I didn't know how I got here. Honestly how and why did this all have to happen to me? As if I hadn't been through enough already; he had to go and do this behind my back? Why couldn't he have just told me and been a man about it instead of sneaking around... I just didn't understand. It hurt more now than ever, I guess because I am a vamprie and I can feel it much deeper, it was so much more raw and... and it hurt. I wasn't really worried about myself; I wasn't going to go suicidal or anything; I wouldn't let Edward have that much power over me. I was worried about Emmett though. He and Rosalie had been together the longest and then she had to go and do this. I wasn't ever particularly fond of her and now I know why. Rose once mentioned that Edward was meant for her, but said that she was over it since he did not show any interest. I wish now, that they had just gotten together then...
But then as I think of it that way, I can't really wish that. If I wished that, then I wouldn't have met the other Cullens to whom I hold so dear. I love Emmett... I love Jasper and I do love Alice, too, even if she's hurt Jasper and though I don't know the whole story, somehow I know that she has whether it was intentional or not. Why can't these fucking vampires just grow a set and man up so to speak? I don't understand why they have to be so hurtful. Don't they understand keeping the secret in only hurts people more in the end? I hate Edward. I hate him so much and after I married him! I hate him so much that it hurts but more than that, it makes me angry... why am I letting him have this power over me? It shouldn't be like this, damn it. I am stronger than that... aren't I?
Esme and Carlise keep checking in on me but I can barely even move to answer them. I feel so weak, and I can't understand why I can't make myself talk. They keep offering me blood of many sorts, from bears, deer, anything to attempt to get me to eat. The one thing that hurt me the most is the fact that I crave human blood and that scares me the most. He made me this way and I am glad I am here now or who knows what I would be off doing. I hate Edward... I hate Rosalie. Hate.
Emmett and I got on a plane and were at Isle Esme before long. Once we got there, we took a car and drove to where the three of them were. We rode in silence. I felt Emmett's longing for Bella as well and how much he cared for her. He and I were in the same boat, then, hell, all three of us were. At least Alice and Jacob couldn't truly help it, as much as it sickened me and pains me, they couldn't help it in the end because imprinting isn't something you can control. After all, look at that other Mutt and how he imprinted on someone despite the fact he was with and in love with someone else. It doesn't mean I am not beyond hurt, but right now I am mostly hurt for Bella. Bella and Emmett.
We arrived there and we hurried inside. Once inside, we slowed down and Carlise and Esme came over and we all talked quietly. Em and I explained, mostly myself, since I knew more. Esme was basically sobbing by then, in disbelief of what her children could be doing and how they could be so hateful and so... hurtful to each other. Esme shook her head and she swooped in to tell Bella that we were here now. Carlise looked at us both, he too looked very worn and upset at what had been going on.
"You two stay with Bella. Esme and I are going to go home, and attempt ot straighten this all out. I do not expect you three to want to stay there anymore and you know we've got plenty of houses all about the country and then some, and you three have endless money, as well, in the bank. Feel free to access it anytime you wish to. But please, whatever you do, do not ever become strangers to Esme and I. I don't think Esme can handle much more than that." Carlise said, sighing softly.
Emmett and I nodded, giving Carlise a hug and when Esme came back out, gave her a hug too and before long, Carlise and Esme were off. Once Em and I knew they were gone, we quietly started to make our way into the living room area. Emmett taking the lead, because I could feel Bella's emotions radiating like crazy and they were all over the place. It was almost too much for me to handle, my own emotions, plus Em's and now Bella's... normally I could but right now it was all over the place. So much pain, but more importantly anger too, and what was that? Hunger... a desire for something... and I think I knew what it was. It is something that happens when you attempt to turn off all human emotions, something I was accustomed to once upon a time... human blood...
I didn't know what to do. I went right to Bella, knowing she wanted to see me and when I was in there, she looked nothing like what she normally does. She was beautiful, but she looked more broke than the time Edward left her. It was that bad. I felt Jasper behind me but I understood him wanting to wait, he was feeling everything and even if we were trying to hide our emotions, he felt them all and felt that kinda want to hide them. "Bella. We're here, now." I said as I sat down next to her.
Bella looked over toward me and without warning, threw her arms around me which made me a bit shocked but I held onto her and hugged her. "We're all hurting, Bells. But I promise it will be okay. They are bastards for doing it, each and everyone of them. But don't let anyone do this to you, alright? You can't let him change you." I tried to soothe her.
"No... no... he promised he wouldn't DO it again. I GAVE UP EVERYTHING FOR THAT SON OF A BITCH AND HE DOES THIS TO ME AGAIN!" Bella's voice was so cold...
Jasper was quiet as he stood in the doorway. "Bella, I know what you are feeling. You've got a great amount of blood lust right now and that is not what you want. I have told you my story, you heard every detail. You do NOT want that at all, so don't. DONT give into it, don't... we are here for each other and we will help you. Promise us. Do it, for Esme, Bella."
Bella froze when Jasper said that so I knew he was speaking the truth. Bella was struggling and struggling so much. "I promise I will do everything I can not to, as long as you two promise me you won't leave me and you won't hurt me. Can you both promise me that? I can't go on alone.. I don't want to be alone. Please..."
I was shocked by it but even more shocked as I said, "Of course, Bells. I'm not going anywhere, ever, I promise you." Jasper walked over and sat on the other side of her. "I promise, too. Forever." Jasper hugged her as I did as well, keeping her in between us as she shook with sobs.