Cow Mittens

A tall, red-haired man walks into a bright, almost glowing, white room. Its sterile walls already suffocating him but he needs to be here even if it's only for a few minutes. He needs this more then he'd ever admit (out loud) to himself or anyone else who sees him as strong and brave.

He leaves his jacket on a chair that's pushed up against one of the pale walls, and waltzes over to the large bay view window that's overlooking a large park, a few patients walking through the snow towards the parking lot heading home just in time for the holidays. The man gives a watery smile to those bellow him, how he deeply wishes that he'd be able to walk out of here with the person lying on that cot a few feet away.

Her turns then and places the bouquet of flowers in the empty vase, arranging them neatly and making sure the brightest point towards the pale face on the bed.

"Hey, I thought you might like these. Marluxia just got a whole bunch down at the flower shop, they're blue…" he says to the other man lying silently on the bed, the sheets pulled over his thin body as he lay motionless.

He swallows around the large lump forming in his throat, he needs to be brave. It's only been three months.

"Just three months, that's not long at all right Rox?" he asks, turning to the still silent male. His shoulders slump as he moves closer, his footsteps seem too loud in the hospital room but he needs to hold his lover's hand. He laces their fingers together and bites his lip at how cold the other's hand is.

"You need mittens, I think I can find your cow ones at home," he says smiling down at the seemingly asleep face. How he wishes these fingers would twitch, at least once.

"You know, I miss your voice a lot Roxas. I know, I know, I'm a sap and it's only been three months but I still miss it…I miss you," he whispers, and uses his free hand to brush away blonde bangs from a cool forehead.

"I can't stay too long today; Xemnas was being an asshole at the office earlier. Says I've slacked off on the paper work," he blows stray red hairs away from his face and chuckles as if the boy had responded.

"He's always been so pushy when it comes to a project he wants completed," he says absently, then lets go of the blonde's hand, giving him a soft peck on his pale, pale lips before walking over to his coat and slipping it on.

"I'll see if I can come by again tomorrow, maybe bring you your iPod? If I can't I'll just call Olette, I know she's coming by tomorrow to visit…she'll say hi for me if I can't make it," and with those parting words he leaves the room, shutting the door softly.

He smiles at the nurses happily, hiding the ripping pain in his chest as he walks by their desk. He also ignores their pitying glances and apologetic stares.

Roxas would wake up, of course he would.

~*~

"Hey Axel, do you like my mittens?" Roxas asks a bright smile on his face as he tackles his boyfriend onto their new bed. The redhead laughs and wraps his arms around the boy's thin waist, his face held between two cow mittens.

"Those are ridiculous, Roxas," the male teases making the shorter of the two pout cutely, Axel has to fight the urge to kiss those pouting lips.

"Yeah, but they can keep my hands warm when you aren't around!" Roxas replies and smiles sweetly at the redhead, the man flips them over and stares down at the boy, his red hair serving as a curtain around both their faces.

"But I'm here now," he whispers, sliding the mittens off and leaning down to kiss the blonde, his tongue sliding in to the other's mouth quickly as the little cow mittens are tossed off the bed and the smaller male uses his now free fingers to tangle them in fiery red hair.

"Mmm, yeah…so are you going to warm me up?" Roxas asks seductively, rolling his pajama clad hips against the redhead's causing the other male to groan deep in his throat. His heated kisses move from the red, swollen lips of the blonde and down to his neck, where he nips and sucks on the pale flesh hungrily. A bruise slowly appears when he pulls his lips away, a smirk on his face when the lithe body beneath him moans.

"A-axel, I want you so bad right now," Roxas whispers hotly in his ear, his fingers gripping the man's hair tighter as he slides off the blonde's pajamas then his own, not bothering to completely remove the clothing in order to save time.

The blonde takes three fingers into his mouth, the taller man's eyes rolling into the back of his head as his lover slides his tongue between the digits, coating them with saliva and leaving the man's fingers slick. With one final suck he releases the fingers and Axel immediately moves to the other male's entrance, sliding one finger in at a time, giving the blonde a few moments to adjust once all three fingers are inside his tight heat.

"Nngh," Roxas moans, his head presses firmly against the pillows and his eyes screw shut in pain as the redhead works his fingers inside of him, stretching him properly. Axel pulls one leg of the boys pajamas off, leaving the garment hanging from his left ankle as he curls his fingers and rubs the blonde's prostate. Roxas' legs quiver at the sensation and he's pulling Axel down towards him, covering his lips with his own, kissing the redhead firmly.

"Please Axel, I love you…I need to feel you," Roxas whispers heatedly against the man's lips.

Suddenly they aren't in their room anymore, and their dressed in warm winter clothes, walking down the dark sidewalk. Axel is confused until he realizes where they are, he knows he's been here before, he has a horrible sense of déjà vu but he can't say anything even if he wants to, his lips are frozen shut. Roxas is laughing happily, making fun of how completely drunk his sister got when suddenly two headlights speed towards them, the blonde freezes before turning and pushing Axel out of the way with a scream. All the redhead can do is watch.

Axel shoots up in his bed, a scream ripping through his throat as the sheets stick to his damp body. His hair is glued to his face by tears and sweat and he looks around his bedroom realizing he was asleep. His heart begins to pound, his body filling with hope until he looks down and spots the empty space on the bed beside him. His heart sinks when he realizes that Roxas is still in the hospital and it wasn't all just a dream.

~*~

"Hey Rox, I found your cow mittens," the red headed man is back in the spacious hospital room, in his hands he clutches a pair of silly mittens that look like cow hand puppets.

"Took me a week but I've got them! Lemme slip them on…there we go!" he says happily, patting the back of the blonde's hand, before grasping it in his.

"So, how do you like the flowers? Olette said they were beautiful…she even wants me to buy her some," here he throws in a laugh, eyes crinkling just a bit "Better be careful Rox, I think she's putting the moves on me," he teases but receives no grin, no smirk, no come back…nothing but silence.

He clenches his jaw, his lips twitching slightly before he tries for another smile, almost succeeding.

"Sora and Riku might fly in from Miami again; they're coming all the way here to see you. It's almost Christmas Rox," he tries chuckling, but it just comes out sounding like pained breaths.

"It's only been three months and a half, I know…but I miss you," he says, his voice small as he watches the silent male. He wants to shake him, to try and jostle him awake but he knows that won't do any good.

"You're looking a lot better, your hair is growing back in," he mumbles, running long, thin fingers over the boy's scalp where light blonde hairs are finally long enough to grasp.

"If you would see yourself, you'd probably kill the doctors for shaving your head!" he says, trying to add his best happy tone to the words he's speaking to the frail blonde.

"Oh shit, I keep forgetting your iPod! Fuck; don't be angry with me though, I'll bring it tomorrow for sure after work! Oh, the doctor also said I can read to you if you want. I know some of your favorite novels are tossed around the room somewhere. I'll pick them up, and maybe ask Zexion to get a few from indigo. He knows what you like right?" he asks but receives no answer. He smiles sadly.

"Yeah, I bet he does. I wish I knew…well no matter, when you wake up you can tell me about every single book you've ever read and I'll love it! I'll probably even learn a bit from reading to you, I'll be all cultured by the time you wake up," he watches the man's face for any sort of movement, but nothing comes. He feels crestfallen.

He glances at the wrist watch the blonde had given him 3 Christmases ago and he stands. The bones in his legs and back crack with the movement, all from staying in the same position far too long and the noise seems too loud. He watches his lover's face, eyes misting over as he stares at the sunken cheeks and pale flesh that used to flush under his gaze. He blinks away the tears and leans over, pecking the man's lips before slipping on his coat and casting one last look over his shoulder.

"I'll see you again tomorrow Rox, don't you go waking up on me or anything," he says laughingly but damn, how he wanted the boy's eyes to flutter open and peer at him. Three months and two weeks seemed much too long to go with out seeing those oceanic blue irises.

He walks past the nurse's station, waving at them and again ignoring the pitying looks. Roxas would wake up.

~*~

"Merry Christmas Roxas" the red head says, walking into the room in a silly Santa hat. The man says nothing, but the redhead smiles anyway.

"Look who's here," he says as a few other bodies make their way into the white room. The man turns and looks at the guests, his smile still in place as he sees them all cast looks at the silent blonde.

"The doctor says he can hear us, but he just can't answer…you can talk to him if you want. We'll take turns though, there can only be two people in the room at a time" the man says and Olette smiles from beside him, her brown hair held down by her own Santa hat.

"It might seem weird at first, but just say anything you'd like!" she helps out the taller man, smiling brightly before herding a few out of the room to give the first two people privacy.

Sora races to his brother's bed side, Riku staying behind and giving the small brunette some space to talk to his comatose brother.

"Roxas, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to come by again! I have to make sure everything in Miami runs smoothly before I run off again. Did you know that flights from Miami to Toronto and vice verse are hell this time of year?" he says, watching his silent brother's face. He can hear his brother telling him that he's so slow in his head; he can almost picture his twin's smirk as he tells him that it's alright because he loves him anyway.

He licks at his dry lips, shifting uneasily. Anger is starting to swirl in the pit of his stomach towards whoever left his brother in this state, but he squashes it down. He's always been a jolly, kindred spirit.

"Axel's really taking care of you huh? Look, he's even got you some poinsettias…that's sweet. It's been a few months since you've been like this though, right?" he keeps forgetting to stop asking the boy questions. He doesn't even notice he's crying until Riku wraps his arms around his chest and hugs him close. He turns away from his motionless brother and buries his face into Riku's chest.

"A few months Riku…I don't know how Axel can do it" he sniffles just as the door opens and two more people walk in, signaling that it's their time to leave.

Axel's the last to enter the room; all the others have already gone off to their Christmas dinners and to their family's houses (Sora and Riku off to their hotel) but Axel needed to stay a little longer, he needed to celebrate Christmas with his Roxas.

"I hope you like the gifts I got you, though they might be a little big on you when you wake up. I did get them when you were at least 10 pounds heavier," he laughs simply watching the man, silence engulfs the room as he just stares, tears slip down his cheeks before he has a chance to stop them.

"Roxas, when are you going to wake up? It's been 4 months…please…I miss you," he whispers, his voice hoarse from holding back tears. Blinking them way quickly, he leans over the hospital bed railing and kisses the blonde on the lips softly.

"I'll be back again; I always come back for you don't I, Rox?" Axel says sadly as he walks out of the room. This time he does notice the Nurse's pitying looks and it breaks his heart.

~*~

The redhead's visits falter after Christmas day, but he keeps coming back with renewed hope only to have it crushed again. His heart breaks with each visit, yet he loves the blonde too much to simply leave him alone in the hospital, so he comes back.

The steady ache in his chest is becoming familiar and he sometimes wishes he never had a heart.

~*~

"Roxas wake up, for fucks sake please, just wake up!" Axel's screaming, tears streaming down his face in steady rivulets as he sinks to his knees gripping the bed sheets with enough force to tear them.

"It's been a year Roxas, when are you going to wake up! I can't take seeing you like this anymore!" Axel's voice is losing strength, and he hears the nurses running down the hall towards to room but he finds he doesn't care.

Two strong nurses lift him off the floor and he starts kicking and screaming, tears choking him as he cries and begs Roxas to wake up. He sees the doctor's blurry form over him as they strap him to a hospital bed, he hears them murmuring to him, telling him to calm down but he can't. He just fucking can't.

Roxas isn't going to wake up.

The world goes black as they sedate him, and Axel finally gets a good night's sleep.

~*~

"I haven't come by in a few weeks, but…did you even notice I was gone?" Axel asks bitterly, he's lost all spunk and hope. It's been a year and month and Roxas is still basically lifeless. Axel clutches the papers to his chest before placing them on the bed, watching Roxas' face.

"The doctor wants to take you off life support Roxas…these here are the forms I have to sign to make it official…these are the forms I have to sign…to kill you" his voice wavers and his eyes fill with tears.

"But I can't Rox, because I fucking love you so much it's ridiculous and I'm going to hold onto the hope that you'll wake up , even if I have to wait 10 more years, I'll wait for you. Fuck I'll hold hope for ever and I'll keep paying for your room. I won't eat if that's the case, I won't do anything but work and visit you…but you have to wake up, be it now or in 10 years just please wake up and let me know it's not all in vain, wake up and tell me you love me!" Axel's green eyes just stare at Roxas, the blonde man still unmoving as his tears soak the sheet covering the thin blonde's body.

"I'll be back next week Roxas, but don't get mad at me when I can't make it as often as before. I'm going to start working two jobs, this room's expensive and I have to pay it. I don't want you off life support, I want you to wake up," Axel stands on shaky, tired legs. The purple rings under his eyes make the small tattoos almost invisible, but his own exhaustion doesn't matter. He has to do this for Roxas.

He walks past the nurses and they don't even hide their sad faces, Axel doesn't even smile at them anymore.

He's not even sure Roxas is going to wake up.

~*~

Axel is caught by the doctor on his way out of the hospital after another visit; the tall man looks at the tired, ragged redhead with a small, sympathetic smile and asks if he'd be willing to talk in his office for a few minutes. Axel nods and the man leads him to the large room.

"Mr. Shinoda, have you thought about the life support?" the doctor asks and Axel clenches his jaw, eyes fixed on the top of the doctor's shinny wooden desk.

"Yes, and I'm not signing them. I know he's going to wake up," Axel replies and the doctor sends him a sad look.

"We'll have to move him to a different wing. He isn't showing any signs that he's going to wake up soon. You're aware of that though, I'm sure?" the doctor asks and Axel feels tears burning his eyes as he nods. "It's very worrisome that he hasn't even responded slightly to any of the treatments Mr. Shinoda…" the doctor trails off and Axel knows what he's implying, he knows he's telling him Roxas isn't going to wake up.

"He'll wake up, just give him time…" Axel gets up and leaves the doctors office, he couldn't sit there and listen to the man treating Roxas tell him that his lover wasn't going to wake up. He didn't want to hear the words coming from someone that actually knew, he didn't want it to be set in stone.

"Please wake up Roxas…please, I love you," Axel whispers staring up at the gray sky that's promising rain. Roxas loved the rain, especially since Axel would always cook something extra delicious on these days and they'd watch a movie together.

When Axel gets to the house Roxas and he shared, he prepares a wonderful meal and watches the movie he rented on his way home, curled up in one of the blonde's sleeping t-shirts. He doesn't even realize he's cried through the entire film.

~*~

"Roxas, I brought another book though I think this one's going to be boring," Axel says walking into the room, his nose buried in the pages of the book. After his break down a few weeks ago, he decided to try and be hopeful again, so today he walked in with a smile.

"I've read that one," a small voice replies and Axel's book falls to the floor, the page he was on completely lost.

"R-Roxas?" Axel asks, staring right into oceanic blue. The blonde gives him a tired smile as the redhead runs across the room and jumps onto the bed, crushing the blonde against his chest.

"A-Axel…" the smaller of the two wheezes and Axel jumps back and off the boy. His eyes are so watery he can barely see out of them, but he can see the blurry form of Roxas, that blonde hair swaying as he tilts his head.

"Why did no one tell me?" Axel whispers and Roxas smiles again.

"They've been trying…how come our phone is disconnected?"

"I couldn't pay for the bills, I canceled it in order to have more money," the redhead responds, still disbelieving that he's actually staring into Roxas' blue eyes. The blonde scowls and Axel can't believe just how much he's missed that look.

"You look too skinny Axel, come here," The blonde shakily lifts his arms and Axel moves on legs just as shakily.

The embrace was long and weak but Axel had never enjoyed anything as much as this.

He brought his lips up to Roxas' and kissed the boy, the smaller of the two finally responding after all those months. After 18 months, and endless cold, unanswered kisses, Axel feels the blonde's lips moving against his again.

"I've missed you so much," he mumbles against the boy's mouth and Roxas smiles

"I've missed you too," he says quietly, vocal chords straining after going so many months without use.

"And Axel…" the boy says pulling away, Axel stares into those eyes, feeling his heart swell to the point of almost exploding.

"Thanks for the cow mittens," Roxas says softly, a teasing smile on his face and Axel laughs, the first real laugh in 18 long months.


A/N: Here's my christmas fic...sorta?
Lol I unno, it contains christmas and lol...a christmas miracle?
I don't know xD

Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading (: