I have to have you now"
Wired and I'm tired
Think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor
Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours
The day his daughter, Isabella, is born is the happiest and saddest day of his life. Puck holds her for no longer than five minutes before her adoptive parents come to claim her. In those five minutes Puck has never been so proud, and he loves this baby girl with all his heart, even though she has only been in existence for less than a day. When he hands her over to her new parents, a young couple who desperately wanted a baby, Puck feels his heart breaking on the inside. He watches them walk through the hospital doors carrying his daughter and he knows he is crying. Quinn too is sobbing and Puck can feel arms around his waist that he knows belongs to Rachel. He barely remembers making it home, but he can smell Rachel's perfume and it comforts him. She eases him gently onto his bed and stays with him until he falls asleep.
When he wakes in the middle of the night Rachel is gone; her father's don't allow her to stay the night, especially not after they discovered that Puck had gotten Quinn Fabray pregnant. They were friendly to him though, believing everyone deserved second and third chances and Puck found where Rachel received her endless grace from. Puck gets to his feet and shuffles to the bathroom, catching sight of himself in the mirror. He's only seventeen but he looks much older, wearier. He knows the world sucks. He thinks of his daughter and his breathing becomes ragged. He wants to scream but he can't. Instead he lies down on the cold bathroom tiles and just thinks. He imagines what his daughter will look like when she is older, he dreams of watching her play in the playground, of her first steps, her first smile, her first word, her first ballet recital; he dreams of all the things he will miss as he lay frozen on the bathroom floor.
That is where Rachel finds him. She wants so badly to help him, doesn't know what to do to ease his pain. Rachel lies down on the cold floor curling her small body around his and Puck starts silently crying again. Gone is the overly confident teenage boy, there is only a man, weighed down by the world, mourning the loss of his daughter. Rachel starts to hum a quiet tune as she strokes his head and feathers kisses on the back of his head. Neither are sure how long they lay there for, but Puck's tears have run dry and his body has sobbed wracking with silent sobs.
"Everyone leaves," Puck whispers brokenly, breaking the silence, and his saddened tone near breaks her heart. She knows he is thinking of his father, and Finn who still refuses to speak to him, and now his little girl.
"You have me Noah, I'm not leaving you," she promises him and Puck knows that she means it. She is the only person he knows who makes promises that she intends to keep.
"I don't deserve you, but I'm glad that I have you," Puck tells her gruffly once he has gotten a hold of himself and Rachel just snuggles into his back, tightening her arms around him possessively. Her legs are entwined with his and her breath is warm on his neck. Rachel wants to protect him from the world, and Puck doesn't know how he ended up with such a wonderful girlfriend, but he does know that he never wants to loose her.
"I love you," Puck says to her while staring at the white porcelain toilet and Rachel smiles into his back.
"I love you too."
Things aren't perfect; not right now, but they are still young and they have a long way to go, and they have each other. Sometimes that's all that matters.
AN: It's not great but oh well LOL. I wrote it while at work. It's sort of really sad actually now that I reread it.
Hope you enjoy this xAutumnTwilightx!