Bloody Muggle Contraptions

Summary: Every since the Wizardly world discovered the unique technology muggles call a laptop some couldn't help but purchase it. Draco Malfoy, out of his curiosity, had done the same. Yet when all doesn't go well he curses the bloody contraption and calls in the big guns. He should have known Harry-Bloody- Potter would make this difficult.

Warning: MALEXMALE, lemon, PWP, I doubt this is humorous but it will be under humor/romance, kinda-sorta edited

A / N: I've been writing a new story which is somewhat angsty in the beginning. This is my little breather from that and until I put humor in the other story I will unleash this random one-shot. This one-shot has a small connection to another and those who have read that will most likely see it.


Draco glared at the temporary bane of his existence. You see, Draco Scorpious Malfoy recently purchased what muggles called a laptop. It was only recently that Wizards got this new update (which happened to be quite old in the muggle world) and spread around for witches and wizards everywhere. Draco, out of curiosity, bought one.

And now the bloody thing wouldn't work. He knew it wasn't because of magical interference because the Ministry, being the idiots that they were, copied the whole idea of a laptop and modified it so it would run on magic. Many purchased it and were happy with the results but not him. No, Draco Scorpious Malfoy had tried and tried but the blasted thing would work for him. He sniffed and pulled his nose into the air. No he wasn't sulking thank you very much. It wasn't like the bloody contraption hated him. The only ones who were allowed to hate him were living and breathing human beings. No not even blasted animals were allowed to hate him (even though he desperately wished they could). No matter how he tried animals took a shine to him. Sure he could tick of a hippogriff but anything else, namely anything small and fuzzy, would never leave him alone. Try as he might he could never hate a puppy. He could never refuse a cat milk nor could he deny a- a bloody ferret the chance to cling happily to bottled beer it could never have. Yes, he was still sore (not sensitive – he wasn't a bloody girl) about that thank you very much.

To get back on track a bloody contraption such as this can't possibly hate him! It wasn't his fault that he got so frustrated that he accidently threw it against the wall. Witches and Wizards do accidental magic all the time! He crossed his arms over his chest and glanced back at the laptop. He sighed. Draco, for the last hour, has been considering calling his roommate who at this moment was very annoyed with him. Of course Draco couldn't be bothered to know the reason. He opened the door to his study and popped his head out and looked down the hall. "POTTER CAN YOU COME HERE FOR A SECOND?!"

It might stun you that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy could live together. It might even give you a heart attack to know that they still lived with each other even though they hated each other. Although some (Granger being the some) would say that Draco had a river in Egypt called denial and that they were very much in love. In love? A Malfoy? In Love?! Ridiculous right? Sure he loved his money, his surname, his looks, his life…but in love with someone else other than himself? Preposterous! It would be a fine day in hell when that would happen!

Draco heard a groan coming in from Potter's room and went back into his study. Potter could never deny him anything. Although he does have the audacity to most of the time. In fact recently Potter denied him a new wardrobe. Draco pouted as he recalled it. He graced Potter with the best sex of all time and yet he denied him a new wardrobe. The ungrateful git. He jumped when he heard a 'Whaaaaattt is it this time Malfoy?'

Draco turned and glared at him then nodded his head towards the laptop on his desk. Potter's eyes widened as he finally took notice of the bloody contraption. Draco's eye twitched as he notice the raven's lips curl upwards. Then he started tapping his foot when Potter started laughing hysterically. "Oh…t-t-this is fucking rich." Potter managed to get out between his laughter. Draco's glare intensified. "Are you going to help me or not Potter?" He asked impatiently. Those emerald eyes looked up at him and Draco couldn't help but soften at the smug look in them. There was just something about that moron's eyes. Potter walked into the room and looked at the laptop. "I don't see anything wrong with it."

"It won't work. I tried turning it on and it turned back off in a second."

Potter rolled his eyes. "How many times did you press the power button?"

Draco shrugged. "I don't see how that matters. I just wanted the bloody thing on."

Potter snorted. "For all I know you could have been turning it off and on."

Draco pouted. Potter laughed and opened the laptop up. He pressed the button above the keyboard. The screen, for a second, showed an image before turning off again. Potter raised an eyebrow and this time Draco gave a smug look. "See! I told you so!"

Potter tried again but the same thing happen. "Strange. Maybe you bought a defective one."

Draco gaped at Potter. He clutched his heart dramatically. "T-That goes against my code of a Malfoy! I always thoroughly look into the quality of a product." Draco gave Potter a fake hurt look. "I can't believe you think so little of my shopper instinct!"

Potter moved away from the laptop. He eyed Draco with a 'you suck' look (although Draco would have felt better if it was a different you suck look). "I love it when you're being overdramatic." He said sarcastically. He moved to walk out of the room but Draco griped his shirt.

"I can't believe you have the gall to insult my shopping skills and leave without so much as an apology." Draco said adding his delicious pout. He could see Potter's eyes waver with the look. "I demand an apology."

Potter's eyes flashed into a different emotion. Draco fought to keep the smirk off his face. "Demand? You think you can boss me around?"

"Oh I wouldn't be surprised Potter." Draco purred out his name and noticed the raven tense. He also noticed a visible erection straining against those lovely jeans. Potter knew what Draco wanted. He knew this game. He knew how to play it and unfortunately how to win. "I've been bossing you around for quite a while now and you played into it so wonderfully. Pathetic really."

Potter growled fiercely. "Pathetic huh? Let me show you pathetic." He said fiercely before pulling the blond against him. Draco moaned into the heated kiss. He defied Potter the chance to explore his mouth. It just turned him on even more when Potter forced his way through. He even gave Potter the chance to dominate him by struggling for dominance. Draco knew how well Potter liked it when he won the battle. He gasped as Harry pulled his hair harshly. He was able to swallow a handful of air as he looked at the ceiling. That hot tongue was trailing down his neck so seductively and that was just making him lose faster. Draco moaned as teeth sunk into the flesh of his neck. He thrusted against Harry's body as a cold hand moved up his shirt. He whimpered at the loss of Potter's mouth when it pulled away. "Look at this. Draco Malfoy turns into goo in my arms faster than one could blink. Pathetic really."

Draco lifted his head and glared. How dare he throw his words back at him!? The nerve- oh Merlin. That lovely mouth kissed its way back up to his. He opened his mouth quite with burning need. His hands slithered up Potter's chest and wrapped around those broad, strong shoulders. He had tried not to bury his hands into that monstrous mess of hair but he did it anyways. He took handfuls of that wild hair. Potter turned them and Draco grunted against Potter's lips as he slammed Draco against the wall. In due time both found themselves without their shirts and the pants were immediately following after the shirt. Draco whimpered as Harry dived for another passionate kiss. He felt his boxers sliding down his legs and jolted as skin met skin. Harry broke the kiss and buried his face in Draco's neck. The blond moaned as Harry's lips skimmed against his neck. He felt more sensitive than ever. Harry lifted the blond up and immediately did the blond wrap his legs around the others waist. Draco smirked at Harry's vital mistake and grinded his arses against that magnificently large leaking cock. Harry moaned and trembled as he struggled to keep control. He pushed Draco closer against the wall and growled. The warning was evident in those emerald eyes. Harry nipped at Draco's bottom lip playfully.

Draco gave a sultry look. He licked his lips slowly as Harry moved away. The raven stared at the action and Draco could have sworn he felt that cock grow bigger. He gasped as Harry ravished him, not his lips though. It was torture that he didn't get reacquainted with his lips, it was even more brutal as that mouth, teeth, and tongue worked on his nipples. He arched away from the wall with small gasps and moans. He could feel his balls tightening and the burning feeling around his groin was getting hotter and hotter. His eyes were glazed with pleasure but a low voice is what kept him from coming. "Do not come."

That voice was sex itself. A low husky command like that would have Draco hard and coming within seconds. He whimpered and shook his head. A hand gripped his dick hard and he whimpered again while thrusting his hips. "Do. Not. Come." Draco licked his lips again and nodded. That hand let go and those lips began working on him again. Those hands traveled all over his body and his skin left a tingling trail every time Harry moved his hands. He bit his lips and tried to concentrate on everything but the need – the absolute need to come. Harry's breathe hitting his skin did not help that need nor did that sweating body or the string of saliva that still hung onto the edge of Draco's mouth. He gasped as Harry's hand trailed against the small of Draco's back. He felt a delighted shiver from Harry as he accidently brushed their erections together. Draco shook his head as he felt that gaze on him again. He would not – he would not. Malfoy's do not resort to begging. Harry leaned forward, his tongue now skimming the lobe of his ear. Draco couldn't help but think 'bloody bastard' as those teeth clenched down on the sensitive spot. He gasped out. "Please, please, please, fucking please just fuck me. Let me come. Let me come." He begged.

"Lube?"

Draco shook his head. "J-Just…just take me raw." He could feel Harry's uncertainty. Draco was afraid that Harry would leave him wanting just to go fetch some lube. He let out a moan and rubbed his arse against that cock again. He felt Harry tense and shiver. Draco realized that Harry was trembling and as if to help he caressed Harry's right arm. Those emerald eyes looked at him with such- such love and devotion that it would have scared Draco. For some reason he looked towards the window. The heavy rain was hitting hard and a flash of lightening came with thunder following not to shortly after. He looked back at Harry. It would be a fine day in hell. His lusty eyes looked around the room. To put everything in short it sure looked fine in here, not to mention expensive. He looked at Harry again. That uncertainty still there. Draco leaned and nuzzled his nose against the other's. "Fuck me." Draco said softly. He let emotion show in his eyes- something Harry hadn't noticed yet.

"It'll hurt without lube-"

Draco brushed his lips against Harry's. "Don't be a moron. Look at me. Does it look like I care?"

Harry did look at him. The smile that graced that idiot's face was something Draco would surprisingly like to see again. He felt Harry's hands spread his cheeks and gently pull Draco down on him. Sure it burned but Draco squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn't like they haven't done it raw before – it was just that fact that Harry happened to be Harry bloody Potter. "Fuck you're tight."

Draco gasped at each inch that went in him. He could feel himself clenching around that cock. "F-fuck…"

Harry stopped and looked at him. "Does it-" He was silenced with Draco's glare. Harry thrusted upwards at Draco's impatient look. He relished those beautiful moans that came out of Draco afterwards. Each wild thrust sent him reeling. Draco's hands held on tightly onto Harry's arms. He ended up scratching them when his prostate was hit. Wonderful white spots clouding his vision and the pain melting away.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" Draco screamed as that spot was hit again. Harry had incredible accuracy sometimes. Draco closed his eyes and he could feel that cock move in and out of him. He even noticed the change in tempo. He gasped. "Going to – going to – aaah come. I want to come." He moaned. Harry grunted and quickly claimed that mouth. Draco's moans became muffled and he began to match Harry's thrusts. Harry pulled out, Draco pulled away, Harry dove in, and Draco pounded himself down mercilessly. It felt bloody wonderful. They placed sloppy kisses on each other. Their hands beginning to wander leaving that tingly feeling behind. Both were trembling, neither wanted to admit it. It wasn't neat, no it was a passionate wild fuck of lust and…and love. Draco whimpered and moaned at the same time when Harry pulled away. Harry let out a small cry and he held Draco down on him. Draco gasped as Harry kept pushing in deeper. "S-so deep…no…so-so…" Harry pressed his lips against Draco. It didn't turn into an opened mouth kiss. No it was just a simple clean kiss. Draco came undone with it. He broke that kiss with a cry. Harry gasped and tightened his hold on Draco's hips. The blond felt the hot come fill him and he couldn't help but feel completely satisfied. Both slid down onto the ground. Harry let himself fall back onto the floor and didn't even complain as Draco collapsed on top of him. Both taking in gulps of cold air they remained silent.

Draco felt so relaxed as Harry began to caress his back. He hid his face in Harry's neck and sighed blissfully. He suddenly remembered that bloody muggle contraption and looked up. He gaped and sat up on Harry's groin. Harry somehow managed to notice in his incoherent state. "What's the matter…?" He mumbled.

"That bloody contraption turned on!"

Harry raised an eyebrow. A sly smile suddenly appeared on his face as he took a good look at the blond. "What do you know, it seems that it wasn't the only one who turned on."

Draco gasped at the feeling of Harry's cock growing hard again. He looked down and shook his head. "No, no, no, hell no, do you have the stamina of an animal or something?"

"Or something." Harry said playfully. He loved the flustered look Draco gave him.

As desperate protests turned into passionate moans the laptop screen turned off.


And that my darlings is to prove that laptops were made for wireless porn, which in turn makes the internet made for porn, and in turn makes the consumers read and watch porn.

Don't ask that just came into my head right now XD. It was in one of those monotone voices. And then the song the internet is for porn by avenue Q just randomly popped up right after. Anyways I hoped you enjoyed this one-shot and please review!

OH! And I would like to thank the readers who reviewed (and read) Those eyes must be scheming! I could cry at the support you guys give me especially because of that hilarious review. Nearly did too- damn you. –sniffles- Love u guiys…-sniffles- goddamn you hormones making me an emotional wreck of love and disaster…