Disclaimer: Would love to own Seto Kaiba, and this amazing song, but legally he doesn't belong to me :( and this insanely angst song titled the same as my story is courtesy our fav crack head Amy Winehouse :D
A/N: Hola fellow fanfictioners! I know I've mentioned I'm in a stressful mood these days as it's finals and boy are the papers evil! And would you believe this story came to my head mere hours before my exam last Wednesday? Yes I have a bunch of other fics to update, but when the inspiration for something like this comes to your head you just gotta go with it, so pardon my late updates but do enjoy this lil one shot song fic as my consolation prize ^_^ Note that there's some heated stuff going on, and some language slipped in so consider it PG-13. And don't forget to review please, if just to let me know I still got it as a writer!
Wake up Alone
It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
College life as stressful as it was, proved to be a breath of fresh air the minute I strolled down the halls to my next gruelling Literature lecture. Not my favourite thing to do, but it was an escape from the hell that was sure to claim my heart once again tonight. Immersing in hoards of extra reading for my upcoming oral presentation was the oasis my battered soul bathed in, lavishing in every drop of Shakespearian mirth like a cool drink of water on a scorching summer's day. These days I've been living for school and the chaotic distraction it brings to my life, loving the hustle and swearing of my fellow comrades when midterm results pour in, and anxiously awaiting for my schedule to book itself for another late night group study session in the library!
Yet here I was, now a senior year honor roll student, slouched on the floor of a study hall room, doodling pitiful depictions of the one loathsome creature that has been consuming my very thoughts each day. A creature that brings just as much devastation as it does passion. I want to hate him, and the fresh scratches and tears on my notepad will testify to it, but the sink that he brings to my heart after won't let me get rid of him that easily.
What about this man that draws him into my bed each night, I can't say. He's an excellent lover? Sure, why the hell not. But considering my good fortune with men in the past, having two handsome suitors at once and being so bold as to reject them both, I'd say I'm a catch enough to find someone on my own, someone of equal or better calibre yet. What about money? He's got shitloads of it and I spend not a dime. I'm an independent woman, an aspect of myself I'm sure that lures him into my work place more often than he'd like.
Right before he lures me back to my apartment for another rendezvous session.
Never at his place, no. Must keep our affairs as discrete as they began.
So why do I stay with nothing to gain from it? The romance of being swept off my feet each night after work and into the arms of Domino's most eligible bachelor I assume? Yeah maybe a part of me really does enjoy the sex more than I'd like to admit, but to be such a masochist to one's self in this manner is bordering suicide of the heart. No matter how I dispute and berate the issue in my head, the daily events play on as if mocking my attempts to end the relationship, or whatever you'd like to deem what we have. I'd like to think I'm the only one, but who's to say during office hours he isn't banging the secretary before he comes home to me at night. So many qualms, yet I pathetically welcome him each day into my arms and more. Why?
Because I'm in love with the bastard.
With nothing more to ground me to the school, I pick my lowly self from the floor and make my way home. I silently pray my roommate has left for her boyfriend's pad again leaving me to tend to her messes, if just to keep my mind busy and off the topic of the asshole of the year. But I know the peace will last but so long before I must make haste to my part-time job at a private cocktail bar just south of downtown. Funny that a quiet gal like me would end up as a bartender, but life's full of surprises like that, him being the biggest of them all.
I stay up clean the house
At least I'm not drinking
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets
"Hey Seren, looks like your 'regular' has just arrived," Kimiko hissed in my ear as she continued to clean the martini glass in hand, watching with crafty eyes as the beacon of wealth and power strolled in like he owned the place and made his way to his usual stool three seats away from my post.
"He's not 'my regular' Kimi, I just happen to serve the guy a couple times." I brushed off the issue tending to the bar's cougar of the week busily batting fake lashes ever more seductively as her young catch for the night buys her another cosmopolitan. From the corner of my eye I see him watch the scene before me with disgust, signalling to another co-worker of mine for a round of scotch on the rocks as if to rid the bile threatening to surface.
"Guess you won't mind if I put the moves on him then?" and before I could give a response, the vixen had already made her way across, two shot glasses in hand undoubtedly intending to use it as an excuse to show him how she can 'suck a lime'. His reaction concerned me, but I showed no signs proceeding with my work as normal on the surface. I looked away and busied myself with washing wares, intent on making them as crystalline as possible when a glass was slammed into the sink before me, causing suds and water to splash all over my pristine uniform.
Looking up I see the source of destruction, and the anger I had built up for whoever dared sully my clothes quickly dissipated as I begun fighting a laugh creeping its way onto my face.
"I'm going to prove you two are fucking if it's the last thing I do." The venom that oozed from her lips burned the tips of my ears as she stood strong, eager to hear my reply to her threat. But her distorted pout at being rejected couldn't help but lighten the dark mood she brought.
"Proving it won't change the fact that if and when it does happen, it's after I clock out. You however have had more than your fair share of 'regulars' during your shift so be careful which tree you bark up. Wouldn't want a misdemeanour report now would we?"
"You wouldn't dare!"
"No I may not, but I don't think the busboy approved of your discretions with him and that musician in the same night. I didn't realise overtime paid that good."
I didn't know I had that sort of sass in me, and clearly she didn't expect such a counter herself. In no time she stormed off to the back room probably to vent off her frustration to whoever would pay her mind before tending to customers. Guess spending time with the man of intimidation himself pays off.
"Guess she won't be bothering us again," was the smooth comment passed my way. I couldn't help but blush watching azure eyes and a seductive smile greet me for the first time tonight.
"Don't go starting trouble now. Besides, what ever happened to keeping things casual during working hours?"
"Trouble just left the room in a huff. And I am keeping things casual, so do you mind getting me a vodka straight, and one with a lime twist please."
"Isn't that a bit much after the scotch you just had?" I did as ordered, but the hesitance to give the man what he wanted was evident.
"I had hopes of you joining me" and with another smile he gave me a look that spoke volumes of the many things he had planned for us tonight.
"I don't drink and you know it," I said, handing him but one straight glass until the other became necessary.
"You don't complain when you taste it in my mouth," was the silky reply as he swivelled his drink in his hand, slowly consuming it as he lavished in the rosy disposition painting my face.
"Besides, it's about time you left this place." His gaze was directed at the small wall clock behind me which read 12 o'clock. My fate was sealed, and my final destination confirmed before I gave the word. I could have said no, refused the offer and get a full night's rest for classes the next day. I could have ignored him and go about my business, earn some overtime even. I could have made up a million and one excuses if not to entrap myself in this love affair and fool my heart for yet another night.
Instead I chose to gather my things, head to his car, and fuck him right there in the parking lot before continuing round two at my place.
This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
"Do you love me?" I managed to say amidst heated kisses and clothes tugging.
"Course I do. Help me take off your pants."
How empty his words, how pitiable of me to accept it and follow his orders. Tears stung my eyes as he undid my bra and lowered me to the bed, nimble fingers delicately strumming every crevice of a body that yearned for him. Against my will I released a moan, and so his symphony continued. I felt sick, but the heat I emitted was too great to allow such foolishness to ruin my moment of false love.
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
"I'm almost there!" I bellowed as his thrusts persisted, harder and faster each time, as though in sync with the racing of our hearts pounding maddeningly against hot wet flesh.
The rush and euphoria swept over us like a tidal wave, slowing as the moment of sweet release began to disappear leaving us in the darkness of the night to ponder our actions and reflect on the consequences.
"Why won't you stay the night just once?" The question that lingered in my mind for weeks alas became verbal, and the stiffening of his body guaranteed an answer I'd most regret looking for.
"You have class in a couple of hours, get some rest." He didn't even bat an eye as the calculated reply escaped his lips, but I persisted wanting to silently prove there was something worth holding onto in this man.
"Does this mean I'll see you in the morning?"
"Rest first and then we'll see" and he gave my forehead a brief peck allowing me to snuggle closer to him, the hint of a smile showing the hope of seeing his face at dawn lulling me so sweetly to sleep.
And I wake up alone
I tore the note before I could read the entire thing. The first three words of "something came up" were enough to send my blood boiling tenfold. And I cursed myself outwardly for being foolish enough to believe he would still be in my arms come daylight. How easily he slipped out my grasp, and just as smoothly he slips back in the next day. No longer able to contain it, saline droplets spilled over staining cotton pillows the further I buried my head in it, pounding my fists hard against the bed where he laid wishing just once that he could feel the pain he inflicts on my soul so effortlessly.
If I was my heart
I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now
Today marked the day for change as I called in sick not caring how my absence would affect him. Lucky for me we never exchanged numbers, so bothersome phone calls will not be greeting me either, and in the daring event he storms my apartment he most assuredly won't find me there. Tonight was going to be a night of liberation as no longer shall I remain his personal night cap. Tonight I would be just another young woman heading out on the town with her friends enjoying her life the way it ought to be to enjoyed.
That was the façade dancing about my pretty little head during breakfast, and by lunch I was drunk in his love again, out shopping for new lingerie to seduce him with if just to give him one more reason to stay the night. He was the only one I wanted in my bed, filling my being with his passion and his member. Ruthless as he may be, I was attracted to the icy nature of the man, knowing that when the stars came out, that fortress of frost melted whilst we bathed in the ecstasy of the moment. We were alive and honest in our physical love for each other, but he remained shallow in his emotional attachment towards me.
I still couldn't come to terms the reason why I internally fought to be with a man that cared so little about me. If Joey only knew he would surely cast me out as the black sheep for betraying him so. But he doesn't know Kaiba like I do. The man is capable of smiling, even cracking a few jokes both flirty and casual. He's an observer and an intellect, and I can tell my great interest in my studies is glorious Beethoven to his ears. He's vicious as a businessman, but human at the end of the day with very human needs, including wanting to be loved.
Maybe this was our superficial means of attaining that 'love'. I was never able to connect to someone this way before, and I wondered if whatever drew him towards me margined on those same lines. Two lonely souls roaming the earth wanting to feel...something; well I felt it, and I had to show him he could feel that same way too if he'd stop running and stay where he belongs.
My blood running cold
I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me
I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light
Like clockwork he arrived at my apartment not a second after 12. It was no surprise that he'd end up here, and my attire was most prepared for his coming.
"Is this your way of having me chase after you?" he asked with a quirked brow as steely blue eyes drunk in the lacy sight lounged on the bed before him.
"Clearly I didn't have to try hard since you came. Besides, I never get to dress up; I thought it was about time."
As he drew closer I reached forth and pulled his tie to lessen the distance, hungrily claiming his mouth as my own. His body radiated of heat and hardness, heightening my own excitement at the love-making prelude. I gave it my all, showed him how his touch alone turned hot flesh into molten ecstasy, showed him how only I could make him groan aloud and silently beg for more, showed him that when all was said and done what he needed was at his fingertips if he'd only stay.
His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
"Coffee or tea?"
"Mmm, tea please."
It took all of 10 seconds to register that the voice placing my order did not come from my dreams, and the instant it clicked my eyes flew open to be greeted with a hot cup of green tea served by the one and only Seto Kaiba.
"You stayed?" It was all my mouth could muster before choking back tears threaten to spill over.
"Your welcome" and he placed his own morning beverage to his mouth as I accepted his offering. Taking minute sips I used the cup as an excuse to hide the flood of emotions masking my face, embarrassed that the sight would offend his arctic taste.
"It's almost seven, you should get dressed as well."
With that comment I noticed then he was all clad in last night's rumpled attire eager to be out the door once more. It was the first time he'd stayed and graced my humble room with his precious features highlighted by the warm colours of the heavens, and already he was gearing up to leave. It shattered my heart, and I could no longer retain a stoic face in the matter.
He tilted my chin upwards to face him, planting a gentle kiss of hope as he whispered to meet him back here for lunch at noon, his treat. I couldn't help but wrap my arms so tightly around him, increasing the depth of the sweet kiss till we were all but ready to try a morning session. Alas his cellphone stole the show reminding us both we had other more important engagements to attend to, and the promise of seeing each other soon was enough to get me going for the day on a most chipper note.
And I wake up alone
An unexpected visit to the university health clinic was the bump in my yellow brick road but with it came a brighter future ahead, one I was most eager to share with my lover the instant I saw him in two hours time.
And I wake up alone
"Seto are you here?"
My final mid-term for the year started a bit later than usual and consequently pushed my lunch hour to fifteen minutes after noon. As a businessman he detested tardiness, but I had no control over these events and I was sure he'd initially scowl but brush the issue aside once I'd briefly explain and make up for it with some wonderful news and hot kisses thrown in for good measure.
And I wake up alone
I continued my search and much to my dismay there it was, another note carefully placed on the foot of my bed waiting my arrival. I feared the contents, knowing very well what they'd mean even if the words weren't written. He wrote it so poetically you'd think it a love letter, wish it to be one, instead of the end to a beginning.
He's leaving for China on a six month long business venture later in the day, the most important one his company will embark on for a very long time, he says. He claims to be apologetic of missing out on our date, more like missing out on a last goodbye fuck if you ask me. When did my mouth become so foul and my heart so bitter? Why did I allow the monstrosity into my life? I did it for love? Ha...love is such a bittersweet symphony, a melody I no longer seek to hear.
I considered his departure a blessing and a chance to start anew. I'll have graduated before he returns and he won't ever have to know of the consolation prize he left me with before his big trip. He'd deny it in any event, so I'm sparing us both the drama of he says/she says. Serenity Wheeler will be nothing more than a forgotten notch on his belt and my heart can finally have rest it deserves.
No more tears to be shed, no more anxiety at dawn. No more nightcaps, no longer shall I feel forlorn.
One thing shall remain constant though, the one thing that broke my heart every time I went to bed.
The knowing that when I wake up, I'd be all alone.
And I wake up alone
Author's note: Many MANY thanks to my beta Most Unlikely Angel for helping me produce an even better piece for you guys!